


Don't You Go

by ThatGayFriend



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: All Time Low Inspired, Clexa, F/F, Multi, Octaven, Octaven is confusing, Slow Burn, Smut, clexa fluff, clexa trash, i miss lexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-05 04:38:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 89,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6689446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatGayFriend/pseuds/ThatGayFriend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke Griffin is a pre-med student at UCF in Central Florida. The first hurricane of the season is predicted to be a huge blow out so her best friends - Raven and Octavia - drag her out of her apartment to Raven's not-so-girlfriend Anya's hurricane party. There, she meets Lexa Woods, aspiring fiction writer and journalist. Previously a one-shot. Modern AU. Also posted on Fanfiction.net</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hello, friends who read my story! This was originally supposed to be a one-shot but then I went a little extra. But anyway, this was inspired by All Time Low's song Don't You Go. I hope you like. Let me know if you do by commenting. I love me some constructive criticism :)  
> ~Nina

 

**Don’t You Go (Part 1)**

            “Clarke motherfuckin’ Griffin, get your face out of that textbook!” Raven Reyes shouted as she slammed Clarke’s front door closed.

            Clarke jumped, she had been contentedly curled up on her couch with the news at a low murmur for background noise. Her lap was covered in a fuzzy purple blanket, a textbook resting on her legs and her free hand that wasn’t tapping her pen on the book was buried in a bowl of dry cheerios.

            Her bowl nearly toppled over the edge of the couch before she caught it and sent Raven a narrow glare, “I’m studying for an Anatomy test, Reyes. What do you want?”

            “Jesus, Griff, snappy much? Is it because you haven’t gotten laid in,” she glanced at her wrist, as if gauging the time on the bone, “like six months?”

            Clarke rolled her eyes, it might have been seven but she wasn’t counting. Since her break up with Finn she hadn’t put herself out there and had thrown herself into her schoolwork. After the boy had cheated on her, she’d tried to go out and do the whole “no strings” thing but it hadn’t worked out. She just wasn’t comfortable possibly hurting someone’s feelings in that way, so after a girl named Nylah and her had hooked up nearly a week after her break up, she stopped.

            Her feelings had been hurt and she didn’t want to put herself out there for a long time. She didn’t need the stress of a relationship, especially when she was starting medical school in the fall. There just wasn’t any time—at least, that was what she tried to convince herself.

            Raven scooped the book out of Clarke’s lap and threw it onto the floor. Clarke yelped indignantly, “Raven! You’re throwing money on the ground!”

            The brunette ignored her and placed her hands on either side of Clarke, boxing her in. If they hadn’t been such good friends, Clarke would have probably pushed her away. “Griffin. Get your ass up. We’re having a hurricane party.”

            “A what?”

            Octavia sauntered her way into the room, scooping up the open textbook and looking at it thoughtfully before placing it on the coffee table. She acted as if she lived there and sat herself down on the other side of the couch, snatching up the remote. She turned up the volume, where a meteorologist was pointing out a large spinning shape on the screen.

            “A hurricane party, I guess a lot of the locals love to go outside and have a huge party in the middle of hurricane force winds. I honestly don’t understand it myself, but I’m totally in if it means alcohol,” Octavia laughed and slapped Raven’s ass while she was still leaned over Clarke.

            The brunette squeaked and narrowed her eyes at Octavia, slapping her hand away. “I love the idea, mix in a little danger. These Floridians sure now how to do it.”

            Clarke rolled her eyes, “Okay. Well, I sure as hell am not going outside of this apartment building during a category four hurricane. No sir-y.”

            Raven grasped onto the blonde’s shoulders and shook her, sending the cheerios cascading to the floor in a mess, “Yes you are! You have no choice! The hurricane hits in two days. You’re going to this party. End of story.”

            After that, the brunette sat herself down between Clarke and Octavia, sidling up close to the other brunette and allowing Clarke to get back to her work. The two of them flipped through the channels until they landed on one airing a marathon of _The Golden Girls._

            ~   ~   ~  
            Lexa was uncomfortably perched on a bar stool nursing an overly sweet cocktail and rubbing her fingers over the rim of the glass. Her best friend Anya had dragged her out of their shared house over two hours ago to a hot, overcrowded bar.

            The brunette had been forced to change into a tight black skirt and a shimmering dark purple halter top she wasn’t even sure was hers. At least, she’d never seen it before. Anya had disappeared once she was certain Lexa was established at the bar.

            She had already been forced to turn down two guys and one adventurous lesbian who attempted to buy her drinks. She knew that was why Anya had dragged her out—she wanted her to get laid. The only problem was that Lexa had very little desire to meet someone, especially after being so thoroughly jaded by her last girlfriend.

            “Jesus Christ, Lexa, get yourself on the dance floor and stop looking like you’ve got a stick shoved up your ass,” Anya stumbled over, slurring her words and wrapping an arm around her best friend.

            Lexa grimaced at the smell of beer on her friend’s breath, “I’m not going anywhere unless its home, Anya.”

            Anya pouted and let go of her friend, crossing her arms. “Come on, you need to mingle. Costia would-”

            “Don’t mention her name,” Lexa snapped, her blood boiling at the mention. Her stomach clenched painfully and she honestly thought she was going to be sick. She rubbed her hand over her middle, hoping to calm the rolling within.

            Anya rolled her eyes, “Lexa.” She was exasperated with her best friend. It had been nearly three years since Costia and Lexa still acted as though she was completely broken.

            Lexa mocked her tone with raised eyebrows, “Anya. I’m _not_ going to sit here with you if you’re going to keep bringing it up. I can easily get myself a cab and go _home._ ”

            “Alright, alright, _Heda,_ ” She mocked the nickname, “Get a cab, party pooper.” She pulled her arm away and called for another beer behind the bar.

            After Anya left, Lexa thought about it. She stood up and stretched her stiff back before knocking back the remainder of her drink. If she wasn’t having any fun being out with her best friend, why was she there at all? She could be at home in sweatpants and watching Netflix while getting completely wasted on a bottle of Merlot instead of out in public in a tight skirt and drinking a fruity cocktail.

            As she made her way towards the exit, avoiding gyrating bodies and drunken idiots stumbling into her, Anya reappeared. “Since you’re leaving. I think you should know that we’re hosting a huge hurricane party on Thursday. Hurricane Amara is shaping up to be a big blow out for the first of the season.”

            Lexa rolled her eyes, “I have work on Thursday.”

            “Good, that means you won’t be there to be a huge party pooper,” Anya quipped back, slapping Lexa on the back. “Now get your ass out of here.” She pushed her away roughly, sending the brunette stumbling out of the bar and into the humid Florida air.

            Lexa hurriedly called an Uber and headed home.


	2. Part 2

**Don’t You Go (Part 2)**

The rain started late Wednesday night and Clarke awoke to gray light streaming in through her window on Thursday morning. It was only drizzling, she could hear the soft _pitter-patter_ of the droplets on the glass.

She rolled over and stared out and up into the dreary sky outside. She still felt tired, but knew it was only because of the weather. Days like these were the ones that made her want to curl up under her blankets and sleep the day away.

But, she had to get herself up. She had work to do. The world didn’t just stop because a dangerous thunderstorm rolled through—no matter how much she wished it would. Floridians did not understand that you were not supposed to go outside in 100 mph wind, they seemed to think that it was completely normal.

Clarke pulled herself into a sitting position just as Octavia slammed into her door and ripped it open. “Hey, bitch. Get up! Its hurricane day!”

With a groan, Clarke rubbed her forehead and glared at her best friend. She was dressed in a heavy raincoat and her hair was already plastered to her face, but a shit-eating grin spread across her rosy cheeks. “I’m really regretting giving you my spare key.”

“Oh shut it and get your ass out of bed! We have to head over to Anya’s house early. She wants us to help set up,” Octavia threw herself down next to Clarke after pulling off her soaked jacket.

Clarke didn’t move, only continued to glare. “Who the hell is Anya? I’ve never met her.”

“Well, if you came out with Raven and I sometime you would know that we met her while bar hoping,” She placed her hands behind her head and gave Clarke a pointed look before turning away. “Her and Raven have kind of been seeing each other.” Her entire demeanor changed, she played with the hem of her t-shirt and looked anywhere but at her friend.

Clarke’s eyebrows shot up, “Oh? And how do you feel about that?” She knew Octavia had feelings for Raven, but the brunette was too stubborn to admit it. The two of them had become practically inseparable since school started and had decided to move in with each other because Raven’s roommate had flunked out.

Octavia rolled her eyes, “They’re just booty calling each other 25/8.” She replied flippantly, flicking her wrist as if it didn’t hurt her feelings at all.

The blonde only managed a light chuckle at her friend’s utter denial, before rubbing her palms into her eyes and rolling herself out of bed. “You’re impossible.”

“Am not,” Octavia’s voice increased by an entire pitch with her lie.

Laughing again, Clarke rolled her eyes, “Whatever. I’m going to shower.” She walked into the hallway and into the bathroom to do just that. After bathing, she exited the bathroom to find her room blissfully empty and silent.

She changed into a pair of jeans, a tank top and pulled a heavy gold and black UCF hoodie over her head. If it was going to be rainy and gross, she was going to try to stay as dry as possible. Classes were cancelled for the rest of the week because of the hurricane, so Clarke was stuck with getting dragged out of her lovely apartment by her rowdy best friends. She applied a small amount of make up to cover up her tiredness—it was supposed to be a party after all.

Clarke barely had enough time to make herself a piece of peanut butter slathered toast when Octavia reentered her apartment, followed by Raven. “Come on, Clarke! Anya’s waiting on us!”

Octavia rolled her eyes and mimicked the taller brunette, who had made her way to stand next to Clarke. The blonde laughed and rolled her eyes at the jealous girl, “Octavia, why are we going again?”

“Because Raven wants us to meet Anya,” her voice grew soft and girly as she drew out Anya’s name dramatically.

Raven gave Clarke an irritated eye roll, “Seriously, Octavia, you don’t even know Anya. You can’t hate on her.” She turned to give the shorter girl a pointed look while the blonde went back to eating. It wasn’t really her place to get into the middle of her friends’ problems, even though she was pretty much already there without having a choice.

Octavia made a low, frustrated noise in the back of her throat, “Whatever, I just don’t think she’s good for you is all.”

Raven threw her hands in the air before crossing them over her chest and leaning towards Octavia, “Once again, O, you don’t know her! Just try to get to know her tonight. Please?”

Clarke happily crunched on her toast over the sink so the crumbs wouldn’t fall everywhere. Her two friends continued to bicker until Octavia finally caved and mumbled that she’d try to get to know Anya better before passing judgement.

Finally, the three friends exited Clarke’s apartment and made it downstairs to Raven’s Jeep. The drive to Anya’s house was filled with more arguing and insults passed between the two roommates in the front seat. Clarke was forced into the back seat and to listen to the two nonstop with each other.

If she was completely honest, she thought they would be cute if they were together. They were both witty and they worked well together. But Octavia wouldn’t admit her feelings out loud and Raven seemed completely oblivious and too wrapped up in this Anya girl to even realize it.

Raven pulled into the driveway of a sprawling two story house inside of a gated community twenty minutes away from Clarke’s apartment. There was a black BMW sitting in the driveway and a beat up truck was pulled up on the grass already.

The rain had started coming down again and Clarke pulled the hood over her head before sliding out of the car. It was chilly and the wind was blowing harder as she wrapped her arms around her own body.

The trio made their way to the front door, and shook their bodies of water droplets once they were under the cover of the porch. Raven knocked and a large man answered the door. “Hey, Lincoln!” She greeted, patting him on the shoulder and ducking under his arm to let herself inside, “Where’s Anya?”

He frowned and nodded to the other two girls before letting them inside, “Um, I think she’s upstairs trying to get Lexa to come out of her room.”

Raven laughed, “That’s not going to happen.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow at Octavia, “Whose Lexa?”

“She’s Anya’s roommate and best friend. She’s kind of a stiff ass and I don’t think she understands the meaning of fun or how to take a joke,” Octavia rolled her eyes, “She almost punched me in the face once.”

Clarke laughed, “You probably deserved it.”

“Oh she did,” Clarke turned at the new voice. A honey blonde woman with strong cheekbones and a wide jaw was walking down the stairs. She was dressed in a pair of tight jeans, a white tank top and a blue plaid pullover button up. “She was being an asshole and doesn’t know when to shut up about things she doesn’t understand.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows at Octavia, “Wow, good job, O.”

She flipped her hair with a smirk, “I know. I’m quite amazing.”

Raven punched the smaller brunette’s arm playfully. “Shut up, O. You’re nothing special.”

Octavia scoffed and stepped up closer to Raven, “Excuse you, I am very special.” The two stood there, staring at each other with raised eyebrows. It took a few seconds for both of them to realize what they were doing and Octavia quickly backed down, clearing her throat and turning away. Raven blinked several times, to Clarke’s amusement, and finally stepped away too.

“Anyway,” Anya frowned at the two of them before turning to Clarke, “I’m Anya.” She stepped closer and held her hand out.

Clarke shook it, “I’d love to say that I’ve heard a lot about you. But I haven’t. Raven hasn’t said a word.” She turned and shot Raven a pointed look.

“If you hung out with us more often you would know her and Lincoln,” Raven shot back, crossing her arms over her chest.

Lincoln suddenly made an appearance, carrying a heavy metal keg over his shoulder. “I could use some help!”

Anya, Octavia, Clarke and Raven suddenly realized they were supposed to be setting up for the party and rushed to assist Lincoln with the alcohol. The group began to set up for the party, aligning alcohol at the bar in the party room, setting up music in the living room and removing furniture so people would have enough space to move around.

            ~   ~   ~

Lexa was holed up in her room, wrapped in her fuzzy tan blanket and watching Netflix. The _Friends_ reruns were mindless and helped keep her head away from thinking about work or really anything at all. She really shouldn’t have been eating so many carbs and she knew it, but sometimes it helped her to binge.

Work had called, saying that they were closed for the rest of the week because hurricane Amara had crossed over warmer water as it travelled through the Atlantic Ocean and nearly reached a category five status. Nobody wanted to risk getting injured, so the newspaper had closed down for the rest of the week. Assignments had been emailed out to writers so they would be ready to start as soon as the storm was through.

Lexa had attempted to start gathering information on her assignment, but had been unable to start writing. She’d saved her resources to a word document, slammed her laptop shut and flipped on Netflix.

Anya had come up not long into the fifth episode of the TV show and attempted to yank her out of bed. She’d protested, saying that it was too gross outside to be productive and that she wouldn’t be participating in the hurricane party.

“Why are you doing this, Lexa?” Anya asked, exasperated as she placed her hands on her hips. She took in her friend’s pitiful state; curled up with several bags of assorted candies and snacks.

Lexa didn’t want to explain to her best friend what she was feeling. She just wanted to be _alone_ , was that really too much to ask? She’d gone out with Anya already that week, she didn’t like to be around people as much as she used to. It was too hard, throwing herself into her work was a much easier substitution.

Anya let out a noise that sounded suspiciously like a growl, “Lexa, seriously. If you don’t get your ass downstairs and try to socialize I _will_ kick you out of this house.”

The lazing brunette jolted into a sitting position, “Hey! You can’t actually do that!” she near-shouted indignantly.

“Oh, I’ll kick you out and change the locks too! So get a damn shower and get downstairs. You can meet Clarke! She’s Raven and Octavia’s best friend.”

Lexa groaned and collapsed back onto the bed, covering her head with her blanket. “I’ll be down there soon. I don’t want to get kicked out.”

Anya left without saying another word. Lexa laid there, in the warm, _dry_ comfort of her bed for a couple more minutes before throwing the covers off and forcing herself out of bed. Her feet hit cold hardwood and she flicked on the lamp on her bedside table. She cleaned up the snacks haphazardly thrown across bed before attempting to clean up all of the crumbs she’d managed to leave tangled up in the sheets.

She grabbed the plastic bag she’d used when she bought the food and tossed the leftovers into it. Lexa made the bed and rubbed a hand over her face before exiting her bedroom. Noises indicated that there were more people downstairs than just Anya and Lincoln, so Lexa quickly crossed the hall and entered the bathroom to shower.


	3. Part 4

**Don’t You Go (Part 3)**  
            Clarke had finished up her part of the setting up and decided she _really_ had to go to the bathroom, “Hey, Lincoln. Where’s the bathroom?” she asked when she found the man setting up a collapsible table on the covered back porch.

            He stood up straighter and pointed towards the stairs, “Go up the stairs, the second door on your right is the guest bathroom.”

            Clarke nodded and gave him a thumbs up in acknowledgement before following his instructions. The second floor was a lot darker than the first, with a more compact lay out that allowed very little light in. Since it was overcast and rainy outside, there was even less visibility in the hallway.

            The blonde tried to find a hallway light, but was unsuccessful by the time she reached the door Lincoln had said was the bathroom. As she reached for the doorknob, she distractedly glanced at the family photo on the wall next to her. Her hand wrapped around the knob just before it twisted off its own accords, jerked backwards and sent her stumbling into a heated bathroom.

            A squeak of surprise and sudden bright light blinded her and she reached out for whatever she could reach.  Her hand wrapped around something warm and damp before she slipped on the floor and just barely missed cracking her head open on the toilet.

            “Holy shit! Who are you?” Came a high-pitched, quite shocked voice from above Clarke.

            Clarke rolled onto her back and looked up to find a dripping-wet brunette standing over her, clutching a white and pink polka-dotted towel to her chest. Several freezing drops of water fell onto her face and soaked through her clothes as she stared upward, dazed. She couldn’t see very many features of the girl, but her disoriented brain managed to connect that this was probably _stick-up-the-ass Lexa._

            When Clarke didn’t respond, Lexa backed up into the hallway and repeated her question, “Who are you?”

            The blonde scrambled to her feet, realizing that Lexa was in just a towel. “Um…well, I—I’m Clarke,” she attempted to avert her eyes, “I was…I was looking for the, ah, the bathroom?” she managed to stutter out.

            Lexa calmed down at the bright red blush on Clarke’s face. “Was that a question?”

            Clarke’s heart started pounding harder in her chest and she ran a hand over her face in embarrassment, “No. I’m sorry,” she attempted to recover, “I was just looking for the bathroom. I didn’t realize anyone was in here.” She cleared her throat when it cracked. Of course her voice decided to act like it coming from a 13-year-old boy at a time like this.

            A small smirk spread across Lexa’s lips, almost unnoticeable in the faint light. She was cast in the yellow glow of the overhead bathroom light, but the hallway was still too dark to really catch a good look at her features, “Alright. Use the bathroom. I’m going to change in my room. Which is across the hall. Please don’t accidentally try to barge in on me changing, alright?”

            The light teasing made Clarke blush again, which only made the flush of her face spread to her chest as her fair skin grew hotter from the steam in the bathroom. Lexa smirked and shut the door once she realized Clarke was still frozen in her spot.

            After the click was sounded, Clarke quickly flicked the lock closed and buried her head in her hand. How incredibly embarrassing. This was why she didn’t go out. This was why she never went to parties anymore. She just ended up making a fool of herself in front of pretty girls.

            With an audible groan she found the switch for the bathroom exhaust fan to air out the steam and turned on the faucet to splash cool water in her face. After going to the bathroom, she washed her hands and splashed even more water in her face, hoping her blush was less noticeable.

            She straightened out her hoodie and ran a hand through her messy waves before deeming herself presentable again. She unlocked the bathroom door, turned off the light and exited. The hallway was a lot cooler and darker, to avoid possibly running into Lexa again, she slinked down the stairs and found Octavia sitting on the couch with a beer in one hand and the remote in the other.

            “Hey, Clarke,” she grinned and raised her drink in greeting, “the weather guy says we’re about to get another heavy spell in about an hour. You ready for it?”

            Clarke rolled her eyes, “I guess I kind of have to be.” She stuffed her hands into the pockets of her hoodie and sat herself down on the other side of the couch. She wasn’t sure if she should slip off her shoes. But Octavia was comfortable sprawled out with her legs hanging over the edge of the couch, so she took that as a sign she should be able to get comfortable.

            She kicked her sneakers under the coffee table and curled her legs up underneath her, training her eyes on the TV. “Where’s Raven and Anya?”

            The noise Octavia made at the question was a mix between a growl, squeal and what sounded like a “fuck if I care”.

            “What was that?” Clarke’s head snapped to look at her best friend with raised eyebrows. She’d never heard Octavia make that noise before and she’d known the girl since they were kids.

            With a shake of her head, the brunette took a long drag of her drink and grunted. “Nothing. They’re upstairs probably.”

            “Jesus Christ, Octavia. If you’re going to keep acting like this you’re going to need to confront Raven sooner rather than later. I don’t think I can deal with irritated, jealous Octavia for much longer.” Clarke crossed her arms and kept staring at the brunette even if she wouldn’t look directly at her.

            The only response se received was a grunt and the middle finger before the volume on the TV was turned off and their very one-sided conversation was over. With a sigh, Clarke stood up and decided she would find out where Octavia had gotten the booze.

            She found herself outside underneath the metal porch in the backyard. Heavy raindrops pinged off of the roof making it near impossible to hear Lincoln greeting her. She waved back silently, knowing it was futile to speak. Clarke lifted her hand in a drinking motion and Lincoln nodded, pointing to a cooler behind the table.

            With a thumbs up, Clarke walked around the table and grabbed a beer, popping it open quickly. She took a quick sip before looking up towards the sky. It was still gray and there were much darker, more dangerous clouds off to the southeast moving closer every second.

            Suddenly someone wrapped their arm around her waist and a face was close to hers, “It’s about to get _fun_!” Raven shouted and Clarke smacked her away at the sudden proximity.

            “Dammit, Reyes, get the hell away from me,” she snapped and smacked Raven’s arm.

            The brunette chuckled and crossed her arms, raising her eyebrows. “I heard you met Lexa.”

            Clarke felt her cheeks heat up with a blush and she took a long swallow of the alcohol in her hand with a nod. “Yeah, I did.”

            Raven waited for a further explanation with a small smirk on her face. But, after a few seconds without anything more, her smile grew. She crossed her arms over her chest and wiggled her eyebrows, “I heard you walked in on her in a towel. Now, I’m not judging you. I promise. But Lexa _is_ hot and she hasn’t been laid in…well, forever. And…well, neither have you,” she paused flippantly. “So Anya and I were thinking that you should…” she allowed herself to trail off and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

            Clarke raised her eyebrows. “Excuse me, you can’t going around pimping me out to your girlfriend’s friends.” She wasn’t exactly insulted by the suggestion, Lexa _was_ attractive from what Clarke had seen. But, she wasn’t looking for anything right now and a one-night stand was not something she really wanted. She didn’t think Lexa would approve of the suggestion either. 

            “Oh, Griffin, you’re my bitch and you know it,” Raven slung and arm around her shoulders. “Think about it. I bet you could seduce her.”

            Clarke took another sip of her beer, thinking about it. She knew Raven was just trying to bait her into some sort of bet, but she really was not interested. Yes, Lexa was attractive and yes, Clarke was definitely frustrated but that was no reason to take advantage of anyone. She’d already had enough of that to last a lifetime.

            Without a reply, Raven continued, “Anyway, Anya isn’t my girlfriend.”

            “Why not? What are you two doing?” Clarke was grateful for the change of subject.

            Raven shrugged, “I don’t know. She’s good in bed. I’m in college. I just want to have fun. No strings. Anya’s a no strings kind of gal…” she paused. “And I bet Lexa could be too.”

            “Oh my God, Raven. Seriously?” Clarke rolled her eyes and pushed her friend in disgust.

            With a laugh that reminded the blonde of an evil witch cackle, Raven walked away and left Clarke alone outside. Sighing, Clarke followed—she didn’t have anyone else to hang out with and Octavia was being her jealous, moody self.

            Once inside, Clarke spotted Lexa standing in the kitchen with the fridge open. She stared intensely and seemed too wrapped up in the content that Clarke took the moment to check her out. Instead of being dressed in only a towel, she had changed into a pair of tight-fitted black jeans that complimented her ass and a loose graphic t-shirt with some sort of video game depicted on the front. Her feet were bare and her hair hung loose and wet over her shoulder.

            “I can _feel_ your eyes on me,” she said suddenly, little emotion in her tone. Clarke sensed a small amount of teasing.

            The blonde turned away, the blood rushing to her face again. What was with this girl and being able to extract such a reaction from her? She took a long swallow of the alcohol, feeling a small, pleasant buzz as she thought of a reply, “Sorry, you look different with clothes on.”

            _Dammit, Griffin. Really? What the hell is wrong with you?_ She berated herself.

            The soft chuckle that escaped the brunette’s mouth made Clarke feel less stupid about her response. The noise actually caused a warm, pleasant stirring in the blonde’s stomach.

            Lexa pulled her eyes away from the fridge and closed it without getting anything out. Her eyes twinkled as she looked at Clarke with a small smile at the edge of her lips, “Normally people don’t see me without clothes on until at least the third date.”

            Clarke’s eyebrows shot up her face in surprise. Was Lexa flirting with her? Her heart stuttered slightly in her chest. It had been awhile since she had allowed a situation like this one to occur. It felt good and she indulged in that feeling.

            “Oh, really?”

            Lexa felt the same way as the blonde, she didn’t know what had possessed her to say those words. Honestly, she hadn’t thought about them before she said them, they had sort of just…well, spilled out. Clarke was awkward and her blush was cute, Lexa could admit. She found it harmless to find enjoyment in the flirting, it didn’t mean anything more.

            The brunette made a positive humming sound before opening a lower cabinet and pulling out a bottle of Jack Daniel’s whiskey. “Want some?” she set the unopen bottle on the table and walked around the center island to open an upper cabinet that held shot glasses and small cups. Lexa pulled out two rounded cups and waved them at Clarke.

            Without thinking, the blonde nodded, “Sure, why not?”

            Before Lexa made it back to the bottle of alcohol, Raven reentered with Octavia and Anya in tow. Both of which looked slightly annoyed by the brunette’s child-like excitement. Maybe Raven hadn’t experienced a hurricane before, but she was being a little ridiculous. Clarke and Octavia weren’t acting like excited idiots.

            “Oooh, whiskey? Count us in! Where’s Lincoln? He should join us! This can be a pre-party drink!” Raven rambled enthusiastically. She let go of Anya and Octavia’s hands and rushed over to Lexa, helping her grab enough glasses for the six of them.

            Anya moved to sit at the island, “Well, Lincoln doesn’t drink. He’s probably downstairs working out or playing some sort of video game. He doesn’t like to do much when he’s not working.”

            “What does he do?” Clarke asked out of curiosity.

            Lexa spoke up from the opposite counter, where she was putting ice into each glass before starting to pour the honey colored liquid into each. “My brother’s a Marine. He’s normally on base when he’s not deployed, but he’s got the next couple of weeks to stay home so he’s enjoying it. He finds parties to be exhausting, as do I.” she sent Anya a pointed look.

            Anya stuck her tongue out immaturely, “Oh shut up, Lexa. You secretly love parties.” She spun around on the bar stool to look at Clarke and Octavia—who and moved up to stand closer to the familiar blonde. “She’s been wallowing for the last ten months. I’ve tried all I can to pull her out of that hard armadillo shell of hers. She’s a stubborn one.”

            Raven laughed and sat down next to Anya, slinging an arm around her shoulder familiarly. “I know what you mean. Clarke over here,” she pointed with her thumb over her shoulder, “has been the same way for about six. I swear, when the girl isn’t getting laid she’s the most irritable person I know.”

            “Raven!” Clarke protested and moved to smack her friend.

            Anya snickered at the reaction and bumped Raven with her shoulder. Octavia silently ghosted around the island to stand next to Lexa, who had just finished filling the drinks. Lexa handed her a glass and Clarke watched as she gulped the liquid down in record time. _God, she’s going to get really fucked up tonight._ Once she was finished, she grabbed the bottle from Lexa and filled the glass again.

            Clarke felt Lexa give her a questioning look and replied with an eye roll and a shake of her head indicating that _it’s a long story._

            With a shrug Lexa let it go and brought the glasses to the island, sliding Raven and Anya theirs as they spoke quietly to each other. Raven leaned in close and whispered something into the blonde’s ear as she grabbed her drink. Once she pulled away, her eyes sparkled at the look on Anya’s face.

            Lexa handed Clarke a drink and clinked their glasses together, “To wallowing.” She grinned and that caused Clarke to laugh.

            The blonde echoed her words and took a sip of the liquid. The burning sensation that quickly followed made her wrinkle her brow and pucker her lips. God, she really did not like hard liquor.

            The warm, soft chuckle that emitted from Lexa was becoming familiar to her as she looked up to see the brunette grinning over her glass. After taking another sip she leaned closer, “Don’t like liquor much, hmm?”

            With a shake of her head, Clarke downed the rest of her beer to get rid of the taste and set the glass of whiskey on the table. After a few minutes a loud commotion came from the entrance.

            “Hey! Where’s the party?” Came a familiar voice.

            Raven stood up excitedly, “In the kitchen, nerds!” she shouted. Jasper, Monty, Harper and Monroe were all majoring in one type of technology or another and had some sort of class with Raven. The brunette would never admit it, but she really like the four of them. Even though she called them nerd, she was not-so secretly one herself.

            The four new additions began speaking adamantly to Raven after greeting Octavia and Clarke respectfully. After a couple of minutes, the group had decided to head over to the mini bar to start out with some shots with Raven in tow. Octavia was dragged into it by Harper and Clarke had to deny Jasper several times before he finally relented.

            An incredibly powerful rumble of thunder drowned out the group’s loud voices for a second, making everyone fall silent. The flash of lightning made Octavia jump and Raven squealed before covering her mouth. The sound was so ridiculously cute that every laughed before downing their prepared shots.

            The party was definitely getting starting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Let me know what you guys think by commenting and all that fun jazz! Thank you so much for the amount of views I've gotten!


	4. Don't You Go: Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is kind of short, but the next couple of chapters will be longer. I promise. I'm getting warmed up. Category 4 hurricanes can last for more than a week ;)

Don’t You Go (Part 4)  
Not long into the party, Lexa was left to sit alone. She had originally been keeping company with Clarke who had seemed to not want to be anywhere near the celebration either. That was until her friend Bellamy showed up with a group of friends and several cases of alcohol. 

She had flown at him with a huge hug and he had hugged her back just as passionately before they’d gotten to talking animatedly. It was the most Lexa had seen Clarke smile the whole three hours she’d known her. But, if she was honest with herself, she was a little jealous at the chemistry the two managed to have. 

Lexa sat on the couch in the living room, her legs covered by a blanket and another cup of whiskey between her hands. It was her third one and she was feeling the pleasant, warm buzz from the alcohol. She rested her head against the back of the couch and closed her eyes.

Some genius had thought it a good idea to turn on the TV stereo and surround sound with heavy bass music. It was beginning to make her head pound. Lexa sighed, she hated parties, and ever since the last hurricane party Anya had thrown, she hated them even more. 

She’d had a fear of thunderstorms her entire life. Why she had decided to move to Florida for college from her comfortable middle-of-nowhere Montana mountain home for this place she would never really understand. There was too much noise and too many people. The traffic was horrible and it took her thirty minutes to get somewhere that was less than 10 miles away if she wanted to drive. 

What you do for love, she sighed and opened her eyes. She didn’t want to go there, not now. At one point, Lexa had been happy living in Florida. She’d moved here because her girlfriend had asked her to nearly three years ago. It had been worth it for a short while, until they weren’t together anymore. But that was something Lexa didn’t want—or like—to think about. 

The couch dipped next to her and Lexa opened her eyes, sitting her head up to find Clarke sitting next to her. She had the same glass Lexa had given her from before, but the whiskey was replaced with some dark red liquid that must have been wine. The blonde looked irritated and leaned into the brunette’s personal space.

“Want to get out of here?” She asked, her voice laced with annoyance. Her words slurred slightly from the amount of alcohol she had consumed.   
Lexa raised an eyebrow, “Where do you want to go?” the suggestion came as a shock. Normally when someone asked to leave a party with a near stranger it meant they wanted to actually get out of there to go somewhere much more private for reasons Lexa really didn’t care for. But, based off the way Clarke was acting, Lexa assumed it was because she had gotten into an argument with one of her friends and just needed to get away.

“I don’t know. Just not here. Want to go back to my apartment?”

Restraining a laugh at the way this conversation was going, Lexa smiled, “Sure, but if you haven’t noticed there’s a hurricane going on outside. I don’t think it’s really safe for us to be driving right now. Besides, we’ve both been drinking too.”

With a huff and a pout that Lexa reluctantly found adorable, Clarke crossed her arms like a child, “But I don’t want to be here.”

Lexa stood and extended her hand, “Fine, we can go up to my bedroom.”

Clarke took her hand and pulled herself up from the couch, “I don’t normally enter a girl’s bedroom until the third date. But I’ll make an exception.” 

The close proximity of her body and the sparkle in her eyes made Lexa’s body respond in a way she hadn’t felt in a while. Her face flushed and she stuttered over a response before shaking her head, thoroughly embarrassed. She yanked Clarke’s hand and guided her through unfamiliar faces and bodies who didn’t pay the two of them much mind.

More people had showed up in the hour since the party had officially started. The hurricane was pretty mild, but it was only day one. Meteorologists suggested that the rain would begin to pick up nearer to the eye of the storm. The outermost regions were mostly winds and ominous clouds but Amara was supposed to last for several days because it was so massive. 

Once the duo made it to the stairs, the crowd thinned out. When they finally reached the second floor the thump of the music was a quieter, hollow vibration underneath their feet. After Lexa’s bedroom door closed the only thing that could be felt was the heavy vibrations and the muffled voice of the rapper or singer. 

The effects this had on Lexa’s headache was welcomed as she settled herself down on the edge of her bed. The curtains were closed over the far wall window and cast the bedroom into a heavy twilight. Lexa liked her room cool so the overhead fan was constantly on high speed. 

From what Clarke could barely see the room was an organized mess, if that made sense. Everything seemed to be in a place they belonged, but there were so many things that it was slightly cluttered. Mostly, there were books and notebooks, a leather shoulder bag was flung over a chair nestled near the window and there were a couple of items of clothing flung on the floor.

The TV set glowed with a Netflix notification, asking if the viewer was still watching Friends and if they would like to continue doing so. Clarke giggled, though still stood awkwardly in front of the door, “Were you watching something?”

Lexa sighed and nodded, grabbing the remote, “I’ll turn it off.”

“No!” Clarke protested, a little too quickly, “We can watch it. I don’t really want to be downstairs right now.”

“Oh,” the brunette frowned and set the remote down on the bed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Clarke thought about it for a second, but decided that Lexa didn’t need to hear about her personal drama. She hadn’t even known Anya’s friend for more than a couple of hours so it wasn’t fair to dump her problems on her. “No, it’s okay. Can we just mindlessly watch Phoebe sing Smelly Cat?”

Lexa nodded and scooted over on the bed, patting the spot next to her. “Season 2 Episode 6 coming right up.” She paused after a second, blushing when she realized what she had just said. It seemed ever so slightly obsessive and she didn’t want Clarke to think that she didn’t have a life, even though that was exactly what it was. 

“You know the episode exactly?” Clarke raised an eyebrow, her eyes shining with mirth and a small smirk on her lips.

Clearing her throat, Lexa kept her eyes trained on the television screen, though she could feel the blonde’s on her. She hardly paid attention to her manipulation of the remote to pull up the episode, fully conscious of the girl’s eyes on her. Once the episode began she felt those blue eyes turn away and relaxed considerably.   
Clarke laid next to her, two of the half a dozen pillows and throw pillows behind her back. Her arms were crossed over her chest and Lexa couldn’t help but continuously sneak glances at her. Partially because she was curious about what ailed the blonde, but also because she was enthralled by her looks. 

The changing colors of the screen lit up her eyes with different, hypnotizing blue. Shadows highlighted the angles of her face and Lexa was utterly enraptured. The blonde’s pale skin glowed and Lexa’s eyes trailed down to the outfit she was wearing. It was frumpy and relaxed, but she was one of those girls that made looking comfortable look hot.   
Her arms were crossed over her chest and Lexa’s eyes roamed all of the way down. She didn’t realize she was staring unabashedly until green eyes connected with amused blue ones. She cleared her throat and her face flushed incredibly hot. Hotter than ever before. 

“Sorry,” she muttered and turned away quickly, her heart jumping in her chest. 

Clarke laughed a husky laugh and sipped her wine, “Don’t worry about it.”

Lexa decided it was better not to reply and shut her eyes, God, I am an idiot. She was finding herself unintentionally attracted to this woman and making a complete fool of herself. It was only physical attraction, obviously, and it didn’t mean anything more than that. The brunette didn’t have any idea what to do anymore, it was hard to remember what hitting on a girl was like.

It wasn’t like she actually wanted to go out with Clarke—God, she was getting ahead of herself. She ran a hand over her face and shook her head, trying to focus her attention back on the television show. She crossed her arms over her chest after wrapping herself in her fuzzy blanket, moving away from Clarke.   
This is going to be a long night.


	5. Don't You Go: Part 5

**Don’t You Go (Part 5)**

After the first episode ended they were discovered. Anya slammed the door open with a loud _thud_ against the wall and Clarke yelped, spilling watered-down wine on her hoodie. “Fucking shit, Anya!” she shouted and threw the nearest pillow at the other stumbling blonde.

Just behind her, Raven was cackling like a witch again. Her hand clutched at her stomach while she laughed at Anya. Her view was still blocked by Anya’s frame in the doorway but her words could be heard over the music and television. “Are they fucking?”

When she didn’t get a response her grinning face peaked over the blonde’s shoulder. The grin fell when she noticed the amount of distance between her two friends. “Well fuck, that’s disappointing!”

“Dammit, Reyes, get your ass out of here before I throw it out!” Clarke shouted, setting her cup down and blotting at her shirt with her jacket sleeve.

Lexa had nonchalantly turned her head from the beginning of the next episode to watch the exchange, but flashed Anya a glare. “Why the hell did you just barge into my room?”

“I didn’t!” Anya growled and gave Raven a glare nearly as deadly as Lexa’s, but not quite. “This one was trying to get me upstairs but next thing I know I’m getting thrown in here.”

Clarke stumbled out of the bed, nearly getting her legs tangled in the sheets. “Get the hell out.” She shoved Anya away, pushing both of the women through the door and slamming it shut.

Her breathing heavy and rage boiling, she leaned her body against the door. Her hand found the lock and she clicked it shut. “I’m going to kill that girl. She means well but I can’t deal with her trying to get me laid every other night.”

Lexa raised an eyebrow at that, “Get you laid with who?”

Clarke stood up and began pacing up and down the length of the room. Her blood was hot and she felt like hitting something, preferably Raven. Don’t get her wrong, she loved the girl but _damn_ sometimes she could be a handful. Whatever Octavia saw in her, she would have a hard time getting her to settle down. Thank God for Clarke that it was Octavia’s job to deal with the five-year-old in a woman’s body. Clarke sure as _hell_ would end up punching her in the face if she had to.

The brunette’s words paused Clarke’s pacing and blue eyes once again met green ones. With a sigh, the blonde thought _fuck it_ and said, “You. She said she had some sort brilliant plan because I guess Anya’s told her about you not putting yourself out there either. But that doesn’t matter because I didn’t plan on sleeping with anyone. I just came because I didn’t have anything better to do.”

Pausing with a frown, Clarke realized how that must have sounded. By the disbelieving look and crooked eyebrow on Lexa’s face she knew it had sounded wrong. “Not that I didn’t want to meet you or Anya or anything, I just prefer to stay home. And it’s not like you’re unattractive or anything either. You’re actually quite attractive, but…” she paused again and rubbed a hand over her face at the low chuckle those words aroused. “Shut up, Lexa. You know what I’m saying.” She crossed her arms and glared at the brunette.

Lexa stood and ran a hand through her rumpled, mostly dry hair. “I get it, Clarke. Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad Anya didn’t try to set me up. God knows she normally would have. Maybe she knew about what Raven was doing so she didn’t feel like pressuring me.”

_Friends_ was long forgot as the two stood across from each other. Clarke’s anger was beginning to dissipate and Lexa looked like she was finding the whole ordeal tiresome. Lexa took a couple of steps closer, closing the distance between the two of them. She placed a hand on Clarke’s shoulder, “Don’t worry about it. Why don’t we just keep watching the show?”

As if in response a loud boom of thunder shook the house and the hiss of wind could be heard through the window. It sounded like trees were being bent and broken outside as the rain began to fall again in a heavy downpour.

The lights flickered and the TV went off completely. The sudden lack of electric noise was overwhelming in their ears. The room was extra dark now, the only thing Clarke could see was Lexa’s outline from the small amount of light coming from the barely there crack in the curtains.

“Maybe because the powers out,” Clarke said with a laugh, running a hand through her blonde waves. The sudden darkness sent her heart pounding, but she tried to brush it off.

Lexa watched her carefully. She didn’t look angry anymore, just slightly peeved at her friend’s instigating into her love life. It was easier for Lexa to see Clarke with the light falling directly on to her face. Her eyes were a lot darker when there was very little light on them and Lexa found the sight to be nearly too much.

She was smacked with the overwhelming urge to kiss the blonde but tried to restrain herself, placing her arms behind her back and grabbing on to her left wrist with her right hand. She cleared her throat, “Then why don’t we leave? When the storm clears a little bit I can steal Lincoln’s truck and we can drive wherever you want if you want to get away.”

Clarke trained her eyes onto Lexa’s, “You’d leave with me?”

“Of course, Clarke.”

After a second Clarke yanked her eyes away from Lexa’s and sat on the edge of her bed. “I don’t want to go downstairs but I hate the dark.” She shivered and crossed her arms over her chest.

That was the moment Lexa realized that Clarke looked very uncomfortable. Her eyes kept shifting around and her face was flushed.

“I can go grab some candles and flashlights then bring them upstairs.” Lexa suggested, turning to do just that.

Before she knew it, Clarke had her arm in her hand and was pulling her back, “No, don’t leave me alone.” Her voice was on the edge of hysteria and Lexa didn’t quite understand. Why was she so afraid?

She didn’t voice her questions, feeling as though it was an invasion of Clarke’s privacy. “Then come down with me.”

“But I don’t want to go down there.”

With a soft chuckle, Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hand that was still on her arm. “Relax. It’ll be okay. We’ll go downstairs, grab some candles and flashlights and be back up here with some light before you know it.”

Clarke wasn’t sure if it was the reassuring squeeze Lexa gave her hand or the soft, quiet way she spoke to her. But, her heart stopped beating so erratically and she felt her pulse slow down as she stared into the calming orbs of green.

_I could kiss you._ “Alright.” She turned her palm around and grabbed onto Lexa’s hand tightly. With one more reassuring squeeze, Lexa unlocked the door with her free hand. They moved down the hallway together, hand and hand.

Once they reached the lower landing of the stairs it grew lighter and Clarke subconsciously let go of Lexa’s hand, shoving her hands into the pocket of her stained hoodie. The party had moved into the expansive living room where a large group and made a circle. They were using an empty bottle of vodka as the spinner for spin the bottle.

_What are they, twelve?_ Clarke thought just as Lexa leaned closer to her, “What are they, twelve?” she echoed the blonde’s thoughts. They giggled together and avoided their respective friends as they made their way into the almost empty kitchen. There were only a few girls talking and leaning against the stove across from the sink.

Lexa kneeled down near the sink, opening the cabinets underneath and pulling out two small handheld flashlights. She then moved a cabinet over and pulled out a handful of different sized candles still wrapped up in their package.

“Jesus,” Clarke commented, “how many candles do you have?”

With a blush Lexa replied, “Probably too many, Anya and I like candles. They smell nice and relax me.”

Shrugging, Clarke accepted the explanation and took the flashlights that were handed to her. Lexa carried three small candles and two much larger ones as they exited the kitchen, ignored completely be the two other girls.

The living room was a lot rowdier than it had been when the two had original walked through. Maybe it was because of the couple making out in the middle of the group of people sitting in a circle. Clarke couldn’t tell exactly who the two were.

Before Lexa could pull Clarke away from the chaos, Raven slung her arm around the blonde’s shoulders. “Come on, Clarke! Play with us!”

As if on cue, Anya had her arm around Lexa’s waist in a vice like grip and was guiding her towards the couch. “Yeah, both of you! It’ll be fun!”

The four pushed their way into the group and on to the ground. Clarke and Lexa barely struggled against their respective friends but the couple was hearing none of it. Once the two in the middle of the room were done shoving their tongues down each other’s throats, Raven stood up again.

Clarke’s eyes found a familiar pair sitting across from her. Octavia was nursing another bottle of beer with an angry expression darkening her features. She watched Raven with desperate needy eyes before huffing and closing them, clearly at a disagreement with herself. The two friends shared a brief _are you okay?_ and _yes I’m fine_ argument before turning their attention to Raven.

“Alright, we’re changing up the game, whoever the bottle lands on you’ve gotta spend five minutes in heaven with. Anya, where is the nearest closet?”

“Right down the hallway and to the left. I’ll show the lucky couple when they get picked.” She wiggled her eyebrows around the room and made contact with each person involved in the game.

Clarke felt a pair of eyes settling on her and turned to her left, where Lexa sat, looking at her with a question in her eyes. She leaned closer whispering conspiratorially into the blonde’s ear, “Whoever gets picked first, during the move to the closet, we can sneak back upstairs, alright?”

The feeling of Lexa’s warm breath on her cheek and down the side of her neck made the blonde shiver. Her throat was suddenly dry and she only managed a small nod before leaning her back against the couch with a huff.

“Lexa! You go first,” Anya pointed towards the bottle in the middle of the group. Around them sat Octavia, Bellamy and several other people Lexa had never felt before. The brunette’s original plan of sneaking away seemed to already be going south.

With a shake of her head Lexa raised her hands in surrender, “I don’t think so.”

“Clarke!” Raven piped up

“Hell no,” the blonde shut down quickly.

A moment of silence ensued before Octavia huffed, “Ya’ll are such party poopers.” She grabbed the bottle and gave it a hard turn, flicking her wrist and sending it spinning. It was a blur for several seconds before it began to slow. Everyone within close proximity seemed to have their eyes glued to it as the noise in the room dimmed and the only prominent sound was the heavy music thumping through the house.

Clarke didn’t find the situation at all interesting, honestly, she was thinking about her bed at home and how much she wanted to continue her binge watch of _Grey’s Anatomy_ season 6. Maybe she could convince Lexa to brave the onslaught outside so they didn’t have to deal with the pressure of the party.

The bottle finally slowed, moving in the direction of Clarke. The blonde let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding when it landed slightly to her right. But when she looked up her eyes landed on a wide eyed Raven, who seemed to have lost all of her bravado from the last hour. She was staring at the bottle as if her will would convince it to continue spinning.

Several people whooped—mostly guys who were looking forward to hearing two girls getting it on in a closet. But one glance at the brunette across from her and Clarke knew that her two friends were anything but happy. Raven looked like she was about to pass out her face had gone so pale and Octavia looked positively pissed. She glanced up at the sky as if to ask _why me?_ before bringing her beer to her lips and downing it.

“Alright,” she stood, putting in as much confidence as she could possibly muster, “let’s do this.” She rubbed her palms over jeans.

Raven didn’t move and Clarke wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do. She knew about Octavia’s feelings for the taller brunette, but she didn’t know how Raven felt. The blonde could have sworn Raven was completely oblivious to their friend’s emotions, but based off of the expression on her face there was something there for her too.

Not wanting to seem like a chicken, Raven stood, her heart beating hard in her chest. Her head spinning slightly at the sudden movement. “Alright,” she replied shakily and shoved through several people as she walked down the hallway.

Clarke wanted to do something. She really did, but she also knew that her two best friends had to deal with this on their own. She couldn’t help them if they didn’t want to help themselves. Octavia was definitely in deep but wouldn’t make any move on Raven no matter how many times Clarke had attempted to convince her.

Raven, well, Raven had the same problem as Clarke, but she was dealing with it by maintaining a steady stream of one night stands and friends with benefits. She also liked to party and drink until she was completely numb. She was afraid of begin hurt again and she was dealing with it in a much more debilitating way than Clarke was.

But her friends needed to figure it the hell out, she couldn’t continue to babysit them. They needed to sort through their feelings or else they were going to explode in the worst way possible. Clarke didn’t know if she would be able to clean up the mess afterwards.

“Clarke.” Lexa yanked her out of her thoughts. She glanced over to meet inquisitive green eyes. “Do you want to go back upstairs?”

“Yeah,” she nodded and stood up, touching the two flashlights shoved into her pocket to make sure she still had them.

They made their way away from the crowd silently, but Lexa could feel the mixed emotions rolling off of Clarke in waves. She didn’t know how to bring up whatever was going inside of the blonde’s head and she wasn’t exactly sure she had a right to encroach on the girl’s inner thoughts.

“Clarke?” she finally asked after they made it up the stairs.

“Hmm?” the blonde mumbled absentmindedly, swinging her lit flashlight around carefully.

Lexa opened the door and thought about what to ask. What was she supposed to say? _What’s wrong? Are your friends okay? Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?_ Instead of delving into possibly dangerous territory with the almost-stranger before her, Lexa decided to go for something significantly more mundane, “Do you want another hoodie? Yours is kind of stained.” _Idiot._

With a sigh, Clarke ran a hand through her hair, “Yeah. Sure. Sorry if I’m being weird, there’s just a lot going on with my friends. I feel like I should be down there taking care of them. They’re both having a lot of problems right now, but I really don’t feel like I can do anything to help either of them. It sucks.”

Lexa nodded and set the candles on her desk before opening a draw and pulling out a lighter. She lit them all before placing them around the room to allow for more light. Clarke took a seat on the edge of the bed and watched as Lexa meticulously placed the candles, searching for the exact right spot.

“I know Raven has been at a pretty low place lately. We both have, but she’s been going about it all the wrong way. She and Anya are not in a healthy relationship, no offense to your friend or anything. I know she’s using her to easy her loneliness, but Octavia isn’t going about her feelings the right way, either.”

The brunette moved to her closet while the blonde spoke, shuffling through her closet for something appropriate. She pulled a warm gray colored hoodie off of its hanger and brought it over to Clarke.

“It seems to me that you want to fix everything for everyone, Clarke. Which is something you cannot do.” She took a seat next to the blonde and held out the item of clothing.

Clarke took it and held it out to look at the black US Marine symbol printed onto the front of the hoodie. She didn’t know how to respond to Lexa’s words and held the jacket in her lap, “But I feel completely useless.”

“You’re not useless, sometimes people just have to figure things out for themselves. You just have to let them make their own decisions,” Lexa glanced around the room, trying to find something to settle her eyes on.

With another frustrated sigh, Clarke stood, “It’s just really annoying. I really want the two of them to be happy, but their being difficult. They both _deserve_ to be happy. Yeah, Finn broke Raven’s heart, but he also broke mi-” she caught herself before she said anything too detailed. Clarke liked Lexa, but she didn’t know her and throwing a whole bunch of her own personal baggage into a new friendship could possibly drive the brunette away. So she clamped her mouth shut and tried not to think about it. “Sorry.”

“If you need to talk, Clarke, I’m willing to listen There is absolutely no reason to apologize.” Lexa offered after a moment. A loud grumbling roll of thunder shook the house again and Clarke emitted another one of those adorable scared squeaks.

The serious conversation was forgotten as the two girls giggled at Clarke’s expense.


	6. Part 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a very Octaven heavy chapter. We will return to our regularly scheduled Clexa next chapter!

**Don’t You Go (Part 6)**

_Meanwhile in the closet…_

Anya opened the door to the hallway closet for the two girls to enter. She looked absolutely ecstatic to Raven’s disappointment. Yes, their relationship wasn’t really an actual relationship, but a little jealousy or reluctance would have been greatly appreciated. Even an outright protest would have been helpful

Octavia entered first, finding a way to squeeze herself against several dusty smelling jackets. Raven hesitated by the entrance before a hand shoved her inside and the door was slammed closed. Darkness engulfed the two of them for a few seconds before their eyes adjusted to the minimal amount of light coming through the door cracks.

Raven could feel the overwhelming proximity of Octavia’s body. She was warm and no matter how much Raven tried to curl her body away, she felt it. It was like electricity bounced off of her skin where it lay anywhere near Octavia’s. She was certain the feeling couldn’t just be one sided.

It felt extremely quiet in there, even though they could both very clearly hear the words to a Rihanna song that neither of them were _really_ paying attention to. Octavia’s breath was heavy and Raven could smell the alcohol on it. She was already getting pretty wasted.

“So do you _really_ want to do this?” She finally asked, breaking the silence.

The darkness surrounding them seemed to bring out the honesty in Octavia because she let out a breathy, “Yes.” Then stepped closer and pressed her body against Raven’s without any warning. Her hand came around to the back of Raven’s neck and tangled into the baby hairs at the base of her messy ponytail.

Before Raven could even think of a smart ass comment to make the situation the two friends’ were in a little lighter, Octavia’s lips were on hers. It was a new feeling for sure. The shorter girl’s lips were soft and felt desperate. Her hands grabbed at Raven’s hair insistently but not quite painfully and Raven found herself liking it.

Without really giving herself time to think, Raven kissed her back. She didn’t know how she was feeling about kissing her roommate, one of her friends. One of her _best_ friends to be exact. She’d never really thought about Octavia that way because Raven was into having _fun_ and she would never treat someone she cared about so deeply in a friend’s with benefits sort of way.

But God, now that their lips were touching—insistently—Raven was thinking of _a lot_ of things in that short amount of time. Things that she promised herself she’d never do. But the one thought that fought through the rest was that Octavia tasted _really_ fucking good.

Before she could stop herself a breathy moan left her mouth and her hands came up to press against Octavia’s hips tentatively. In response, Octavia kissed her harder, taking Raven’s lower lip into her mouth.

They somehow managed to get themselves pressed against the wall with coats surrounding them and hugging them closer together. The two of them were pressed tightly together, but Octavia was pinned against the wall by her hips under Raven’s demanding hands. Raven was the first one who needed to breathe and she pulled away, gasping.

Her mind was still running a mile a minute and she briefly thought that it felt like they’d been doing this for _hours_. But she really didn’t care, she wanted to make sure Octavia was okay with all of this. She opened her mouth to voice her thoughts, but Octavia’s mouth was placing hot, open-mouthed kisses down her neck. A very different noise escaped her lips instead.

Raven’s fingers tangled into Octavia’s loose hair and yanked persistently until the shorter girl pulled away and their lips were back together. Curious hands snaked under Raven’s shirt and over tense muscles and short, blunt nails grazed over the skin.

“Fuck, Octavia,” Raven groaned. She definitely did not expect the much less experienced girl to be so…well, so good at all of this. Her skin was feverish, hot and her breath came in ragged gasps. The heat coursed through her body and settled between her legs and her lips pressed against Octavia’s again.

She bit at the younger girl’s lower lip roughly and was tracing her tongue over it teasingly when the door was rudely opened and bright light flooded in. Reality seemed to hit the both of them at the same time and Raven jumped back, tripping over something on the ground and slamming her head against the wall.

“Ah, fuck.” She grumbled and rubbed at the throbbing pain on the back of her head. Her ass landed on something that felt uncomfortably like a shoe and she knew that it would be bruised.

Octavia still leaned heavily against the wall, eyes closed and mouth still slightly open. A leather jacket and trench coat framed her body on either side. Her head was spinning and she felt like she was going to be sick. Maybe it was the unhealthy amount of alcohol she had consumed in such a short amount of time or maybe it was just Raven. God, it was _certainly_ Raven.

“Seven minutes in Heaven for sure!” Shouted Jasper from somewhere on the other side of the wall of brightness. Raven blinked several times before rolling over and crawling to her feet. She avoided looking at Octavia, her heart was pounding and a rush of adrenaline was rushing through her veins.

Cheers echoed down the hallway as Raven stumbled to her feet and rubbed her eyes. People were crowded around the door way as if hoping to get a good view of the two making out. Raven noticed it was mostly guys with eager faces wishing to see some girl on girl action. With a grimace, she shoved her way through the crowd with her head down and tried to ignore the tingling burn of her lips—the only remains that proved what had happened in the closet.

Back in the closet, Octavia was attempting to recover from what had just occurred. She ignored Harper and even her brother while she continued to replay her few minutes of heaven with Raven. Their friendship was probably forever altered, but she tried not to dwell on that. Instead, Octavia remembered how Raven’s lips felt so soft and warm against hers and relished in the feelings the memory provided.

Finally, after a couple of blissful moments, she allowed the guilt and reality to seep into her euphoria. God, their relationship was more than likely fucked and they _lived_ together. She didn’t know if she would be able to hide her feelings anymore, she didn’t know if Raven had put two and two together and figured it out. Octavia highly doubted it, since Raven was known to be oblivious to other people’s feelings. She was also known to just screw around and not stay in a committed relationship.

Was Octavia really willing to set aside all of those dreams she’d had of them settling down together? Of them just _being_ together? Dating and _committing_. Could she really expect Raven to do that for her? Octavia wasn’t even sure if Raven had any feelings for her that were more than platonic friendly ones.

But, really, who kissed someone like that if they didn’t reciprocate at least some of the same feelings? With a groan, she pushed herself away from the wall and shouldered past her brother, who was frowning with worry.

All of the lines were blurred now, because of her. She’d probably just fucked up one of the best friendships she’d ever had. She didn’t know if she’d ever be able to talk to Raven about it, or if she would know what to say.

One thing she did know though, was that she could drink herself into a black out and forget any of it had happened. She found a bottle of scotch in the kitchen and searched for some place quiet to drink her sorrows away.

After mindlessly wandering the halls and trying to avoid perving guys who knew she’d had a make out session with another girl, she found a set of stairs leading down. They were dark and once she stumbled to the bottom, she found a closed and locked door. There was light coming from beneath it and she could hear the sound of a TV on the other side.

Now that her curiosity was piqued, Octavia knocked loudly, “Hey! Open up!”

It took a couple of minutes before the door was unlocked and an irritated Lincoln opened it. He held a PS4 controller in his free hand and had an expensive headset over his ears. He was dressed in a tight fitted white tank top and a pair of sweatpants. _Talk about gamer mode,_ Octavia thought.

She’d seen Raven in gamer mode and that was nothing compared to this. Those headphones had to have been worth hundreds of dollars.

“Hang on, Red, someone’s at my door.” Lincoln grumbled before flicking the microphone up and lowering his gaze to Octavia. “What do you want?” he asked, looking tired.

Octavia really didn’t want anything and held up the bottle of scotch, shrugged and said, “I’ve got alcohol?”

With a sigh, Lincoln turned back around and flicked the microphone back down, “Sorry, Red. My sister and her friend are having a party upstairs and there’s a girl here wanting to hang out.”

Octavia assumed that since he _hadn’t_ shut the door in her face that she was welcomed inside. Lincoln continued to walk away, finding a seat on a large leather sectional sitting in front of a huge entertainment system.

The room itself wasn’t all that large, but it was decked out with anything a gamer could want. A mini fridge sat against the wall next to the black entertainment system. The couch took up most of the space, it had two corners one of which was pressed flush against the left corner of the wall nearest to the door. The second corner jutted out parallel to the door and Octavia leaned against it. It was made of a soft, pale microfiber that she found herself running her fingers over.

The floor was moderately aged teak wood that was mostly covered with a fuzzy white area rug that looked incredibly bleached. The entertainment console was black and took up most of the far wall, barely allowing enough room for the fridge next to it. It was pressed up tightly against the wall and had glass cabinets on either side. Video games, consoles and several accessories adorned the see-through storage spaces.

Lincoln had collapsed back onto the couch and was talking to Red through his headset again, eyes glued to the television set. The volume was low on the TV, probably because he was getting some part of the sound through his headphones. He was playing some sort of action roleplay that Octavia knew absolutely nothing about, but her mood was just sour enough not to actually care.

She shut the door behind her and rolled herself onto the long side of the couch, collapsing down and settling against a group of matching throw pillows. The couch was so much more comfortable than the offensively green, lumpy one Raven and her shared back at their apartment.

Thinking of Raven, Octavia felt a pang of guilt make her stomach roll and send her heart skittering in her chest. Pushing down the feelings, she opened the bottle of scotch and took a small sip. With a grimace, she swallowed before downing another sip and finally, after the third she grew accustomed to the strong taste.

Lincoln continued to ignore her and she just continued to watch as he argued with Red over his headset. His character moved around what looked like a large space station with an advanced plasma gun held in a ready position. He shot several blue beams of light at other players on screen as he spoke quietly to his teammate.

He sat on the opposite side of the couch, his head propped up on a couple of pillows and his long legs stretched out before him. Octavia watched the screen intently, attempting to lose herself in the fictional characters like she would if the video game had been a television show.

She continued to sip at her drink until her chest was incredibly warm and she felt as though the couch would swallow her up it was just so damn _comfortable_. After closing the nearly empty bottle of alcohol thirty minutes after it had been opened and squeezing it close against her chest, she curled up.

Closing her eyes, she snuggled against the warmth of the couch, falling asleep within seconds.

~   ~   ~

After Raven’s less than graceful departure from the crowded hallway, she’d made her way up stairs. She bypassed Lexa’s room and found herself in the familiar cool darkness of Anya’s. This was where the two of them spent most of their time and it was the place Raven felt the most comfortable in that moment. She settled herself on the edge of the bed, resting her pounding head in her hands.

She hoped nobody would come looking for her, especially Anya, she wasn’t exactly sure how to deal with that. She’d known her and Octavia had been dancing around each other. Well, she knew she’d been dancing around Octavia and trying to avoid thinking about her by drowning herself in Anya.

But, that hadn’t changed her feelings. God, how she hated that word. _Feelings_. She’d never had very much luck in the romance department and had devolved to one night stands and just having fun with people. She was unable to maintain a relationship, so why even try?

That had worked out for a while, until she started catching feelings for Octavia. The girl was perfect. Feisty, passionate, smart and witty. Not to mention fucking _gorgeous._ At first, Raven had tried to deny her feelings and telling herself that she though Octavia was a good person. She wasn’t _attracted_ to her, right?

But, no she had been. As her feelings developed she became unable to stop the fantasies that followed her in her day dreams and actual dreams. Dreams of her and Octavia, together. They were dreams she hadn’t had in a long time. She could see herself taking Octavia out on dates and living a life with her she’d only dreamt about as a kid.

Then they had kissed. God, had they _kissed_. Raven was nearly overwhelmed with the memory. She chalked Octavia’s initiation and continuation of the kiss up to an incredible level of drunkenness.

“Rave?”

Raven was pulled out of her thoughts by Anya’s voice in the doorway. She glanced up to find her leaning against the wall. “You okay?”

Raven nodded and stood, “Yeah, sorry. I’m fine. I thought I was going to be sick. Too much alcohol.” She allowed the lie to roll off of her lips. Her insides were swirling with too many confusing emotions and _did_ make her stomach feel like it was tied in knots.

Anya took a few steps forward, her eyebrows furrowed with concern, “You sure?”

Raven could only nod. The feelings were becoming too much and Anya was right there. She stepped forward and pressed her lips to Anya’s roughly. If she couldn’t have Octavia, she could easily allow Anya to distract her for long enough to get her emotions under control.

Anya pulled back after a second, her hand pressed against Raven’s chest. “You sure?”

“Shut up, Anya,” Raven nearly growled before crushing their lips together again.

Anya relaxed then and permitted herself to be immersed in Raven’s warmth and scent. Raven felt the tension leave the older girl’s body and stepped forward, pressing until Anya’s back was against the wall. She reached out blindly for the door and slammed it shut, deepening the kiss.

Raven pressed her hands underneath Anya’s shirt, growing bold with the familiarity of Anya’s body. She needed this, she needed to feel something simple, something primitive. Something just like this.

She broke the kiss and moved her lips to Anya’s neck, sucking and nipping at all of the spots she knew drove the other girl wild. When her efforts were rewarded with a breathy moan she smirked and pulled away. “Arms up.”

As soon as Anya’s shirt was discarded, Raven returned to what they were doing. _Octavia who?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Comment, kudos and all that jazz. I love to read what you’re hoping for next! :D


	7. Part 7

**Don’t You Go (Part 7)**

Lexa and Clarke were seated across from each other on Lexa’s bed. They had a pile of cards between them and the flashlight shining so they could see what they were doing. The lights _still_ hadn’t come back on, and both girls assumed they wouldn’t until the storm ended. They were in the middle of an intense game of _Go Fish_ and Lexa had been kicking Clarke’s ass for the past fifteen minutes.

“Do you have a seven?”

Clarke laughed, “Ha! Go fish, you ass. I swear you’re cheating.”

“I’m not, you just suck at this game.” She picked up a card from the dwindling pile before her.

Clarke pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes at the cocky brunette across from her. “Do you have a Jack?”

That whipped the smirk off of Lexa’s face quickly enough as she handed over the card. Clarke grinned and snatched it, rolling onto her back and kicking her feet in the air as a type of excited dance.

“You’re actually a child,” Lexa observed dryly, though a smile played at the corner of her mouth.

“Yes I am.” Clarke sobered and put her cards together, laying them out next to the ones she’d already put down. “I’m a twelve year old in a twenty-four year old’s body. We discovered this years ago. I’m also one of the most competitive twelve year olds you will ever meet.”

Lexa shook her head, “Do you have a nine?”

Clarke pouted and it was probably one of the cutest pouts Lexa had ever had the pleasure of witnessing. It made guilt eat at her stomach a little, even though they were only playing a childish game of _Go Fish._ The blonde begrudgingly handed over the card and Lexa placed them both down on the bed, where they were beginning to pile up.

There were only a couple of cards left in the stack and Lexa had managed to acquire more than half of the pairs. Clarke was almost certain that she had her mirrors angled to see over her shoulder. Lexa had laughed and tried to show her that there were no mirrors near Clarke, even going so far as to turn the one on her wall away from the blonde.

It hadn’t helped, of course, and Clarke had just become more of a poor sport as the game went on. Lexa was just a really, really good guesser and she’d known she was going to kick Clarke’s ass the instant the blonde had suggested they play a card game. There were few things Lexa was bad at, she knew, guessing wasn’t one of them.

After another round of guessing and Clarke attaining the last card, they called it quits. Clarke already knew there was no way for her to win so she tossed her hand on the bed, “I’m done. You win. Let’s play something else.”

Lexa’s jaw dropped slightly, “Oh come on, and we’re almost done. Let me at least _finish_ kicking your ass.” She schooled her face once again and smirked.

“I can’t even catch up if I got all of those cards in your hand! So you won. Let’s play something else. And I’m out of alcohol.” The blonde carefully got out of bed, messing up the piles of cards and begin cleaning them up.

“Fine, but I still kicked your ass,” Lexa mimicked her movements and began helping.

Clarke shook her head, “No need to gloat.”

“No need to be a sore loser,” the brunette shot back with a smirk.

Clarke could feel the older girl’s unbelievably green eyes on her and sensed the ever present smirk that was obviously imprinted on her kissable lips. _Stop thinking these things, Clarke. You cannot get in to another relationship,_ she barely let herself finish the thought before she was handing Lexa the last of the cards and moving herself to the door.

“Do you want a beer or something?”

“No thanks, but I’ll come with you.” The brunette finished putting the cards away before pulling her phone out of her pocket. “Want to see the weather forecast?” She waved the bright screen in Clarke’s direction.

The blonde nodded and stepped around the bed, meeting Lexa halfway and leaning over her shoulder to get a good view of the small screen. Lexa had already pulled up her weather app and was impatiently waiting for the screen to buffer and display the satellite image that would depict what was going on over their area.

It took several moments and during that time both girls were extremely conscious of the minimal amount of space between them. Lexa’s eyes unfocused from the screen, she could feel the heat of Clarke’s body radiating between them and the warmth of her breath on her neck and shoulder. She couldn’t believe how much she really wanted to be closer to the blue-eyed beauty. She hadn’t felt overwhelming feelings like these ones towards someone in a long. _God, help me._

Clarke on the other hand, didn’t know where the _hell_ to put her hands. They didn’t feel comfortably lying at her sides because her right one might brush against Lexa’s ass and they didn’t feel right behind her back. She also, wasn’t exactly sure that resting her hand on Lexa’s hip would be welcome so she stood their awkwardly before rubbing at the back of her neck.

She stuffed her left hand into the pocket of her hoodie and stood a little higher on her toes so she could angle her head over Lexa’s shoulder. She drew the conclusion that she did _not_ know Lexa well enough to feel like she had the right to touch her in any way. That definitely didn’t mean that she didn’t want to.

The screen finally loaded and both girls let out a relieved sigh. Clarke managed to get the gist that a shit ton of rain was on its way and they would be stuck inside for another couple of days. She pulled away from Lexa and took a deep breath to try to eradicate the impure thoughts she had been thinking. _Jesus, what the hell is wrong with you, Griffin? Pull yourself together._

But this girl had a very rare effect on her. Clarke’s lips were dry and her throat felt like she needed a drink as soon as possible and that was just from standing close to her. She could admit that Lexa was beautiful—more than beautiful, more like drop dead gorgeous—and that she had a biting sense of humor that complimented Clarke’s. They got along and Lexa had some of the most kissable lips Clarke had ever had the pleasure of laying eyes upon.

“It looks like the hurricane is heading straight through Florida and its moving faster than they thought it would,” Lexa muttered, scrolling through the news. “They say there’s probably going to be some flooding near lakes.”

Clarke settled herself against the wall next to the door, listening to Lexa. “When do you think we should get some respite?”

“Well,” Lexa frowned and Clarke noticed her bite in to her bottom lip. The expression sent Clarke’s heart lurching in her chest and heat coursing through her veins.

Lexa didn’t noticed this and continued speaking, “It looks like that should happen sometime late tonight.”

It took Clarke a moment to realize the brunette had spoken and then to process the words, “Oh.” She muttered and stood up straighter. “Then we should go get more alcohol.”

She didn’t get a response for a couple of seconds and turned back to see what had captivated Lexa’s attention. The other girl was still caught up in looking at her phone. She scrolled and typed a couple of things before looking up and meeting Clarke’s eyes. “Sorry, what’d you say?”

Clarke laughed, “Nothing, come downstairs with me?”

Lexa nodded before clicking the lock button on her phone and hurrying over, opening the bedroom door for Clarke, “After you.” The grin on her face forced one on to Clarke’s. Every single one of Lexa’s smiles were contagious and one of the finest things Clarke had ever seen. The beauty that was Lexa Woods’ smile could honestly light up a whole room.

It took the blonde a moment to realize Lexa had spoken, “Yeah, right.” She nodded before shaking her head and stepping out of the door and into her hallway. To make matters even better, she somehow managed to trip over her own feet and nearly fall face first in to the opposite wall.

Lexa laughed, “You seriously have a problem with staying on your feet.”

“I prefer to be in bed,” Clarke blurted without thinking after recovering her footing. The innuendo was obvious in the sultry tone of her voice. She stood up straight and picked nonexistent lint off of her—Lexa’s—hoodie, trying to will the blush that had flooded her cheeks away.

“You’re so smooth, Griffin,” she teased, laughing again.

_If you think this is smooth…_ Clarke didn’t allow herself to finish that thought. She could be smooth, she’d had plenty of experience hitting on women and on men but for some reason Lexa Woods just made her trip. She didn’t understand why and it frustrated her to no end. She never got this flustered, not even with Finn whom she thought she’d been completely in love with.

Clarke Griffin was supposed to be able to make the other person flustered, _especially_ when it was a girl. What the hell was wrong with her? She tried to shake off the unpleasant feeling of losing control of herself. Clarke Griffin _does not_ lose control.

She brushed off her slip up with a chuckle, “Smooth as silk, Woods, smooth as silk.”

The brunette only laughed and shook her head, “Yeah whatever. From what I can tell you’re probably the least smooth person I know.”

“Oh really? I could tell you _plenty_ of good pick-up lines. I know them all.” She tapped her head and cockily wiggled her eyebrows.          

Lexa scoffed, “Yeah right, tell me one now.”

Clarke thought about it for a second, dozens came to mind but she didn’t want to give in to Lexa so easily. “I must warn you, I’m not responsible for you falling for me if I tell you these lines. You won’t be able to resist me.”

“Alright, Ms. Self-confident, do your worst,” Lexa challenged, crossing her arms and taking a step closer to the blonde. She was really enjoying their banter and found that Clarke was very good at keeping up with her subtle, dry sarcasm whenever she used it.

Normally, people didn’t understand her humor.

Before Clarke could think of the best line she could use a loud thump came from deeper down the hall, drawing both of the girls’ attentions to it.

“What the hell was that?” Clarke asked curiously, turning her body towards the sound. She didn’t realize how close she was to Lexa until her arm brushed against crossed ones. She tried to ignore it, focusing her attention back on the curious sound. It resounded again, this time it sounded further away.

Lexa shook her head and frowned, turning too and also ignoring their close proximity to each other. “It sounds like its coming from Anya’s room.” Her words were punctuated by a muffled voice murmuring something. It sounded like a moan and Clarke squeaked.

“Oh shit, do you think she’s having sex?” she blurted out, her hand covering her face and a blush creeping its way back up her neck and into her cheeks. She was certain she hadn’t blushed this much in one night before.

Lexa sighed, “Yeah, more than likely.” She sounded disinterested with the turn their conversation had taken.

Another moan echoed down the hallway, even over the sound of the thumping base from downstairs. This time, Clarke’s jaw dropped open, she knew that moan. “Is that Raven? Fuck.”

“How do you know it’s her based off of her _moans_?” Lexa asked curiously. When Clarke looked over at her, she was on the receiving end of an amused side-eye.

She clenched her jaw and blushed, trying to hide her sheepish smile. Clarke and Raven had a very complicated history and the first time Clarke had even heard the darker girl’s voice it had been via a moan of _her_ boyfriend’s name at the time. “Not important and a very long story. We should go downstairs. I do _not_ want to listen to this.” _God knows what Octavia is doing right now_ , _especially if she knows about this._

Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand and pulled her down the stairs when she didn’t receive a verbal response. They walked into much calmer atmosphere than before. People were still seated on the floor talking and playing games, but some had moved out to the covered porch and were sitting out there talking. There was much less craziness going on than before, even though it was still clear people were having fun.

“It seems a lot calmer,” Lexa commented once they reached the kitchen. “And I think some people left.” She realized Clarke hadn’t let go of her hand, but had laced their fingers together. She found herself enjoying the firm warmth and wondering how something so simple could be so reassuring. Lexa didn’t try to pull away though, she tried not to draw too much attention to it because she didn’t want things to get awkward once Clarke realized what she’d done.

From what little she knew about Clarke she would probably blush and stutter out some type of apology, the blonde seemed to be doing that a lot. Well, when she wasn’t stumbling over herself or being a poor sport. Lexa didn’t really know her too well, but didn’t know how someone couldn’t find her so fucking _adorable._ Everything this beautiful, blue-eyed angel did seemed to make Lexa swoon without her really realizing it. _That’s just the alcohol, Lexa. Stop thinking so much._

But it wasn’t the alcohol, she hadn’t had more than two glasses of scotch in the last five hours. She was practically stone cold sober. _Maybe I just need a drink,_ she tried to reassure herself. Rubbing her free hand over her face to try to get her train of thought back on the present, she shook her head.

Clarke didn’t seem to realize the internal struggle Lexa was going through and casually untangled her fingers from the taller girl’s reluctantly. She opened the cabinet she’d seen Lexa take her scotch out of and pulled out the bottle. Behind it, she noticed an unopen bottle of wine.

She turned to Lexa, raising her eyebrows, “Can we take that?”

“It’s Anya’s,” Lexa said, but didn’t make it sound like she couldn’t take it.

Clarke narrowed her eyes, “Does that mean we can’t take it?”

“It means if we take it, I will tell Anya you took it and if she kills you, it’s not at all my fault,” the brunette grinned then leaned in closer to whisper, “The woman is crazy about her wine.”

“Oh really?” Clarke’s eyebrows shot up her forehead at the mischievous thoughts that were beginning to run through her head. Not all of them were about Anya and her reaction to realizing her wine was missing. Some had to do with the brunette that was seriously invading her personal space in the best possible way.

A small smirk played at the corner of Lexa’s mouth, a smirk that made her look confident and maybe a little cocky. Her eyes never left Clarke’s and she noticed those blue eyes drop to her lips before glancing back up. “I can see your brain working. We’re stealing it aren’t we?”

Clarke swallowed, suddenly finding that her throat had gone dry. She nodded, not trusting her voice before yanking herself from the forest green eyes she had almost lost herself in. Clarke grabbed the bottle quickly and Lexa stepped around her to find two wine glasses. Even though Lexa wasn’t much of a wine drinker, she would definitely drink it with Clarke.

“Where’s the wine bottle opener?” Clarke asked once Lexa had placed the two thin stemmed glasses before her.

“I’ll get it,” she said before moving to a drawer that held miscellaneous kitchen utensils. She shuffled around the spatulas, wooden spoons and odd looking contraptions she didn’t actually know the names of until she came across the smooth metal opener. She pulled it out triumphantly and handed it to Clarke.

Before the blonde could start opening the bottle though, a couple of people stumbled their way into the kitchen, laughing together. The two managed to catch the tail end of the conversation, “Oh, I remember when that happened. She was so pissed that you painted all over her truck.”

“Yeah, she honest to God threatened to kill me once you left. I thought it would be cute, but oh no, it was not allowed to be cute at all. I swear, she was so—” the boy stopped his words when he realized they weren’t alone.

“Finn?” Clarke asked and Lexa’s had jerked to look at the blonde.

The floppy haired boy turned around more and looked hard at the blonde, then saw Lexa, giving her a once over. His face stretched in to a grin and he spread his arms open, “Hey, princess!” He too several steps closer, preparing to wrap Clarke in a hug.

Lexa felt a coil of tension and a jealous heat spread in her stomach when she noticed the amount of familiarity the boy used with Clarke. She knew it was unwarranted for her to feel so possessive and protective but she couldn’t help it. It also didn’t help that she caught a very bad feeling when she noticed the lack of expression on Clarke’s face.

“Don’t touch me, Finn,” she held out a hand, pressing it roughly against Finn’s chest and taking a healthy step back.

Finn laughed it off but stopped, the grin Lexa was beginning to find incredibly stupid and overly charming still plastered on his face, “Oh come on, baby, don’t be that way. We’ve had some good times right?”

The boy behind find laughed at the comment and Lexa realized the sexual undertone involved in the words. Heat pulsed through her body and she nearly reached out to punch Finn in the face or the paste-y skinned boy behind him. But instead of doing so, she crossed her arms and stepped back a little. She stayed close enough that if Clarke needed any help she was there. She didn’t know enough about this situation to know if she should forcibly remove the idiot standing before her.

“Get out of my way, Finn,” Clarke said, tilting her chin up and clenching her jaw defiantly. She eyes shown with fury and hate and maybe a little bit of hurt that Lexa did not like seeing. The blonde was good at hiding it though, her face gave nothing away.

Finn didn’t move, “Come on, babe, don’t be that way.” He moved forward, the beer in his right hand was placed on the counter and his arms came around as if to grab at Clarke’s hips.

The blonde tensed, flinched and tried to take a step back before his hands touched her. But he didn’t even have a chance to get close. During the process of him invading Clarke’s personal space he had completely bypassed Lexa, which had been a horrible mistake.

Before anyone could really process what was going on, Lexa had grabbed the back of Finn’s shirt. She fisted it in her hands and yanked him back, thankful for the years of martial arts training she’d been doing. When there was enough space between Finn and Clarke to satisfy her, Lexa stepped in between them and let go of the boy’s rumpled shirt.

“She said to back off,” the anger was clear in Lexa’s tone of voice. “So I think you should leave.” She crossed her arms, back tense from pent up frustration and she nearly punched him in the face at the easy, I-know-something-you-don’t smile that still played at his lips.

“Who are you to tell me to leave?”

Lexa bristled at that, straightening her back and thrusting her chin out. She tightened her fists and pressed her arms hard against her middle to resist the urge to wipe that smile off of Finn’s face. “I own this house, so if you don’t want me to kick you out into the category four hurricane outside, I suggest you back the hell off and don’t come near Clarke again while you’re here.”

Finn stepped back at that, though his smile was still there the fear that flashed in his eyes didn’t go unnoticed. “Fine, fine. I know when I’m not wanted.” His eyes shifted to Clarke and he grew more serious than he had been during the entire confrontation, “But if you find the time, I would really like to talk to you, Princess. I want to clear the air.”

The way he said Princess made Clarke want to melt all over again. It was soft and sweet and clearly meant to try to draw her in again. She felt the hole in her heart rip open again and it reminded her of those first heartbroken days she’d spent after discovering Raven and Finn together. It hurt like hell all over again. Her throat began to tighten and painful tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, but she wouldn’t let anyone see how she was feeling. Especially not the boy who was standing in front of her.

Clarke clenched her jaws and straightened her shoulders, “If you’re not going to leave, I will.” Her voice was low and sounded almost like a growl. It was all she could manage to not allow her voice to crack. She rushed passed both Lexa, Finn and Murphy, accidentally slamming in to Lexa during her frenzy to get away.

The blonde was gone before Lexa could really begin to develop a coherent thought. Her brain was clouded with anger and her stomach burned with a feeling she could only describe as hatred or jealousy. She wasn’t exactly which one she was feeling, it could really have been both. She knew she had no right to feel these things, she barely knew Clarke, but seeing anyone hurting that bad over what someone else had done to them really pulled at her heart.

Lexa resisted the urge to punch Finn who had dropped his whole overconfident, charismatic asshole façade and now looked like a sad, lost puppy. He had clearly just tried to manipulate Clarke, and even though she didn’t know what had happened between them she was still very pissed off.

“Go near her again and I _will_ kick you out of this house,” she nearly growled before shouldering past the defeated boy. She grabbed the bottle of wine in one hand and the two glasses with the other, disregarding the scotch she would have preferred to drink. Finally, she shot Finn’s confused and entertained friend a glare before pushing past him as well.

She knew Clarke had probably returned to her room, she couldn’t have really gone anywhere else. So Lexa took off in that direction, hoping to comfort the distressed blonde.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think through comments/kudos/subscriptions! What do you think will happen next? I want to hear from you!   
> PS: I have a kik if any of you want to chat with me more regularly: that_gay_friend_69 I hope to hear from you  
> ~TGF


	8. Part 8

**Don’t You Go (Part 8)**

So maybe Lexa didn’t run straight to Clarke’s rescue like she had originally intended. Maybe she just stood outside of her closed bedroom door awkwardly because she did not know this blonde beauty and wasn’t exactly sure how to go about comforting a near stranger. Maybe she just stood there, staring at her door with her heart beating painfully in her chest at just the thought of Clarke crying on her bed.

She gave Clarke a few minutes because she would want to be able to be alone if she was approached by an ex. During that time, she seriously considered going back down stairs, finding Finn and hitting him over the head with Anya’s bottle of wine. The image of him dropping like a sack of potatoes triggered a satisfied smirk to spread across her face. She then thought about what she would do when she actually entered the bedroom and tried to comfort the blonde.

Should she hold her? Should she give her space? Lexa had no idea what type of crier Clarke was. She really didn’t know anything about the infuriating girl that had her mind spinning and her heart doing weird cartwheels in her chest when she smiled. Lexa thought about all of the things she didn’t know and suddenly realized she _wanted_ to know all of these things. She wanted to be able to comfort her.

Without further contemplation, she turned the knob to her door—thankful it wasn’t locked—and then stuck her head in. Clarke was sitting on the edge of Lexa’s bed with her knees pulled to her chest and her head buried in her arms. Her shoulders weren’t shaking so it didn’t seem like she was crying anymore, but Lexa didn’t want to seem like she was imposing.

_This is my room and I feel like I’m imposing_ , a sarcastic voice murmured in the back of her mind but she ignored it. This wasn’t about her, this was about the clearly heartbroken woman sitting in her bed.

“Hey,” she murmured, moving slowly and sitting next to the blonde. Clarke didn’t move, didn’t even acknowledge that Lexa was there, but Lexa still took a seat next to her. She ensured that there was plenty of space between them, but just enough closeness that Clarke could lean against her if she wanted to.

Lexa placed the bottle of wine and glasses on the floor along with the wine opener she’d remembered to grab at the last second. She clasped her hands together and tried to think of something to say. Something that would comfort the distraught girl next to her. When she couldn’t think of anything she resigned herself to sitting there in silence.

It was a minute later that Clarke began showing any signs of life. She shifted and let her legs drop to the ground and Lexa was able to see the streaks of tears that had dried on her face. Those blue eyes looked so sad and resigned, it tore through Lexa’s heart. She still didn’t speak though and that made Lexa make the first move.

She placed her hand on Clarke’s shoulder, rubbing soft circles with her index finger she was certain the blonde couldn’t feel through her thick hoodie. _My hoodie,_ a voice murmured passively. It was like a dam was opened when they made contact and Clarke turned, burying her face in Lexa’s neck.

The sob that tore from Clarke’s throat made Lexa’s heart clench tighter in her chest. She wrapped her arm more securely around the blonde, practically pulling her in to her lap. Clarke continued crying, tears staining Lexa’s hoodie but she didn’t really care.

The sobs lasted several minutes before they devolved in to sniffles and shivers, then finally silence. Clarke’s breathing settled and she relaxed fully into Lexa’s embrace. They sat in silence longer and Lexa began seriously wondering what Finn could have done to make a girl break this badly for seeing him.

“I was the girl he cheated with.”

Lexa wasn’t sure if she’d heard that right because Clarke still had her face buried in her neck so her voice was muffled, “What?”

Clarke pulled away then, ducking her head and swiping at her face. “You know Raven?”

“Anya’s friend with benefits. Your friend. Yes, I know her,” Lexa nodded a frown still on her face. She ignored Clarke’s tears because she knew the blonde wouldn’t want attention drawn to them.

“Well,” she sniffed, “she was dating Finn for over three years. Long distance before he moved here to be with her. He and I dated for nearly six months before I even realized what was going on. I walked in on them in Octavia’s dorm room when I went to go get something she’d borrowed.”

“Wow,” it was all Lexa could think to say. What kind of person did that?

Clarke let out a forced laughed, “I know. Its soap opera worthy, isn’t it?”

Lexa shrugged and tried to think of something to say that could possibly comfort the blonde.

“I was the other woman, I was the one who ruined their relationship and I was in love with a guy who I didn’t _really_ know. I thought I did, but after he did that I realized that he was a piece of shit.”

“He is a piece of shit,” Lexa agreed and rested her hand on Clarke’s shoulder, “and he fucked up with both of you. From what I know of Raven, she couldn’t have let that go so easily.”

Clarke laughed, remember the falling out. “Oh she didn’t. She punched me in the face, actually. Until Octavia explained to her that I didn’t know anything about them. That I was just as heartbroken as she was. Even though I don’t think I was, they’d been together for years and I was the one who’d gotten in the middle of their relationship.”

“It’s not your fault, Clarke.” Lexa said, squeezing her shoulder with a warning. It hurt her to think that Clarke was blaming herself for something that was some lying, scumbags fault. “Do you want me to go down there and make him leave?”

Clarke shook her head, “He’s not worth it.”

“You are though,” Lexa blurted before she could filter her words. A blush flushed her cheeks and neck so deeply it felt like the temperature had increased to unbearable warmth. “I mean—”

Clarke laughed and it was a real one this time, not laced with bitterness or tinged with sadness, “It’s okay, Lexa. Thanks.”

They settled back in to silence and Clarke back in to her thoughts. Lexa was pretty sure that was a dark place that she probably shouldn’t be getting lost in in a time like this, “Why don’t we get out of here?”

Clarke looked up, her blue eyes red and puffy from crying, “You’d want to do that?”

Lexa nodded her affirmation.

“In this weather?”

"Yes, Clarke.” She laughed and stood up. “I can steal Lincoln’s truck. It’s parked on the curb. Come on.” She held out her hand and Clarke took it so she could be helped to her feet.

“You’re pretty nice, you know that?” Clarke smiled a genuine smile.

Lexa felt her gut flutter with pleasure at the compliment, “I try.” She replied with a shrug before letting go of Clarke’s hand. She moved around the room in search of something as she tossed around items of clothing in her closet.

“What are you looking for?” Clarke asked curiously.

“Backpack so we can steal the wine. Where do you want to go?”

“We can go back to my apartment. I live alone so nobody’ll bother us, especially in this weather,” Clarke suggested.

Lexa finally stood up straight with a triumphant cry, carrying a smashed black Jansport backpack with a tan leather bottom, “I haven’t used this thing since high school.”

Both girls laughed at that, Clarke with the image of a teenage Lexa toting about that backpack while trying to carry even more books in her arms. Lexa had just about the same image in her head, remembering her huge dorky glasses that she still had to use if she didn’t have her contacts and the fiction books she stuffed in to her bag on top of the textbooks she needed to carry around with her. She’d never felt comfortable with a locker.

Lexa brought the bag over to Clarke and wrapped the wine in a throw blanket she had folded at the top of her bed so it didn’t break while they rushed to Lincoln’s truck. She moved to put the glasses in after them but Clarke stopped her.

“I’ve _definitely_ got wine glasses at my place,” she grinned, thinking about the party set her parents had gotten her for her twenty-first birthday. They’d known she was wine obsessed and had let her drink when she was with them—they just didn’t know she’d done it when she _wasn’t_ with them too.

Lexa grinned back, lips quirking at the edges. Even if she didn’t show her teeth the smile was enough to make Clarke smile wider. “Alright.”

They zipped up the backpack and Clarke slid her shoes on while Lexa grabbed a set of keys from her desk. Clarke was still feeling down from seeing Finn again, her heart felt heavier than it had in months and she knew she’d taken a few giant steps back from moving on. She really hoped that Raven wouldn’t run in to him, maybe she should have taken Lexa up on that offer to kick him out.

Then again it was dangerous outside and Clarke didn’t particularly want Finn dead. She just didn’t want to see him ever again. Was that really too much to ask for? He couldn’t just stay on his side of the world and avoid his two exes? Of course not, he was an asshole who liked to cause other people pain. It probably made him feel good.

_God,_ she thought bitterly, _what did I ever see in a guy like him?_

“Hey,” Lexa pulled her from her thoughts, “stop thinking so much, your face might get stuck that way.”

“What way?” Clarke raised an eyebrow, though a smile played on her lips.

Lexa did her best to impersonate a heavy frown, hunched shoulders and a deep eyebrow furrow. She crossed her eyes for comical effect. It pretty much just made her look like an angry, heavy browed troll to Clarke. But it succeeded in making her laugh so Lexa considered her stupid joke to be worth it.

“You’re adorable,” Clarke mused, laughing and saying those words without thinking about it. But once they slipped past her lips she stopped laugh, “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Lexa grinned, attempting to hide her blush in the semi-darkness of her electricity lacking bedroom “Don’t be, it’s fine. Thanks. I find that I can be incredibly adorable when I want to be.” She winked and opened the bedroom door, slinging her backpack over her shoulder.

Lexa gestured for Clarke to exit first before pulling the bedroom door shut behind her. “Do you think we’ll need anything else?” the brunette asked, a smile playing at the corners of her lips. It never seemed to go away when they were alone together, Clarke realized. She really liked the way it seemed like Lexa knew more than what she was letting on.

“I don’t think so,” she realized her eyes had fallen to Lexa’s lips before she could pull them back up to stare into those green eyes. _We’re really close,_ she suddenly realized. She could nearly feel Lexa pressed against her. The brunette was leaning forward on right foot, resting most of her weight against it and her head was tilted down, closer to Clarke’s than either of them had realized until that moment.

Lexa nodded and Clarke didn’t miss the way her eyes flitted all over her face before she pulled away and looked up at the ceiling. They both took deep breaths trying to steady themselves, there were plenty of reasons why they should definitely _not_ delve into the attraction they both obviously felt for the other.

For one, two of their closest friends were in a friends with benefits relationship that was bound to go south sooner or later. They didn’t know each other that well and one night stands were not Clarke’s thing she realized. Both of them were completely jaded too. Costia and Finn were on the forefronts of their respective brains in that moment and they both knew that it wasn’t time for anything serious.

So they pretended nothing had happened. Clarke pretended that she definitely did not want to kiss Lexa. Lexa pretended that she didn’t want to run her fingers along Clarke’s jaw and pull her closer. Instead, they turned away from each other and walked down the stairs in silence.

A group of guys had obviously drunk enough liquid courage to attempt the karaoke machine that was set up on the covered pack porch. A couple of girls were sitting at the pop up bar that was set up against the screen wall where the rain was angling inside. They watched the boys with amused expressions and leaned in close, whispering to each other.

Another set of people were seated around the coffee table in the living room, playing a game and drinking shots out of a cheap bottle of vodka whenever someone made a mistake or rolled a bad number. Clarke wasn’t exactly sure the point of that, but this party was supposed to be about having fun while a huge storm engulfed the entire state of Florida for the next couple of days. Nobody really cared what they were doing as long as it wasn’t twiddling their thumbs and waiting for lightning to strike the roof and set the house on fire.

Clarke didn’t spot Finn anywhere, something she was thankful for. She didn’t think she would be able to deal with seeing him again in such a short amount of time. Before tonight she hadn’t seen him for nearly six months, after he’d come crawling back asking for her forgiveness and professing his undying love. That hadn’t gone over well and Octavia had been staying with her because Clarke had needed her there. The groveling had ended with Finn getting a broken nose and a nice black and blue bruise over one eye.

“Come on,” Lexa grabbed her elbow loosely and guided her through a group of people standing in a circle and talking loudly over the noise of the boys singing unbelievably out of tune. She continued down a hallway on the opposite side of the house that Clarke had missed during her original tour of the house. It was narrow and led to a set of stairs that led down to a basement—something that wasn’t very common in Florida, especially during a time like this.

“That’s the game room. Don’t worry, it won’t flood. Anya and Lincoln have a very serious obsession with videogames. They both invested a lot of money in decking the place out. I’ll show you sometime. But right now, Lincoln is in his Call of Duty mode and if anyone interrupts him they are more than likely going to get murdered,” Lexa chuckled, heading to the door at the end of the hallway, “And I don’t think I want you dead. Yet.”

Clarke laughed and swatted Lexa’s arm, “Oh shut up, you definitely don’t want me dead.”

“Oh we’ll see. I’m about to steal my brother’s truck and head to an empty apartment with you. We’ll see who wants who dead first.” Lexa winked mischievously before opening the door and leading Clarke into a cavernous garage.

There were three cars lined up in front of a double garage door. Two of the cars were shoved in to the second slot that was only supposed to house one car. Both of these ones were covered in large blue tarps, obscuring anything Clarke wanted to see. The third car was closer to them and sleek. It was glossy black and impeccably cleaned. Clarke couldn’t help but marvel at it, she was certain she could see her reflection in the shined surface.

“2015 428i BMW Coupe,” Lexa murmured next to her, awe and a little bit of pride laced in her tone. “Like it?”

“Um,” Clarke tried to think. “Yes, can we take this car?”

Lexa laughed and moved around it, heading to the garage door. “Sadly, we can’t. There’s probably a shit ton of cars parked up against the house so a tree doesn’t fall on them. So we’ll have to make a break for my brother’s shitty ancient truck.”

“Hey, his truck his vintage,” Clarke defended.

“Well if he cared about his vehicle like I do, he would get a paint job or something,” Lexa argued as she flicked a manual lock on the garage door. The steady pitter patter of heavy raindrops on the metal door echoed through the huge room.

Clarke shook her head and decided to change the subject. Clearly Lexa was in to flashy, fast cars if the BMW was anything to go by, “What cars are those?” she gestured to the covered ones on the other side of the room.

Lexa turned to see what the younger woman was talking about, “Those are my projects. I tinker with them when I get frustrated or develop writers block. It’s very relaxing. Mechanics are very straightforward and follow a set rule. The rhythmic movements of a wrench really puts things in to perspective for me.”

“You sound like Raven,” Clarke mused.

The brunette turned at that, as she was just about done fiddling with the door. It normally worked at a click of a button, but with the lack of electricity she needed to push it up manually. Lexa gave Clarke her full attention and frowned in consideration, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“Lexa, stop apologizing. Its fine, Raven’s my friend. Finn’s just…” she trailed off and swallowed hard, “an asshole. I need to get over him. Don’t worry so much about what you say around me.”

The other girl smiled sheepishly, “Alright. I’ll stop apologizing. It’s just—”

“Shut up!” Clarke cut in, though the sting of the words wasn’t present with the amused, teasing tone she used. “Just open the door so we can get out of here.”

“Alright, alright, bossy,” Lexa chuckled and reached down, grabbing on to a metal bar that stretched the length of the door. She pushed a tendril of hair behind her ear before repositioning her hands and yanking the door upward. After a moment of resistance, it rolled up on the gears at the top with ease.

The sound of the rain doubled to a dull roar and began splattering in to the garage as soon as it was open. Lexa let out a very childish squeal and danced away from the chilly rain until she was out of its splash range.

“I think we’ll have to wait until that slows down, you won’t be able to see shit in this weather if you tried to drive.” Clarke suggested after a moment.

The taller girl shrugged and moved to her car, “We can sit in here, if you want.” She pulled at the driver’s side door and it opened, interior lights turning on. The interior was black leather and spacious.

Clarke hesitated, of course. This was an expensive car and she didn’t want to taint it with her cheap, dirty sneakers. The leather and floorboards looked clear of any type of debris or even anything personal that proved someone drove it almost every single day.

Lexa rolled her eyes though, “Don’t worry about it, I can get it clean.” When Clarke continued to hesitate, she cocked a hip with a heavy sigh and placed her hand on said hip. It was an exasperated look that Clarke found extremely attractive and continued to stare at. _Can legs really be that long?_ A voice murmured in the back of her mind.

“Clarke, get in the car.”

The blonde’s head snapped up suddenly and met dancing green. “Sorry,” she shuffled forward, blushing a deep red and perched herself on the edge of the comfortable leather.

She kept her feet settled outside of the car and Lexa cleared her throat, giving her a look that said, _really? Get in the car or I’ll close the door on your legs._ With a sheepish grin and a bat of her eyelashes, Clarke turned and settled herself behind the wheel of the expensive car. The door shut with a heavy thud and her hands curled around the slick steering wheel, feeling every ridge of the material against her fingertips.

Clarke definitely wasn’t a car freak, but her dad had been. He’d tried to get her to rebuild some old Chevy when she was twelve, but she’d been too busy learning how to apply makeup and act like a real girl to want to do that. If she’d known he was going to die not more than two years late, she would have jumped at the chance to spend so much time with him.

Now, though, she just spent her time appreciating old, refurbished cars and didn’t know much about the mechanical aspect. She would sometimes see something rolling down the street and wonder what her father would say about it. It made her feel closer to him in some way.

Lexa opened the passenger door and settled herself in, leaving her door open. “What do you think?” she asked, looking at Clarke earnestly.

“This is a fucking expensive car.”      

“Wait until you ride in it, it’s a fucking fast car, too.”

“Oh,” Clarke raised an eyebrow and smirked at Lexa, “and I’m going to ride in it? I can’t drive it?”

Lexa licked her lips and her eyes lazily trailed over the way Clarke looked in her driver’s seat. Her hands had shifted to drape over top of the steering wheel and her body was quirked in Lexa’s direction. Even though she was wearing a hoodie—once again _Lexa’s_ fucking hoodie—and looked like she was ready to take a nap, she looked like she could totally be driving this car around any time. Lexa felt her entire body flush with heat at the thought.

“Maybe after I show you how it works, I don’t want you ruining this beautiful transmission,” Lexa patted the dashboard affectionately before looking through the rear window so she could get a grip, “It looks like its letting up. We should probably make a break for it now or we might not get another chance.” She quickly pulled herself from the car and tried to suck in a lungful of air to combat the heat that was building within her.

She closed the door behind her after picking up the backpack she had placed on the ground against the back door of the car. Clarke exited quickly too, closing the door softly enough that it barely made a noise.

The amount of uncomfortable awe that was rolling off the blonde made Lexa laugh, “It’s a car, Clarke, not an infant. You won’t break it. Trust me.”

“But it’s so expensive, I don’t want to break anything,” the blonde murmured, not taking her eyes off of the car.

Lexa crossed her arms with a smirk, “I have noticed you’re quite clumsy. But, rest assured, I can afford to fix anything you break on this car. No problem.” 

“You really have that kind of money?” Clarke asked, raising her eyebrows in surprise.

"I live in a mansion, own three cars and have one of the most badass entertainment systems in the tri-state area. Yes, Clarke, I have that type of money,” she flashed a sincere smile, expressing that she wasn’t trying to throw her wealth in anyone’s face. “Now, let’s get going. Its only sprinkling.”

Lexa pulled out the keys, swirling them around her finger by the loop. She tightened the straps of the backpack before rushing into the rain. It wasn’t dumping as badly as before, but it was definitely not _sprinkling_ by any means, at least not to Clarke. The blonde knew that the instant she stepped out from the garage she would be soaked through.

But she really didn’t have a choice, from where she stood, she noticed Lexa hop in to the driver’s side of a beat up truck that was parked on the curb. When the brunette noticed Clarke had yet to follow she waved her arms as if to ask, _what the hell are you waiting for? A rainbow?_

Maybe she was waiting for a rainbow, because that would mean this whole stupid storm was over and she didn’t have to deal with the soaked and wet anymore. But either way, she sprinted out into the rain.

The water was icy and much louder out there than inside, but Clarke continued to run through the grass. She slouched her shoulder and ducked her head, trying to blindly make her way to the truck while looking at her feet to guarantee that she didn’t slip.

But she was clumsy, so when she slipped on a particularly slick patch of grass, right next to the door to the truck and fell on her ass into a muddy puddle she wasn’t all that surprised. She yelped at the sudden chill, barely restraining a scream. Her pants were soaked through and she scrambled to her feet quickly.

With a resigned sigh she calmly opened the truck door and slid herself in, slamming it behind her. Lexa had her head resting against the steering wheel, her shoulders heaving. If Clarke hadn’t known she was laughing, she would have assumed she was sobbing. But no, when Lexa lifted her head a mixture of tears and rain water traced down her cheeks, a huge smile plastered on her face.

“H-Holy s-shit,” she managed to get out through laughs that warmed Clarke, even if they embarrassed and shamed her at the same time, “that was hilarious. You should have—” she fell in to a fit of giggles once again, unable to stop herself.

It took several long minutes of Clarke pouting and glaring at her before she finally recovered herself enough to speak. “I’m sorry,” she sighed, a grin still on her lips as she looked at Clarke, “you’re adorable.” She brushed a stray strand of soaked blonde hair out of Clarke’s face.

The blonde had definitely not been expecting that and her face reddened even more. She pressed the cold, wet sleeve of her shirt over her mouth to try to cover it. She even tried to mask the smile that broke out on her face, but it wasn’t covered in her voice, “Shut up and drive.”

“Yes, your majesty.” Lexa replied, still chuckling softly to herself as she started the car and shifted into drive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope you guys liked clumsy Clarke in this chapter. Honestly, I was struggling to figure out how I was going to get my whole plot idea to work. This chapter was going really slowly until all of the sudden the two of them could not stop talking about cars or apologizing to each other. Anyway, Comment/Kudos/Subscribe and all that jazzy stuff. Until next time, my friends.
> 
> PS: I have created a Kik to try to communicate better with those of you who really like this story. So if you would like to talk to me about this feel free to add me as that_gay_friend_69! I look forward to hearing from you.


	9. Part 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may be asking, What??? Two updates in one day??? Well, I forgot to update A03 with Part 8 while I updated FFN with Part 9 I decided that since its so late, I'd just double update.

**Don’t You Go (Part 9)**

The drive over to Clarke’s apartment was slow. There were very few cars on the road—probably because the wind threatened to flip even the heaviest of vehicles. Lexa sat up straight, her back didn’t touch the seat she was so tense.

“Relax, Lexa,” Clarke chuckled, noticing the intense concentration on Lexa’s face. Her tongue stuck out a little and her eyebrows furrowed in the most adorable way possible.

“I don’t want to get us killed, Clarke. These winds could toss us upside down any second.” She replied, risking a withering glance at Clarke, who was grinning at her like an idiot. The girl didn’t seem to understand that they were in actual _danger_ right now and the only thing keeping them safe was Lexa’s careful driving.

With a final laugh, Clarke pointed towards the left, “Take that turn there, then my apartment building is on the right.”

“Thanks, Siri,” Lexa sassed, wiggling her shoulders in mockery as she followed directions.

They pulled up to the entrance of the apartment building quickly enough, finding a spot not too far from the lobby. The rain had decided to pick up once again, so they settled down in their seats. Lexa turned off the headlights and unbuckled her seat belt to turn and face Clarke, who followed her movements not long after.

“I hate the rain,” Lexa wrinkled her nose.

“Oh?” Clarke asked, a smirk playing on her lips, “have we devolved into talking about the weather?”

Lexa shook her head, “No, but it is one of the hottest topics right now. Not to mention we’re sitting in the middle of a hurricane in a rusty old truck. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to make it back to my place in this thing.”

“No worries, you can walk,” Clarke deadpanned.

“Excuse me? Am I going to have to take the walk of shame all the way back to my place?”

“Only if you play your cards right,” her voice lowered a little, taking on a husky tone Lexa hadn’t heard from her before. It sent a shiver down her spine and heat rushing all over her body.

They settled into tense silence for a moment, carefully measuring each other up. Clarke was thinking about how she _really_ wanted to kiss this gorgeous girl before her. The dim light of the gray clouds outside made it difficult to see very much, but the green of Lexa’s eyes were so bright they seemed to shine with their own inner light.

Lexa’s thoughts weren’t much different, she had to force her eyes to stay on Clarke’s and not drop down to her lips. She wondered what would happen when they went upstairs and didn’t know if she wanted things to go the way they seemed to be going.

Did she want to kiss Clarke? For sure.

Did she find Clarke physically attractive? Hell fucking yeah.

Did she want to have a relationship with Clarke? She wasn’t sure if she _could_ , not if she wanted to. She could see herself taking Clarke out on dates and just sitting around watching TV or reading.

But could she give Clarke the type of communication and attention that a relationship needed? She wasn’t sure, she hadn’t done it in ages. The last time she _had_ done it, it had flipped upside down and she’d found herself alone in a very unfamiliar state.

“I can hear you thinking, Lexa.” Clarke said and Lexa hadn’t realized that her eyes had fallen closed until she glanced up from staring blankly at the window.

“Hmm?” she hummed, trying to focus back in on reality.

Clarke shifted and sat up better, resting her forehead against the dashboard, “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing important,” She lied, shrugging and glancing outside. The rain seemed to have slowed but the clouds still grumbled menacingly on occasion, “I think now is a good time to head inside. Hand me the backpack?”

“I’ve got it,” Clarke shifted and grabbed the bag from between her legs before sliding it onto her back. She pulled the hood of her hoodie over her head and grabbed at the handle. _Please don’t slip,_ she prayed to any merciful God who was listening, _I don’t need to look like an even bigger idiot._

She pushed the door open and swiftly slide out of the car, slamming it closed behind her and running through the parking lot as quickly as possible. She made it under the overhang, but only after stepping into a huge puddle and soaking her pants with the freezing cold water.

She pushed her hood back and shook her head while Lexa jogged over, gracefully avoiding the puddles. The brunette stopped before Clarke with a little hop in her step. She ran a hand threw her hair and shook it, sending droplets of freezing water all over them both.

Clarke squealed, pushing Lexa away a little, “Stop it, you’re going to get me wetter.”

Lexa raised an eyebrow and Clarke met her eyes, blushing profusely before slapping her arm again. It was easy to read the joke that Lexa was barely able to contain behind a smirk.

“Shut up, you know what I meant,” Clarke pointed an accusatory finger at the brunette, who was chuckling softly. “Let’s go inside.” She slipped her hand into Lexa’s and pulled her through the door to her building.

“You’re sending a lot of mixed signals, Griffin,” Lexa commented as they made their way inside. “One second slapping me and the next holding my hand.” Normally the brunette wasn’t this brazen with her flirting, but she knew Clarke was attracted to her. Maybe she was feeling more comfortable with the idea of trying to make something out of their mutual attraction.

The only response she got was a feigned exasperated eye roll that made her smile before they entered the building.

Clarke and Lexa gathered that the power must’ve been out throughout the building because there was about a dozen tenants complaining to the supervisor. Well, and the lights were off. There wasn’t really a logical reasoning behind the lights being off if the power wasn’t out. Especially in the lobby.

Clarke especially noticed the absence of the ever present hum of electricity coursing through the overhead lights and fueling every single battery powered object in the building. The silence was nearly overwhelming and the cacophony of the people talking was harsh on her ears.

Together, they skirted around the crowd and found the door to the stairs. Clarke hit the horizontal bar with her free forearm and dragged Lexa into the stairwell. It was hot and un-air conditioned, causing sweat to bead on their skin almost immediately.

_And I’m on the third floor,_ Clarke thought sadly before she began taking the stairs two at a time, dropping Lexa’s hand when she lagged too far behind. She made it to her landing in record time, breathing laboriously as she waited for Lexa to get her slow ass up the stairs.

“Why did you run?” Lexa asked casually as she ascended the last couple of steps. Clarke was leaning casually against the wall, trying to hide how incredibly tired she was from her exertion. _Note to self, work out more often._

Clarke shrugged and opened the door for Lexa to walk through. The stairwell was at the opposite end of the hallway to Clarke’s apartment so it was a long walk down to the door. The hallway was wide, with modern wooden floors and blank sky blue walls. There was very little decoration until they reached Clarke’s apartment door. It was labelled 3C and had a large whiteboard pinned up on the outside of the door.

There were several scribbles and a random _wake up and call me, bitch –O_ surrounding a blocky Clarke’s Room scrawled on the board. Clarke blushed when she noticed a depiction of a penis drawn in the corner with an arrow pointing at it labeled _you._

“Jesus, I’m sorry about this,” she muttered as she scrubbed away the offending appendage. “I have no idea why I’m friends with such assholes.”

Lexa laughed, “Its fine, your friends have colorful personalities…Griffindor.” She pointed to a small depiction of the nickname in Raven’s scrawled chicken scratch.

Clarke rolled her eyes and fished her keys from the pocket of her sweatpants, “Yeah, it’s a running joke that I’m from Gryffindor because of my last name. I honestly don’t see it, I think I’d rather be in Slytherin or something a little darker.” She turned her key in the lock and opened the door.

“Is Raven a Ravenclaw?” Lexa asked, following Clarke into the darkened room.

The blonde flicked at the light switch, but wasn’t surprised when none of the lights came on in the entryway, “Worth a try,” she muttered before moving further into the house to allow Lexa to see. “And no, Raven is not a Ravenclaw, she’s just an asshole muggle who thinks she can do magic.”

Lexa chuckled at the grumbled tone of the blonde. Even though she knew Clarke was just teasing and actually really cared about her friend, it was funny to listen to. But she decided to change the subject as she got a better view of the apartment. “This place is huge.”

“Perks of having a surgeon mom and engineer dad. They both make a bunch of money,” Clarke boasted as she placed her keys in an elephant shaped bowl on the entrance table flushed against the wall.

The hallway entered into an open floor plan living room with a couch separating the dining room with a large wooden table. A partial wall shut off the kitchen from their view and a hallway disappeared into darkness to the left.

It wasn’t very large, but there was a window and balcony parallel to the kitchen which allowed natural light to filter in. If the sun had been up the entire main part of the apartment would have been flooded with natural light. But at the moment only a dull, gray and depressing glow barely exposed the furniture.

There were several balcony chairs and a table shoved into a corner to keep them safe from the weather outside. As Lexa explored further, she saw a lot of evidence that Clarke was a messy person. There was an empty bowl with cereal crumbs on the coffee table and items of clothing strew over the backs of couches. She was pretty sure she spotted a pair of underwear peeking out from under the love seat.

“Sorry about the mess, I don’t get much time to clean.” Clarke apologized and maneuvered around her until she was able to enter the kitchen.

Lexa stayed in the dining room and out of habit began organizing the textbooks and papers strewn over the wooden tabletop. She read one of the titles as she closed the book, _Medical Terminology._ “So are you going into the medical field?”

Clarke was busy in the kitchen putting away clean dishes that had been left out to dry on a towel. She’d placed the backpack on the kitchen counter before getting to work straightening up her place. She hadn’t really thought about how messy it was and felt a little embarrassed that she’d shown Lexa that she lived like a complete slob. It wasn’t really her fault though, being a senior in college was a complete bitch. Studying for MCATs was a complete bitch, too.

“Yeah, final year on my Biology degree. Then medical school.”

“You want to be a doctor?” Lexa’s voice was muffled, she must have moved away from the kitchen.

Clarke dried a bowl and put it up in a cabinet, “Yeah, my mom’s a surgeon. She’s pretty much had it planned out for me my whole life.”

Lexa sensed the discontent in the blonde’s voice, especially since she was paying more attention to the sound it from so far away. She stacked the papers on top of the textbooks and aligned several pencils, pens and highlighters next to the books. There was no way she was going to pry, but it sounded like medicine wasn’t really Clarke’s passion. It wasn’t her place to push though, so she kept silent.

Once she was satisfied with the state of the room before her, she entered the kitchen. Clarke was just whipping down the sink with a towel. It fascinated Lexa to watch her do something so domestic. The blonde didn’t realize she was in the room and was swaying her hips, Lexa could hear soft humming coming from her mouth.

“So where are the wine glasses?” she finally asked after attaining her fill of watching the beautiful girl before her.

Clarke jumped, making an adorable squealing noise that sounded like a mix between a mouse and a mewling kitten. Definitely the most endearing noise Lexa had ever heard. The blonde nearly tripped over her own feet when she jerked away, her hand went to her chest and her head whipped around to face Lexa, who was laughing at her.

“Shut up,” Clarke grumbled darkly, smacking Lexa with the wet towel still clutched tightly in her hand. “You don’t scare people like that.”

“Sorry,” Lexa laughed, holding her arm across her body to defend herself, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Clarke smacked her one last time for good measure, shifting her aim at the last second to get a satisfyingly loud whack right on Lexa’s stomach. She straightened after that and replaced the rag in its rightful spot on the oven handle. “You didn’t scare me,” she mumbled indignantly, “you just…shocked me. I wasn’t expecting you to be right there. Were you staring at me?”

It was Lexa’s turn to get flustered and blush profusely. She looked up at the ceiling in an attempt to hide it, but knew Clarke was already smirking at her knowingly. “No,” she finally managed and met Clarke’s eyes, “I was wondering where the wine glasses were.”

“Uh-huh,” the blonde raised both of her eyebrows and licked her lower lip. Lexa’s eyes dropped automatically to the captivating pink as they moved, “They’re over there.”

It was like being snapped from a daze and Lexa’s eyes skipped back up to Clarke’s at her words. “Huh?”

There was another knowing smirk on those sinful lips that Lexa had to consciously force her attention away from to pay attention to the noise that was actually coming from them, “I said they’re over there.” Lexa followed her fingers to the cabinet next to the refrigerator.

“Yeah, thanks,” she managed before shuffling her way over there and opening the cabinet. _Get a grip,_ she thought, _you’ve never acted like this before. Don’t start now._ But it wasn’t every day she was stuck in an empty apartment with a girl she found dangerously attractive in the middle of a hurricane.

There was a variety of wine glasses on the top shelf which caused Lexa to strain to reach them. The first one she grabbed had a bedazzled stem with pink gems and cursive gold letters stating _Her Wineness_ underneath a pink crown. The second was a simple, long stemmed clear glass without any special designs.

“I’m assuming this one is yours,” she picked up the unbelievably feminine glass and twirled it by its stem, showing it to Clarke.

A pink blush tinged the blonde’s cheeks, “What gave it away?” she wondered before turning back to the backpack on the counter. She unzipped it and pulled the blanket out before grasping the neck of the heavy wine bottle.

“I don’t know, really. It just seems like a _Clarke_ wine glass.”

“Well, Bellamy got that for me a couple of years ago for my birthday. All of them thought it was hilarious. The joke behind it is that they all call me Princess, which is stupid.” She added the last part with a little huff of annoyance.

A heated twist of jealousy tore through Lexa’s chest, “Who’s Bellamy?” she asked as nonchalantly as she could manage. She felt the slight tremor of her own voice and hoped Clarke hadn’t caught it.

“Octavia’s brother,” Clarke opened a draw her pulled out a stainless steel corkscrew. “He’s like my brother,” she added as an afterthought.

The relief that flooded Lexa forced her to slouch against the fridge, she was thankful Clarke couldn’t see her with her back turned. “Oh, that’s nice.”

“Jealous much, Lex?” the grin was obvious in Clarke’s voice.

Lexa cleared her throat and stared intently at the golden lip of the _Your Wineness_ glass as it glinted in the dim lighting. “Of course not.”

“You’re a horrible liar, Lexa,” Clarke said seriously, flashing a smile over her shoulder as she pushed down the side levers of the corkscrew. With a resounded pop the cork was forced out of the bottle and Clarke let out a satisfied cry.

She quickly placed the cork on the table next to the device and grabbed the bottle. She turned and walked across the kitchen towards Lexa, the bottle in one hand. Lexa could have sworn there was a seductive sway to her hips that hadn’t been there before. _Fuck._

Lexa swallowed at the sudden dryness of her throat as she watched the captivating swing of the jean clad swells. Her eyes traced upward from there. There wasn’t much exposed thanks to the hoodie, but the possessive heat that coursed through Lexa’s body when she remembered it was _her_ hoodie made up for it.

There was something so uncharacteristically attractive about the simple outfit Clarke managed to make look like a million bucks. It was relaxed and comfortable and yet the lazy bun of blonde hair that was slowly deforming still managed to look sexy.

Clarke wore a smug, satisfied expression on her face. She apparently knew the effect she was having. Her eyebrows rose questioningly once Lexa’s green eyes were captured by the endless blue of hers. Lexa frowned in confusion at the expected look.

“Glasses, Lex,” her eyes dropped to the items held with a white knuckle grip in Lexa’s hands.

That pulled Lexa out of her lustful fog and she straightened her spine, trying to gain back some of the control of the situation. She held out the simple glass, cupping the bowl of it in her hands. Clarke poured a generous serving into it before shifting to the other one, pouring just about the same amount.

It seemed the blonde wasn’t done with frustrating Lexa though, because she leaned in closer, keeping blue locked on green. Lexa’s mouth went dry again and she tried to wet her lips with her tongue because it _looked_ like Clarke was about to kiss her. She hadn’t realized until that very moment just how much she wanted it.

Her heart leaped in her chest before settling on a fast pace that left her feeling like she had just run a marathon. Her breath hitched and her eyes finally dropped to enticing pink lips as they drew closer and closer. Lexa nearly dropped the glasses she was holding when Clarke drew to a stop mere inches from her.

The blonde’s hand came up and settled the wine bottle in it onto the table before she began to pull back, that infuriating smirk plastered on her lips once again. She scooped up her glass from Lexa’s hand, “I think I’ll let you have the Princess one tonight, it looks like it fits you better.”

Lexa’s heart lurched in her chest because she didn’t want Clarke to pull back. She thought she was going to pass out from lack of oxygen if those damn kissable lips moved any further away. She didn’t even listen to what Clarke had said.

Pushing all of her inhibitions away, her now free hand came up off of its own accords. Lexa’s fingers laced their way into the loose curly hairs at the base of Clarke’s neck before she pulled her back.

She crashed her lips against those pink ones and sucked in a deep breath that was all so extraordinarily _Clarke._ Her heart lurched in her chest once again and she’d never imagined how this would feel. She could get _addicted_ to the taste of those lips, they were soft and maybe a little chapped but perfect nonetheless.

It took a moment for Clarke’s brain to process that she was being kissed, but when she did her body surged forward, closing the remaining distance between them. It was like coming up for air after months of drowning because she felt everything with a sharpened clarity where before it was muddled and gray like the weather outside. The only thing she could hear was her blood rushing through her head at the heady, refreshing taste of Lexa.

The kiss was chaste and sweet, tinged with hesitance because neither of them knew where this was going. They weren’t sure where they wanted it to go. But there was still sharp, cognizant undertones of need and lust in the way they moved against each other.

Clarke grasped desperately at Lexa’s upper arm to somehow anchor herself because she was almost certain she was about to float away. Their lips moved slowly and timidly, exploring how the other liked to be kissed. Neither of them could really remember the last time they’d kissed someone for the first time.

  It lasted sweet, blissful seconds and both of them were ready to get lost in the other, but something held them from falling over the precipice. The uncertainty stopped Clarke before Lexa and they pulled apart.

Blue eyes fluttered open and settled on shining green. Being this close to such vibrant eyes reminded Clarke of the park she’d gone to as a kid. It had always been so _green_ she could get lost in it. Lexa’s eyes were no different they threatened to drown Clarke in the most appealing way possible.  But she forced herself to glance away and take her hand away from Lexa’s arm.

She pulled further way, her entire body protesting against it. Her eyes locked onto the ugly white of her cabinet and she was dragged back into reality. They were standing in her kitchen, in the middle of a hurricane and they barely knew each other.

Lexa reluctantly allowed her hand to slip away from the warmth of Clarke’s neck. Her heart seemed to drop into her stomach as every single doubt flooded her mind once again. She definitely should not have done that. Her hand fell limply to her side and she glanced up at the ceiling once again, trying to figure out how to speak to the girl in front of her.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke murmured first, her voice hushed even though there was no reason for it to be, “I just…don’t want us to do anything…not unless we’re on the same page.”

It took Lexa a moment to respond. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer to the question, but needed to ask it anyway, “What page is that, Clarke?” Her voice was rough with unspoken emotion.

Clarke grabbed her chin lightly but insistently, tilting it down so she was forced to look at her. “That’s the problem,” those blue eyes flitted over her face, anywhere but at Lexa’s lips, “I don’t know what page you’re on…or even what page I’m on anymore. So I don’t think I can do this…not yet, at least.”

Lexa nodded, she wasn’t sure if she could do this either. Whether it was dating or a one-night stand, she wasn’t sure. She’d never really had a one-night stand and was almost certain it would end up making her feel worse if she’d ever had one. But she wasn’t sure if she was ready for any of this, not after what had happened last time.

“Alright,” she responded lamely.

Clarke managed a slight upturn of her lips and brought her wine glass to her lips, taking a sip. She searched for something to say to disperse the tension, “Want to watch a movie or something? I kept my laptop charged.”

With a deep breath, Lexa mimicked Clarke, drinking the wine deeply, “Yeah, let’s do it.”

They both moved further away from each other and tried to push away the memories of what had just happened. It wouldn’t do either of them any good to dwell on the kiss, especially if nothing was going to come of it.

Clarke moved into the living room, presumably to find her laptop and set up the movie they would be watching. The separation allowed Lexa to try to put a cork in the abundance of emotions that swirled through her brain and insistently. Lexa knew that Clarke was hesitant because of Finn and she was still jaded from Costia’s rejection. They both had too much baggage they hadn’t gone through yet. _Not yet._

_But maybe someday._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thoughts? Feelings? As always, let me know what you think! How did you like The Kiss™ ?(lol) Good? Bad? Are you ready for more stuff to go down? I mean, they are in the middle of a hurricane. Alone. Together. Speaking of which, a stupid tropical storm is rolling through my neck of the woods so my internet is being a complete douche bag like Finn! HA! Sadly its name is Colin and not Collins which would be very weird and fitting. Anyway, I’m done rambling now. Comment/Kudos/Subscribe. ~TGF


	10. Part 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa hang out alone in Clarke's apartment. Gaming ensues. Lexa is a dork.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this chapter took awhile to get out! But good news! I'm double updating! So expect there to be another chapter sometime tonight after I get it written! So let me know what you think! Enjoy! ~TGF

**Don’t You Go (Part 10)**

Three glasses of wine each and a movie later, the kiss was pushed to the back of both of their minds. They managed to fall back into the companionable, smooth conversation they’d had at Lexa’s house whilst watching the DVD Clarke had pulled from the entertainment center.

Clarke was stretched out on the couch with her legs propped up on one side of the laptop that was placed on the coffee table. Lexa mirrored her position on the other side, legs propped up but she was angled on her side watching the laptop screen intensely. It was near the end of the movie and Lexa seemed completely absorbed in it.

Since it was her movie, Clarke had seen it too many times to count, but it was nice seeing Demi Moore with such a badass female role in _G.I. Jane_. It had been too long since she’d watched this movie and she’d nearly forgotten how in love she was.

"You know,” Lexa murmured, eyes still on the moving screen before her, “when I was in high school, I thought of joining the military.”

That surprised Clarke because she hadn’t pegged Lexa as the give-up-your-life-for-your-country type of person. She seemed more like the type of person to debate about politics and stay up to date on current events. “Really? What branch?”

“I wanted to join the Marines,” she diverted her attention to glance at Clarke, “I always thought it was a noble calling. But then I got caught up in…moving here and kept going with journalism.”

“You’re a journalist?”

“Yeah, I work for the _Orlando Magazine._ I do a lot of reviews of new shops and maybe a little bit of editing here and there if my boss wants me to. It’s a pretty fun job. Laid back unless I get a really big story.”

They sat in silence for several moments as the credits began to roll. Lexa sat up and stretched her back, yawning wide. She searched the couch with her hands, “Shit, what time is it? I think I lost my phone somewhere in your couch.”

Clarke shifted into a more comfortable position, groaning when her spine protested her movements. She’d been sitting too long in the same place. She leaned forward and grabbed her phone from the table. “Almost seven. I should probably check in with O and Raven. Though I’m not sure if they’re too worried about me.”

“They probably are, they’re your best friends.” Lexa assured, standing up and arching her back in a way that made her hoodie ride up her stomach. Clarke’s eyes drifted downward to feast upon the exposed, taunt flesh. She swallowed hard and had to force herself to look back at her phone.

**To Tavie** [6:56]: **_Hey, I came back to my place with Lexa, hope everything is going well over   there. Love you._**

**To Sexy Mama** [6:58]: **_Hey, don’t get too drunk! Lexa drove me back to my apartment. Text me if you’re alive!_**

“Alright,” Clarke clicked the lock on her phone and the screen went dark. “Want some food? I know I’m starving.”

Lexa stretched her elbow up and crooked her arm to touch her back. Clarke heard a resounding crack and wrinkled her nose. The brunette laughed at her before moving and booping her on the nose lightly. “Sure, what do we have to eat?”

“I’m pretty sure I have some melting ice cream, if you want to dig into that mess?” Clarke stood and popped her own back before heading into the kitchen. She slipped her phone into the pocket of her hoodie.

Lexa followed behind her in the near black apartment, “Ice cream sounds good. Do you think it’s melted?”

Clarke opened the upper, freezer door of her short refrigerator, “We’ll see in a moment.” She grabbed the pint and pulled it out. It was moose tracks flavored and when Clarke finally managed to pry the lid off she found that it was, indeed, melted.

"Where are your bowls?” Lexa called from the other end of the kitchen, opening various cabinets as she asked.

There was a large glob of solid ice cream swimming in the melted surroundings. Clarke swished it around a little bit. “Um, they’re in the upper left cabinet!” Clarke

Herself grabbed two spoons. “So part of its melted, but we can still definitely eat it.”

Lexa laughed and Clarke could hear her shuffling around the ceramic bowls in the cabinet. She brought them over and Clarke somehow managed to not make a mess while separating the ice cream into two. They settled back into the living room a couple of minutes later with their sweet loot and bottles of water.

“You know what the best thing to do when you have no wifi is?” Lexa asked after a couple of minutes of silence. She set her bowl on the table and grabbed Clarke’s glowing laptop from the table.

Clarke gave her an inquisitive look. “What?”

Lexa’s fingers moved deftly over the keyboard before she shifted her body closer to Clarke’s so she could see the screen. Google was pulled up in the browser, but since there was no internet the little dinosaur explained that there wasn’t any connection.

“You’re kidding me,” Clarke laughed as Lexa’s fingers moved to the arrows and began the little game. After a couple of seconds she added, “Do you do this often?”

She could hear the smirk in Lexa’s voice, “Only when I don’t have internet access.” Clarke glanced at her face. It was cast in the pale glow of the laptop, her cheekbones were sharp as knives and the dark accentuated her killer jaw line. Clarke could barely bury the thoughts of trailing kisses along it before they appeared. She cleared her throat and shifted away, thankful for the darkness and Lexa’s diverted attention.

The laptop made a dinging noise with every jump the dinosaur made over a cactus. Lexa’s body shifted towards the laptop, her eyes like glowing green orbs intent following her character as she moved.

The screen suddenly brightened and went dark, causing Clarke to jump and return her attention to it. All of the characters were outlined in white, making them visible to the player. “Holy shit,” she exclaimed, “I didn’t know you could get that far!”

Lexa grinned, but didn’t look to the girl next to her, “I’m pretty good.”

“I feel like you play this more often than you’re letting on,” Clarke murmured after the screen had shifted back to white. The score in the upper right hand corner was slowly but surely reaching the thousand mark and some pterodactyls were trying to knock the t-rex in the head.

Lexa giggled at that comment—actually, _giggled—_ but wasn’t able to hop over the next group of cacti. “Aw, and I almost beat my high score.”

After taking a couple of bites of her melty ice cream Clarke replied, “Aw that’s just too bad, I bet I could kick your ass.” Her tone held a hint of challenge to it.

“Oh really?” Lexa turned to her with both eyebrows raised and a smirk playing at her kissable pink lips. Clarke’s eyes dropped for a second before she forced them back up to meet amused green ones.

“Really,” she licked her lips and shifted forward. She placed her bowl on the coffee table and took a deep breath. Her brain drew up the memory of that kiss. It made her heart speed up and her face flush so red she had to cover it. Those fingers had been soft and firm on the nape of her neck. The way Lexa’s lips felt against hers made her stomach twist in the greatest way possible.

“Clarke?” Clarke felt the couch shift and suddenly the girl that was racing through her mind was right next to her, “You okay?”

The only thing she could do was nod before she was standing up and grabbing her bowl of completely melted ice cream, “Yeah, fine. I’ll be right back.” She barely had the words out of her mouth before she was back in the kitchen. She put her mostly empty bowl in the sink, cursing the lack of water. She really hoped they somehow, miraculously would get the power back on so she could shower.

“Hey, Clarke?” Lexa called, still in the living room.

Clarke had to force herself to breathe. Being in such a small apartment alone, with a girl she found incredibly attractive was difficult enough. She didn’t need to freak herself out to the point where she couldn’t be in the same room as her.

Fleetingly, she wondered when Lexa would leave. But then remembered there was a fucking hurricane going on outside and thought better of it. If Lexa left anytime soon, she could end up killed by the storm outside, it was better if she just stayed with Clarke. Safer, and she definitely wouldn’t die. That didn’t mean Clarke wouldn’t drown in her own attraction and near inability to control her urges.

“Yeah?” She finally called back, searching for something to busy herself with for a few minutes.

“Do you have some lights? Like candles or something? It’s getting pretty dark in here, I can hardly see.” Her tone was light and inviting, completely at ease.

Clarke crouched down in search of them. Raven had been so excited for this hurricane that she’d forced Clarke to be fully stocked with everything she would need in case of emergency. She had conducted extensive research on what was needed during a hurricane and then forced Clarke to buy everything under the sun. From candles under the sink to three cases of water hidden under Clarke’s bed.

She opened the lower cabinet door and moved around her cleaning supplies before grabbing the dozen, packaged vanilla scented candles. Octavia had said vanilla was the best scent then proceeded to toss nearly the entire rack of them into Clarke’s basket when they had gone shopping.

“I’ll bring some in there,” She called back after she had them all clutched to her chest. Carefully and quickly, Clarke brought them into the living room where Lexa was in the middle of another round of her T-Rex game.

She unwrapped several before setting them along the entertainment center, on the coffee table and on either end table next to the couch. Lexa stopped playing the game, closing and placing the laptop on the table. She turned and grinned up at Clarke, “You know, I can help you.”

Clarke glanced up from doing what she was doing, “I’ve got it. Thanks.”

She caught the frown that dampened the smile that still played at Lexa’s lips and realized that she probably sounded callous. She bit her lip and shook her head, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just—”

Lexa stood, the cheerful expression completely gone from her features and replaced by a properly sheepish one. Her hand rubbed at the back of her neck and she worried her own lip between her teeth, “No, I’m sorry. I’m imposing. Do you want to be alone? Do you want me to leave?”

“No, no, no,” Clarke rushed waving her hands out in front of her body. “No, not in this weather. It’s too dangerous. You can totally stay with me until this hurricane passes. I’m just lost in my head, is all.”

“Oh,” realization passed over Lexa’s features and her body relaxed. She debated whether or not she should bring up what had happened between the two of them. She knew they should talk about it, because it was all she could think about, no matter how much she tried not to. But she wasn’t sure if Clarke wanted or even needed to deal with that sort of thing anyway. “I’m sorry.”

Clarke laughed, though it wasn’t a very humorous one, “Lexa, don’t worry about it. I bet I could whoop your ass at that dorky dinosaur game, though.”

Lexa knew that Clarke was just trying to change the subject and she wasn’t sure that she really minded it. She wasn’t ready to confront her feelings. Clarke wasn’t ready to confront hers, either. So they could both just ignore it and enjoy each other’s company.

A smirk spread across her face at the clear challenge in Clarke’s voice. She always loved a good competition when it came to games and sports. Lexa was kind of a hardcore competitive person and knew that she got pretty intense. But something about it made her feel like she was in the midst of battle the way her blood pumped in her veins and adrenaline coursed through her body.

“Yeah right, I bet you’ll die before you reach five hundred.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and the tension seemed to drain from the air and seep into the cracks of the floorboards with the simple movement. “Yeah, right. Let me get a lighter and then I’ll show you whose boss.”

She scampered back into the kitchen and returned seconds later with a long, multi-purpose lighter. Lexa sat back down and opened up the laptop, but had to wait for Clarke to finish lighting the candles before she could get into the computer. Clarke flashed her a pointed look as she sat back down and snatched the computer from Lexa playfully.

“ _I_ will take that,” she swiftly typed in her password, angling the computer away from the other girl. “Its time for you to get your ass kicked.”

“You talk some big game, Griffin,” Lexa scooted closer, her shoulder pressing against Clarke’s as she angled closer to see the screen. It took a moment for the computer to load, but when it did it was already frozen with Lexa’s last score of 967.

Clarke turned towards Lexa, a smirk spreading across her lips, “I _play_ a big game, Woods. Just watch.” She turned back towards her laptop and minimized the screen to pull up Spotify. She began playing her _Gamer Playlist_ which mostly consisted of gaming instrumentals like _Super Mario Bros_ and other stupid songs that put Clarke into her _gamer mode._

Upon seeing Lexa’s slightly perturbed appearance she laughed, “This is some serious shit, Woods. What did I tell you?”

“Well you _didn’t_ tell me that you were a complete nerd. That definitely has not come up in our conversation,” she retorted.

Clarke scoffed, “Oh shut up, you. Watch and learn.” She returned her attention to the screen and hit the up arrow key to begin the game.

She lasted longer than Lexa originally hypothesized she would. Lexa opted to watch her facial expressions rather than the little T-Rex jump over cacti. It was much more interesting, she realized. Especially when the tip of Clarke’s tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth one moment, before it was gone and she was biting at her lower lip the next. Or the way her eyebrows furrowed in such deep concentration that she looked like a confused and grumpy cat.

 Lexa found it charming and fascinating, she didn’t have the strength to force her eyes away. Once Lexa had gotten passed the adorableness that was Clarke’s game face she marveled over the inalienably attractive features.

Her hair was pulled up into a bun, exposing a pale, regal neck that Lexa couldn’t help imagine kissing. Clarke’s jaw was strong and sharp, Lexa couldn’t help but admire the slope of it. Her chin had a slight cleft in it and Lexa wondered how something so common on other people could be so attractive on someone else. Her eyes were bright and illuminated by the harsh screen, the blue swimming in flecks of black as they squinted. Lexa’s eyes were drawn to the little beauty mark below her nose before she couldn’t resist the magnetic pull to drop down to her lips.

God, those lips were so kissable. Lexa felt like she had been unconsciously staring at them all night. Her stomach fluttered and her nerves tingled at the tips of her fingers. She wanted to touch those lips to make sure they were as soft as they looked. But she really didn’t need to touch them, all she had to do was think about to kissing the blonde work of art to remember that _yes, they are indeed as soft as they look._

Clarke’s frown deepened and her body tensed, jerking Lexa out of her reverie. She turned to the screen to see that Clarke was barely 400 points in and struggling with the speed up.

“Shit!” the blonde exclaimed, unable to jump over a cacti and dying, “Fuck! You can’t jump over something that quickly!”

Lexa laughed, her face red from her staring moments before, “Yes you can.”

“No you can’t! Look how close together those two cactuses are!” protested Clarke, gesturing to the computer screen grouchily.

“Cacti.”

“What?”

“One cactus, multiple cacti,” Lexa held out her hands for the laptop, opening and closing her fingers to gesture that she wanted it.

Clarke pulled the computer closer to her chest, “Well excuse me, Freddy. And I think I deserve three tries, Ms. Dino Game Expert.”

Lexa could only grin at the girl’s childish antics, “You’re a sore loser aren’t you?”

The blonde gasped in fake shock and insult, holding the computer even tighter against her chest. “I am not!” Then she stuck out her lower lip and batted her eyelashes, tilting her head down so she had to look up through them, “ _Please_ let me have two more tries?”

Lexa felt something tug at her heart and stomach, something dangerous that she really shouldn’t be applying to the blonde next to her. But she was melting at the sight of one of the sweetest pouting faces she had ever seen. So instead of bantering and arguing further, she decided to relent and allow Clarke the two more tries she so desperately wanted. _And needs,_ Lexa adds with an inward smirk.

So the blonde played again, messing up nearly five seconds in and scoring even lower than she did the first time around. Beginners luck, Lexa claimed so cockily that it caused Clarke to elbow her in the stomach before restarting it and beating her first score before succumbing to speed when she managed to surpass 600 points.

This lead to passing the laptop back and forth for nearly two hours, where they ended up arguing and picking on each other. It was all in good fun, even though Lexa did nearly elbow Clarke in the face once when the blonde said something that distracted the brunette. But other than that they laughed, trash talked and enjoyed each other’s company as the dreary night dragged on.

Clarke had managed to surpass Lexa’s high score of 1,127 when they both claimed that if Lexa didn’t beat it this last time around then Clarke would be deemed the winner of the challenge. Lexa wasn’t too stoked about that idea because that would give Clarke gloating right and she wasn’t all that sure if she would be able to take that.

But finally after a nervous silence where Lexa bit at the nubs of her nails and Clarke’s body slouched towards the computer screen, Clarke beat Lexa’s high score. Barely, of course, because mere seconds later Clarke’s screen reverted to black and she lost her place, slamming right into a pterodactyl. It didn’t matter now, though. Clarke’s score read 1,256.

It took a couple of seconds for both of them to process these results. Lexa stared at the screen in utter disbelief, she had been playing this game for years, ever since she discovered it. She’d reached higher than 1,127 points before but it seemed like tonight just wasn’t her night.

“Holy shit,” murmured Clarke in amazement. Then again, louder, “Holy shit!” The laptop nearly went toppling off of her lap when she thrusted her hands over her head and squealed in joy. “Ha! In your face!” She wiggled and squirmed in a happy dance that pretty much just looked like she was having a seizure.

Lexa begrudgingly allowed her to have her moment, though she was finding her dance incredibly entertaining. This girl was adorable. Too adorable for her own good. A white hot poker seemed to tug sharply at her insides at the thought. Clarke Griffin was turning out to be quite amazing.

At the realization, Lexa didn’t have the strength to resist the smile that pulled her lips up into a smile. She seemed to be doing that a lot with Clarke, maybe the blonde just yanked it out of her. She felt comfortable and at ease in the blonde’s presence. Was that really a bad thing? Maybe Costia had hurt her once, but that didn’t mean she could completely shut herself off from finding _someone._

"Alright,” Clarke slapped the laptop shup firmly before settling it onto the table, “I am supreme ruler of the Dino Game, Lexa Woods.” She stood with an air of confidence that bordered on cocky. Clarke held her chin high and turned to Lexa, looking down at her, “And as supreme ruler, I demand that you say ‘Clarke Griffin is supreme ruler of the Dino Game’.”

Lexa chuckled, covering her mouth at the adorable way Clarke waggled her left index finger and placed the other on a jutting hip. When she realized that the blonde was waiting for her to say it, she sobered, “You’re kidding right?”

She didn’t receive a verbal response, only an eyebrow quirk.

“What are we? Five or something?”

“If I have to be five years old to get you to admit defeat then yes, we are five.” Clarke affirmed.

Lexa snorted and shook her head, “You’re such a nerd, Clarke.”

“And you’re such a dork, Lexa. So admit it and I’ll go get us some alcohol,” Clarke nodded, crossing her arms over her chest. They had finished off the bottle of wine Lexa had stolen from Anya and they were both feeling warm and fuzzy on the inside. Though only Clarke was slurring because Lexa was more accustomed to harder liquors than wine. Either way, they both were feeling the effects, which was probably why Lexa conceded so easily.

With a sigh, Lexa leaned back against the couch, “Fine, fine, what am I supposed to say again?”

Clarke let loose one of the most dramatic, over exaggerated sigh Lexa had ever heard before she’d even finished her sentence. The blonde was still in rare form, nonchalantly messing with her nails while tapping her foot in a show of impatience, “You’re _supposed_ to say ‘Clarke Griffin is supreme ruler of the Dino Game’.”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Lexa murmured under her breath before looking back up at the beautiful, immature woman before her, “Clarke Griffin is supreme ruler of the Dino Game.”

The amount of superiority emitting from the blonde in front of Lexa caused mixed emotions. Normally, Lexa would be grouchy and a sore loser because she was so accustomed to winning everything when she tried her hardest. But, for some reason, she wasn’t upset about losing. She was actually finding Clarke’s cockiness adorable like almost everything else about the woman.

Clarke grinned, “Perfect, now I’m getting more alcohol. You can go pick out a game to play.”

“Where are the games?”

“My room, first door on the left. They’re in the lowest drawer on my dresser,” Clarke pointed as Lexa followed her gesture.

Lexa followed Clarke’s instructions cautiously, having not been further into the apartment than the kitchen and living room. She made her way down the darkened hallway and opened Clarke’s bedroom door. It was much less messy than the rest of the apartment she was happy to note, even though the bed was unmade. It honestly looked like a tornado had come through and twisted the comforter into an unrecognizable mess of sheets and pillows.

Besides that, the floor was clean and clothes seemed to be place where they belonged. An easel on the far corner near the window seemed to be the only corner that looked remotely disorganized. But it was messy in a way that looked natural because paintbrushes sat in an empty coffee cup, several tubes of paint were sitting in a neat row on a small table with pencils and markers wrapped in rubber bands lying in front of them.

There was a covered canvas leaning against the window and Lexa itched with sudden urge to go over and explore. _Invasion of privacy, Woods,_ she berated herself and turned to find a tall dresser like Clarke had described on the wall opposite of the bed. She moved forward, crouching down before it and pulling open the lowest drawer.

Lexa found nearly a dozen different board games stuffed into the shallow storage compartment and settled herself down on her haunches to go through them. She pulled out two versions of _Monopoly_ , but decided that it would take too long to complete. Then older games like _Chutes and Ladders_ , _Candy Land_ and _Sorry_. A wooden board for mancala and finally the dark, action packed cover of the box for _Battleship_.

It had been years since Lexa had played this game. She pulled it out of the drawer and set it aside and away from the other ones she had stacked up. She put all of the other games back as organized as possible, allowing them to fit much better than they had before.

Lexa stood, glancing around the room one last time and finding the artwork adorning Clarke’s walls very much… _Clarke_. They were mostly paintings of abstract pieces while some were of people Lexa didn’t know. There were a couple of family pictures. One of them was of Clarke with her arms around two dark haired people. A party hat was on Clarke’s head, haphazardly placed while the boy and girl—one of them Lexa recognized as Octavia—were placing beaming kisses on both of Clarke’s cheeks.

Another picture had Clarke in midair and fully clothed, same party hat now wrapped around her neck by the rubber band attached to it. A blue pool lingered ominously underneath her and a large man with a huge, shit eating grin on his face seemed to be the person who had thrown Clarke in. The blonde looked scared, arms wind milling and legs thrashing.

Lexa could imagine the scene in her head. The large sandy haired man must have scared Clarke, scooped her up in his arms and then tossed her into a nearby pool. They both looked happy, no matter how shocked or embarrassed Clarke must have been afterwards. Clarke was much younger in these pictures, something had changed in her eyes from those days to now. Lexa was insanely curious to find out what had changed her.

Rather than pay more attention to the personal items in Clarke’s room, Lexa exited and shut the door behind her. She clutched the board game to her chest and headed back into the living room. Clarke was seated on the plush area rug situated underneath the coffee table with a different bottle of wine and a rectangular shaped bottle of liquor.

“What did you pick out?” Clarke had refilled her glass and was swirling the red liquid around before taking a sip.

Lexa had to tear her eyes away from the way her lips teased at the rim of the glass subconsciously. “Um, Battleship.”

“Oh,” Clarke wiggled excitedly, placing her wine back down and clearing a spot on the table before settling herself on a better sitting position, “I found some whiskey for you, I noticed that you seem to like hard liquors.”

“Thanks,” Lexa smiled and sat down opposite of Clarke on the other side of the table. She opened the box and began taking out the individual battle cases and setting one of them in front of Clarke.

Silently, they put together their cases and set up their individual ships on the grid provided for them. Once Lexa was assured her ships were in foolproof positions, she opened the bottle of whiskey Clarke had set out to pour in her oh-so classy _Her Wineness_ glass.

“Wait,” said Clarke.

Lexa glanced at her and set the bottle down with a raised eyebrow. “What is it?”

Clarke reached down by her leg and Lexa crouched down to see under the table but didn’t do it in time to see what the blonde was grabbing. She straightened back up to see the girl waving around two shot glasses. “Want to make this game interesting?”

Curiosity piqued, Lexa glanced at the game then at the alcohol, “How do you suppose we do that?”

“Well,” began Clarke, “Raven has always loved to include drinking games in actual board games. It makes it more fun, she says. She told me about this game called Battleshots she found online. Pretty much, whenever you get hit, you have to drink.”

Lexa looked at her dubiously and that seemed to spur on Clarke.

“Look, we don’t have to play it that way, it would just make it a hell of a lot more fun. Unless of course you’re just scared you’re going to lose again,” that infuriating cocky smirk was back. Clarke leaned her elbow on the table and held her face in her hand, looking at Lexa as if expecting her to back out because she was a chicken.

The brunette cleared her throat and straightened her back at the second challenge of the night, “Lexa Woods is no chicken, Griffin. Sounds good to me. Now explain the damn game.”

“Well,” she began once again, lacing her fingers together after setting the glasses down. “Wait, do you hear that?”

Lexa listened, hearing the muffled sound of—,“Oh shit, that’s my phone! Help me find it!” she jumped into action, intently listening for the source of the noise. As she moved closer to the couch—where the noise got louder—she dug her hand into the cushions of the couch, probing and searching. Her hand finally came in contact with the smooth surface and she pulled it out, Sebastian’s voice from _The Little Mermaid_ spewing from the speaker as he sang _Under The Sea._

The brunette blushed when she realized how childish her ringtone was, but Anya was obsessed with the stupid movie and forced her to add it as her ring tone. She slid the green answer key across the screen and held the phone to her ear. Lexa raised a finger to Clarke, indicating she’d be just a moment before going down the hallway to get a little bit of privacy.

Clarke sat there chuckling at the unexpectedly silly ringtone. She left Lexa to her privacy and filled the two shot glasses nearly full with whiskey before placing one of them next to Lexa’s board.

“Are you cheating over there, Griffin?” Came Lexa’s playful tone from across from her. Clarke was still propped up on her knees to place the whiskey on the table. She was nearly able to see over the top of the board and if she craned her neck just a little more she would be. It didn’t look like the best position to be caught in.

“I find that insulting, Woods. I would never cheat. I was just preparing you.” She sat back down on her ass and crossed her legs. Lexa only responded with a dramatic roll of her eyes before huffing and sitting back down so Clarke dropped the attitude, “Everything alright?”

“Oh, yeah. It was just Anya. I guess she was trying to get Raven to go to sleep since everyone over there had decided to call it an early night and she couldn’t find me to help her. She was just worried about where I was,” Lexa explained, shrugging her shoulders. “Raven’s fine by the way, just super drunk.”

Clarke nodded, “That sounds like Raven. But enough about those crazy teenagers, allow me to kick your ass, once again.”

“We’ll see about that. I’m not going to go easy on you this time.”

“This time? What was last time? Did you play with your eyes closed or something?”

Lexa clutched at her chest, feigning insult, “Ouch, Griffin. Who goes first?”

They decided on rock, paper, scissors best two out of three as their means of determining who would go first. Lexa won and they went back and forth for several minutes. They exchanged banter and lighthearted insults until finally Clarke was the first one to get hit and her ego definitely diminished while Lexa’s expanded.


	11. Part 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa play battleshots, get super drunk and Lexa is a lil bean. Also smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am going to apologize for NOT updating this when I said I would. BUT, there is some smut so I hope that makes up for the lack of honesty on my part. I have a hard time being comfortable with the sexy parts of my stories so I take a lot longer to write them because people are going to be READING it and I just need to make sure it’s actually not the most awkward thing in the world. Anyway, sorry! Enjoy!   
> ALSO, for anyone who is interested, I started my job on Wednesday so I’ve been really focused on that and my writing has been a little neglected. But no worries! I will still be updating as regularly as possible. If you get annoyed with it, send me a quick PM and I will definitely try to get something out. I like to hear from you.  ~TGF

**Don’t You Go (Part 11)**

After that, they exchanged blows pretty frequently. Lexa sank Clarke’s submarine pretty quickly, to the point where the blonde was feeling the effects of the three shots of hard liquor she was forced to endure only about ten minutes into their game. But not long after, Clarke sank Lexa’s Battleship which then led to continual hits and misses for both of them as they searched for new boats.

Both of them were too focused on their game and the fuzzy, warmth that was spreading through their stomachs to notice the time passing. They got lost in each other’s company and Clarke was almost certain she was going to develop a nice six pack because Lexa was causing her to laugh so much. They exchanged funny stories in their drunkenness that they wouldn’t have told a near stranger if they were sober.

Clarke explained how in her senior year of high school, all of her friends had stolen her shoes on the last day of school. She had been shoeless nearly the entire day and was lucky not to have been given in school suspension. By the time the end of the day had rolled around her shoes were covered in marker with rainbows covering the white tip of her left black converse. The other sported a bisexual flag with BI, SEE YOU LATER in Raven’s big black chicken scratch handwriting. She admitted that she still had them hidden in the back of her closet.

Lexa explained how she and Anya had met each other. They were both in middle school, Anya was an 8th grader while Lexa was a scrawny 6th grader with a temper. They got on each other’s nerves in gym class one day where they both got into a physical fist fight that ended with Lexa slipping on the wet bathroom floor and getting the shit beat out of her. The two of them were inseparable after that.

“Stop laughing!” Lexa exclaimed, her voice a pitch higher than normal as she threw a chip from the snack pack that Clarke had provided. Her cheeks were a rosy red and her eyes were lively with mirth and mischief. “It seriously happened! I had a bruised eye for nearly a week!”

Clarke was doubled over with her overheated forehead pressed against cool wood of the coffee table. She was laughing so hard her abdominals and cheeks her and it was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe. She couldn’t get the idea of an angry little Lexa slipping and falling on her ass in the girls’ locker room by a tinier version of the imposing Anya she remembered.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped out, clutching at her stomach and wiping tears from her eyes before she collapsed into another fit of laughter.

Lexa only chucked, happy that she could make Clarke so happy. “Come on Clarke, we need to finish this game.” She slurred, sipping at the warm water she’d gotten from underneath Clarke’s bed earlier in their evening.

“Fine, fine,” Clarke gasped again, sobering and trying to focus her eyes on her grid. She was in the process of find Lexa’s final ship, the little patrol boat. She had already searched the edges of the board, where people normally put their tiniest boat but was still not having any luck.

Lexa waited as Clarke meticulously searched for a good place to pick, twisting a white peg in her fingers clumsily. She was losing, again, but Clarke was seriously too drunk to really be gloating about it. Lexa was in the process of sinking her Destroyer and still had to find the patrol boat, meaning Clarke was more sober than her. But it appeared that Clarke was a light weight when it came to whiskey.

“I dunno, E10?” Clarke asked, perching her peg over the point.

“Miss!” Lexa called, placing a peg down on the lower half of her board, right next to her patrol ship. She was lucky Clarke hadn’t called F.

They continued on like that for at least fifteen minutes until Lexa finally ended the game. After finishing off Clarke’s Destroyer, which caused the blonde to drop back two shots in quick succession. Then, finally, after a stalemate between the two of them Lexa found Clarke’s patrol boat and sank it.

“Oh that’s shit,” Clarke grimaced, still unaccustomed to the stinging sensation after her final shot. They had drank nearly half of the bottle, cutting the amount of alcohol in the shot down to half once they realized that they would be too wasted by the end of it if they didn’t.

Lexa chuckled, resting her elbow on the table and resting her head on her closed fist as her free hand began putting away the game. Her stomach was pleasantly warm and she felt more relaxed than she had with anyone other than Anya and Lincoln in a long time. Her eyes were half shut they felt so heavy but her brain wasn’t as muddled as it should have been.

The game was put away quickly and once the box was closed, Clarke groaned loudly and collapsed backwards onto the rug. It felt more comfortable than her own bed probably would if she had enough energy to get up and go to it. She felt like she was floating on a cloud and maybe she could fall asleep right there.

She was half asleep when a shadow fell over her face. Her eyes fluttered open and it took a moment for them to focus on the face hovering over hers. In her drunken stupor the only thing she could think was, _she’s fucking gorgeous._

“Hey, Clarke, maybe you should get some water in you before you fall asleep,” the concern and care in those green eyes made Clarke’s heart flutter and her brain think stupidly drunk things. Like how incredibly angelic the warm yellow light behind Lexa’s head made the girl look.

“Mmm,” she murmured and closed her eyes again, “you’re really pretty, you know.”

“You’re really drunk, but thanks.”

“No really,” Clarke insisted, opening her eyes again. She threw her hands up and gestured generally, “all this light makes you look like an angel.” Lexa noticed how lit and unfocused those blue eyes were, but they frowned as if suddenly realizing something, “And I really want to kiss you again.”

Lexa’s heart jumped into her throat at that, trying to escape her ribcage by any means necessary. Her eyes dropped down to those beautiful pink lips for a split second before she remembered that Clarke was _hammered_ and if they kissed or did anything more than that, she’d be taking advantage because she wasn’t as drunk. So instead, she forced herself to sit back on her knees.

When the brunette didn’t respond verbally, Clarke began to ramble, “And I know we already kissed, I can remember that. But we stopped and I’m not exactly sure why I stopped it anymore. Maybe it’s because of Finn,” she frowned harder, seriously thinking about it and it looked painful, “or maybe it’s because of my Dad. Or Raven. Or something, I dunno. Am I a bad kisser?”

Lexa laughed at that. Clarke was a rambling, sleepy drunk apparently. “You’re not a bad kisser, Clarke, but you do need to drink some water. Come on.” She stumbled to her feet, dizzy from the amount of alcohol consumption she’d partaken in and held her hand out for Clarke to take.

After a moment, Clarke grabbed at her hand marveling at how smooth and soft it was. Everything seemed to be so much clearer and her senses heightened when she was drunk. She felt everything, physically and emotionally, on a much more profound level.

Together, they leaned on each other and stumbled into the kitchen. Earlier, they had pulled out half a dozen bottles of water and left them on the kitchen counter for later use. Now, Lexa was opening one of them and handing it to Clarke who had jumped up onto the counter and was leaning her head back against the cabinet.

“You know what, Lex?” Clarke asked after taking several long gulps of the water.

Lexa couldn’t help the way her insides twisted in the best way at the nickname, “What?”

“I think Finn broke me,” the hollowness in her voice made something clench at Lexa’s heart. Clarke was definitely _not_ broken, “I haven’t been able to be with anyone since what happened. I think he broken Raven too.” She wasn’t slurring anymore. It was almost as if she was having some sort of premonition in her drunkenness that was spurring this depressing, one sided conversation on.

“Clarke—”                 

But Clarke just plowed on over her words, “You know, Raven is such a great person. So’s Octavia. They’d be so great together, I think. But Raven is so afraid of being hurt again that she’s hurting O in the process. It’s pretty shitty if you ask me.”

“Clarke,” Lexa paused to see if the blonde was actually finished. Her eyes were closed once again, “Clarke, finish this water. You need to go to sleep.”

“Mmm, I need some bread,” the blonde forced her eyes open and focused on the bread box on the opposite side of the room.

Lexa frowned and followed her line of sight, “Why do you need that?”

“Absorbs the alcohol in my stomach. I haven’t eaten all that much today.” She patted her stomach for emphasis.

Lexa rolled her eyes and moved to open the box and grab out a complete loaf. She somehow managed to get her uncooperative fingers to work the twisty tie and open the bag before handing it over to the drunker blonde. Clarke pulled out a couple of pieces and tore of bite sized chunks to eat as she did.

“Want to hear a story about Lincoln?”

The hum she received as a response was affirmation enough.

“Well, he’s Anya’s younger brother. We’re the same age. Anyway, when we were freshmen and Anya was a junior, we would all go out to the park and Anya had a boyfriend back then. He gave her a bunch of weed and we’d share it.”

“Weed? Were you a bad girl in school, Woods?” Clarke interrupted, her eyes still closed as she chewed on her bread.

Lexa laughed, thinking back on all of those fights she’d been in, “I guess you could say that. But anyway, this one time he must have given her some bad shit because I swear…Lincoln went nuts. Like...he thought he could fly nuts. He climbed up on the kid slide and waved his arms about, pretending to be a bird,” she chuckled at the memory, “it was hilarious. He broke his arm that day. We had to wait for him to come down and look as sober as possible before we could take him to the hospital.”

“How long did you guys wait?”

“About five hours. Took him to the emergency room and said he jumped off of the swings like an idiot. We were just glad that they didn’t test any of us for drugs. Anya started calling him Big Bird after that.” Lexa explained.

Clarke giggled and finished off the last of her water, sitting up. “That’s hilarious.” She agreed.

“Don’t tell him I told you that, he’ll kill me,” Lexa warned, taking the bag of bread back and replacing it in the bread box once it was closed.

They sat there for several minutes, Clarke grinning at the image of big, serious Lincoln trying to fly. Lexa was just glad she was able to get the blonde out of her depressed mood and watched the way her happy face seemed to lighten the room and the general mood.

“I’m sorry, I’m not normally such a sad drunk. Most of the time I’m the life of the party,” Clarke sighed heavily.

Lexa shook her head, “No, its fine. I get it.” She hesitated for another moment, debating with saying how she felt about the subject. “But I want you to know that you’re not broken. If anything, you’re just a little cracked. Finn isn’t worth anything compared to you and everything will be okay. Because you, Clarke, are an amazing person. You’re funny, confident and maybe a little cocky sometimes. But you’re a great person and _anyone_ would be lucky to have you.”

A blush crept over Lexa’s cheeks as she spoke, heat spreading through her body as she realized this was one of the most honest, truthful things she had ever said to another person. She had never believed something so wholeheartedly her entire life. Clarke wasn’t broken. She was amazing and she deserved to know that.

Clarke sat there for a moment, staring at the woman before her. Maybe it was the alcohol or the sweet words coming out of the other girl’s mouth, but it didn’t matter. Clarke was almost certain that Lexa Woods was the most kindhearted, beautiful person she had ever met. The alcohol might have been muddling her judgement just a little, but that didn’t stop her from reaching out.

She leaned forward, hooked her fingers into the fabric of Lexa’s shirt since she’d discarded of her hoodie a long time ago. Clarke pulled her closer, fisting the cloth in her hand and bringing her other one around to grab at the back of Lexa’s neck. The brunette careened forward and crashed against the counter between Clarke’s legs at the sudden movement.

Their lips collided before Lexa really knew what was going on. She hadn’t thought that this would be happening for the second time in the same evening, but was oh-so thankful that it was. Without realizing what she was doing, she was pulling Clarke closer and kissing her back passionately. 

This kiss was different from the last one. Where that one had been soft, sweet and explorative, this one was hot and passionate and laced with a tinge of instinctual need for the other person.

Wherever Clarke’s fingers touched her skin, sparks flew and heat scorched through her veins right down to her core, where it settled and sizzled. Lexa needed her more than she’d ever needed anyone in her life. She cupped Clarke’s face in her hand, snaking her tongue out to tease at the blonde’s plump lower lip.

Clarke opened her mouth, grabbing at Lexa’s waist and bunching her shirt up to give her hands more warm skin to explore. She could taste the bitter edge of alcohol on Lexa’s tongue as it slid into her mouth. She breathed deeply through her nose and pulled the brunette closer, kissing her back with a need she hoped Lexa understood.

“Wait,” Lexa jerked back reluctantly, “Are you sure—?”

The searching, concerned look in jade eyes only made Clarke even _more_ certain of what she wanted. This girl before her was double checking just because she wanted to be sure that Clarke was sure. “Yes, I’m sure.”

“We’ve both been drinking—”

“I’m not drunk, Lexa,” the whine of need was evident in the blonde’s voice as she tangled her fingers in Lexa’s hair, pulling her back down to recapture those amazing lips.

But Lexa urged herself not to get too lost in the kiss, succumbing for a few seconds before pulling back again, “Clarke—”

“Lexa,” there was a warning in her voice that was bordering on hostility, “I am not as drunk as I was before. I promise. This is me consenting to this. Are _you_ too drunk?”

The brunette searched the depths of those deep blue pools and found only desire, need and permission to continue what they were doing. She knew that they shouldn’t, they didn’t know each other that well and it could ruin whatever friendship they were developing. They shouldn’t continue because Clarke was still caught up on Finn in some way and Costia hadn’t left the back of Lexa’s mind since the day she left.

But no matter all of the reasons that screamed _this shouldn’t be happening_ the only thing she was wondering was _why not?_ Things could get messy, but Lexa didn’t care. All she could focus on were those blue eyes and she finally let herself fall over that precipice and drown in the ocean before her.

Lexa crashed her lips back to Clarke’s as her answer. This kiss was harder and needier than the last. Lexa pulled at the hoodie Clarke was wearing, finding that there was too much separating them. She needed to feel Clarke’s skin against hers.

They managed to get the hoodie over her head after a moment and Lexa tossed it to the side, not caring where it fell. Her eyes only saw the pale skin that was exposed to her. She stared for a split second before Clarke wrapped her legs around her waist and pulled her back into her arms.

Lexa’s hands trailed up the outside of Clarke’s thighs as they kissed. Teeth clashed and tongues danced in a heated, clumsy battle for dominance. Clarke didn’t submit to Lexa’s ministrations, even when she bit and sucked at her lower lip hard enough to leave a bruise. She only tugged and yanked at the brunette’s clothes and gave as much as she got.

Clarke finally had to pull away when oxygen became necessary. Her breathing was heavy and forced, chest rising and falling as she sucked in more air. Lexa didn’t seem at all fazed by this and tilted her head down, planting open mouthed kisses along the arching plane of Clarke’s flushed throat. Her teeth nipped and sucked at the skin there, leaving small red marks that wouldn’t bruise.

The blonde squeezed her legs tighter around Lexa’s slim waist and her finger tugged at the hair tie until it came loose and soft tendrils of brown hair tumbled free. Clarke threaded her fingers into the slightly damp locks, tugging softly until Lexa got the idea and pulled back to look at her.

“Bedroom,” she pushed Lexa away just enough to hop off of the counter. Her mind was a dizzy mess of alcohol, lust and exhaustion so she laced her fingers with Lexa’s and pulled the brunette down the hallway behind her.

They didn’t make it to the bedroom. Lexa grabbed Clarke’s waist and pressed her roughly against the wall right outside of the door because it had grown difficult to be _that_ far away from her. She was certain she was already addicted to the taste of Clarke’s lips.

They kissed again, in a heated, messy battle of lips, tongue and teeth. Lexa sucked at Clarke’s lower lip and pulled at her tank top. She forced it above her stomach and ran her hands under it, cupping a bra clad breast. Clarke gasped against her lips, sliding her hand down Lexa’s arm and pulling her free hand around her waist to bring them closer.

A breathy moan escaped Clarke’s lips as Lexa squeezed at her chest. A sharp jolt of burning hot arousal spiked in Lexa’s stomach at the sound and she had to pull Clarke closer to muffle the moan she responded with.

Clarke pushed at Lexa’s shoulders, barely separating their bodies. She grabbed at the tightfitting, flimsy fabric hugging Lexa’s torso and pulled at the hem, “Off.”

Lexa responded quickly, pulling away just enough to lift the offending garment over her head and toss it somewhere back towards the living room. She stopped thinking after that, determined to just _feel_ because it had been so long since she’d allowed herself to lose this much control.

Her hands slid down to squeeze at Clarke’s hips as their lips pressed together again. It was still wanting and passionate, but they fell into a satisfying rhythm that only came with familiarity. Clarke’s fingers trailed up the curves of Lexa’s naked sides, calloused fingers catching at smooth, warm skin.

The blonde’s breath caught as she felt the contracting of smooth muscles and realized that Lexa was in _really_ good shape. Lexa shivered involuntarily at the feather light touch, contrasting from their previous touches. They slowed down and Clarke’s hands were warm and dry as they explored Lexa’s abdomen. They indulged themselves on each other’s bodies, feeling and exploring as they pleased.

When breathing became essential once again, Lexa pulled away, brushing her nose lightly against Clarke’s. She slid her hands down to grab at Clarke’s thighs, lifting quickly. The blonde squeaked and clung to the brunette tightly, wrapping her arms securely around Lexa’s neck.

“Oh my God,” she gasped breathlessly, squeezing at Lexa’s neck painfully, “you’re really strong.”

Lexa smirked, raising both of her eyebrows in shock at the compliment, “Did you just openly compliment me without being a sassy asshole?”

“Never,” Clarke responded with a huff, “I’m still supreme ruler of the Dino Game.”

The chuckle that escaped Lexa’s lips was music to Clarke’s ears, “I’m supreme ruler of Battleship.” She pressed Clarke against the wall, using it as leverage to press her pelvis between the blonde’s legs.

Clarke tilted her head back where it banged against the wall lightly and bit her lip, suppressing a moan when much needed friction was provided. Lexa didn’t let up either, but tilted her head down to kiss along her throat, nipping at the exposed skin with her teeth. The blonde yanked at her hair and couldn’t suppress the noise that vibrated out of her mouth.

“Seriously, bedroom. Now,” she demanded, voice thick with lust.

Lexa didn’t protest this time, only moved her hands to Clarke’s ass and squeezed. Clarke squeezed at the movement and tightened her legs around Lexa’s waist and her arms around her neck. They pulled away from the wall and Lexa bit down lightly at Clarke’s pulse point, sucking as they moved closer to the bedroom door.

The blonde couldn’t help but grind her hips down on the hard planes of Lexa’s abs. Her back pushed the slightly ajar door open and suddenly they were in the darkness of her room. It was cooler here and Clarke could feel the chill seep into her skin and settle in her bones. She shivered and goosebumps rose on her arms.

But moments later she is falling backwards with Lexa’s hands holding her firmly in her arms. Her back bounces onto the bed suddenly and Lexa is still right above her, subtly grinding her hips in a manner that renders Clarke speechless. Her legs tighten and she arches her back, shamelessly asking for more.

Lexa’s hands slide out from under her and she pushes herself up to hover over the blonde beneath her. “You’re really fucking hot, you know.” She said matter-of-factly, eyes dark and stormy like the weather outside. Her pupils are heavily dilated and she licks at her drying lips. Dark brown waves of hair cascaded over one of her shoulders, tickling at Clarke’s shoulder and neck. Clarke wasn’t sure she’d ever seen anyone look more attractive.

“Mm,” Clarke hummed, pushing herself up and pulling Lexa down at the same time, crashing their lips back together in a searing kiss. Lexa was so surprised that she momentarily lapsed in what was going on and suddenly found herself on her back with Clarke prowling over her.

The blonde’s eyes caught hers and Lexa sucked in a hitched breath at the dark blue she saw there. They looked dangerous and mischievous and _so_ different from those baby blue she was used to seeing shine with mirth. _These_ were the eyes of a girl that new what she wanted and she wanted Lexa. The brunette definitely wasn’t complaining as glistening pink lips trailed kisses from her jaw down her collarbone and over her exposed chest.

Lexa was only clad in a black sports bra and wherever Clarke’s lips pressed against her skin, it was like electricity. She was intoxicated with the feeling of those lips all over her. Unexpectedly, nimble fingers snuck under the tight elastic of her bra and cupped at her breast. Those same fingers tweaked expertly at her nipple and soft pink lips trailed down towards her naval.

With a groan and an arch of her back, Lexa’s fingers tangled into Clarke’s hair as arousal surged through every vein of her body. Her core clenched tightly as a glistening tongue peaked out between those damnable lips and trailed along the skin right above the waistband of her pants.

“Fuck, Clarke, stop teasing me,” Lexa gulped and licked at her parched lips, squirming as Clarke’s fingers only twisted at her hardened nipple in response. Her hand was completely inside of Lexa’s bra, so when she lifted her wrist, the elastic slid upward and exposed Lexa’s chest to the chilly air of the bedroom.

Clarke pulled her hand and mouth away, sliding up Lexa’s body to lean over her, placing her knees on either side of the brunette’s hips. Lexa’s eyes fluttered open and she let out a disappointed whine at the loss of contact. “Oh,” Clarke smirked, “you want me, Woods?”

That cocky, overconfident and competitive Clarke Griffin charm was back but Lexa still somehow managed to find it attractive, even under such different circumstances. “You can’t stop being an asshole for more than five minutes can you?” she teased, lifting up on her elbows and shoving the hazy need for Clarke to just fuck her already out of her mind. She didn’t know how long that would last. Instead of dwelling on the wetness between her legs, she pulled her bra up and over her head, tossing it to the ground.

Clarke’s eyebrow rose higher and a glimmer of intuitive knowing flashed in her eyes as she glanced from the perky breasts before her back to the blown green of eyes. The damn blonde was infuriating and able to see right through her. “No, I can’t. But that doesn’t mean you don’t like it.”

With a huff and an eye roll, Lexa growled and pulled Clarke down on top of her. “Shut up,” she mumbled before biting at Clarke’s lower lip hard enough to make the blonde whimper before sucking it into her mouth and soothing it with her tongue. Tanned hands moved off of their own accords, hiking up Clarke’s tank top over the pale, simple bra she wore underneath.

Her lips pulled away from Clarke’s and trailed down the exposed skin of a strong jaw. Lexa arched her hips up, nearly holding Clarke’s full weight on top of her before twisting and landing on top of the blonde in one, swift movement. She yanked the shirt up until arms lifted and it slid off without much assistance.

Lexa marveled, that’s all she could do. As the layers between them diminished, her cloudy brain continued to wonder how such a beautiful, flawless creature could exist. Pale, unblemished skin expanded over a soft, flat stomach and over tantalizing hips that curved in the most attractive way possible.

“Stop staring at me like you want to fuck me and fuck me,” Clarke yanked her from her thoughts. Her voice was husky with a tinge of need and annoyance laced within.

Lexa smirked and leaned down, trailing kisses over a fit stomach. Once again she marveled over the way the muscles rippled and the way Clarke squirmed in the most arousing way. The brunette’s hands pulled lightly at the baggy sweatpants providing more room for her to kiss over a hipbone.

Clarke tangled her fingers in Lexa’s hair, not to pull or guide but only to ground herself in some way because her insides were practically on fire. Lexa tested and teased, nipping and sucking hard enough to leave marks all over Clarke’s abdomen. She lingered in places that had the blonde writhing underneath her and the most obscene words and noises escaping her mouth.

Finally she gave up on her teasing and slid her hand under Clarke’s back to snap open her bra clasp. Lexa leaned up on her elbow after tossing the garment away, eyes trailing down the small space separating their gasping bodies.

Her own body seemed to move before her brain could catch up with her and suddenly her lips were attached to a perky pink nipple. Her tongue swirled over the hard nub and Clarke arched her back into the woman above her, basking in the sharp spikes of arousal that shot straight to her core.

“Fuck, Lexa, don’t stop,” the blonde keened, pressing her palm into the back of Lexa’s head to keep it buried against her cleavage. Lexa didn’t, of course, she had no intentions of stopping anytime soon. Instead, she sucked and pressed her teeth lightly against the sensitive flesh. Her other hand came up and tweaked at the other nipple, rolling it between her fingers.

Lexa switched, treating the other breast the same way before moving downward, pulling at Clarke’s pants. She stood, pulling them off of the blonde’s legs and let the sweatpants fall to the ground before discarding her own and climbing back onto the bed between Clarke’s legs.

The blonde shifted backwards until her back hit the pillows and Lexa followed eagerly. Their lips met again in a soft, needy kiss that lit both of their insides up with arousal. Clarke’s fingers teased and squeezed at sensitive breasts, rubbing her palms over hardened dusky nipples.

Lexa’s hands weren’t idle, either. She skimmed over Clarke’s waist and teased at inner thighs. Her muscular thigh pressed between Clarke’s and she groaned into the blonde’s mouth at the wetness she felt already soaking through underwear. She leaned forward and pressed her leg harder against the apex of Clarke’s thighs and earned a moan and an arched back in response.

Clarke’s stomach twisted with heat and desire as her core clenched. She rolled her hips, grinding down against Lexa’s leg. She gasped and tangled her hands in Lexa’s hair, unable to focus on kissing her when her thighs were trembling with pleasure.

The brunette trailed kisses along Clarke’s sensitive jaw, sucking at her pulse point and rocking her leg into the girl underneath her. With every noise that escaped the blonde, Lexa felt herself grow more and more frustrated. Her lower stomach throbbed almost painfully, she decided that slinging her leg over Clarke’s and grinding down to satisfy her own need was her best idea ever.

“Fuck, Lexa, I need you.”

For a split second, Lexa’s brain jumped straight to a smart comment she could make. But now was not the time, she realized. Now was the time to do exactly what she was supposed to. She kissed down Clarke’s body, hooked her fingers into the waistband of her underwear and dragged them down long, pale legs.

Lexa kissed up Clarke’s inner thigh, leaving a trail of hickies in her wake before her eyes fell upon her destination. Clarke was glistening pink and wet, her lips were swollen and opened just enough to see the peak of an engorged clit. She was beautiful and Lexa carefully slid back up, kissing over Clarke’s stomach and looking up into her face.

The blonde’s eyes were closed, but it was as if she knew Lexa was looking at her. Stormy blue eyes opened, the pupils blown and the irises so dark they didn’t look even slightly blue anymore. Clarke must have sensed the question on the tip of Lexa’s tongue because she nodded and her kiss swollen lips twitched upward in a soft smile.

Lexa’s heart clenched in her chest and suddenly she felt nervous. Her heart lurched into her throat and she pressed her lips just under Clarke’s naval, breathing in her scent. She could smell the remnants of Clarke’s soap or shampoo but also the salt scent of her arousal. She allowed herself a moment to steady her heart and breathing before gliding her fingers down Clarke’s curves once again.

She placed tender kisses further up, over her stomach and allowed her fingers explore the warm, wet slit at the apex of Clarke’s thighs. Hips arched up, searching for more friction as Lexa herself sought for and discovered Clarke’s clit.

The brunette rubbed lightly, feeling for just the right angles and speeds and pressures that had Clarke squirming and writhing underneath her. She stayed like that for several moments, spreading Clarke’s slick juices until the blonde grabbed her wrist.

 “Lexa, please,” her voice was husky and her head thrown back in pleasure. Her eyebrows were scrunched together and her bottom lip was caught between her teeth as her hips rolled against Lexa’s hand.

Lexa placed a tender kiss to her shoulder before moving down again and taking a hardened nipple into her mouth. She rubbed her tongue over it and slid her fingers down, teasingly lightly at Clarke’s entrance before thrusting her middle finger inside slowly. She was suddenly wrapped in a tight, wet and warm passage that made her want to groan. Clarke was so fucking wet.

Clarke’s hips arched up against her hand, asking for more as she yanked at Lexa’s hair. Her breath hitched and Lexa’s entire body flushed with heat at the noise. Lexa obliged the gorgeous blonde, of course, by adding a second finger and thrusting in and out, rubbing hard and slow against Clarke’s front muscles.

Once again she searched for the right angles, focusing intensely on the woman beneath her and trying to elicit the most vocal and physical reactions she could. They spurred her on every time they escaped Clarke’s mouth.

“Lexa,” Clarke moaned, “fuck, right there.”

Lexa bit down on her neck, over an already bruising hickey she’d made in their passion. She rubbed harder at the spongy muscle, every time she thrusted her fingers inward. Her palm pressed and rolled against the blonde’s engorged clit with every movement.

Clarke’s lower stomach was twisted in a tight coil that was just about ready to burst. Lexa’s fingers were deft and thorough. She never thought that she could feel this turned on ever. Her fingers were working her so well that Clarke was almost certain she was about to burst.

Lexa’s breath was hot against her neck, at the spot right below her ear. Her fingers moved steadily as they thrusted and rubbed and worked. She was straddling Clarke’s thigh and grinding herself down, providing herself with the friction and relief that she needed because her insides felt like a hot, heavy mess of desire.

The brunette used her thigh to thrust harder and bury her fingers deeper inside Clarke. She breathed heavily and nipped lightly at the available skin before her. The girl underneath her was squirming and arching her hips into her hand, begging for more.

“Fuck, I-I’m,” that was all the warning Lexa got before Clarke’s walls tightened around her and her hips juddered quickly as she came. Lexa stopped thrusting and dragged her fingers along Clarke’s frontal wall to bring her down from her high. Clarke’s mouth hung open in a silent scream and her hands dug into Lexa’s hair, tightening to a point that was almost painful.

But Lexa wasn’t caring about that, all she was worried about was the expression of utter rapture on Clarke’s face. Lexa’s hand was covered in Clarke’s juices when she carefully and reluctantly withdrew her fingers from the welcoming warmth. Clarke groaned huskily and softly, gasping for breath and sweating.

“Mmm,” Clarke murmured as Lexa moved to lay between her legs. She rested her hands on either side of Clarke’s head to look down at her, “You know you’re really good at that, right?” her eyes fluttered open and it took them a moment to focus on Lexa’s face. What she found was such an open, genuine smile that she couldn’t resist the tired one that spread across her own lips.

“I’m glad you think so,” Pride welled up inside of Lexa’s chest, warming her in a very different way that what was burning hot between her legs. She smirked and Clarke raised a curious eyebrow, she was noticing the impish and playful light dancing in the forest green of those wide, animated eyes.

“What are you thinking?” She asked cautiously, shifting to wrap her arms around Lexa’s neck.

Lexa’s smirk widened and Clarke couldn’t help but laugh, “I’m thinking that I’m nowhere near done with you, Griffin.”

Clarke groaned but that smile stayed on her lips, “Oh definitely not, Woods. But, I haven’t even gotten a chance to _start_ with you.” As if to punctuate her words, her hips arched, thrusting Lexa up and off of her. Clarke rolled and ended up on top of Lexa, straddling her waist and smirking down at her.

The dark girl’s eyes were as wide as saucers at the unexpected show of strength. Those green eyes trailed over the naked body over her and she was acutely conscious of Clarke’s wetness rubbing over her lower stomach. Just the thought sent another stab of hot, burning arousal heading towards her clit. It made her very aware that she hadn’t gotten any relief yet.

Clarke’s hands trailed downward and they found Lexa’s easily enough. She intertwined their fingers before pinning the brunette’s hands above her head and grinning at her, “Let me work my magic.”

Lexa chuckled, “I’m definitely not going to complain.” Her eyes trailed over Clarke’s soft breasts and down her flat stomach before flitting back up to her face. Those cerulean eyes were bright with lust and happiness, her pink lips were tilted in a smirk Lexa was beginning to think was customary and Clarke’s cheeks were stained a slight pink. She was still breathing a little heavily as she recovered from her first orgasm.

“Good, because we’ll be up for a while,” Clarke leaned the rest of the way in, pressing her lips to Lexa’s in a kiss that she easily dominated. Lexa wasn’t complaining though, she was definitely ready to see what Clarke Griffin had in store for her. She was also ready to discover the blonde even further afterward.


	12. Part 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven is drunk AF and Anya finds Octavia in an odd situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS HAS TAKEN THREE YEARS TO UPDATE! I've been working and doing social things but it should be calming down in at least a week. I'll be updating Finding Home and Is There Somewhere? as soon as possible. I also have TWO one-shots in the works. If you're not subscribed to any of those, go subscribe now! Also, let me know what you think! ~TGF

~~~~

**Don’t You Go (Part 12)**

Raven weighed a hell of a lot more than she looked, Anya realized as she tried to drag the drunk girl up the stairs. She was leaning heavily against Anya’s shoulder, mumbling drunkenly about some type of physics or mechanics that Anya couldn’t understand. She didn’t really bothering listening either.

The younger girl had gotten incredibly shitfaced, too drunk to even seem remotely attractive. Anya cared about her enough to understand that something negative was going on inside of Raven’s head, but she didn’t think she had a right to know what it was. They weren’t labelled and she wasn’t sure that she _wanted_ them to be labelled. Instead, she lifted as much of Raven’s body as she could as the ascended.

“Fucking shit, Reyes, you weigh a ton.”

Raven made a humming noise in the back of her throat and slurred, “It’s all that boxing. I’m a badass with a shit ton of muscles.”

Anya rolled her eyes and huffed a little sigh as she finally made it to the second floor landing. The rest of the group had decided to call it an early night because they would have the rest of the week to party.

Honestly, Anya didn’t know half of the people passed out in her living room. Raven had insisted on a party, Octavia had agreed and Anya decided that it wasn’t a bad idea. But she hadn’t really thought about the fact that people wouldn’t really have a way of _leaving_ if she got tired of them. It would be too dangerous to go out in this weather.

A heavy thump pulled her from her reverie. She glanced around and found Raven face down on the ground, groaning. “What the fuck, Anya?” Her voice was strained from the sudden loss of breath.

“Don’t drink so much, idiot.” Anya grabbed her arm and tried to pull the boxer to her feet. It didn’t work and Raven was acting as though she didn’t have two working legs—or at least one and a half. Anya gave up and stormed over to Lexa’s door, knocking on it loudly to get her friend’s help.

When she didn’t receive an immediate response, Anya turned the doorknob and entered the bedroom uninvited. It was dark, cold and very much empty of any Lexa. Anya was almost certain she hadn’t seen her in the last couple of hours, but then again she’d been distracted with making sure Raven didn’t strip naked in front of everyone.

She’d only succeeded just barely, stopping the drunk girl from taking of her pants at the very last second. Nobody needed to see that and she was sure Raven would have regretted it in the morning.

Irritation bubbled in Anya’s chest and she pulled out her phone. Lexa was one of her first contacts so she pressed the screen and brought the device to her ear. It rang three times before her friend picked up.

“Hello?”

“Where the hell are you? Raven is lying half unconscious on the fucking floor.”

There was a pause, “I’m at Clarke’s. Her ex showed up and we decided to bail. Why? Is Raven okay?”

The irritation Anya felt seemed to dissipate and her whole reason for calling went flying out the window at the mention of the blonde, “You’re with Clarke?”

“Yeah,” was Lexa’s clipped response.

“Are you two alone?” Anya ventured.

Lexa huffed, making the line crackle, “Maybe, okay? I don’t need you butting in though.”

“Oh shit, you’re getting laid!” Anya realized and jumped a little on her toes, excited.

“I’m no—”

“Shut up, Woods. Let me enjoy this.” She paused and sucked in a deep breath, “You better tell me everything and be safe. I don’t need you coming back here with an STD.”

“Clarke doesn’t have an STD, Anya. And butt out, alright? I have to go. Please make sure Raven and Octavia are alright, I know Clarke’ll freak if anything happens to them.”

“Aww,” Anya cooed in a rare show of affection, “someone’s already got you wrapped around their little finger. Are you sure you two haven’t already slept together.”

“No,” Lexa made an exasperated noise in the back of her throat, “But I have to go. Call me tomorrow.”

“Oh I sure as hell will. Just tell me _one_ thing to tide me over until you give me the juicy details,” Anya turned, holding the phone with one hand and exited Lexa’s room. The door closed behind her.

“Were you in my room?”

“Of course not, I would never invade your privacy like that.”

“Of course you would, Anya,” Lexa huffed and then the line went silent. Anya waited for her request to be satisfied and Lexa finally groaned after a moment, “Really?”

“Yes, really.”

Raven groaned and rolled onto her back sluggishly, as if it was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. Her eyes blinked open and her hair covered most of her face, making her look suspiciously like the creepy girl from _The Ring._ Anya shook _that_ image away and tuned back in to the silence of her phone. “I’m waiting.”

“Fine, we kissed, alright? Now we’re about to play some _Battleship_ alcohol game. I’ve got to go. Take care of Clarke’s friends. Bye.” The line went dead and Anya grumbled in annoyance. She slipped her phone back into her pocket and looked down at the pitiful, small vision before her.

She placed her hands on her hips before kneeling down on one leg and grabbing Raven’s arms, “Come on, you idiot. Let’s get you to bed.”

“Know what, An?” Raven slurred, still the same dead weight as before.

“What, Raven?” she asked and tugged harder until the brunette clumsily attempted to get to her feet. They slowly stood up straight, leaning against each other with Anya holding most of Raven’s weight.

Once they were completely up and Raven was clutching at Anya’s shirt hard enough to make it pinch in places, Raven spoke again. “I’m sorry.”

Anya wasn’t really paying attention. She was more focused on making sure they didn’t fall over. She wasn’t sober herself, which made this _that_ much harder. “For what, Raven?”

“I think I’m in love with Octavia. She’s sooooo pretty.”

That wasn’t really _news_ to Anya. She had seen the way the two looked at each other when they went out together. Neither of them thought the feelings were reciprocated, or maybe there was something else holding them back. But Anya couldn’t ignore the slight pang of hurt that the words, she really did like Raven even if they were only messing around.

"I know that, stupid,” she replied gruffly, shoving those feelings into a little box and choosing to ignore them. They made it to her bedroom door and Anya shoved it open. Raven collapsed on the bed in a heap and let out a forced breath.

“She kissed me in the closet, you know. I don’t know what it meant, but I’ve been hurt before by someone I thought I was in love with. He hurt me and I don’t want that to happen again,” her legs hung over the edge of the bed.

Anya made a noncommittal noise in the back of her throat, letting Raven know she was listening. She grabbed at the waistband of Raven’s jeans and unbuttoned them.

“But I really, _really_ like her. I like you too, but not in the same way. You challenge me and we have great sex but—”

“I get it, Raven,” Anya snapped, jerking at the unbuttoned pants and taking them off of the brunette. She tossed it to the side as Raven sat up and slipped her bra off. “Maybe you should talk to Octavia, alright?”

Raven grinned dopily and sat up. “You’re right.”

“Not now,” Anya pushed her back down and settled her under the sheets. “Maybe when you’re sober.”

“Good idea,” Raven’s eyes were already drifting closed as she relaxed into the comfort of the bed. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever slept in anything that felt so much like feathers. At least, she thought it felt like feathers. She’d never slept in a feathered bed before. The cool pillow soothed her heated skin and she let her eyes settle closed. “You’re really smart, Anya.”

Then she was out and Anya was left staring at the slack-jawed face of a sleeping Raven Reyes. She was almost _certain_ that was the way she liked her most because she wasn’t talking constantly. Light snored emitted from slightly parted lips and Anya rolled her eyes. Even in sleep, Raven still managed to annoy her. Anya _hated_ snoring, no matter how nice the perpetrator was.

Deciding on ignoring all of the words Raven had said, she turned on her heels and shut her own bedroom door softly. She made her way down the hallway and the stairs, intending on find Octavia and making sure she was okay. Anya thought back, she hadn’t seen Octavia since she’d run off after the spin the bottle closet kiss with Raven. She had no idea where to search so she ended up scouring the entire house.

Most people were crashing on the couch or had found blankets and pillows to curl up on the floor with. The few people who were still awake sat huddled together and murmured buzzed greetings to their party hostess when she passed. The house was a mess with plastic cups, bottles and plates of food scattered across almost every available surface.

The porch was the cleanest area and the rain kept most people away. The karaoke machine had been shut down and the rain slanted into the screen, dripping water all over the cement. It would be a disaster to clean up later of the water stuck, which Anya assumed it would, but that was something for future Anya to deal with.

She continued walking, entering the farther, unoccupied part of the house where Lincoln was holed up. He was a much more antisocial person than even Lexa was. Lincoln didn’t like parties or loud music, he much preferred his video games and junk food. He was a loner and only opened up to people he trusted after a long period of time knowing them

So when she opened the basement door and found Octavia hopping on the sofa with a controller in her hand, Anya was shocked. The little brunette was screaming into an extra headset and aiming the controller at the screen as if that would help her situation any. Lincoln was much more unperturbed, chuckling and not focusing on his screen.

“Dammit! Lincoln! How do you throw grenades again?” Octavia shouted, collapsing back on the couch as the screen paused.

Instead of sticking around, Anya shut the door and slipped away.


	13. Part 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lincoln is a wise old soul. How exactly are they still playing video games online? The world may never know! But all things have plot holes and we all still loved the 100! Octavia gets her shit together.

**A/N: Hey there, lovely readers! I’m sorry for the long wait, but here’s some Octaven angst for you guys! I know you want more Clexa, trust me, I know. But it will come soon, I promise. As for right now, I’m done with school until Fall semester starts on the 22 nd and will have plenty of time for you lovely guys! Some new things have occurred, for example, I got myself a beta. If you don’t read _Is There Somewhere?_ You won’t know this. But her names is RhydianKnight and she writes some badass stories herself. So go check her out. Also, add me on Kik at that_gay_friend_69 if you want to pester me ** **J** **~TGF**

**Part 13**

Octavia was very drunk and playing first person shooter games whilst drunk was not the best idea she had ever had. Her fingers were clumsy and slow and she had died at least three times within the last five or so minutes. But that didn’t matter, because when she was drunk, she didn’t have a care in the world. Especially about video games or pretty friends she kissed and lived with and had a huge crush on.

Lincoln was nice once you got through his strong silent-type personality. He was actually just a huge teddy bear that laughed whenever she got frustrated and trash talked their opponents online whenever they said something misogynistic about his partner. He was patient with her and didn’t get annoyed when she threw things. If anything, it was a battle between the two for who got more intense during a match.

“Shit, which one is the shooting one again? The left or right?” Octavia groaned. She was in the middle of a fire fight and couldn’t even see her opponent, her avatar was just running in zigzags and circles trying to avoid bullets. Lincoln was far away somewhere trying to find the flag. He said Octavia was a great distraction and their strategy was kind of working, but it mostly ended with Octavia dying over half a dozen times.

Lincoln laughed, “The right one, just hold it down. You have a machine gun.”

“But what if I run out of bullets?”

“You won’t, Octavia.”

They finished the match and Lincoln paused the game before slouching back against the couch. “So tell me more about Raven.”

After Octavia had woken up from her alcohol-induced nap, they had talked a little bit and gotten to know each other. It was sort of a game now, where they would pause the game and ask each other some questions before starting it again. It was a good pass time and made for some good entertainment.

But Raven had come up after awhile and every time Lincoln asked about her, Octavia’s stomach did these weird things and she couldn’t control the stupid smile on her face. She remembered their kiss, though blurred and splotchy from alcohol consumption, it was still very much at the forefront of Octavia’s brain.

“She’s great. Did I tell you she’s a science genius?”

“Yes, you did.”

“Okay, well she is. She’s super fucking smart and came from a long line of really shitty people. Sometimes I’m just really proud of her, you know? She came from nothing. Her dad was an abusive drunk and her mom didn’t really do much, so her going to school and being so successful…it’s just really great. She’s amazing.”

“She sounds really driven to succeed,” Lincoln smiled, he could hear the quiet awe in Octavia’s voice and the way it softened when she talked about Raven. It was obvious to him that she was falling in love with her friend, but it didn’t seem to be obvious to Octavia.

Octavia sighed, “Yeah, anyway, what do you do besides play video game and go to war?”

“I like to work out.”

The brunette laughed and laid flat on the couch. “Of course you do. What kind of working out?”

“Recently I’ve tried running more. I used to be really into weight training and muscle strength, but I’ve decided that I need to improve on my endurance strength. It’s really fun, you should try it, we could run together.”

“Are you trying to say I actually  _need_ to run?” Octavia sat up to look at him, quirking an eyebrow in mock offense.

Lincoln scoffed and Octavia noticed the deliberate way his eyes trailed down her sprawled body. “No, but it’s a fun way to let off steam.”

The way he looked at her made Octavia feel more desirable than she had in a while. She knew what to for when someone was attracted to her and she was picking up all sorts of signs from Lincoln. So she sat up and decided to bask in the attention, because she deserved it. “Uh huh, what type of steam?”

Lincoln smiled sheepishly and glanced away, blushing at the obvious innuendo, “I don’t know, stress. It’s really good at putting things into perspective for me.”

Octavia scooted along the couch, watching Lincoln shift and blush harder and finding his nervousness utterly endearing. She didn’t bother with a reply and just sidled up next to Lincoln, “You know, I think you’re cute.”

The large bear of a man chuckled and turned to look at her, their faces closer than he expected them to be, “You’re adorable.”

Octavia grinned as a warm flood of butterflies tore through her stomach. It wasn’t as intense as it normally was, but she felt like it could become more. Instead of waiting and letting the moment pass, Octavia stretched forward and pressed her lips to his. His were a little rough and chapped but he kissed her back anyway.

Until he didn’t.

Lincoln’s body tensed up and he pulled away, pressing to Octavia’s shoulders lightly when she tried to pursue. He turned his head and took a deep breath but before he could respond, the brunette opened her mouth.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that but—”

“It’s okay, Octavia,” Lincoln smiled at her reassuringly, “I think you’re really nice and all, but you’re hung up on someone else. I don’t want to be a mistake or one-time thing for you.”

“You wouldn’t be,” Octavia’s heart clenched at the idea. Was that what she had been doing? Now that she thought about it, she found herself unconsciously comparing Lincoln and Raven. The feelings Lincoln elicited were new and interesting, but not as intense or real as with Raven. And damn Raven for making her feel all of these things for her.

Lincoln shrugged, “I think you have some unresolved feelings, so maybe you should talk to Raven. If it doesn’t work out, you can always call me. I’d be willing to go out with you. But right now, it wouldn’t be a good time.”

Octavia sighed and felt her heart sink. She knew she was avoiding it because  _damn_ they had kissed. She wasn’t sure if Raven had the same feelings, but Octavia had to be true to herself. Dancing around each other wasn’t going to work, so Octavia was going to have to make the first move.

She moved away from Lincoln, trying to mask her embarrassment as she thought over the paradox that felt like Raven. Octavia had never been with a girl before, but since they were roomed together, she wasn’t able to stop the obvious attraction she felt for her friend. The question had always been, was it worth pursuing? But she’d never noticed if the feelings had been reciprocated.

But what she felt in that closet was something more than just an ‘I have to kiss you because we’re playing a game’ thing. Still, Raven was doing whatever it was that she was doing with Anya and Octavia didn’t know if it was ever going to get serious or not.

She covered her face with her hands and groaned, “What should I do?”

“You’re asking me?”

“No, I’m asking your twin. Yes, I’m asking you. There’s nobody else here.”

“Jeez,” Lincoln sat back as the tense feeling in the room dissipated, “snappy. Personally, I think you just need to have a serious conversation with her. If you like her and want to be with her, tell her how you feel and let her do with that what she may.”

Octavia huffed, but she’d never been one to back down from any challenge. She liked to think that she was brave and stood up to confrontation. But right now, she felt scared out of her mind. She’d never felt like this before, so intensely. It was different than everything in high school and she hadn’t been with anyone really seriously before. But, damn, she wanted to be serious with Raven.

“Fine. I’ll talk to her in the morning. But I’m going to need some liquid courage.” She reached over for her bottle of discarded alcohol from earlier. But when she had it in her hand, Lincoln snatched it away.

“Hell no. You’re not drinking, you have to be sober for this sort of stuff. It’s serious and you need to know what you’re saying. There’s nothing you can say that’ll change my mind and we should probably get some rest.”

“But I’m still wired, I took a nap earlier.”

“Then stay down here and keep playing games until you’re tired. But I’m taking this bottle with me,” Lincoln stood, holding the bottle in one hand and towering over Octavia as he spoke. He moved around her until he was almost at the door, “I swear if you drink anything before talking to Raven I  _will_ make you sweat it all out.”

“That sounds sexual,” Octavia joked.

“It’s not. I’ll make you go outside and jog it off in this hurricane.”

The brunette gasped in horror, “You would not.”

“Oh I would,” Lincoln laughed and opened the basement door.

“But I might melt.”

“Trust me, you’re not that sweet. Get some rest,” He called over his shoulder before he was gone and Octavia was left alone.

“Dammit,” she muttered to herself as she slouched into the couch, “what the hell am I going to do?”

~   ~   ~

The next morning came with a pounding headache and a dull throbbing in the pit of herstomach. Her skin was sweaty and the air was thick with humidity because the damn electricity was still out. Raven’s head was buried under a pillow that smelled just like Anya. She was used to waking up there, especially after a late night call that ended with them falling asleep utterly exhausted. She never knew why Anya called at 3:00am but it ended without nightmares on Raven’s part so it was always worth it.  
  
But now she was alone, cold and thought she might throw up at any moment. Her stomach was churning in the most unappealing way and she bolted up as soon as she felt the telltale signs of throwing up.  
  
Raven jumped out of bed and slammed through the bedroom door to get to the bathroom. But before she made it halfway down the hall her body collided with another one. She nearly fell to the ground, but pushed her way passed the person. She stumbled to her knees in front of the toilet and lifted the lid just as all of the alcohol expelled itself from her stomach.

  
  
“Shit, Rae,” an all too familiar voice called after her, “are you okay?” The voice came closer, but Raven was too busy coughing up burning stomach acid to really feel embarrassed.  
  
Octavia had been on her way upstairs to find Raven when the girl had barreled into her. She had nearly fallen to the ground, but caught herself on the adjacent wall as Raven stumbled into the bathroom. The door hit the wall hard, the noise echoing down the hallway before retching replaced it.  
  
The shorter brunette’s first reaction was to go to Raven’s aid. The darker girl was boisterous and sometimes drank too much when she was having a good time. Octavia couldn’t count the amount of times she had held Raven’s hair back in their dormitory bathroom after a particularly rambunctious fraternity party. So now, here she was, holding the other girl’s soft hair back out of her face as she threw up.  
  
Raven’s skin was feverish, so instead of pulling away once she was finished, Octavia cupped the side of her sweaty neck. She kneeled behind her and allowed Raven to slouch against her to recover.  
  
“Shit, I feel better,” Raven breathed once she’d recovered her breath. There was still a burning sensation in the back of her throat and her mouth tasted how she imagined decomposition smelled, but her stomach wasn’t rolling anymore. Her head still pounded and she was thankful the sky was heavily overcast outside or else she would probably be dying.  
  
Octavia chuckled and slouched back against the far wall, allowing Raven to settle between her legs. She ran her fingers through Raven’s hair soothingly, “How much did you drink last night?”  
  
Raven hummed and closed her eyes, content to stay right there in Octavia’s arms. The girl always knew how to take care of her when she had a hangover. There was just something about Octavia that calmed her. “Too much.”  
  
“Obviously,” Octavia let them settle into silence and Raven’s head fell against her shoulder. She could feel Raven’s nose brushing against the side of her neck and her warm breath on her skin.  
  
Octavia was tense, she could clearly remember what had happened last time they were this close. But Raven seemed too impaired to really think about it. Or maybe it wasn’t as big of a deal to her, an undesirable voice whispered in her mind. She tensed, and Raven seemed to sense that, even through her muddled brain and pounding headache.  
  
“You okay?” Her hand slid over to Octavia’s jean-clad knee, where it was crooked up and her foot was pressed against the base of the toilet. Raven was boxed in, surrounded by Octavia and she couldn’t have liked it more.  
  
Octavia huffed out a little breath, “Yeah, I was just looking for you.”  
  
Raven hummed her acknowledgement and brushed her thumb over Octavia’s leg softly, “What about?”  
  
It took Octavia a moment to come up with a response. She had been psyching herself out since early that morning, having gotten minimal sleep. On her way up the stairs she had been filled with a confidence she didn’t feel, but now all of it was gone. Her heart pounded and confronting this situation seemed like an impossible feat, “I don’t think we should talk about it until you’re sober.”  
  
Raven knew her friend was giving her an option to shut the door on this conversation. She was giving her the option and Raven was thankful for that, but she couldn’t just avoid it. She wasn’t the type of person to go around causing drama, she was used to getting to the point and being blunt. But sometimes her feelings took forever to catch up with her and she just let things get out of hand.  
  
It was a flaw of hers she would have to get over.  
  
“You want to talk about what happened in the closet?”  
  
“No,” was Octavia’s short, hesitant response.  
  
Raven waited, trying to push the sick, haziness from her body to focus on the situation at hand. She pulled away from Octavia to turn and face her directly, “Elaborate, please?”  
  
The smaller girl glanced away, taking extreme interest in her fingers. Her legs crossed in front of her, leaving Raven exposed and feeling colder than before. “I just,” she glanced up and scanned Raven’s face, “I wanted to talk to you about my feelings.”  
  
“Feelings about?” Raven prompted, she was genuinely confused.  
  
Octavia huffed and slapped her hands on her thighs in frustration, “Are you serious? Feelings for you, you big dummy.” She shoved at Raven’s shoulder before settling back down and tilting her head back to look at the ceiling—anywhere but at the girl in front of her.  
  
They were on the edge of a cliff. Their relationship was on the verge of changing and they weren’t exactly sure how. Neither of them were unsure about their own feelings, but doubted the others. Being unsure for either of them made everything unsettling for both of them.  
  
“What kind of feelings for me?” Raven asked slowly, trying to wrap her head around what Octavia was saying. The hope that bubbled up in her stomach warmed her insides and, God, she wanted Octavia to say what she wanted her to.  
  
Octavia opened her mouth, but failed to produce words. She had gone over this a million times in her head, imagined scenarios just like this one. The things she would say, how she would act and the way Raven would react. But the fear clogged her throat until she looked like a gasping fish, opening and closing her mouth.  
  
When Octavia finally met Raven’s eyes she noticed the small smirk on her lips. The infuriating smirk she had when she knew something someone else didn’t. “I didn’t kiss you because of the game, Octavia.”  
  
“You what?” Octavia’s head snapped to look at Raven again, her heart skipping a beat before setting off at a much faster speed.  
  
“Well, I mean, I didn’t kiss you just because of the game. I care about you, O. As more than a friend and I have for a while. Probably since you came waltzing through our dorm room on the first day.” Raven rubbed her hands over her face and shook her head, “I can’t believe I just said that.” She laughed at herself.  
  
Octavia couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face, even as her cheeks heated up with embarrassment. “Really?”  
  
“Um, yeah. Really.”  
  
“What about Anya?”  
  
“Anya and I aren’t together. She’s kind of been distracting me from you.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because you’ve never mentioned liking girls before and I didn’t think I had a chance. It was like torturing myself though.”  
  
“Watching you with Anya’s been torturing me. Ask Clarke.”  
  
“You’re serious?”  
  
“Yes,” Octavia tentatively brushed a strand of Raven’s sleep mussed hair out of her face. Her confidence had built while Raven had been talking and now she was ready to take the next step, “I have a question for you.”  
  
Raven frowned, “What is it?”  
  
“After this hurricane is over, would you want to go on a date with me?”  
  
Octavia didn’t receive a verbal response, but an unexpected slam of lips against hers. It wasn’t unwelcome, only surprising and she grabbed the sides of Raven’s face. She couldn’t resist the grin that spread across her face.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” she chuckled against Raven’s lips before pulling away again.  
  
“Definitely a yes.”  
  
“Not that I don’t like kissing you or anything, but please don’t until you brush your teeth. Morning breath and stale alcohol doesn’t taste very nice.”  
  
“Shit,” Raven covered her mouth, “I’m sorry.” She quickly stood and opened the cabinet underneath the sink, searching for something. She came up with an unopen toothbrush. “Here we go.”  
  
Raven leaned against the sink while she brushed her teeth and Octavia watched her in wonderment. This amazing woman had feelings for her, something that Octavia hadn’t ever really considered possible. She had always hoped, of course. But the idea that they would be going on a date as soon as possible seemed unfathomable to her.  
  
Ideas ran through her head, since she’d asked Raven out, she planned on being the one to plan and pay for the date. But now where was she going to take Raven? There were so many ideas running through her head, but one of them outshined them all.  
  
“You’re going to break it off with Anya, right?” she paused and Raven glanced up at her. Her mouth was foaming with toothpaste and her eyebrows were shot up her forehead, “I mean, it’s not like we’re official or anything and I can’t control who you see but—”  
  
Raven spit and rinsed her mouth before wiping the water from her chin. Their eyes met through the mirror, “Anya and I have a mutual agreement, if you’ll feel more comfortable going out with me, I’ll break it off with her. I was going to do it anyway.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
Raven grinned at her before turning and stepping closer. Her face grew serious as they stared at each other. There was something in Raven’s dark eyes that Octavia couldn’t exactly read, but it sent a shiver down her spine, “Anything for you.”


	14. Part 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in honor of Hurricane Matthew (now a Category 4) I am updating this story before I intended to. For those of you in Florida right now, stay safe and indoors and make sure you are prepared for the worst. This is the worst hurricane in 12 years to hit our shores, this is not something to be taken lightly. But, if you have wifi and find yourself bored out of your mind, please enjoy this chapter and let me know your thoughts! ~TGF

**Part 14**

“Give it to me, I’m worth it! Uh-huh, I’m worth it!”

            Clarke’s stomach ached from the amount of laughing she’d been doing over the course of the last six hours. After sleeping together, they had settled into a bubble that blocked out the rest of the world. With the hurricane still raging through Orlando, they weren’t able to go to work and with the power out. They weren’t able to contact anyone with their phones dead.

            There were no responsibilities and they could just _be._ And being meant being together so maybe they were pretending that they were _really_ together. There were no problems with that, no matter how many feelings Lexa elicited in Clarke.

            They had discussed almost everything about their lives. There were no barriers between them. As they basked in their post coital bliss, Clarke had run her fingers over the raised, round scars on Lexa’s back. She’d wanted to ask, but didn’t want to bring up anything that would make Lexa feel awkward.

            But to Clarke’s utter amazement, Lexa willingly provided the information. She whispered about how her Dad was an abusive, asshole and her mom was a passive drunk. Her dad would put out cigarettes on her skin and find a sadistic joy in the pain it caused Lexa when she was a kid. He did it as a punishment when she did something he didn’t approve of.

Now, Lexa didn’t really think or talk about it, but telling Clarke really made her feel better. That conversation led to Clarke talking about her disagreements with her mom and then how amazing her dad was. Her life wasn’t as tragic as Lexa’s, but it still had its own problems.

It was like every whisper, every giggle and quiet joke was just between them. The secrets they shared would never escape Clarke’s bed. Both of them were confident in that. Both of them found comfort and peace in each other’s arms. Their bubble would not be broken, their little safe haven would forever be a place they could escape to if the need arose.

After hours of talk, they had dozed off snuggled together until thunder had awoken Lexa and then Clarke in turn. To entertain themselves, Lexa went through Clarke’s closet with the blonde’s permission. She’d found Clarke’s old boom box from middle school and then gone through all of the CDs in the living room entertainment center. She found several D batteries in the bottom of Clarke’s junk drawer still in their package.

That led to Lexa jumping on the bed and dancing over Clarke like a fool. She wiggled her hips, her feet on either side of Clarke’s body. She was dressed on one of Clarke’s hoodies and a pair of borrowed underwear. Her dancing, by any means, was silly and uncoordinated, but she was having fun, and that was all that mattered to Clarke.

“You’re such a dork, Lex.” Clarke shouted over the music, though unable to keep the smile of her face. Her cheeks hurt from it. Lexa just had the ability to draw it out of her.

Lexa ignored her and dropped to her knees, straddling Clarke’s waist and leaned close, rapping the next lines. “ _Okay, I tell her bring it back like she left something’, bring it back like she left somethin’. Uh, in the club with the lights off, what you actin’ shy for? Come and show me that you’re with it, with it, with it, with it_.” At this line, Lexa shifted her hips left than right with each _with it_ like a complete dork. Clarke found it adorable and placed her hands under her hoodie and on those hips.

Lexa poked Clarke’s nose and continued, “ _Stop playin’ now you know I’m with it, with it, with it, with it. What you actin’ shy for?”_ She continued on with the song, singing it and standing back up to dance to it.

Once it was over another one of Clarke’s songs came on. Her friends liked to make her CDs, even though they could just dedicate a Spotify playlist to her. But she didn’t mind. It kind of made her reminisce high school. So the next song was nothing like the last one.

“You know, we should probably turn that thing off. It’ll die soon.” Clarke pointed out as the intro to the next song began. Lexa plopped back down on Clarke’s stomach, nearly knocking the air out of the blonde.

Lexa shrugged, “You’re nooo fun, you know. You could at least dance with me.”

Clarke chuckled and opened her mouth to say something when the first words to the song began, “Oh shit! I love this song.”

They listened for a second, Lexa frowning as she tried to place the song and Clarke wiggling a little to the lyrics. “I don’t know it.”

“It’s not really well know,” Clarke explained, “It’s called High by Sivik. It’s really the only song I know by him. Or them, I’m not sure exactly. But it’s really good.”

Clarke leaned closer and began whispering the lyrics, wiggling her eyebrows, “ _I don’t even care, yeah, you got me good. We don’t gotta know if we should. Getting lost on you, yeah you said I could. ‘Cause you know that, ‘cause you know.”_

Lexa slid her arms around Clarke’s neck and listened. The song didn’t call for a very good singing voice, but Clarke could sing. Lexa could hear it. The blonde’s voice was low and soft, since she was singing directly to Lexa. It sent a shiver down Lexa’s spine.

“ _Once I get it, so addicted, got me tripping, high off of you._ ” Clarke was so close now that her nose brushed against Lexa’s ever so lightly. Her thumb brushed over Lexa’s lower lip lightly.

The world seemed to narrow down to the girl in front of her. Lexa’s stomach did cartwheels and she felt like she was melting into Clarke. The blonde had this ability to make her brain completely short-circuit. The feelings that flashes through Lexa’s head and her body made her nervous and a little anxious at their intensity.

“ _Once you get it, so addicted, got you trippin’, high off of me._ ”

Lexa rolled her eyes and pushed down on the bubbling anxiety by pressing her lips against Clarke’s hard. She flexed her thighs on either side of Clarke, letting the song fade into the background as all of her attention was taken up by the woman before her.

Clarke’s hands trailed up Lexa’s thighs and around to squeeze at her ass. Their lips pushed and pulled and the blonde captured Lexa’s lower lip between hers. She sucked lightly, brushing her tongue over the soft flesh before nipping at it.

Suddenly, Lexa was flipped backwards. Her stomach lurched into her throat for a second before she landed on the soft bed beneath her. Clarke was sitting up, between Lexa’s legs now, due to their swapped positions.

The blonde leaned up and forward, hovering over the brunette who couldn’t really breathe. Clarke’s eyes were dark and Lexa felt the air leave her lungs in a rush as a stab of desire hit her in the stomach.

When Clarke came level with Lexa’s face, she leaned down, resting on her forearms, and smirked. “ _You keep me from crashing down, stay a little longer, stay a little longer with me.”_

“You’re a dork,” Lexa managed, rolling her eyes and trying to hide the blush on her cheek. She was flustered and turned on and didn’t know what to think of Clarke Griffin.

 “Thank you,” Clarke’s smirk spread into a wider smile that showed of her cheeks and crinkled her eyes.

“So you can sing?” Lexa prompted, slipping her arm up and into Clarke’s hair. It was tied up into a bun but there were short baby hairs poking out. So she lightly ran her fingers through them and casually looped her legs around Clarke’s waist. It felt so easy to lay like this, wrapped up so tightly together, no matter how little they knew each other.

It felt like the final puzzle piece was slipping into place for both of them. It was hard to admit to themselves, but they weren’t going to stop, it felt too right.

Clarke shrugged and leaned back up on her hands, glancing away. “I guess, kind of.”

“Mmm, nice, you should sing more.” Lexa smiled and pulled Clarke back down.

“Mmm, maybe,” Clarke smiled back and captured Lexa’s lower lip between her teeth lightly before pulling back. “How about later?”

“Sounds good to me,” Lexa breathed, feeling desire pulse through her stomach and between her legs. She rolled her head back as Clarke moved downward, her lips pressing open mouthed kisses along Lexa’s sensitive neck.

She found Lexa’s pulse point, already lightly bruised from the night before, and bit down on the skin there. Her fingers edged down until she grasped the edge of the hoodie Lexa was wearing and pushed it upward.

Lexa groaned, “Clarke.” She squirmed beneath the blonde and closed her eyes, feeling wetness pool between her legs.

“Mmm?” Clarke pulled away, stopping her hand on its exploration of Lexa’s rippling torso. Her eyes were heavily lidded and her cheeks were flushed a rosy red of obvious arousal.

“You’re insatiable.”

Clarke smirked and wiggled her eyebrows. She slid down Lexa’s body, pushing the hoodie up and over Lexa’s stomach, “You’re just so responsive. I’m addicted.” Then she placed nipping, sucking kisses on Lexa’s stomach that left rosy marks that would develop into bruises eventually.

Lexa’s hands shot into Clarke’s hair, the heat in her body tripling, “Fuck.” She threw her head back against the bed and arched her back, squirming. Clarke’s tongue rubbed against her skin deliciously and she touched all of the right spots that had Lexa a soaked mess beneath her.

“Oh, I plan on it,” Clarke breathed before pulling away and urging Lexa up to take off the annoying hoodie baring her progress.

Their touches grew bolder, their kisses hotter and the clothes separating them sparser. It was addictive, too addictive. They both knew this was too fast, the feelings they were both developing were too intense and too much for either of them to truly fathom.

If they had any time to contemplate exactly what was going on between them, both would have been utterly terrified. But they didn’t, instead, they lost themselves in each other.

~   ~   ~

            It was about five in the afternoon that the real world decided to make an appearance.

            Lexa had dipped into Clarke’s stash of books after a breakfast of junk food between the two of them. They had ended up lounging in Clarke’s bedroom where the lighting was the best. Clarke set up more candles while Lexa searched for a book light to read by.

            They then climbed into bed. The thunder was loud and the wind whistled through the window, but they were both content to sit there. Lexa couldn’t leave, the hurricane was still passing through. They had listened to the radio earlier and found out that the hurricane would be lasting a longer time and that there was a lot of flooding and toppling trees and electrical pools.

            Clarke ended up with her sketchbook and a couple of pencils. She was sitting up on the bed with Lexa’s body pressed next to hers. They sat there, barely touching and silently doing their own things. It was one of the most domestic things Clarke had ever really done with anyone.

Whenever she dated anyone there was little time for tranquil relaxation. It was always go, go, go with all of them. Go clubbing here, go on a date here, go hang out here. Or it was all sexual. This was different.

This was something deeper and more intense than anything Clarke had ever experienced before. It scared her but thrilled her at the same time. It was like going sky diving, you’re afraid until you fall and then you wonder why the hell you hadn’t done this before.

Clarke had started drawing a dark forest, with its high canopy and overhanging leaves. She’d even started on the patterns of the sunlight beaming down from above until she’d gotten sidetracked.

Lexa was just so distracting. The way her eyebrows arched and the light curved over her cheeks. Her jaw was utterly perfect and her lips were so inviting and soft. Clarke couldn’t help wanting to get it all down on paper. She was so lost in her own thoughts that her hand mindlessly began turning the trees into the curves and angles of Lexa’s concentrated face.

The brunette had picked out a book Clarke had gotten on Solipsism Theory from her Uncle Marcus after graduating high school. Clarke had skimmed through it once and had nearly passed out from the utter confusion of the theory itself. Her eyebrows were furrowed in concentration and her lower lip was caught between her teeth.

A knock at Clarke’s apartment door roused them from their individual activities.

Lexa blinked a couple of times and closed her book, as if coming out of a trance. She arched her back and stretched her muscles like a cat waking up from a nap. Clarke watched her with a smile, finding the sleepy, dazed look on her face endearing.

“Expecting someone?” Lexa asked, her voice strained as she stretched.

Clarke rolled her eyes and closed her sketchbook, tossing it onto the bed between the two of them. “Obviously. It’s probably a neighbor or something.”

Lexa hummed and relaxed, lying flat on her back. She closed her eyes and spread herself out on the bed. She looked completely content with her position.

Clarke couldn’t resist climbing back onto the bed and leaning over Lexa to kiss her. She pressed her lips firmly to the brunette’s for a couple of seconds before standing back up, “I’ll be right back.”

She left the room followed by a huffy grumble from Lexa she didn’t quiet catch.

Clarke opened the front door and was greeted by her neighbor across the hallway in room 3D, Niylah. The blonde didn’t know Niylah very well, only that she was friendly and empathetic when Clarke needed a shoulder to cry on. They hadn’t spoken much before but it hadn’t been hard for them to fall into bed together when Finn had broken up with Clarke.

Now they didn’t talk much, except for casual greetings when they ran into each other in the hallway. It wasn’t awkward but there was no reason for them to become any closer. There was no chemistry beyond the physical between them and they were both okay with it.

“Hey, Niylah, what’s up?”

The blonde stood awkwardly in the hallway, shifting from foot to foot. “Um, nothing much,” she shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest. She was dressed in a white v-neck and a pair of jeans, casual for a day indoors. “Jaha somehow managed to get food in the lobby. He said that there’s plenty for everyone. I didn’t know if you knew about it and I didn’t want you to starve.”

“Really? That’s great.”

“Yeah, there’s pizza, I think he somehow bribed the Pizza Hut up the road to deliver. No idea.”

“Fantastic,” Clarke smiled and opened the door just a little more until she was leaning against the frame. “I’ll go grab Lexa and we can go down together.” She left the door ajar and turned around. It wasn’t too hard for Clarke to leave her door open anyway. She was so used to her friends just barging in anyway, it was like her home was a commons area for everyone she knew.

Clarke turned and found Lexa exiting her bedroom, still scantly clothed in a hoodie and underwear. Niylah had let herself in, taking the open door as invitation and spotted the brunette as she turned to get a better look at the inside of Clarke’s apartment. She’d only been inside once before and hadn’t been too intent on memorizing the floor plan.

“Heeeey, Lex.” Clarke said, skittering to interrupt Niylah’s view of the girl in front of her. “My neighbor from across the hall came over.”

“I see,” Lexa raised an eyebrow before glancing down at her naked legs. “I should probably put on some pants.”

“Maybe,” Clarke chuckled, feeling anxiety bubbling in her stomach. Her history with Niylah was in the back of her mind. Maybe she and Lexa weren’t a thing and maybe they had only slept together once. But there was something developing, Clarke could feel it and it was too new. If Lexa knew about her history with Niylah it could turn her off to any feeling she may have developed for Clarke.

But before the blonde could say anything to Lexa, the brunette was backtracking into her bedroom and closing the door in Clarke’s face without a word. She came out a couple of minutes later in her clothes from the day before. Her hair was up in a uniform ponytail and she looked like she had washed her face.

She smiled when she found Clarke bouncing her leg nervously while sitting on the couch. Niylah was sitting on the shoulder of the couch with her arms over her chest. It was silent, waves of tension rolling off of Clarke.

“Hi,” she greeted Niylah, walking forward and holding out her hand, “I’m Lexa.”

Niylah offered a thin smile, glancing between her and Clarke before shaking her hand with a nod, “I’m Niylah.”

Clarke hopped to her feet then, as if shocked out of her thoughts. She rushed between the two, “So Niylah came over to tell us that Jaha, our landlord somehow managed to get food.”

“Oh really?” Lexa raised an eyebrow and turned to Clarke. She could feel Clarke’s unease, but didn’t understand it. Niylah seemed cold and a little reserved. Lexa didn’t know her though and Clarke was acting straight up weird. Lexa liked to think that she was good at reading people and if she was reading Clarke properly, there was something she wasn’t seeing.

Lexa turned back to Niylah, “So where do you know Clarke from? Besides being neighbors.”

“Ahh,” Niylah glanced between the two girls uncomfortably. This was all types of awkward that she didn’t want to get into. Her eyes finally settled back on Lexa, “Nowhere really, we just hang out sometimes.”

“Huh,” Lexa nodded, maintaining eye contact. She knew. It wasn’t hard to tell and she felt a white hot jealousy bubbling up in her stomach before she could tamp it down.

After a moment of the staring contest, Clarke’s hand slipped into the crook of Lexa’s elbow. She pulled lightly, coaxing Lexa back, “Why don’t we go downstairs?”

“Sure,” Lexa shook her head and rubbed her face before gesturing for Niylah to go first. She followed behind Clarke and together, the three of them headed to the lobby.

~   ~   ~

            “So who is Lexa?”

            Clarke glanced at Niylah desperately, she didn’t want to discuss this because she really didn’t know who Lexa was. The brunette in question was lined up grabbing a slice of pizza and having a civil conversation with one of Clarke’s unknown neighbors.  The two girls were sitting on a couch in the lounge area with bottles of lukewarm water.

            “She’s…just a girl I met.”

            “Really? You look at her weird,” Niylah offered.

            “Weird?” Clarke raised an eyebrow and turned her body so she was facing more towards the other blonde. Niylah sat with one arm slung over the back of the couch and her leg crooked in front of her, facing Clarke directly.

            She shrugged and sipped at her water, clearly attempting to be nonchalant, “You look at her like you have feelings for her.”

            “I met her yesterday, there’s really no way I could have feelings for her,” Clarke denied grumpily, straightening her back defensively.

            Niylah laughed, “Sure. Do you not have feelings for her or do you not know if she has feelings for you?”

            “I met her yesterday, we slept together. That’s it. Not much else has happened,” she defended herself, scoffing at the question.

            “That doesn’t mean anything, Clarke.”

            Clarke didn’t know what to say, there really wasn’t anything she could think of to defend herself. With a sigh, she dropped her shoulders and glanced at the brunette across the room. “Fine, I don’t know what we’re doing and we haven’t talked about it.”

            Niylah chuckled, “That shouldn’t be too hard to fix. Just talk to her about it.”

            “That’s easier said than done,” Clarke rolled her eyes at the other blonde.

            “What’s easier said than done?” Lexa asked, setting her plate down on the table before her and taking a seat on the other side of Clarke.

            Niylah gave Clarke a pointed look before standing and grabbing her food, “Nothing, I’m going to go talk to Ben.” She gestured behind her, towards a group standing close together, near the food.

            She was gone in a second and Clarke and Lexa were left alone. The blonde turned to the other girl and brought her legs up so she could cross them. Lexa sat there, a piece of pizza in her hand and cheese dangling between her mouth and the slice. She looked like she was caught in a precarious position.

            Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at the comical show as the brunette tried to keep the mess of cheese and sauce from getting all over her face. “Oh my god, are you okay?”

            Lexa tilted her head down, dropping the pizza on her plate and tearing the cheese so she could finish her bite. She wiped at her face and wrinkled her nose, “I’m good.”

            They sat there in silence for a second and Clarke watched the dork of a girl try to wipe the blush from her face. She avoided Clarke’s eyes and went back to eating her pizza.

            Clarke couldn’t help but stare, the way the blush darkened her features and she bashfully glanced away. It was endearing and adorable and Clarke wished she could just kiss her without doubting what was going on between them.

            Clarke Griffin wasn’t one to back down from confrontation. She wasn’t one to grow squeamish at the first sign of feelings. She was brave. But right now the amount and intensity of the feelings she had for Lexa scared the shit out of her. She wanted to chalk it up to being infatuated after a great night together. But damn it if she didn’t already know she was screwed.

            She opened her mouth to say something, anything. To ask Lexa if she felt the same way, maybe, but her voice froze in her throat. She couldn’t speak because she was nervous. Her stomach was in knots and she didn’t know how to bring it up.

            “You okay?”

            Clarke was dragged out of her thoughts at the worried look on Lexa’s face. She seemed relaxed and not at all thinking along the same stressful lines as Clarke was. “Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking.”

            “I can tell, you look like you’re in pain.”

            Clarke scooted closer to Lexa, wrapping her arm around the other girl’s shoulders. “How could I be in pain when I’m with you?”

            Lexa laughed outright at the ridiculousness of that statement and rolled her eyes, “Smooth.”

            The two sat there for a minute in silence. Clarke wasn’t really hungry, so had opted for only a drink, while Lexa had practically sprinted to the pizza. The blonde was having a hard time not thinking about Lexa and imagining what taking her out on a date would be like. She was so lost in her own thoughts, she didn’t notice Roan approaching until he was sitting on the table in front of them.

            “Hey, Roan.” She yanked her arm away from Lexa and leaned forward, blinking away the image of Lexa in a dress.

            The man was dressed in a pair of black, low hung jeans and a ratty black t-shirt. A leather wrist band wrapped around his forearm and his hair was long and tied up into a bun at the back of his head. A clean, trimmed beard covered his face.

            If Clarke hadn’t known him as well as she did, she would have been intimidated by his size and gothic style. But this man before her was a soft, teddy bear at heart and there was no reason for Clarke to be intimidated at all.

            “Hey, Clarke. Who’s this?” Roan smiled and turned to Lexa, extending a hand. “I’m Roan, I live above Clarke.”

            Lexa shook his hand after whipping the grease off of her fingers and smiled, “I’m Lexa, a friend of Clarke’s.”

            It was the most appropriate response Lexa could think of, even though her stomach twisted painfully in response to her words. She hadn’t wanted to say _girlfriend_ about someone since Costia.

“Nice to meet you, Lexa,” Roan smiled again before returning his attention to Clarke. “So I have a proposition for you.”

Clarke groaned. Roan played in a heavy metal band and had once upon a time, pissed Clarke off with his constant noise vibrating through her apartment at all hours of the night. But he had ended up buying a garage where he and his band practiced a couple of months back, meaning they had ended up warming up to each other as acquaintances. Clarke knew that Roan wanted to recruit a female singer for his band and when Raven had decided to inform him Clarke could sing, he had be relentlessly asking her to, at the very least, try out.

“Just hear me out,” Roan raised his hands in surrender until Clarke finally focused on him. “There’s this bar that I play at, alone and without the band. I’m interested in stuff besides heavy metal, you know. And I wanted to do this duet, but I need a female singer.”

“And I’m the only female singer you know?” Clarke asked, feeling the anxiety she’d grown accustomed to attaining whenever public performance was brought up settle into her stomach.

Roan rolled his eyes and let out a heavy breath, his entire body slouching in defeat. “No, you’re not. But I really want you to just…try.”

Clarke felt irritation boil in the pit of her stomach, “Why? What’s in it for you? You’ve never even heard me sing.”

Her voice was harsh enough that Lexa placed a hand on her thigh and gave it a squeeze. It was one of those things, a natural reaction she believed would calm Clarke in some way. The blonde seemed distressed and Lexa didn’t like seeing her that way.

“Clarke, please. Just…sing the song with me sometime this week? Please?” Roan asked, reaching forward as if to grasp Clarke’s hand but thinking better of it and standing instead. The medical student was too distressed to really keep pushing.

Clarke stared up at the large man as he blotted out the overhead light. She took a deep breath, trying to tamp down on the anxiety in her chest. Just the thought of singing in public made her insides roll and her stomach clench painfully. Lexa’s attempt at comfort didn’t really help, but just the consideration made her feel a little better.

“Maybe,” Clarke relented, slouching into the couch and rubbing her eyes, “we’ll see okay? I’ll send you a text.”

“Thank you, Clarke,” Roan smiled and set a heavy hand on the blonde’s head before messing up her hair. “I guess that’s all I can ask for.”

“It is,” Clarke grumbled and tried to fix her now frizzy hair, “especially when you do this shit.”

Then Roan was gone and Clarke and Lexa were left alone once again.

Lexa waited a moment before voicing her questions, deciding whether or not it was a good idea to do so. She watched Clarke’s face morph from a scowl into a thin smile when they made eye contact.

“Sorry,” Clarke muttered, “He does that a lot.”

“Why is he doing that?”

“Raven once told him I could sing and now he’s fixated on making me sing in public to get over my stage fright or something. It’s gotten infuriating…” Clarke explained and huffed, running a hand through her hair again.   

Lexa smiled softly, “You do have a good voice.”

“Thanks,” Clarke smiled back and visibly relaxed.

~   ~   ~

            It was over an hour later and Clarke was deep in conversation with a classmate that lived in the same building about organic chemistry. Lexa had tried to understand what was going on but it went straight over her head. Even though Clarke had tried to involve her in the conversation, she’d eventually been forced out by _binary compounds_ and _reagents_ she didn’t exactly understand.

So instead of sticking around, she wandered around in hopes of finding someone to start up a conversation with. Lexa held her drink close to her body and scouted around the corners of the room as she moved. It reminded her uncomfortably of high school and standing in the corner of the room while watching everyone enjoy themselves with their friends.

It had been hard trying to fit in at school. She had been easily angered and standoffish during school, which had made it difficult to make any friends. Lexa had been the loner in the corner who only ever hung out with those kids that did drugs or drank regularly—the losers who wouldn’t be going anywhere in life.

Lexa had thought she wouldn’t, but here she was. She’d gotten out of her town, away from her parents and made herself something. She lived in Florida and was a rising journalist. It was something she thought about often because it baffled her sometimes.

As Lexa scanned her surroundings, her eyes landed on a familiar face. Niylah stood with a beer in her hand, leaning against the wall and talking to a guy and a girl Lexa didn’t know. They looked like they were bored, glancing around as Niylah spoke adamantly about something.

Lexa made her way over, deciding it wouldn’t be too rude to just insert herself into the conversation.

“She’s got a really nice ass, honestly.” Niylah continued, looking off somewhere to her left, her back still turned to Lexa.

“Who does?” Lexa asked as she approached.

Niylah turned, her entire body moving with her in a way that made it obvious she’d been digging into the alcohol for a little bit. Lexa didn’t even know where she’d gotten it from, but she’d clearly been at it for a while. She smiled wide and slung her arm around Lexa’s shoulder.

“This is Ontari and Ivon, the live in the building. We go out together sometimes,” Niylah waited until they shook hands before introducing Lexa. “Guys, this is Lexa. Clarke’s new girl toy.”

The two shared a look that Lexa couldn’t quite understand, but she did feel offended to be referred to as a girl toy, “What?”

“Nothing, doesn’t Clarke have a nice ass?” Niylah gestured with her free hand, settling most of her weight on Lexa with her arm around the brunette. “Isn’t she great in bed too?”

Lexa stiffed and shrugged Niylah’s arm from around her. She kept her voice low and measured, even though she felt anger bubble within her chest, “Don’t talk about her like she’s an object, Niylah.”

“But she _is_ using you, you know. The two of us got it on just after her and Finn broke up. She’s definitely not over his sorry ass. She fucked me then dropped me, bet that’s what she’ll do with you too,” Niylah slurred. “But at least you got one good night with her.”

Lexa frowned, turning to glance at Clarke who was laughing with her classmate across the room. Her heart felt like it was settling into her stomach and her eyes pricked painfully. Maybe she didn’t know much of anything about Clarke, but she didn’t find the woman to be a player.

“Aww,” Niylah laughed humorlessly and turned to face Lexa directly, “I bet she ran into Finn, didn’t she? Told you she was broken and made you feel bad about her. Then you fucked her because you felt so bad. You thought maybe she’d call you again. She won’t, trust me. She won’t.”

Lexa’s hands balled into fists at her side and her jaw clenched painfully. She tried to focus on the pain to keep from doing anything that could end badly. “Shut up, Niylah. You’re drunk and Clarke isn’t like that. Don’t be an ass.”

“You don’t know her, Lexa. Nobody really does. She’s nice and open and friendly, but she doesn’t tell anyone about herself. She’s a good fuck, that’s it.” Niylah glanced down at the balled fists by Lexa’s side. She found a sick satisfaction in provoking the brunette.

 “Niylah, seriously. Don’t be an ass,” Ivon spoke up, edging forward and flashing sideways glances at the reddening Lexa. She looked like she was about ready to punch someone in the face and didn’t really care about who it was.

Niylah shoved Ivon away, turning to sneer at Lexa. She got close, right up in her face and practically growled, “What? She deserves to know she’s going to get used just like I did.” She shoved at Lexa’s shoulders, pushing her back slightly. “So do you get what I’m saying, Lex?”

Lexa sucked in a breath, trying to calm the rage making her arms shake and blood boil in her veins. She wanted to deck the blonde in her smirking, self-satisfied face but knew it would just cause a scene. Niylah knew what she was doing, she was just provoking Lexa but that didn’t stop the brunette from wanting to stoop to her level.

“Shut up, Niylah, I’m not listening to you.” Lexa growled before turning away, proud of herself for backing down.

Niylah stepped forward, feeling her anger boil over with the lack of reaction she was receiving and shoved Lexa in the back hard. “Go back to your slut, bitch.”

Lexa stumbled, nearly falling to her knees before recovering her balance. That was the final straw, she turned to give Niylah a piece of her mind and maybe a black eye in the process. But as soon as she laid eyes on the red faced blonde, a bony fist was connecting with the side of her face and she stumbled backward. Her hand flew to her face and blood pooled in her mouth as she bit into the side of her cheek painfully.

“Fuck,” she mumbled, shaking her dazed head and blinking hard. She stepped back further, hoping Niylah wouldn’t pursue. But she did, though she didn’t punch Lexa again. She shoved her backwards while her two friends kept insisting that she stop, even if they didn’t get involved physically. They weren’t really trying to help.

Lexa rubbed her tongue over her swelling lip, tasting the metallic blonde. Her face throbbed painfully but she wasn’t really focused on that. She was more worried about the overwhelming amount of anger she felt coursing through her veins. Lexa wanted more than anything to surge forward and punch Niylah in her snidely, smug face. Especially after all of the shitty things she’d said about Clarke.

Clarke had seen Niylah’s fist connect with Lexa’s face out of the corner of her eye. At the very last second she had turned and seen Lexa surging forward in response. She rushed over, unable to get there in time before Lexa’s elbow connected with Niylah’s nose and the blonde was stumbling back into her friend Ontari.

She rushed forward, shoving through the bystanders that had drifted to watch the fight. Clarke stumbled between the two just as Lexa shoved at the blonde, fisting her collar. “Say anything like that again and I swear to God I will hit you so hard you won’t be able to think straight.”

Lexa’s forearms bulged with the strain of holding the drunk and dazed Niylah up. Even though she looked rather defeated with her nose bleeding profusely the blonde sneered back and swiftly shoved forward. Lexa lost her footing, getting her feet tied up with Niylah’s until she was nearly falling on her ass once again.

Niylah took that as an opportunity to land a solid punch to Lexa’s cheek again. Clarke managed to intercept the two of them before Lexa could recover enough to reciprocate.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing?” Clarke shoved Niylah back hard enough to make her stumble.

“You’re a fucking bitch, you know that, Clarke?” Niylah hissed back venomously.

Clarke’s hand rose before she could really think it through. Her hand connected with the side of Niylah’s face with a resounding slap. “Back the fuck off and go home, you ass.”

Without another look at the drunken blonde, Clarke turned and rushed over to Lexa who was dabbing at her nose with the corner of her shirt. “Are you okay?”

Lexa nodded, even though she was already feeling the pounding of a headache coming on. Her mouth was slowly filling with blood and her lip felt like had doubled in size in the time it took for Clarke to slap her assailant.

Clarke wrapped her arm around Lexa’s middle and shoved past several people, who were beginning to disperse when they realized things were winding down. “Come on, let’s go upstairs.”


	15. Part 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lets have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hellooooo, guys! Here is a lovely, much deserved update because the other one was kind of, sort of cliffhanger of Niylah causing a damn scene because she’s a jealous asshole. I owe a huge thanks to my beta, RhydianKnight for helping me with this story. I’ve been having a bout of writer’s block when it comes to DYG and she helped me get out of that funk. So send her some love! And of course, leave your comments and reviews because I love getting a chance to see them!  
> ~TGF  
> B/N: -bows- Thank you! Thank you! It was nothin’ really! But I enjoyed this immensely as I hope you do too! And this lil Beta is oooooout! -RK

**Part 15**

Lexa was dazed to say the very least. Her head ached, but she was more so pissed at the low blow Niylah had chosen to take. She hadn’t been prepared, if Lexa had known she was going to get into a fight she would look like such an idiot right now.

She had learned a long time ago not to be blindsided. She had learned that it was a matter of life or death to be able to read when someone was going to get violent. Growing up with an abusive father who found anything she did a reason to hit her had been education enough.

Now she sat there, on Clarke’s couch, her mind a muddled mess of past and present. Her face hurt and it reminded her of the instances her father went ballistic. Normally, he was able to maintain a semblance of control, where he would only leave marks on places she could cover up. But on occasion, he would give her a black eye or possibly a split lip, something Lexa could simply make an excuse for.

Her brain hurt, her face hurt and her heart was starting to beat harder in her chest at the memories. At the ghost of past injuries that ached deep within her bones. _You escaped that,_ she closed her eyes and focused on her breathing, _you’re not there anymore. Calm down._

            “Lexa, look at me, I can’t see your face.” Clarke instructed, hovering over her with a wet towel. The brunette flinched away, her entire body jumping back at Clarke’s sudden movement. Her face was washed of all color and utterly emotionless. When she didn’t respond, Clarke knelt in between her legs. Clarke grabbed at her chin gently to ensure she didn’t hurt the older girl or alarm her. “What’s wrong?”

It took another moment of searching Lexa’s face for the brunette to open her eyes. Then Clarke realized what was going on, those green, expressive eyes were cloudy and glossy with unshed tears. Lexa’s face was on the verge of crumbling for reasons Clarke really couldn’t understand.

“Hey, you’re okay.” Clarke dropped the rag and pulled Lexa closer. She wrapped her arms around Lexa and pressed their foreheads together, “What’s going on?”

She kept her eyes open, searching the face before her. Lexa’s lips parted as she sucked in a raspy, thick breath. Her lip was swollen and still slightly seeping blood, but it was something they could take care of later. Her eyelashes were wet, but no tears streaked down her face. Lexa’s fingers came up and tangled in Clarke’s shirt, to ground herself and keep her memories from whisking her away.

Lexa focused on the fresh, sweet scent of Clarke’s hair instead of the repulsive stench of her father’s breath and cigarette smoke. She felt Clarke’s hot breath on her skin and the blonde’s fingers lightly playing through her hair. Her heart calmed and her mind cleared as she pushed all of those old memories back into the dusty corners of her mind she never visited. Shoved them back into the basement of her brain and locked the door.

“I’m sorry,” she breathed, her fingers tightening in Clarke’s shirt and pulling the blonde closer.

Clarke shook her head, “Don’t be, there’s no reason to be. What’s going on in that head of yours?” She tried to pull away but Lexa sucked in a breath and squeezed her eyes shut, pulling Clarke back almost immediately.

Lexa licked her lips and shook her head, “I owe you an explanation, don’t I?”

“Not if you don’t want to give me one,” Clarke replied. No matter how curious she was, Clarke wasn’t going to force someone to explain or relive something that made them this emotionally distraught. She didn’t know Lexa very well, she didn’t know what made the brunette tick. Right now, she was purely basing her comfort on instinct.

“My dad,” Lexa’s voice broke, “you remember what I told you about him?”

Clarke remembered, it was something she probably wouldn’t forget. Lexa had explained a little about her father’s physical and emotional abuse when she was a kid. She hadn’t explained everything, but had given Clarke the gist of it. Clarke could only nodded and brush Lexa’s hair away from her face. Those eyes were still closed, making it difficult to read how she was feeling, but Clarke didn’t worry about that as much.

“Well, sometimes, when he was drunk enough, he’d go a little ballistic. He wouldn’t think before he hit and sometimes I ended up with,” Lexa opened her eyes and stared at something past the blonde’s shoulder, “this,” she gestured to her injured face.

“Oh,” Clarke breathed, unable to fathom any other response. What do you say to that? Especially when you’ve grown up in one of the most normal, ideal environments? Clarke didn’t know how to relate to Lexa’s situation, no matter how protective or angry or worried it made her feel. There was still no way for her to really make Lexa feel better.

Lexa rolled her eyes and pulled back, slouching against the couch. Clarke eased off of her aching knees to sitting on her heels. The brunette rubbed her eyes and tapped at her cheek, feeling how severe her injury was.

“My dad was abusive and my mom…well, my mom had a lot of issues. She was chronically depressed and she didn’t know how to deal with stress. There was nobody there to defend and protect me so I was forced to deal with it on my own. How I managed to turn out so…normal, I’ll never know.” Lexa laughed wetly and dispassionately, rubbing the palms of her hands into her eyes. “I’m sorry, I know this is a lot to toss on someone I barely know.”

“Trust me,” Clarke smiled, “we know each other pretty damn well, if you know what I mean.”

Lexa laughed again, this one more of a genuine one than before. “I guess you’re not wrong.”

Clarke stood and shifted so she was sitting on the couch besides Lexa. She slung an arm around the distraught woman and rubbed her fingers along the sensitive inside of Lexa’s arm in comfort. “For the record, I think you’re a very strong person.”

“Yeah, right. Look at me,” Lexa raised and dropped her arms in gesturing to herself.

Grief tore through Clarke’s stomach like a knife and she felt sick. She squeezed Lexa closer and pressed her nose to her temple. “Lexa, what you went through was something many people wouldn’t be able to survive. You’re coping and you’ve gotten out of that situation. If I was even remotely as strong or determined as you are I’d be happy.”

Lexa turned her head and blue eyes met green. They sat there in silence, staring at each other. The feelings in Clarke’s stomach twisted painfully and it was growing harder and harder to resist kissing her with every passing second.

“You know,” Lexa whispered, it felt like breaking the silence would break this moment. “That really makes me want to kiss you.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Clarke smiled sweetly, bringing her finger up to brush along the unharmed portion of Lexa’s lower lip. They stared at each other for another second, lost in their own thoughts.

Clarke leaned forward and grabbed the rag before leaning back and lightly dabbing at Lexa’s lower lip, “Oh god, I can’t believe Niylah did that.”

            “She was jealous.” Lexa provided, giving Clarke a pointed look before wincing. Her lip felt like it had its own pulse. Even though Niylah had attacked her, Lexa was stilling hanging onto her words. Clarke had slept with her and a worm of doubt was beginning to develop in Lexa’s stomach. She hadn’t really thought about what she wanted to do with Clarke. She didn’t really have the time to. She’d been so wrapped up in the fascinating blonde that she’d failed to think about what happened afterward.

            Clarke stopped blotting and sat back, “Why would she be jealous?”

            “She wants you to herself, Clarke. You guys slept together. She thinks you used her,” Lexa moved away, leaning back against the couch. She took the cloth from the blonde and continued to clean her injury for herself. She tried to shut down the vulnerability she was feeling, trying to keep herself from getting hurt again.

            Clarke shook her head and breathed out a disbelieving laugh. “That’s—”

            “She thinks you’re using me.”

            Clarke stopped then, turning to look directly at Lexa. She gave her an appraising look, searching her face. Besides the split lip and bruise on her cheek, she looked no worse for wear. But there was something in her posture that suggested she had listened to at least some of Niylah’s words. Clarke hadn’t expected any of this to happen. She had been all types of messed up the last couple of months, but here she was, stuck in the middle of drama all over again. Drama she had caused.   

            “Do you think I’m using you?”

            Lexa sucked in a breath and rolled her eyes, “Is there any reason you wouldn’t? We don’t know each other.”

            It wasn’t hard for Clarke to do that. She sometimes got so wrapped up in herself she was unable to think about anyone else’s feelings. But she so _rarely_ was invested in herself that it was hard for her to even realize when it was happening. Yeah, maybe she did use Niylah after Finn brutally ruined their relationship, but she _wasn’t_ using Lexa.

            “I’m not using you, Lexa. I-I genuinely like you,” Clarke hesitantly placed her hand on Lexa’s knee, shifting to face the brunette straightforward. “I didn’t want to fall into bed with you in the first place. I think you’re a great, ambitious writer with an uncharacteristic love for expensive cars and I’d like to get to know you better.”

            Lexa leaned forward and dropped the towel on the table before resting her elbows on her knees. “I see.” She paused, her face a mask that Clarke was unable to read. “and I think you are quite the dorky blonde and I’d like to get to know you better, too.”

            “So we’re on the same page?”

            “I think so.”

            “Good,” Clarke stood up and straightened her shirt before holding out her hand. She sucked in a deep breath to gather her confidence and said, “Well, Lexa Woods, I’m Clarke Griffin and I think you’re cute.”

            Lexa laughed, “We don’t have to start over, Clarke.”

            Clarke wiggled her fingers, feeling butterflies flutter in her stomach at the way Lexa said her name. “Just shake my hand. Jesus.”

            Lexa did as she was told and allowed Clarke to pull her to her feet. “My name is Lexa, not Jesus.” Lexa winked before another smile broke out on her face. No matter how happy she was in that moment, Lexa felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

            The smile died on Clarke’s face as she caught the reddening skin on Lexa’s face. Her cheek was already swelling and Clarke brushed the tips of her fingers over the irritated flesh. Lexa winced and pulled away a little and Clarke’s face solidified into a scowl, “I can’t believe she did this because she was jealous. I thought Niylah was a better person than that.”

            A knock at the door interrupted them and Clarke turned, letting go of Lexa’s hand still tangled with her. Anger bubbled in Clarke’s chest at the possibility it was Niylah coming back to either apologize or make the situation worse. Even if it was to apologize, Clarke didn’t know if she was going to be able to hold back from hitting her.         

            When she yanked the door open she was greeted by Roan and wasn’t sure if she was relieved or not. The man couldn’t take no for an answer when it came to singing with him, but that didn’t make him a bad friend. Before she could open her mouth to snap at him, he held up a bag filled with ice.

            “I saw what happened and thought I could bring you this.” He smiled and waved it around.

            “Where did you get ice?”

            Roan rolled his eyes and took that as an invitation to walk inside, “Hey, Lexa,” he greeted before turning to Clarke. “As opposed to other people, I actually prepared for this storm.”

            Clarke rolled her eyes in response, “Well thanks.”

            The man held out the ice to Lexa, who had gotten off of the couch to investigate. She took it and brought it to her face, nodding to him in thanks.

            “I brought this too,” He dug in his back pocket before pulling out something that looked similar to a handheld walkie talkie. “It’s an emergency radio. The batteries are fully charged and I’m assuming both of your phones have died.”

            Clarke took it and examined the ancient looking device.

            “You can listen to the news and stuff, to get updates on the storm. So far the eye is nearing Orlando. They think it’s going to skirt right in front of it and head back out into the Atlantic, but we’re still going to receive the brunt of the weather.”

            “Thanks,” Lexa smiled at him, “I was wondering when we’d get out of this. Anya’s probably freaking out that I’m not able to pick up the phone.”

            “Yeah, I have no idea how Raven and Octavia are doing,” Clarke added. “I appreciate it, Roan.”

            They settled into silence for a minute before Roan began, “Clarke.” His tone was pleading and his eyes large and blue, begging her.

            “No, Roan, quit trying to convince me. I’m not doing it.” She waved her finger at him and turned back to the still open door. “Thank you for the ice and the radio I’m sure I can speak for both of us in saying that we appreciate it but you can go.”

            Roan rolled his eyes and slumped in defeat, “Fine,” he exited the apartment, “I know when I’m not wanted. But you know where to find me if you change your mind.”

            “Yeah,” Clarke tapped her chin lightly, “not likely. But thanks anyway, I’ll see you around, Roan.” She snapped the door closed before he could respond and turned back to Lexa who had both eyebrows raised and then bag of ice pressed against her cheek.          

            “That was harsh,” she commented after the silence had settled, “you really don’t want to sing with him.”

            “Butt out, Lexa,” Clarke snapped and stomped towards the kitchen where she reached into the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water.

            Hurt stabbed through Lexa’s chest at the hard tone in Clarke’s voice, but she pushed it down and rolled her eyes instead. She followed the fuming blonde into the kitchen, “That was unnecessary.”

            Clarke huffed and took a long gulp of the water, feeling bad for snapping at Lexa yet still annoyed with Roan’s persistency. When she finally capped the bottle, she turned and closed the fridge door. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I’m annoyed with Roan because he won’t stop and I shouldn’t take it out on you.”

            “You definitely shouldn’t,” Lexa set the ice pack down and crossed her arms over her chest, leaning against the counter. “But I get it. You don’t want to sing in public and it’s not fair for your friends to continue to insist upon the subject.”

            “That’s what I’m saying,” Clarke threw her hands in the air. “Why is it that you understand that, but the people I’ve spent most of my life with don’t?”

            “But,” Lexa continued, “I think you may possibly be holding yourself back.”

            “I take that back,” Clarke scowled, “I hate you.”

            Lexa chuckled at her immaturity, “Clarke, why are you afraid to sing in public?”

            The sheer bluntness of the question and the amount of emotion it elicited in Clarke made her insides turn to mush. Anxiety thrummed through her chest and settled in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t want to talk about it. A defensive wall reared its head in her chest.

            “I just am, okay? I don’t want to discuss it.” Clarke huffed and invested most of her attention in the ancient handheld radio. It took her a moment to find the power button and flicked it before Lexa could formulate a response.

            The static that escaped the speaker made both women cringe before Clarke found the volume knob and managed to turn it down. Lexa moved closer to further examine the device, bringing the ice pack back to her throbbing cheek. Her teeth ached and she kept stretching her jaw to try to make it feel better, but it wasn’t working. 

            “This changes the station,” the brunette reached out and twisted another, much smaller knob on the right side of the radio. Several channels—too drowned out by static to hear—passed before they finally came across the emergency station.

            “ _—live from Cape Canaveral. We have been experiencing category four wind speeds of about 136 miles per hour. As hurricane Amara has made landfall, it’s central air pressure has increased, meaning it has begun to weaken. Meteorologists are expecting massive damage along the expanse of the east coast and up into central Florida. We warn citizens to stay indoors until the storm has passed. Back to Allison in the studio.”_

            Clarke glanced at Lexa worriedly, “I wonder how many people have gotten hurt.”

            “ _Thank you, Joey. We have just received an update, there has been a confirmed death in Brevard county due to five-foot storm surges.  As has been predicted, storm surges along the beaches from Miami-Dade and through Flagler counties have devastated the areas. Officials urge you to stay off of the beaches and as far away from the coast as possible. Over to Kenneth in meteorology.”_

            “Apparently only one so far,” Lexa responded. “I can only imagine the horrors we’re going to see after this.”

            _“Thank you, Allison. We have just gotten updated information from the weather center and it seems as though Amara is finally beginning to make its U-turn back into the Atlantic. From what I’ve seen so far, I predict that the Orlando area will be clear of the brunt of the storm by late tomorrow evening or early Sunday morning. After that, expect light showers as the weak, spiral rain bands of Amara head towards the coast.”_

Lexa flicked off the radio and huffed, “That is depressing. I bet half the city is out of power.” She turned and headed into the kitchen. She leaned over the sink and peaked out of the window, taking the ice off of her face as she looked out. It was ugly outside, the few trees she could see between this building and the next were bent nearly in half, prepared to snap in half. The rain pounded down nearly parallel to the ground in sheets of icy cold. The sky was black and Lexa was certain she wouldn’t see the sun for a lot longer.

            “Probably, meaning I don’t know how long it’ll be until we have running water.” Clarke shivered at the thought of not being able to shower until _Sunday_. She had spent the night before sweating her ass of during sex and wouldn’t be able to get rid of that for another two days. She was going to stink.

            “Oh, gross,” Lexa wrinkled her nose and turned back around, returning the ice to her swelling face. “Do we have enough food to last us?”

            “Um,” Clarke bit her lip and glanced around, “we won’t be wanting for alcohol?”

            Lexa chuckled and moved towards the pantry, “That’s not healthy, Clarke.” She opened the door and examined its content. From what she could see there was a majority of salty, processed foods that would last them through the weekend but it would make her feel horrible about herself. “Do you have anything remotely healthy?”

            Clarke peaked up behind her and grabbed something. She held up the fruit cup, “This is healthy?”

            “That,” Lexa snatched it out of her hand with a disapproving look, “is full of high fructose corn syrup.”

            The blonde scoffed and snatched the fruit cup back. “If you’re going to be an asshole about my food choices, you can starve.” As if to emphasize her point, Clarke opened the fruit cup and drank directly from it. She waggled her eyebrows defiantly in the process.

            “I never said anything,” Lexa shrugged and reached back into the pantry, fishing out a chocolate Twinkie. She opened the wrapper and took a bite, meeting Clarke’s eyes as if waiting for another argument. “See?” Her jaw ached with every motion, but she ignored it and opted to make her point instead. Her face felt large and hot, she probably looked like utter shit. But, Clarke’s blue eyes sparkled with humor anyway so she chose to ignore that too.

            “Whatever,” Clarke chuckled and rolled her eyes.

~   ~   ~

            “Hey, Clarke!” Lexa called.

            Clarke rolled her eyes. After asking if it was okay that Lexa went through her book collection, the brunette had gone straight to her bedroom closet. Clarke was an avid reader as a teenager and had taken her favorite books with her when she left home. She didn’t mind much at Lexa was going through her things, her friends were already pretty nosy as it was.

            “Yeah?” She shouted back.

            Lexa didn’t respond immediately and so Clarke stood up from her comfortable positon on the couch and went in search. They nearly ran into each other as Lexa came happily rushing out of the bedroom.

            “Whoa,” Clarke rested her hands on Lexa’s shoulders so they didn’t completely collide with each other. It took her a moment to realize Lexa was holding her old guitar in her hands. “Where did you get that?”

            “It was behind the bookshelf. Can you play?” Lexa asked, eyes bright with excitement. There was an obvious answer to that question but Clarke really did not want to get into it. Lexa’s face was already bruising, turning a dark color and her split lip was finally scabbed over and looked incredibly painful. 

            “Not really,” Clarke wrinkled her nose.

            Lexa rolled her eyes and twisted the guitar, point to the spot where Clarke’s initials were carved into the wood. “Really?”

            “Its been awhile and I’m rusty. I wasn’t really good anyway,” she reasoned.

            Lexa’s lower lip poked out as she pouted. Her eyes went wide and she brought the neck of the guitar to her chin. Her eyelashes fluttered, “Pleeeeeease play something for me?”

            It was hard to resist because the brunette just looked so damn adorable. Clarke wondered how her parents had ever told her ‘no’ as a child considering she was having such a hard time of it now. She honestly looked like a hopeful puppy and Clarke didn’t want to be the person to disappoint her.

            “No, Lexa. I’m not any good.”

            “Don’t lie to me,” Lexa gave up on the pouting and stepped closer, leaning the guitar against the wall as she did. Her hands came to rest on Clarke’s waist in a casual yet intimate move that somehow didn’t make either of them uncomfortable. Lexa pulled her closer until they were flush together, “Please?”

            The sudden proximity of Lexa’s lips had whatever retort she’d thought of disappearing, leaving her brain completely blank. All she could think of was kissing those distracting lips, even if one of them was swollen and a part of her face was dusted with bruises.

            “Please?” Lexa repeated, sticking her lip out again and ducking down until their eyes met.

            That effectively drew Clarke out of her trance and she flushed. “Fine.” She poked Lexa in the chest and extracted herself from the brunette’s grasp. She reached for the guitar, anything to get some space between them and hopefully distracting Lexa enough that she didn’t notice the redness in her cheeks.

            Lexa followed the med student into the living room where she settled herself onto the couch and crisscrossed her legs, propping the guitar on her knee. The fingers of her right hand traced over the neck, reacquainting themselves with the notches and strings. She strummed a couple of times, expertly adjusting the sounds as needed.

Lexa was completely out of her element; creativity had never been something she was capable of doing. She was too analytical and controlled to let herself go too far. Writing articles was about as far as she had ever gotten in that sense. She was too withdrawn and introverted to put herself out there.

But she still watched, entranced as Clarke’s fingers moved precisely over the guitar before finally settling. “What do you want me to play?”

“I don’t know, pick something.”

Clarke’s eyebrows scrunched together adorably as she thought it over. She looked completely in her element with her hair piled onto the top of her head in a messy bun and a big t-shirt drooping off of one shoulder. Finally, her expression cleared and she positioned her fingers over the strings. She strummed the guitar a couple of times before jumping right into it.

She hummed softly for a second, focusing on the guitar in her hands and stumbling over a couple of cords before finally settling into the rhythm.

“ _Got me looking, so crazy, my baby, I’m not myself, lately I’m foolish, I don’t do this, I’ve been playing myself, but baby, I don’t’ care. ‘Cause baby your love’s got the best of me, baby you’re making a fool of me. You’ve got me sprung and I don’t care who sees, baby you got me, you got me going crazy…”_ She hummed the rest, tapping lightly with every couple of strums before finally stopping. Clarke bit her lip, having avoided looking at Lexa the whole time, hoping that pretending she was alone would make her feel more comfortable.

When the room settled into silence besides the quiet sounds of their breathing, Clarke glanced at Lexa. The silence made her uncomfortable and her heart sped up in her chest. What if she had sounded bad?

“So? Good? Bad? How did I do?”

Lexa blinked a couple of times, finding herself unable to formulate words. She licked her lips and frowned, shaking her head. “What the hell?”

“What?” Clarke’s eyes widened in horror before her face turned a bright red color. “Oh my god, I was horrible, right?”

“No! What the heck, Clarke?” Lexa shouted, jumping to her knees on the couch and grabbing the blonde’s shoulders in her excitement. “You’re _amazing_! Where did you learn that?”

Clarke clutched at Lexa’s wrist as she was shaken so unexpectedly. “Woah, um, my dad.”

“Your dad taught you how to play guitar and sing?”

“Yeah, I’m left handed and so is he. He was the only person we knew who could teach me. We always have jam sessions when I go home for the holidays,” Clarke shrugged and pulled the guitar strap over her shoulder before propping it against the coffee table.

Lexa scoffed, “That is really cool. Why aren’t you pursuing music again?” She paused and rushed to amend herself, “I mean, I know you don’t like being in front of a crowd, but you don’t have to always be in front of people. There are options. You’re just…really talented.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and settled back against the arm of the couch so she could directly face Lexa. The brunette was sitting crisscrossed directly in front of her, eagerly awaiting an answer. “You’ve never met my mom and I really hope you don’t. She’s a very strict person when it comes to…life, I guess. She always told me I had to pick a logical career and I guess it kind of sank in.”

“You could change your major still,” Lexa suggested.

“Not really,” Clarke shrugged and sighed, “I’m almost done with my masters and I’m studying for MCATs, not to mention my mom’ll cut me off if I do.”

“Damn, that sucks,” Lexa huffed, knowing exactly how it felt to have to pay for college herself. She would have given anything to be able to afford it at the time. A lot of things may have been different if she could have. “You shouldn’t let your talent go to waste though.”

Clarke smirked, “How am I letting it go to waste when I can serenade pretty girls like yourself?”

“Oh? Do you serenade girls often?” Lexa quirked an eyebrow and rested her chin on her hand.

“No, just you,” Clarke winked before standing up and stretching her back. “It’s getting late; we should probably go to bed.”

The journalist made no move to follow Clarke to her bedroom. When she didn’t hear Lexa following, Clarke turned around. “Aren’t you coming?”

“I think I’m going to sleep on the couch tonight. Remember?”

“Lexa, we might have agreed to start over but you can still share my bed with me.”

The brunette shook her head firmly. “Sticking with the couch, I have to be a gentlewoman, don’t I? You are allowing me to stay with you.”

Clarke laughed but saw the decision clear as day in Lexa’s posture. There was no deterring her from her plan. “Fine, but I’d much prefer you to be gentlewomanly enough to share my bed with me.”

Lexa shook her head firmly.

“Worth a try,” Clarke shrugged, “I’ll go grab you a blanket and some pillows.”

The younger woman opened the hallway closet door and pulled out a fluffy comforter and two spare pillows she kept for when Raven or Octavia decided they wanted to spend the night at her place rather than on campus. She carried them back out into the living room and tossed them onto the edge of the couch.

“If you need anything, feel free to come wake me up.” She turned to leave when she received a smile and a mocking salute in response, “Or if you get lonely and want to snuggle a little.” Clarke wrapped her arms around herself and closed her eyes. “I’m a good snuggler.”

Lexa chuckled, “Goodnight, Clarke.”

“Night, Lexa.”


	16. Part 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa take a day to relax. Clarke has a realization and scrambles to make her intentions obvious to Lexa. Things go as planned until Clarke does what she does best, dives right in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey guys! Just a little update on my life, I’m checking out colleges in North Florida and didn’t update as quickly as I intended to. My good friend ClexaWarrior betaed this chapter for me while RhydianKnight was busy adulting. This weekend, I also got to visit with ClexaWarrior while visiting a college, which has been great. So if you find a moment, go check out her stories, she’s in the process of updating right now (I hope). Anyway, enjoy this chapter. I’m still kind of having difficulty progressing this, but the next chapter should be a bit more action packed. Let me know what you think and thanks for reading! ~TGF

**Part 16**

            The next day was dreary. Clarke woke up to dull, gray surroundings, and she felt as though she was drowning in sweat. With the power out, she could feel the mugginess from outside.

            A streak of lightning flashed across her window, and she jumped a little as she rolled out of bed. She stood, feeling as if there was a disgusting layer of grime covering her skin. She was almost certain she would kill to have a cold shower to cool off her body and make her feel better.

            But she knew that was impossible and made her way into the adjacent bathroom. She leaned over the sink and grabbed the bottle of water sitting on the counter.

           She rinsed her face and ran her damp fingers through her hair in a desperate attempt at looking presentable. Then she brushed her teeth and rinsed her mouth using the same bottle of water, feelingly slightly more refreshed. Clarke didn’t think she would be able to survive another day holed up like this. Lexa was a nice respite from being alone, but she would have enjoyed the other girl’s company much more if she had some running water.

            Clarke entered the living room to find Lexa still curled up on the couch and fast asleep. She found herself marveling at the serenity and innocence that seemed to escape Lexa in her waking hours.

            A fierce protectiveness tore through her chest so hard she winced at it. She’d never felt like this before, like she needed to protect and take care of someone. Lexa had trusted her with a part of her past that was something she didn’t tell many people. It scared Clarke how easily Lexa trusted her without even knowing her, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it.

            Lexa shifted slightly in her sleep, and her eyelids fluttered until they opened. Clarke turned away quickly, pretending to be busy lighting a candle on the coffee table and hoping that Lexa hadn’t caught her staring. The brunette stretched and groaned loudly. “Good morning.”

            “How’d you sleep?’ Clarke asked, retreating into the kitchen and perusing the cupboard for something to eat.

            “As well as one can on a couch.” Clarke could hear the strain in Lexa’s voice.

            “I offered you my bed, but you declined.”

            “For good reason, Clarke.” She leaned forward and rubbed her hands over her face to keep the sleepiness away. “I’m going to go clean up a bit.”

            “Okay, I’m going to check the radio, actually.” Clarke pulled out a granola bar and waved it at Lexa. “Want one?”

            “Sure, just leave it out.” The brunette straightened her clothes, still feeling grimy in them.

            “Why don’t you borrow some of my clothes?” Clarke noticed the way Lexa was moving. “It could make you feel better.”

            Lexa licked her lips and glanced at the blonde, who was still dressed in her pajamas: a pair of plaid blue boxers that exposed her tanned legs and a big t-shirt that nearly covered them completely. A feeling bubbled in her chest, but she shoved it back down, not wanting to deal with it in that moment. “Thanks, Clarke.” She glanced away quickly and retreated into Clarke’s bedroom.

            The blonde unwrapped her granola bar and fiddled with the radio on the kitchen counter until it turned on. The emergency radio station was still capable of broadcasting and informing its viewers of the hurricane. What Clarke managed to get out of it was that most of the hurricane was back out in the Atlantic and heading northeast, away from land. Orlando was receiving the final rain-band, which wasn’t going to be that strong. Meteorologists were expecting the sun to make an appearance in the evening, and more natural disaster assistance would be moving out in the late evening.

            Orlando hadn’t received the worst of the weather. The storm surges had occurred along the east shoreline, so the coast had received the brunt of it. As the station moved to the more local news, Lexa returned clothed in a pair of Clarke’s sweatpants and a black t-shirt that hung loosely off her body, stating ‘ _let's get one thing straight, I’m not’_ in bold white letters. Clarke’s attention drifted, and she couldn’t help but laugh.

            “I haven’t seen that shirt in months. I thought Raven stole it.” She swallowed the food in her mouth and coughed hard, having nearly choked on an oat.

            Lexa rushed over and patted Clarke’s back, her eyebrows furrowing in concern. “Are you okay?”

            Clarke managed to recover and grabbed Lexa’s arm for support. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face as she took in the brunette once again. “You look cute.” Her stomach clenched, and her heart fell a bit as she blurted out those words without thinking. But Lexa’s smile seemed to brighten the room as it spread across her lips, and Clarke’s regret melted into happiness.

            “Thanks.” A light tinge of pink brushed Lexa’s cheeks, and she snatched up her granola bar to avoid looking at Clarke. “So what did they say?” Lexa gestured her granola bar in the direction of the radio.

            “The sun should come out today, and the storm is moving back into the ocean,” Clarke reported.

            “What about the power? Did they say anything about that?”

            “Not that I heard,” Clarke sighed. She desperately missed her phone, and she wished that she could check on Raven and Octavia. Normally, when she wasn’t around, the two of them were getting into trouble. Now, surrounded by partiers and so much alcohol, Clarke didn’t want to think about the trouble they were getting into.

            Lexa sighed, too. “So what do you want to do today? Not like we have any real options.”

            Clarke shrugged. “You looked interested in some of the books I have. If you want, we could just hang out and read.”

~   ~   ~

            That was what they did most of the day. They sat together in the silence of Clarke’s living room and did their own things. It was probably one of the most innocent things Clarke had ever done with another person. There were no expectations, and there wasn’t really anything to say.

            Clarke was sketching in her book, unable to really find anything in her brain she wanted to draw. Most of them were just doodles of random items she could find around her house; others were random designs. She just needed to keep her hands moving.

            Lexa lay on the couch opposite her, candles on the corner table to give her enough light to read by. She had the book over her head slightly and looked completely relaxed and into the story. Clarke watched, noticing the furrow of Lexa’s eyebrows and the way her eyes flitted over each line as if she was so invested in the characters, she couldn’t quite get enough.

            It was hard not to stare at the woman before her. She was so beautiful it physically hurt Clarke to think about. As she watched microscopic expressions cross Lexa’s face as she read, she couldn’t help but marvel at them. Her hand moved almost instinctively over the page and when she glanced down again, she was sketching the outline of the couch.

            _It won’t hurt anyone,_ she mused as she traced over the curves to make them a bit more solid. Maybe a selfish part of her just wanted to capture something as innocent and unconscious as another person enjoying a book. She got to work, quickly sketching the couch before going into the details of Lexa’s arms and then over the curve of the book.

            The silence was comforting for both girls, a moment for them to recharge and not have to deal with anyone’s problems. Lexa was accustomed to dealing with Anya and Lincoln and problems at work on top of her struggle with her past. Clarke’s disagreements with her mother, school, and best friends were all just about driving her to the brink of insanity. But with each other, they could just _be_ and they drew strength and comfort from the other.

            Eventually, Clarke had a good enough outline that she didn’t have to glance up at Lexa every few seconds to get the perfect curve. But every once in a while, she had to make sure she was getting it just right. After about another half an hour of sitting in silence, Lexa lowered her arms and brought the book to her chest, closing her eyes.

            She looked tired; her eyes had already grown heavy long before. When she found herself rereading the same lines over and over again, she knew she was fighting a losing battle. Instead of fighting it any longer, she glanced over at Clarke, who seemed to be lost in whatever she was doing, before finally succumbing to sleep.

            Clarke paused when she realized Lexa was actually sleeping. Her breathing changed into a deep, slow rhythm, and her jaw slackened just enough that her lips parted slightly. This was a perfect opportunity to capture Lexa in the most unconscious position. She wasn’t worried about the brunette looking at her weird; she was asleep and she looked, well, perfect.

Clarke flipped to a fresh page in her notebook as quickly as possible and shifted her position so she could prop the pad of paper on her knees. She set to work, glancing between her paper and Lexa periodically while flicking her wrist to send her pencil into action. Lexa’s face slowly appeared on Clarke’s paper, and she lost track of time as she continued to draw. Hours or minutes could have passed, but Clarke didn’t notice until Lexa jerked awake.

The book she had been reading went falling to the floor, and Clarke jumped from her seat to check on her. Lexa leaned forward with her elbows on her knees and rubbed her hands over her face to wipe the sleep away.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay. Nightmare?” Clarke asked, resting her hand cautiously on Lexa’s knee and rubbing small circles with her thumb.

“Yeah,” Lexa glanced at Clarke’s hand, and the blonde ripped it away, as if Lexa was fire and she was being burned. “I’m okay.” She blinked, trying to recover before glancing around. “What time is it?”

Clarke’s eyes were drawn to her notebook, where her portrait was lying unfinished and wide open. Her heart leapt in her chest, and she had the sudden urge to hide it. “You’ve been asleep for a couple of hours. Are you sure you’re alright? You look like you saw a ghost.”

“I’m fine, just give me a minute.” Lexa jerked to her feet, her body tense and unstable. Clarke frowned, concerned, but didn’t follow Lexa, who went to her bedroom and into the adjacent bathroom, closing the door firmly behind her.

The blonde stood, confused, but she could admit to herself that it wasn’t her place to know whatever Lexa had dreamed about. She reached for her notebook and flipped it shut after giving it a critical look and noting every single imperfection she’d created. Clarke tossed the sketchpad onto the coffee table and ran a hand through her hair with a frustrated sigh.

Almost as soon as the sketchpad slapped the table, the whir of electricity buzzed in Clarke’s ears. It took her a moment to hear it since she’d grown accustomed to the silence, but when she did catch it, she nearly stumbled over the recliner to get to the light switch. When light flooded the living room, Clarke squealed with joy. She had no idea how much she’d miss the simple things in life until they had been gone.

Lexa came rushing out of the bathroom a moment later, her mood completely changed. A smile spread across her lips. “The power is back!”

“The power is back!” Clarke repeated, pure joy spreading through her chest. She rushed to her phone and then to the charger, plugging it in and nearly screaming with relief once again. Life without her phone was hard for five minutes, but more than a day? Nearly impossible.

With Lexa as a distraction, it had been easier. The brunette was a welcome and appreciated companion that Clarke wished she understood, but it was hard.

In all their excitement, Lexa grabbed her phone from where she had discarded it the other night. It had somehow gotten caught up in the couch, and it took her a few moments to find. “Can I borrow a charger?”

Clarke glanced at her from where her phone sat, the screen lighting up with the lightning bolt, indicating it was charging. “Yeah, I have another charger in my room.”

They both charged their phones and set about blowing out the candles and putting them away. Once the room was clear of candles, Clarke showed Lexa how the shower worked. While she showered, Clarke went through the fridge to see what was expired and what she could use to make something to eat. The milk was bad, as were all the rest of Clarke’s dairy products, but Clarke pulled out some defrosted taquitos that didn’t smell bad. She was putting them into the preheated oven when Lexa sauntered into the kitchen.

The brunette was toweling her hair dry, dressed in another pair of Clarke’s sweatpants and a big t-shirt that had a UCF Knight on the front. “I hope you don’t mind, but I borrowed more of your clothes.”

“It’s no problem,” Clarke smiled softly, “it looks better on you than it ever has on me.”

Lexa rolled her eyes and bent a little so her hair fell over her shoulder. She scrunched it in the towel a couple more times. “Where do you want this towel?”

“There’s a hamper in my bedroom closet, just toss it in there.”

“Okay,” Lexa smiled again, her eyes crinkling at the corners. She looked refreshed and happy to Clarke.

“Wait,” Clarke called. “Do you want some coffee or something? Everything’s kind of gone bad.”

“Do you have tea?” Lexa asked, her head poking around the corner again.

“Yeah, chamomile or green? I have both.”

“Green tea, please. I’ll be right back.” Then Lexa was gone and Clarke began assembling what she needed for the tea and her coffee. She lost herself in the simple movements and enjoyed the hum of electricity around her.

When Lexa entered Clarke’s bedroom and tossed the towel in the hamper, her phone vibrated form Clarke’s bedside table. She picked up the phone and noticed Anya’s caller ID. “Hey, An!”

“Lexa! I thought you were dead!” Anya’s voice was filled with relief. “How are you doing? Are you still at Clarke’s?”

“Hmm? Yeah, I’m fine. I’m at Clarke’s. We’ve been here the whole time.” Lexa frowned. She wasn’t accustomed to the sound of Anya’s voice being so nervous.

“Good, I was checking the weather and the news. Apparently, there’s been a huge flood on the roads, and a couple of trees have fallen over. There won’t be a way through until sometime this evening, so the roads are still closed.”

“Is everything okay? Do you need me to come home or something?” Lexa ran a hand through her hair.

Anya sighed on her end of the phone. “No, I just...well, Raven kind of...ended things and she’s still here and I’ve been holed up in my room for a while.”

“What? Are you okay? What happened?” Lexa knew that it was hard for Anya to admit her feelings about anything and admitting that she wanted Lexa home so she could talk to her was too much to ask. Anya was a much more withdrawn person than even Lexa. She didn’t have a tragic history, only a loving single mother, but she still had a hard time trusting anyone with her feelings.

“Nothing happened...don’t worry about it. I’ll tell you when you get home.”

“It sounds like that won’t be until tomorrow.”

“Are you having fun with Clarke?” Anya changed the subject, and Lexa allowed it, knowing full well they couldn’t have this conversation over the phone. Lexa knew that Raven meant more to Anya than just a fling, but it didn’t seem that way to anyone but the two of them.

Lexa sighed. “We’ve kind of...slowed down. She’s been sending me mixed signals the last couple of days, and it's making my head spin.”

“Ugh, gross.” Anya blew a raspberry with her tongue, and it sounded like she collapsed on the bed. “Neither of us are very good at this relationship thing.”

“I know, I think it's always been this way, though.”

“Yeah, anyway, get back to whatever you’re doing. I’ll see you tomorrow.” The words _I miss you_ were implied in what she was saying.

“See you, An.” Lexa hung up and replaced her phone on the bedside table. The entire time she had been at Clarke’s, she’d felt comfortable, as if the two of them had been wrapped in a little bubble that couldn’t be burst by the outside world. Now that their lives were slowly going back to how they were before they knew each other, Lexa was beginning to feel differently.

It wasn’t that her feelings for Clarke changed. She still liked the other girl, but her brain was starting to think up horrible ways this could end. Lexa’s relationship with Costia had ended horribly. She hadn’t been enough for the other girl, and what if she wasn’t enough for Clarke? Not to mention, what was _Clarke’s_ problem? It was hard to push Niylah’s words out of her mind, and maybe Clarke wasn’t as over Finn as she thought she was. But it didn’t really matter.

Instead of dwelling on it, Lexa tried to push it aside and went back into the kitchen. Clarke was leaning over the table and scrolling through her phone intently while she waited for the water for Lexa’s tea to come to a boil. When she noticed Lexa, she smiled, and her eyes wandered over Lexa’s outfit one more time.

“I was thinking of doing some laundry after I shower. There’s some taquitos in the oven, by the way.” Clarke laid her phone on the table and gave Lexa her full attention.

“Okay, I can watch the food and make my tea. Go shower.” Lexa moved further into the kitchen and propped herself against the counter.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a rude host.”

“Oh, _now_ you don’t?” Lexa teased before pressing a warm hand between Clarke’s shoulder blades. “Trust me, for the two of us, it would be best if you showered.”

Clarke lightly smacked Lexa’s hand away, offended by her words. “Fuck you, Woods. I smell fine, and I’ve been a nice host.”

“I got punched in the face,” Lexa deadpanned.

“Not in my apartment.” Clarke’s voice increased in pitch.

Lexa rolled her eyes and acted as nonchalant as possible. “But by a girl who wants to be with you, and she only hit me because I was with you.”

“Fine.” Clarke waggled a finger at the cocky brunette. “You win this round, Woods. Just don’t burn my apartment down!”

“No promises.” Lexa grinned just as Clarke rolled her eyes and left the room for the bathroom.

The two women spent the rest of their day getting updated on how the storm had affected their area. After Clarke’s shower, the two shared some tea and food before Lexa insisted on helping Clarke with the laundry. While it was working downstairs in the laundry room, Clarke and Lexa sat in front of the television together.

There were a dozen and a half casualties, primarily along the coast where the storm surges were the worst. The local news discussed power lines, fallen trees, and damage throughout downtown Orlando and the local east-side area. School would most likely not be opening back up until Thursday and, as for University, it would be up to the students to check when a decision had been made.

Lexa’s mind constantly travelled to stories she could write as she watched particularly interesting stories scroll across the television screen. Her hands itched to write, but she didn’t have her laptop to write with. There was a notebook on the coffee table underneath the paper plate Clarke had used, and she reached for it, pretty sure Clarke wouldn’t mind.

Clarke was too busy watching television to notice what was happening until it was too late. Her eyes flitted to Lexa, who was already in the process of flipping through the notebook. Almost as if the universe wanted to embarrass her, the pages opened directly to her unfinished portrait. She rolled her eyes a bit, her cheeks heating as she scanned Lexa’s face for any reaction.

The other girl just seemed to stare for a moment before dropping the notebook into her lap. Her hand traced lightly over the pencil marks, and Clarke stared at her, but the brunette’s face was too stoic for her to gauge a reaction.

“Clarke…” Lexa breathed, eyes still fixated on the page. That seemed to snap the blonde out of her paralysis, and she jerked to her feet, reaching over and lightly grabbing the notebook but not yanking it from Lexa’s hands.

“I’m sorry, you weren’t supposed to see that.” Lexa looked up at her with doe eyes, mouth slightly parted in shock, and it spurred Clarke’s rambling. “You were asleep and I was bored, I guess. You’re a good subject, you have a nice jawline and you looked so peaceful...I just…”

“Clarke.” Lexa glanced between the paper and the woman who had created the picture on it. “No one’s ever…” she was cut off by the sound of Clarke’s phone alarm beeping to indicate the laundry was finished. Clarke normally set one because she would either lose track of time or completely forget about her laundry.

Clarke carefully withdrew her hand, her stomach twisted tightly into painful knots of embarrassment, and her cheeks turned beet red. “I’m going to check on the laundry. I’ll be back.”

She blurted these words and then turned on her heels, almost unable to get out of that room fast enough. She didn’t know what her problem was, but she hated explaining herself to people. Clarke had grown accustomed to taking care of herself, never answering to anyone after Finn, but now she felt like she owed an explanation to Lexa.

She couldn’t deny the feelings that bubbled in the pit of her stomach, but she didn’t know how to react to them. One second, she was running away and beating herself up over it, then the next she was indulging herself in the calm and happiness she felt in Lexa’s presence.

Clarke’s feelings didn’t really change the fact that she had sworn off dating until after medical school. It would be too much to just go to school and paint, let alone maintain some sort of romantic relationship. After Finn, she had promised herself she wouldn’t get distracted by romance again. Lexa, well, she was a _major_ distraction. Worse than Finn had been, Clarke could feel it.

That didn’t stop her from wanting it though. No matter how passionate she was about her future career or how much she wanted to make her mother proud, Clarke was no good at controlling her feelings. Medically speaking, she could slip on a persona and be completely professional, but in her personal life, she was completely unable to think rationally. She knew it was one of her flaws because feeling so intensely about everything was bound to drive her insane one of these days.

As she walked down the stairs to the laundry room, she got lost in these thoughts. Clarke wondered whether she could start a relationship and, more importantly, if Lexa would even want one. They had slept together, yes, but Clarke had met people who had wanted to sleep with her, yet didn’t want a relationship. Lexa could be that type of person.

“Clarke?”

The blonde turned as she was about to enter the laundry room, where one of the three washers was beeping loudly. Niylah stood halfway down the hallway, a basket full of clothes propped on her hip.

“What?” Clarke huffed, having to keep herself from spitting out the words.

“I just want to let you know that I’m sorry for the other night.”

Clarke managed a wan smile. “I’m sure you are, Niylah. But it wasn’t me you punched.”

“Tell Lexa I’m sorry, too. I was drunk and jealous.”

“I’ll let her know.” Clarke turned back toward what she was doing, but Niylah called her again. Irritation tightened her stomach, and she had to focus on not snapping at the woman. She didn’t really want to deal with Niylah. Not now, not ever.

“Clarke?”

“Yeah, Niylah?”

“Just so you know, you can be quite standoffish. I don’t know if you’ve realized it, but you’re great at sending mixed signals.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Clarke’s stomach did another flip, and she glanced up at the ceiling.

“You deserve to know that you used me, Clarke. I thought we were going to have something, but you just wanted a one night stand. Part of me thinks you chose Lexa over me, and another part makes me worry about her.”

“You’re looking out for Lexa’s best interest?”

“No, I’m trying to stop her from getting hurt like I did. It's only fair.” Niylah twisted on her heels and walked away at that, leaving Clarke feeling like shit. The blonde tried to shake the sinking feeling and focus on the mundane chores at hand. She switched the laundry, set another alarm, and packed all of the clean, dry clothes into a basket to carry up to her apartment.

As Clarke ascended the stairs, she wondered if Niylah had been right. Did Lexa really know that Clarke wanted to potentially see if they could be an item? She had never asked Lexa out on a date. She didn’t even have her phone number. What had she done to prove to Lexa she was _actually_ interested?

While she mulled this over, her steps slowed as she tried to think of a way to mend the situation. Lexa was leaving tomorrow to go back home. If Clarke didn’t get her phone number before that happened, then she wouldn’t be able to start anything at all. Even if they didn’t start something romantically, they could still be friends. Clarke liked spending time with Lexa, and that wouldn’t change if they didn’t date.

“Clarke!” The deep voice belonged to the one and only Roan.

“Yeah?” Clarke called, turning on her way down the hallway to her apartment to see the man standing outside of his, leaning against the wall with a guitar. He looked so at ease with the instrument, as if it belonged in his grasp.

“Come here!” He waved one of his large hands in her direction, a grin spreading across his face. His legs were stretched in front of him, almost meeting the other wall, they were so long. His hair was tied back loosely, some of it falling out of the elastic band and cascading down his shoulders.

“Hey, so I was just wondering something.”

“Oh? Does it have to do with me?” Roan smiled up at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners and his head leaning back against the wall lazily.

Clarke rolled her eyes and smiled, unable to resist the charming personality, “A little. You were able to keep some power, right?”

Roan nodded. “What about it?”

“Did you happen to save any ground beef? Everything in my fridge went bad because I didn’t prepare to be here.”

“Why do you need ground beef?”

“Lexa isn’t leaving until tomorrow because the roads are blocked or flooded, and I wanted to make a good dinner for her before she leaves.” Clarke rested her shoulder against the wall and propped her basket on her hip.

“If you’ll sing with me.” Roan smiled wider, but was already standing up to get Clarke what she needed. He would never admit it, but he had a soft spot for her. He didn’t understand what it was really, only that it wasn’t romantic attraction. If Roan had to compare it to anything, it would be like a little sibling or a mentee.

“Roan…” Clarke started, her voice growing strayed. “Please? I’ll do anything else.”

“Nah,” Roan chuckled lightly, “I just wanted to mess with you. Come on in.” He opened his apartment door and led her inside. The interior of Roan’s apartment was something Clarke had never seen before, but it had a very similar layout to her own. It was smaller in square footage, but the kitchen, living room, and adjacent hallway was similar to hers, and it was easy to get around in.

Roan made a beeline for his kitchen and opened his freezer, pulling out a pound of ground beef. The apartment was littered with the evidence of a semi-messy man. There were a couple of jackets hanging over the couch, a drum set in the corner, and a serious gaming system in the living room. A mini-fridge sat on the dining room table, and several other contraptions were hooked to what looked like a gas generator underneath.

Roan came back with a pound of ground beef and handed it to Clarke. “There you go.”

“Thanks, Roan.” Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed in appreciation. “I owe you one. Just let me know what I can do for you.”

“Invite me over sometime. We can have dinner and hang out. Maybe jam together, you know? Without anyone around.” Roan shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and shrugged his shoulders carelessly.

It was apparent to Clarke that this made him a little awkward, and it wasn’t the first time that she thought maybe he had more than platonic feelings for her. It made her uncomfortable to think about because she thought of him as such a good friend, but he hadn’t made any moves on her yet. Clarke wouldn’t imply anything until he made a real move on her, which she didn’t think would happen.

“We’ll take a raincheck on that, but thank you.” She bumped her shoulder against his, and Roan followed her out of the door.

They said goodbye in the hallway, and Clarke went back to her apartment, returning victoriously with dinner. Lexa was still sitting on the couch, her legs near her chest and the television at a low drone in the background with the living room light flipped on. Clarke’s notebook was resting on her knees, but she was writing on a blank page, so she had clearly decided to move on from Clarke’s drawing of her.

“I brought us food.” Clarke waved it above her head. Something about seeing this mundane scene made her so deliriously happy that she grinned wide. For a second, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to come home to this every day. “I’m making dinner tonight.”

“What are you making?”

“A surprise.” Clarke waggled her eyebrows and set the laundry on the dining room table before heading to the kitchen to put the beef in the sink. “You deserve a hot meal after dealing with me and this weather all alone.”

“Oh, come on, you’re great to be around, Clarke.”

“Still, I’m making you dinner.”

~   ~   ~

            It took Clarke a solid ten minutes to remember why she never made her own home made meals. Everything seemed to move too fast and suddenly, she was losing track of time and burning _something_. Normally, she had somebody over, and they made her food because they felt sorry for her. Other times, she just ordered out and dealt with it.

            Lexa figured out in less than five seconds that Clarke was not a good cook when she tried to heat up the pasta sauce in the pan, _then_ add the ground beef. She didn’t try to take over then, just informed Clarke how to do it properly. It was adorable to see the blonde try to make everything perfect just for her. Lexa didn’t think she had ever seen anyone try so hard to make her dinner.

“Clarke, sweetheart.” Lexa used the nickname to make her criticism sound less harsh. “You’re ruining the noodles.”

It was the third time she’d said something about the noodles, and Clarke was already flustered enough as it was. She was trying to make garlic bread from scratch while simultaneously making spaghetti. Clarke was making a mess, and Lexa wanted to help in some way but knew the blonde wouldn't want her to.

“Fine!” Clarke wiped her hand on a towel and ran a hand through her hair. “You finish them. I’ll do the garlic bread.”

Lexa smiled and stifled a laugh because she didn’t want Clarke to feel uncomfortable. She took over Clarke’s position in front of the stove and turned off the burner for the noodles, then transferred them to a colander in the sink.

They settled into silence for a couple of minutes, Lexa focused on fixing the noodles and seasoning the pasta sauce and beef. Clarke spread garlic salt and seasoning over slices of bread she’d had in her cupboard.

            Clarke completed her task and placed the bread in the oven, then turned to watch Lexa. The pasta was done and resting in the colander on top of the cooling pot, and Lexa mixed in some sauce to keep it from sticking.

            “Lexa?”

            “Yeah?” She glanced up from what she was doing because Clarke was standing right next to her.

            “Thanks for helping me.”

            “It's the least I can do. You tried your hardest to make dinner. I can do the dishes, too.”

            “Yeah, right, I can do the dishes.”

            “How about we do the dishes together? But _after_ we eat.”

            Clarke huffed a sigh and grabbed utensils from the drawer and dishes for their food. “I’ll go set the table before the garlic bread is done.”

            She did just that, and Lexa followed, bringing in the sauce and noodles. They set the table, and the ease with which they worked together boggled both of their minds. It was easy for them to forget that they weren’t together because they seemed to just _fit_. Lexa could get used to making dinner and hanging out with Clarke in the evenings. It scared her how easily she could fall into this woman.

            When the garlic bread was finished, they sat together at the dining table and discussed their likes and dislikes. They disagreed a lot on politics and many of the social reforms occurring in their society, but the back and forth and debate really made it better. They laughed and touched on the topic of their families once again, though Lexa was careful with what she said. Primarily, she listened to Clarke talk about her dad and growing up as an only child.

            They talked about what they wanted in the future, and Clarke learned that Lexa wanted to be a traveling reporter. She wanted to help society and push it in the right direction. The only way she felt she could do it was through her writing. On the other hand, Lexa marveled at how intelligent and mature Clarke could be when she talked about becoming a doctor. She wanted to help people, too, and they connected on that level.

            Once dinner was through, the two did the dishes together.

            “Lexa, do you not know how to dry dishes?” Clarke laughed, reaching for one of the plates and raising it in the air until water dripped from the rim.

            “I know how to dry dishes, thank you. I just happened to miss the rim on that one.” Lexa smirked, drying off the pot.

            Clarke rolled her eyes. “Sure you did.” She bumped Lexa teasingly with her hip.

            Lexa did the same back, smiling as she replaced the dish.

            They stood in silence and smiled like idiots because neither had felt so content with another person before. It was scary and exhilarating at the same time.

            “Why did you do this?” Lexa asked once they were finished.

            “What do you mean?” Clarke was in the pantry, searching for something sweet for dessert.

            “Dinner, all of this?”

            “Lexa.” Clarke came back victorious with little brownie bars with little M&Ms embedded in them. “I wanted to do something nice for you because I know it’s probably been difficult being stuck with a stranger in a place you’re not familiar with.”

            “Clarke.” Lexa’s eyes were sparkling and genuine, the green suddenly more vivid than usual. She stepped closer, invading Clarke’s personal space, but the blonde couldn’t say she disliked it. “You’re not a stranger and maybe you’re a bit confusing at times, but I like you, and I like spending time with you.”

            “Yeah,” Clarke breathed, her stomach doing that twisting thing it had earlier when she thought about her feelings. “I just wanted to make up for being standoffish, I guess.”

            “Clarke, I understand that you’ve been hurt before, and I know it isn’t easy for you to move on, but hey, we can just be friends.” Lexa smiled then, and it was as if she hadn’t been at all affected by how hot and cold Clarke was being this whole time. “Being around you makes me feel comfortable, and I have a feeling you feel the same.”

            “We could be friends, right now I think.” Clarke twisted the brownies in her hands, focusing on them rather than Lexa. “Finn just…”

            “You don’t have to talk about it.” Lexa’s hand twitched at her side, almost as if she wanted to reach up and comfort the blonde but resisted. Then she rolled her eyes and wondered what she really had to lose by expressing her feelings. She had always been the type of person to go all in, which was both a positive and negative characteristic. It broke her heart often, but Lexa never seemed to learn from the heartbreak. “Just know that I’m here for you, and I think we could be good friends.”

            The word “friends” made Clarke’s stomach twist, and it didn’t sit well with her. She didn’t _want_ to be Lexa’s friend, and she didn’t know how to vocalize it. She wasn’t good with words and never had been, especially when it came to her feelings. Lexa seemed to easily express them and not fear what other people had to say about it, but for some reason, Clarke did.

            Clarke didn’t know how to tell Lexa she didn’t want to be her friend without potentially having a heart attack. Expressing herself had been difficult, and the only way she’d learned how to do it was through her art and music. Clarke found she was much better at acting or creating than talking, and her eyes flitted to Lexa’s lips in that moment.

            “I don’t think…” she trailed off as Lexa stepped forward. Their eyes met for a brief second, green boring into blue with such intensity it made a dense stone of want drop low in Clarke’s belly. Without thinking, she acted. Moving forward, she brought her hand up to the curve of Lexa’s neck, pulling her close and connecting their lips.


	17. Part 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here is an update that has taken way too long to get written, I know. But do not fret, for there will be a double update coming your way tomorrow! Let me know what you think! ~TGF
> 
> B/N: At least you’ve gotten an update. Let alone a promised double update. Whoop whoop! ~RhydianKnight

 

**Part 17**

Lexa awoke to the blare of her cell phone. It was loud and annoying now that she’d begun to use the same ringer as her alarm. The noise made her head throb, but she ignored it because she was completely wrapped up with a naked Clarke Griffin.

She nuzzled her way deeper into the sweet, clean scent of Clarke’s golden hair in an attempt to ignore her cellphone. But the noise seemed to wake her just as quickly as it woke Lexa and her comfortable position was ruined.

Clarke groaned, the noise vibrating through Lexa’s collarbone as she rolled over and onto Lexa’s body. Lexa slipped her arms around Clarke’s waist, reveling in her soft skin. She traced patterns along Clarke’s spine and kissed her forehead languidly.

“What is that?” the blonde’s voice was husky and slurred with sleep as she turned her head to look at the bedside table.

Lexa yawned and turned to look at the phone, “It looks like Anya.”

“Shouldn’t you answer it?” Clarke groaned and leaned up on her elbows so she could look at Lexa. They shared a smile and Lexa took in Clarke’s messy bed-head, bleary blue eyes and lazy half-smile. Her heart clenched at the image because she didn’t think anyone could look more beautiful so early in the morning.

Lexa shook her head and waved her arms around as the phone stopped ringing, “I don’t want to burst our little bubble.”

Clarke chuckled and rolled her eyes, leaning up and placing a kiss on Lexa’s lips. “Good morning, Lexa.”

“Good morning, Clarke.”

Their lips reconnected, moving slowly and lazily against each other in no attempt to deepen the kiss. All either of them wanted was to feel connected in that moment. Their activities from the night before were questionable and neither of them knew where their attraction was headed, but all they wanted was to enjoy the quality time they had together.

Before the kiss grew more heated, Lexa’s phone rang again.

The girls pulled apart reluctantly and Lexa reached out to answer it. “If she’s going to continue to call me…” the brunette grumbled before hitting the accept button. “Hello, dear Anya.”

Clarke chuckled at the obvious annoyance and rush in Lexa’s voice, resting her forehead against her collarbone. She allowed her body to relax into Lexa’s, tracing her fingers down her naked curves and then back up to tuck them underneath her shoulder blades before snuggling even closer.

“ _Hey, you need to come home._ ” Anya’s voice was serious and it instantly had Lexa tense.

“What’s wrong? Is everyone okay?”

“ _Yeah, there’s just someone here that I can’t get rid of because they want to see you. Lincoln is on his way to get you._ ”

“What?” Lexa frowned, half paying attention because Clarke had started dotting kisses along her neck and collarbone.

“ _Just be ready when he gets there.”_ Anya hung up and Lexa was left with more questions than answers. She pulled the phone from her ear and placed it back on the table.

“What was that about?” Clarke mumbled.

“I honestly have no idea, but apparently Lincoln is coming to get me.”

Clarke grunted in disapproval, “I guess that means our bubble is broken.” She lifted her head from Lexa’s chest and wrinkled her nose.

“I guess so,” Lexa breathed, eyes flitting over Clarke’s features again. Her stomach clenched as it seemed to be doing whenever Clarke was around and she still wasn’t completely sure if that was a good thing or a bad one.

They stared at each other, blue searching green as words escaped them both. There was _something_ that needed to be said, but neither of them could really come up with the right words to say them. If anything, they were both too afraid.

There was a glint in Clarke’s eyes for a brief moment, but when they both remained silent, it seemed to die. She averted her gaze and slid off of Lexa’s body, wrapping her sheets around herself tightly. “You should probably get going then.”

Lexa’s heart fell and she felt cold resting there alone. She watched as Clarke slipped on a pair of shorts and a shirt before standing. Something had shifted and it made Lexa incredibly awkward. There was something that she needed to say, but she didn’t know what it was.

Instead of dwelling on it, Lexa rolled out of Clarke’s bed too and grabbed her folded clothes from an empty drawer in the dresser. She changed quickly, used Clarke’s spare toothbrush and washed her face while the blonde did something in the living room.

While she was getting ready, she wondered if she _should_ say something to Clarke. They really did need to talk about the night before because having sex really hadn’t been on Lexa’s itinerary after their first time. She’d thought they were going to take it slow, but Clarke was just so intoxicating it was too easy for her to get sucked right back in.

Lexa shook her head and finished collecting the things she had left in Clarke’s room before moving to the living room. She’d left her hoodie on the couch and snatched it up while Clarke sat curled in her recliner. Once she was certain she had everything, she allowed her eyes to settle on the blonde. Her phone vibrated with a text from Lincoln, _Here._

“I can show myself out,” she breathed, but her words felt hollow and meaningless in the overwhelming silence between them.

Clarke shook her head and forced a smile, “What type of host would I be if I let you do that?”

Lexa shrugged and gestured to the door, unsure of how to argue with that. She held the apartment door open for the blonde, who had pulled her hair into a bun and tossed on a jacket she zipped up over her pajamas.

They walked shoulder to shoulder in silence, both of them lost in their own minds and wondering if they would ever see each other after this. Clarke wrapped her arms around herself because, well, she felt incredibly dirty now. She couldn’t really remember what she had been thinking when she had kissed Lexa, but all she knew was that she _wanted_ the brunette more than she ever wanted anyone before.

Maybe she still did, but Clarke wasn’t a mind reader. She couldn’t know what Lexa wanted or thought without her blatantly stating it. She could make assumptions based off of her actions, but she couldn’t do much else. They both knew they liked each other, but whether or not either of them were prepared to risk pursuing was the real question.

They reached the lobby and when they exited the building, they saw Lincoln in Anya’s car, resting against the hood. Lexa turned to Clarke and tried for a smile, but only succeeded in a grimace.

“Thanks...for this weekend, Clarke.”

Clarke nodded and looked out towards the parking lot and the street, anywhere to avoid looking at Lexa. “I had a good time.”

“Me too.”

The blonde brushed some tendrils of hair out of her face and turned to Lexa, her blue eyes shining in the morning glow. They were an incredible color in the sunlight, with flecks of black and gold near the irises. Clarke didn’t say anything else and Lexa bounced on her feet a bit, not wanting to leave, but not sure what else she could really say.

            When Clarke didn’t move to keep her there, she took a couple of steps in Lincoln’s direction. Lexa may have wanted her to stop her and just say something, anything that meant this wasn’t just a one time thing. Clarke had started it the night before and, well, Lexa’s response should have been enough right?

            She turned, hoping to see Clarke watching her or at least looking somewhat indecisive, but it seemed the blonde had disappeared completely. She paused, disappointment settling into her stomach and her heart falling, her hope destroyed.

            “Come on, Lexa!” Lincoln called from behind her, “What are you doing?”

            She waved her hand at him dismissively, her eyes trying to see through the glass window but the glare of the sun only succeeding in reflecting her disappointment back at her. Until she spotted a flash of something gold and Clarke shoved through the lobby doors back towards her.

            She moved so quickly, she nearly fell into Lexa. “Hey, sorry.”

            “What happened?” Lexa frowned, her heart speeding up in her chest.

            Clarke twisted a folded piece of paper in her hand nervously before fully extending her arm in Lexa’s direction. “It's my number...you know, if you ever feel like calling me.”

            Lexa stared at it, her heart pounding so quickly that her brain couldn’t even think of anything to say. Maybe Clarke thought she didn’t want the number because she withdrew her hand and her shoulders slouched. “I know we started this off backwards, but I wanted to...I don’t know, I wanted to try something? If you wanted to?”

            The uncertainty and nervousness in her voice drew Lexa from her thoughts and she took a step forward to reassure Clarke. She quickly grabbed the number from her hand. “I think-”

            “Lexa! Come on! Seriously!”

            The brunette shut her eyes and shook her head, there were things she had to say that she could barely think of while being rushed in the process. “I’ll call you, okay?”

            “Okay. Good.” Clarke smiled, it brightened up her face and her eyes sparkled. Lexa’s eyes dropped to her lips for a brief moment, pink and inviting but she glanced back up to stop herself from doing anything stupid.

            Lexa nodded, “Good.”

            They stood there, both shifting on their feet because they didn’t want to leave. Lexa fiddled with the piece of paper in her hand. “I’ll call you.”

            “Good.”

“I’ll be waiting. Goodbye, Lexa.” Clarke waved, her smile still sweet and soft on her face.

“Goodbye, Clarke.” Lexa stayed rooted in the spot until Clarke disappeared inside. She finally glanced down at the sheet of paper and flipped it open. It was a torn out post-it note advertising the apartment complex, Clarke’s number was hastily scrawled out on the back with her name underneath. It was rather hurried, but Lexa couldn’t really blame her.

With a little skip to her step, she folded it back up neatly and turned on her heels. Her heart beat a little more calmly and she felt more confident than she had in a very long time. She felt different than she had just mere days before, when she hadn’t known Clarke. Something had changed that she couldn’t quite place her finger on, but it seemed like it had to do with one blue-eyed beauty named Clarke Griffin.

~   ~   ~

            Clarke hovered just inside of the lobby, watching as Lexa looked down at the slip of paper. Her heart pounded in her chest because, well, they had worked backwards and she didn’t know if they would be able to really start something _real_ and take it slow. Something about Lexa made her feel like she could do just about anything.

            Watching the brunette may have been a bit creepy, but she found that the smile that lit up the woman’s face boosted her confidence. She was almost certain that Lexa had some sort of interest in her, obviously. It was something past just physical attraction and she crossed her fingers that she would get a phone call sooner rather than later.


	18. Part 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa have said goodbye. Lexa catches up with Lincoln and goes home to a complete mess of a house where a ghost appears from her past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I promised a double update and apparently I completely forgot about it. I am so sorry. I must have gotten busy and it slipped my mind. But here it is, better late than never. Let me know your thoughts by dropping a comment! I love to read them! ~TGF

Part 18  
“What’s got you so happy?” Lincoln asked. His irritation with his sister had dissipated as soon as he’d seen the look on her face as she got in the car. She was jittery and couldn’t seem to keep a smile off of her face. He hadn’t seen her this happy in a very long time. If anything, would enjoy herself when he or Anya forced her to, but besides that she stuck mostly to herself.

Between Lexa’s workload and her ambitions to be a better journalist, she was too busy to even think about a social life. With Lincoln being gone so often, he didn’t get much time to talk to her and most of the time he regretted it. He hadn’t been there for Lexa as much as he wished he had during her break-up with Costia and knew it strained their relationship. 

Instead of responding, Lexa grabbed out the piece of paper and flashed the number at Lincoln, who only got a brief glance at it. “She gave you her number?”

“Yeah,” Lexa breathed, slouching into the seat and turning to stare out of the window. She wasn’t seeing the street though, only beautiful blue eyes and a head full of golden hair.   
Lincoln smirked, “What did you two do this weekend?” He gave her a side eye when she looked up nervously. 

“I-Nothing, we just had a good time. I like hanging out with her and I think she feels the same way. Do you think I should call her tonight?” Lexa wrinkled her nose. “I haven’t done this in awhile.”

“Do you want to call her tonight?” Lincoln asked cautiously. He didn’t want to shove her right into a girl he hardly knew. If Lincoln knew anything about his sister it was that she felt a lot and most of the time, had a hard time expressing it in a healthy way. She would bottle it up until it exploded when she could have easily solved it by discussing how she was feeling. 

Lexa was an emotional person even if she tried to act like she wasn’t. She mostly dove head first into any relationship or feeling she ever had and Lincoln just wanted to protect her from herself and anyone that could possible hurt her. 

“I think I do, but a lot happened...I kind of told her about dad.” They shared a glance at Lincoln caught sight of the cut on her lip for the first time.

The man shook his head, clearly a lot had happened in a short span of time. “You told her about dad?”

Lincoln was nearly five years older than Lexa and they both had experienced much of their father’s rage before his death. Another thing Lincoln regretted was enlisting in the military at 18 and leaving his barely teenaged sister to fend for herself. From what he knew, their father had gotten worse and taken it out on her. Lexa didn’t talk to him about it much, not anymore, not after nearly ten years, but he knew it still affected her. 

“Yeah, it kind of just...happened. She’s easy to talk to. And, well, I got into a fight with a girl.” Lexa smirked a little, quite proud of the way she had handled herself. It took a lot for her to fight back after so many years of backing down. 

“You did what?!” Lincoln exclaimed, sitting up straighter in his seat. “You got into a fight? With who? Why?”

“She called Clarke a slut...and said some cruel things. I may have thrown the first punch.”

“You’re growing some balls there, Woods.”

“Excuse me, I don’t need balls to be badass, Woods.” Lexa laughed and punched her brother’s shoulder. “Enough about me, what happened at the party?”

Lincoln shrugged one gargantuan shoulder and avoided Lexa’s eye. “Not much, I mostly hung out in the game room. You know that girl Octavia? Raven’s friend?”

“Yeah, she’s something.”

“Well, she came down, drunk as hell. We hung out for a bit, she couldn’t stop talking about Raven. Then she kissed me.”

“She kissed you!?” Lexa nearly shot out of her seat in her excitement. It had been a long time since Lincoln had done anything remotely romantic. Lexa couldn’t remember the last time he’d told her that he’d kissed someone. 

Lincoln only shrugged again, brushing off his sister’s excitement. “It was just a drunken kiss. I’m pretty sure she’s got a thing for Raven anyway.”

“But seriously? It didn’t do anything for you at all? You’re almost thirty, Linc! Are you going to be in the military your whole life?” Lexa protested. Maybe their childhoods had been shitty, but since her discovery of Clarke, she was really starting to think positively about being happy. Eventually.

Lincoln rolled his eyes, turning onto their street. The road was covered in soaking wet leaves and tree branches. Several trees had fallen over but most of them were already getting cut down or put back up if they were salvageable. Everything looked soggy and messy to Lexa. She had been so distracted with Clarke that she barely had a moment to keep up with the news to check on the weather. 

Her boss would probably kill her when she went back to work.

“I’ve been thinking about possibly getting back into the dating pool and if you must know.”

Lexa laughed, “Great.” The laughed died almost as quickly as it had arisen. Her eyes spotted their home and she noticed there were no cars in their driveway anymore, except one. It was a cherry red little Volkswagen Beetle convertible. One that Lexa knew all too well. “What the hell is she doing here?” Lexa spotted Costia leaning against the vehicle, arms crossed over her chest and hair styled perfectly as usual. 

It hadn’t been more than a couple months since she’d last seen Costia, but the woman seemed to like to appear sporadically. Or really, at the perfect time, when Lexa thought she could get over her past and be happy. Like now.

“That’s why I came to get you. Anya was threatening to call the cops because she wouldn’t leave before she got to see you,” Lincoln explained, parking the car on the curb.   
Lexa growled, bringing her fist to her lips. Her entire body tensed, past insecurities and anger mingling together in her stomach painfully. She didn’t know whether to avoid Costia or burst out of the car shouting for her to leave. “She should have called the cops.”

“That’s what I said, come on,” Lincoln got out of the car and quickly walked around to her side while Lexa got out. The brunette avoided her ex’s eyes for as long as possible, suddenly finding Lincoln’s bald head incredibly interesting. 

They walked up the driveway close together and slowly, “Do you want me to stay out here?” 

Lexa shook her head, no matter how much she appreciated it, she hadn’t needed Lincoln’s protection since she was twelve. “No, go ahead. I’ll be inside soon.”

Lincoln only nodded and shouldered past Costia. They shared a glare and once he was gone, her smile was back and she only had eyes for Lexa. “How are you, Lexa?”

The brunette crossed her arms over her chest, attempting to ignore the sinking feeling in her gut. She took a moment to look Costia over before responding.

She looked good, mostly the same from the last time Lexa had seen her. Her curly hair was perfectly styled, her clothes matched and hugged all of the right curves. Costia always managed to make everything look perfect and she still did. She still looked as beautiful as she had when she’d turned her back on Lexa a few months before.

“What do you want, Costia?” she tried to keep her voice nonchalant, but it felt like it was more subdued and submissive.

“Oh, come on, Lexa,” she smiled, her lips curving up halfway and her eyebrows twitching in a way that made Lexa’s stomach twist, “I just wanted to check in. After this weather, I got a little worried.” Her eyebrows scrunched together in concern. 

Maybe Lexa should have been touched by her “concern”, but really, she knew it was all an act. After Costia had left her, it had taken her a short time to realize that whenever she reappeared in Lexa’s life, it was only to feel wanted. Lexa didn’t know much about Costia’s life anymore, but clearly it hadn’t gotten the way she thought it was going to without Lexa in it. 

So instead of allowing herself to feel all of those insecurities that had plagued her for most of her life, Lexa rolled her eyes. She wasn’t going to let Costia make her feel like she wasn’t enough just so the other woman could feel better about herself. “Cut the bullshit, Costia. Seriously. What do you want?”

“What’s gotten into you, Lexa? I’m just here because I want to check in on you,” Costia stepped forward, reaching out and placed a gentle hand on Lexa’s arm. She ducked down to meet the journalist’s eyes and brushed her fingers over Lexa’s skin. Her brown eyes were soft and inviting, a look Lexa remembered all too well.

“Costia, you need to stop coming around here,” Lexa’s voice lacked conviction and cracked with the closeness of such a familiar face and scent. But just as quickly as she felt herself melting, she thought of how someone else’s fingertips were not as soft as Costia’s were. They were much more tentative and a bit rougher with use. She caught her breath as it hitched in her throat and pulled away from Costia, even as she moved forward. “You need to go, Costia.”

Costia blinked and dropped her hand. “Lexa-”

Lexa blinked, avoided her ex’s eyes to keep her confidence up. “I’m not here for you to feel better about yourself, Costia. You left me and that is the end of it. I’ve managed to put myself back together without anyone’s help and I don’t need you coming around and trying to ruin that. I don’t need you anymore.” 

“Lexa-” Costia reached out as Lexa tried to walk away, catching the crook of her arm.

She only paused for a moment, wondering if she should say anymore, but opted not to because she was unsure if she could continue. Lexa yanked her arm out of Costia’s grip and continued on to the house, closing the door behind her with a resounding thud.

She slouched against it, her confidence suddenly gone and her knees feeling weak and wobbly beneath her. Having been with Costia for years and solely relying on her for practically everything through college, it had taken a lot for Lexa to become independant. Coming from such a dysfunctional family life, Lexa had never thought she would be able to find happiness until she met Costia.

Maybe she had jumped too deeply and allowed herself to grow too dependant on her first love, but at the time it seemed like they would be together forever. Costia had convinced her to move to Florida with her and then to follow her dreams of writing. She had been there through everything, reinforcing Lexa’s confidence with herself. But after awhile, Costia seemed to lose interest. One day, she met Lexa for lunch and said they weren’t working out.

The confession seemed to tear the floor out from underneath her. Costia had abandoned her and Lexa was forced to put her own pieces back together for the first time. She had done it with some tough love from her friend Anya and the cautious, yet committed support from her older brother. 

But Costia didn’t really leave. She would “accidentally” run into Lexa and send her reeling back into a time when they were in love. It caused a lot of problems for Lexa, but seemed to make Costia feel better about herself. Whenever her ex reappeared, all of the sudden, Lexa would regress back to that dependant person she once was.

Now, though, Lexa was done with it. Something had changed over the last couple of days and she couldn’t help but guess that it had to do with Clarke. 

“Lexa?” Anya’s voice echoed through the foyer and drew Lexa from her thoughts. 

“Hey, An!” She called, trying to mask the emotion in her voice by clearing it, but still heard the crack in it anyway. She pulled away from the door and headed deeper into the house.

The house was trashed, to say the least. Nobody had stayed to clean up and there was trash, clothes, pillows and blankets strewn throughout the living room and family room. Lexa did not like the idea that they were going to have to clean all of this up themselves. 

She found Anya in the kitchen, sitting at the island in one of the spinning chairs with a plate of scrambled eggs in front of her. She was still dressed in her pajamas and her hair was still a ratty mess from sleep. Lexa hadn’t seen her this disheveled in a long time and instantly knew something was wrong. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, it was just a crazy weekend.”

“Yeah? How did it go? Did you officially get with Raven like you planned?” Lexa grabbed the glass of orange juice sitting next to Anya’s plate and took a sip. She was not expecting the bite of vodka to follow. “Shit, Anya. You’re drinking this early?”

“It’s been...a long, crazy weekend, like I said.”

“What happened?”

“Raven broke up with me, even though there was really nothing to break up. But anyway, she got together with Octavia Blake, one of her friends.”

“What the hell?” Lexa raised both eyebrows. She knew how much Anya had liked Raven and Anya liking anyone was rare and far between. The blonde didn’t like commitment and it had taken a long time for her to admit to herself, let alone Lexa, that she wanted Raven as more than a friend with benefits.

Anya shoveled eggs into her mouth as if it was no big deal, “Don’t worry about it. It’s made me realize what I really want.”

“What is that?” Lexa placed the glass back on the table, though kept her hand around it and leaned down, really wanting to hear what Anya was going to say. It seemed like something important.

“I want something real,” Anya put down her fork, “I want to commit fully to someone and just...I don’t want to be held back by anything.”

Lexa sat speechless for a moment, opening and closing her mouth uselessly. “That...well, I can drink to that,” she brought the screwdriver still in her hand back to her lips.   
Anya rolled her eyes and continued to eat her breakfast.

“Seriously though, I know how hard that is for you and I’m proud of you,” Lexa amended.

“Thank you,” Anya nodded and finished her food. 

“Let's get this place cleaned up, ladies!” Lincoln clapped obnoxiously from the other room and it echoed through the house. 

Lexa ended up trying to drag her feet, but both Anya and Lincoln were not having it. After her emotionally draining weekend and seeing Costia again, she really just wanted to fall into her own bed, alone for a brief amount of time. Or even to just take a shower. But neither of them were having any of it. 

Lincoln was sent on a mission to gather all of the trash on both floors in a trash bag. Anya cleaned up the back porch and whatever dishes could be washed, Lexa was sent to do them. It took nearly the entire day, with brief snack breaks in between, to get the entire house clean. 

After getting the initial trash taken care of Anya sent Lexa to Clorox anything that wouldn’t be ruined by the bleach while she vacuumed. Lincoln was forced to scrub the tiles in the kitchen and bathroom.

Once Lexa was set free of her cleaning duties by Anya, she could barely keep her eyes open in the warm shower she took afterwards. Her muscles ached from all of the constant awkward positions she had been in while attempting to clean. It took all of her willpower to change into a t-shirt and underwear before she collapsed fully into bed, exhausted from the day’s events. It wouldn’t be until the next day that she remembered Clarke’s phone number buried in the depths of her jeans pocket.


	19. Part 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I know it’s been awhile, but I have officially gotten this entire story written and will be updating it every week on Fridays until it is fully posted. I hope you enjoy this chapter and look forward to reading your comments.
> 
> If you have any interest in knowing what I have been up to this summer, I went on a cruise to Alaska and had very little time. Work is stressful and I just got a new laptop and developed an interest in gaming. I’m heading to visit my girlfriend for nearly three weeks this weekend and I’m moving for college in early August and start school then too. But continue to look for my updates and new stories that I have in the works. Thanks!
> 
> ~ThatGayFriend

 

**Part 19**

Clarke eagerly awaited Lexa’s phone call hours after she left. When the call never came, she assumed Lexa got busy. The second day without a message made her think that Lexa was second guessing calling her, but she definitely would because she had to at least try it out. They had tried to communicate properly, hadn’t they?

The third day came and Clarke was forced to go back to school. She dragged her feet up until her first class and when she exited her apartment, she noticed that Lincoln’s truck had disappeared without a trace from the parking lot. If Lexa had lost Clarke’s number, retrieving the truck would be the best excuse to visit her, right?

            After Lincoln’s truck was taken away, all of her hope vanished and she was left wondering what was wrong with her. It had been dumb to give Lexa her number instead of asking for one instead. At least if she’d called the other woman, she would have gotten an explanation.  Since Lexa hadn’t contacted her, Clarke internalized her emotions for fear of looking weak in front of her friends.

            Her friends. They had found happiness during the storm while she had only found heartbreak. Raven and Octavia were in the midst of their honeymoon stage and were practically attached at the hips. During some of her darkest moments, Clarke wished the two of them were still avoiding their feelings so they wouldn’t flaunt their relationship in front of her.

            Once the first week was through, Clarke was in a fully swung depression and actively avoiding her friends. Roan had knocked on the door several times with no answer, and both Octavia and Raven had called and texted to no responses.

            Clarke spent most of her time attempting to read through her textbooks and get caught up on her homework. But after rereading the same lines over and over without fully understanding what was being said, she would go to her room for a nap. Then, she would end up listening to depressing love songs like a lovesick teenager.

            She was honestly disgusted with herself, but there seemed to be no other way of coping with her feelings.

            “Clarke!” It was the only warning she received before her apartment door was slammed open and an angry fairy of a woman came storming in. Clarke squeaked and held her textbook to her chest, eyes wide with fear. She knew she’d been avoiding her best friend and also knew that it was going to end badly for her once Octavia decided she’d had enough.

            Briefly, a red-faced Tinkerbell flashed through her head.

            “What?” she responded innocently, her voice sounding small compared to the brunette’s.

            “You’ve been avoiding my calls _and_ ignoring my texts!”

            “I’ve been busy.”

            “Is that a question or an answer? Because it sounds like a question.” Octavia placed her arms on either side of Clarke, leaning so close their noses almost brushed. The blonde’s eyes nearly crossed as she stared at her friend.

            “It’s an answer. I have midterms and MCATs, O. I’m not avoiding you, but I have to focus.” It wasn’t a total lie. Clarke was a horrible liar, so it had to contain at least some semblance of truth.

            “That’s not enough for me, Clarke! You won’t talk to me! I’ve waited and waited and yet you haven’t told me anything that happened during the hurricane.” Octavia began pacing in front of her, her hands flying around her head as she spoke adamantly.

            Clarke remained silent because she didn’t have a good answer for her best friend. She just watched her move irritably, like a caged animal. If Clarke knew anything about Octavia, it was how to tell when she was annoyed and also that she didn’t like being out of the loop. It was unfair for Clarke to keep silent, but she wanted to keep these fresh wounds as tightly wrapped as possible, for fear that they would break her.

            It had been a hard year, especially after Finn and figuring out her future and career. She had changed a lot in the short span of time and that included bottling up her emotions so she didn’t hurt her friends or place any unnecessary weight upon them.

            Octavia had lived such a sheltered life between her overprotective brother and paranoid mother that finally moving out with Clarke and living on campus had been a life-changing decision. She had jumped off of the deep end and Clarke had been there for advice and comfort whenever she could. Clarke had always felt responsible for Octavia, as if she was her little sister, because she practically was.

            Now, though, the tables had turned, and Clarke was left wondering what she wanted now. Octavia seemed to have it figured out; she was nearly done with her physical therapy degree and had a great girlfriend that really understood her. Clarke, on the other hand, was almost finished with her bachelor’s in biology, yet wasn’t completely sure she wanted to go to medical school, even though she was still in the process of doing so.

            “Are you even listening, Clarke? Will you just tell me what happened between you and Lexa so we can talk about it? You need to talk about it,” she paused and gestured wildly at Clarke. “Clearly!”

            “Nothing happened. She was here and then she left. It doesn’t matter what happened even if something had. I won’t see her again so I just have to get over it.” She lied through her teeth.

            Octavia’s eyebrows furrowed together, and her eyes clouded with hurt. Her shoulders slouched, and she dug her hands into the pockets of her shorts. “Do you not trust me?”

            “O, I trust you,” Clarke reached out for her arm, quickly tossing her textbook to the side. “I just don’t want to talk about it, and you know that you can’t force me to.”

            For a second, Clarke wasn’t sure if Octavia was going to yell at her or cry, but she was thankful the brunette did neither. “Fine, whatever you want. But if you don’t snap out of whatever the hell is wrong with you soon, I am going to bring Raven in on this.”

            “Fine, I can live with that,” Clarke deflated slightly, thankful that the subject would be dropped for even the briefest of moments. “So where is your lover girl?”

            A smile blossomed on Octavia’s face, so bright it was contagious, and Clarke couldn’t resist smiling back. Changing the subject and focusing on Octavia was going to be how she functioned for as long as she could without bringing Lexa up.

~   ~   ~

            It was that very evening, while binging a Netflix show and avoiding her homework while Raven did some extremely complicated Calculus, that Octavia told her about Clarke.

            “Octavia, you look like you’re about to blow up,” Raven called from across the room when the television went silent, not even looking up from what she was doing.

            “You’re not even looking at me,” Octavia grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest.

            Raven set down her pencil and twisted her chair around, pushing off of the tile and rolling across the room until she bumped the edge of Octavia’s bed. Their relationship hadn’t changed much, if at all. Their transition from friends to girlfriends had been smoother than either of them had expected. They were still Raven and Octavia, with some added benefits of kissing and going out on dates.

            “What’s going on, Octavia?” Raven’s eyes were alert as she searched Octavia’s. She was completely honed in and listening to what Octavia had to say.

            Octavia slouched back, deeper into her pillows and opened her arms. “Come here.”

            “You want me to hold you?” Raven quirked an eyebrow. “That’s it?”

            “No, just come here. Jesus,” Octavia rolled her eyes and patted the spot next to her until Raven slid out of her chair and into the bed. She sidled up to Octavia, who quickly snuggled into the crook of her arm.

            “What’s the matter?”

            “Clarke is being withdrawn, and she won’t tell me about what happened with Lexa.” The words were muffled by Raven’s t-shirt, but were coherent nonetheless.

            Raven sighed, having known something like this would be bothering her girlfriend. Octavia cared a lot about everyone and everything. She wanted to constantly be there to fix other people’s problems, but sometimes she needed to back off. Clarke was the type of person that needed to process things on her own, Raven had learned. The two of them may have known each other for a very long time, but having an outsider’s perspective seemed to benefit both of them when it came to having Raven in their lives.

            “She probably just needs time, you know how Clarke can be.”

            “That’s what Clarke said.” Octavia pouted.

            Raven rolled her eyes and chuckled, though she tried to muffle it so as to not hurt Octavia’s feelings. “Then what’s the problem, O?”

            “Don’t laugh at me,” she whined and squeezed Raven’s hip, making the Latina jerk at the ticklish sensation. “She just won’t talk to me and, after Finn, I don’t know, she just deserves a lot better. If Lexa did something to hurt her, I’ll kill her.”

            “You can’t know if Lexa did anything, babe.” Raven raked her fingers through Octavia’s hair, pushing it out of her face. Octavia rolled her eyes up towards Raven, but the indecisiveness there seemed to fade as soon as their eyes met, and she smiled.

            Her body visibly relaxed further into Raven and she sighed, “I won’t worry about it for now.”

            “Promise?”

            “I promise.”

~   ~   ~

            It was the very next week, after finals, that Raven approached Clarke. There had been complete radio silence since Octavia had spoken to the blonde, and Raven could tell how much it was affecting her girlfriend.

            At first, it hadn’t been obvious, but then she’d notice the frown on her face when she checked her phone or the disappointment that shone in her eyes when her phone call went unanswered. Eventually, Raven knew it would need to stop because, soon enough, Octavia would fall into a depression without being able to talk to her best friend.

            So that weekend, after midterms were officially over, Raven pounded on Clarke’s apartment door. She’d told Octavia that she was going out to get groceries, when really, she was pacing in Clarke’s hallway waiting for the door to be opened.

            When she didn’t get a response after a couple of minutes, she pounded on the door again. After another ten minutes of no response, she shouted, “Clarke Griffin! If you don’t get your ass out of that apartment, I will break down this damn door!”

            The door to the staircase clicked at the end of the hallway, and Raven turned, red faced and angry, to find Clarke carrying grocery bags and staring at her as if she were insane.

            “Raven? What is going on? Is everything okay?” she approached slowly, twisting her keys in her hand as she moved to unlock the door.

            Raven remained silent, her jaw clenching and unclenching impatiently. She waited until Clarke unlocked the door and had invited her inside before exploding on her friend. “What the hell is wrong with you? Are you ignoring Octavia?”

            Clarke frowned, placing her groceries on the kitchen table and flicking on the lights. “No, I’m not ignoring Octavia. I’ve been busy.”

            “No, you haven’t.” Raven noticed the art supplies strewn across the living room table and the textbooks and notebooks sprawling open in the dining room. There was a jacket on the floor and three blankets balled up on the couch. The place looked like a pigsty compared to its usual organized messiness. “Clarke, what is going on with you?”

            She knew that Clarke could be an emotional mess; she had been there through Finn’s affair and seen Clarke at her very worst. But this was different, it wasn’t worse, it was very unlike Clarke not to go to her friends for support. If something bad had happened between her and Lexa, Raven and Octavia should know about it.

            Clarke rested her hands against either side of the kitchen sink, and Raven watched as her shoulders sagged. Suddenly, she noticed how tired the blonde was looking and concern washed away whatever anger she was feeling. “Clarke, talk to me. Did Lexa do something?”

            “No, Lexa didn’t do anything. That’s kind of the problem.” Clarke ran a hand through her hair and finally turned towards her friend. Raven stood in the living room, between the back of the couch and the head of the dining room table, with her arms crossed over her chest. It was one of those rare moments where her face wasn’t guarded, and she didn’t have one of the lopsided dorky grins that normally adorned her face after she made a stupid joke.

            This was a serious Raven, and Clarke knew that she would be able to talk to her.

            “Come on, Clarke,” her voice was soft and she shrugged, “you can talk to me.”

            “How about we go get a coffee or something? I’ll call Octavia and she can meet us.” Clarke wanted to put off talking about Lexa for as long as possible.

~   ~   ~

            They settled themselves into a corner table at a Starbucks with their respective drinks. Clarke sat across from Raven and Octavia, the latter of whom was looking down at her drink and tracing her fingers over the condensation on the outside of her cup. She’d said next to nothing to Clarke besides a greeting, and her eyes were alight with an angry fire.

            “So, what’s going on, Clarke?” Raven was the first to break the silence.

            “I did something really dumb.”

            “What did you do?”

            “First,” she reached her hand out and stopped Octavia’s nervous fidgeting. She waited until the brunette looked up, “I’m sorry for being so standoffish the last couple of weeks. There’s just been a lot to think about, and I needed time to myself. That doesn’t excuse my asshole-ness, but I am sorry.”

            Octavia only nodded, a small half-smile spreading across her lips, and her hand twisted in Clarke’s until their fingers intertwined. Clarke squeezed it and tried to smile reassuringly at her best friend before she delved into her story.

            She told her friends everything, starting from meeting Lexa at her house and what happened afterwards. She explained how they slept together, how Lexa was punched by Niylah and then how they slept together again. She kept what Lexa told her of her family to herself, but didn’t ghost over her own idiotic moments.

            Once she was finished, Raven and Octavia were left staring at her.

            “So what,” Raven started, “she never called?”

            Clarke gave her a droll stare without a word.

            “Well, why don’t you go see her? You know where she lives, hell, I know where she lives.” Raven crossed her arms and leaned on the table.

            Clarke sighed, “But I don’t think she wants to see me. I thought it would be fine, I thought she would call me and she didn’t. That must mean I either did something wrong or she doesn’t feel the same way I do.”

            “She slept with you twice, Clarke,” Octavia offered, shaking her head in disappointment. “She clearly likes you, at least physically.”

            “Who wouldn’t?” Raven offered, gesturing in the general direction of Clarke’s chest.

            Octavia smacked her shoulder, but only received a chuckle and a satisfied grin in response. “Anyway, what are you going to do now? I’ve never seen you like this.”

            “Maybe you and I should go over to Anya’s and whoop Lexa’s sorry ass for treating our dear friend like garbage,” Raven suggested.

            “No,” Clarke waved her hands around, her voice rising too loudly before she noticed and lowered it, “no, don’t do that. I probably won’t see her again, so there’s no point in pursuing something that won’t be reciprocated.”

            Raven huffed and sat back, clearly disappointed about not being able to beat somebody up. Octavia, on the other hand, shook her head and gave Clarke a concerned look. “I’ve never seen you like this before,” she murmured vaguely.

            “What?” Clarke sipped her melted drink.

            “You’ve never been this torn up over a ‘what if’ before.” Octavia’s eyes seemed to penetrate Clarke’s soul, and she grew restless. She shifted in her seat and stared down at her near-empty cup to avoid those hazel eyes. Raven sat there, confused, in one of those moments where she was completely lost because she hadn’t known these two girls as long as they had known each other. “Are you sure you don’t want to try to pursue it?”

            “Octavia, I don’t want to embarrass myself any more than I already have.” Clarke hoped she sounded convincing. “I just want to move on, really. Besides, I need to focus on school.”

            Something in Clarke’s tone didn’t convince Octavia, but she couldn’t think of anything that would drive Clarke to pursue this. Clarke really couldn’t convince herself either. Her stomach tightened with her lie, and she feared that this sadness and constant fantasizing would never go away. She wondered if she would every get past the ‘what if’ that was Lexa Woods.


	20. Part 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here is the next chapter! Enjoy!
> 
> ~ThatGayFriend

 

**Part 20**

            Clarke was on her way home from school when she started to feel lighter. Her head hadn’t been crowded with thoughts of haunting green eyes and a beautiful smile in a couple of days. She was starting to feel like she could get over this and move past what had happened.

            MCATs were coming up and registration for her final semester was opening in a couple of weeks. If everything went well with her grades and testing, she would be moving to Gainesville in the coming years. But it still felt off. Her hands no longer ached to draw, but her heart felt empty when she wasn’t.

            In the time since she had met Lexa and pined after her for those brief weeks, she’d been rolling in emotions, and drawing had seemed to be her only solace. There may have been so many emotions she grew wary of them each day, but she had never felt more alive than when she was drawing.

Now, medicine seemed to be even duller than it was before. It wasn’t that she didn’t find joy in healing or treating people, but there wasn’t as much passion behind it. If she was honest, there never really had been.

With the absence of that passion, her life felt empty.

Satisfying her mother had always been one of her top priorities. Since she never had the closest relationship with Abby because of her job, she had always wanted to impress her. In her young mind, the only way to do that was to follow in her footsteps. She wanted to be as strong and logical as the older woman, to be ready to take charge when the moment came and also reap all of the joy that came from it. But she couldn’t; being a leader like her mother was hard, and her emotions got the best of her at times.

            With a sigh, she set down her take-out bag and dug in her backpack for her house keys. A thumping bass came from up the hall, but her mind was too preoccupied to really care. As she did this, a door down the hallway opened, and the volume of the music seemed to double.

            “Hey, Clarke!” Roan’s deep voice called. When she looked up, he was waving an arm at her and smiling widely. A guitar strap hung around his neck, and an electric guitar hung at his hip. “We’re practicing, wanna check it out?”

            His voice was so friendly and his happiness inviting, but Clarke’s heart clenched, and she selfishly wanted to dwell in her sadness by eating copious amounts of Chinese. She also needed to study for MCATS, which were next week.

            “I can’t, Roan, I have to study. Maybe next time.” She smiled and waved back at him.

            He shrugged, but his smile did fall. “Well, you know where to find me if you change your mind.”

            Clarke flashed him one more close-lipped smile before shutting her apartment door behind her. She sighed at the familiar, cozy surroundings and set her stuff on the dining room table. Then she went to the kitchen to place her food down before grabbing a plate.

            The next half an hour was spent at the dining room in her MCAT practice problems textbook for Chemistry and stuffing her face with a box of beef broccoli and lo mein. She logged into her online class but didn’t get much further than that before her phone rang.

            She reached for it, partially thankful for the distraction, but the name that came up on the screen didn’t make her all that happy. “Hey, Mom.”

            “ _Hey, sweetie, how are you doing?”_

            “I’m doing alright, studying right now actually.”

            “ _Oh, do you want me to call back later? I don’t want to distract you_ ,” Abby’s voice dripped with concern that was tinged with the pride that always accompanied them talking about Clarke’s future in medicine.

            “No, its fine. What’s up, Mom? How’s Dad?”

            She could hear the smile in Abby’s voice. “ _He’s going stir-crazy apparently. Since I won’t let him tinker in the garage with his little mechanisms.”_

            “Why won’t you let him?”

            “ _Because she’s a she-demon in the shape of your mother!_ ” Her father’s voice echoed in the background. There was a moment where laughter took over the line, and it sounded like someone had dropped the phone, until Abby’s voice came back but a bit further away. “ _He’s still recovering, I’m not letting him do anything strenuous until he’s healthy enough_.”

            “Mom, it’s been almost two weeks. He could at least leave that rickety old chair, can’t he?”

            “ _Kid, I love this chair. Don’t insult it!_ ” Jake’s voice filtered through, much further away than before.

            “ _Hold on, Clarke, I’m going into the living room so we can both talk to you, and nobody has to shout_.” The phone jostled once again, and Clarke could hear her dad’s voice, but couldn’t make out what he was saying.

            Finally, the phone must have changed hands because Jake’s voice was clear in the speaker. “ _Hey, kiddo, having any fun?_ ”

            “I’m studying, Dad.”

            “ _Ugh.”_ He sounded genuinely disgusted. “ _Don’t you have friends? Why don’t you go find Octavia and, I don’t know, what do kids do to have fun these days, Abby?_ ”

            “ _Clarke needs to study, Jake. Medical school is a big deal_.”

            “Yeah, Dad. It’s super-duper important,” She didn’t mean for it to come out sarcastic and winced when it did.

            “ _Take a break kiddo_ ,” Jake said seriously. “ _Go hang out with your friends_.”

            Clarke’s mind drifted to the music still thumping quietly through the walls. Roan _had_ invited her over to hang out, and she would rather be surrounded by music than textbooks full of biological processes she had to memorize. A longing to be doing something with her hands that didn’t involve turning the pages of a bland textbook settled into the pit of her stomach.

            “Maybe I will,” she murmured, the idea suddenly not seeming completely ludicrous. She could just knock on Roan’s door and join him and his band. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal.

            “ _Well_.” Abby’s voice was hesitant. She didn’t want her daughter to be unhappy but she also didn’t want her to neglect her studies. “ _Just make sure you study, sweetie. Don’t get behind._ ”

            “I won’t, Mom. But I have to go.”

            “ _Okay, sweetie._ ”

            “ _Call us soon, kid. We love you._ ”

            “Love you too, Dad, Mom. Talk to you later.” With a new sense of confidence, she hung up the phone and shut her textbook with a resounding thud. She deserved a break, and enjoying some music would really help her destress.

            Clarke put her plate in the sink and the rest of her leftovers in the fridge. She left her apartment a bit nervously, but didn’t allow it to dampen her intentions to enjoy herself while being surrounded by musicians. She knocked on Roan’s door loudly, the thumping of a drum set almost loud enough to drown out her knock.

            When the door wasn’t answered after a minute, Clarke reached out to knock again while bouncing on her toes. Before she could knock, though, the door swung open and an unfamiliar face smiled at her. He dressed similarly to Roan in tight, dark clothing, but he was much shorter and darker, probably Hispanic. He opened his arms wide and greeted her excitedly, “Hey, come in. Roan! Someone’s here to see you!” He ushered her inside and shut the door behind them.

            “Who is it?” Roan’s voice came from the living room.

            “A pretty girl. Better get here fast before I use my Latino charm.” He winked at Clarke and smiled, teeth bright and straight. If Clarke had been paying attention at all to his physique and smile, she probably would have found him attractive, but she was more focused on finding Roan.

            His head poked around the wall and he smiled at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Hey, Clarke, I actually didn’t expect you to come over! But I’m glad you did. Come in.” His arms opened wide and he reached for her wrist, pulling her into the living room.

            Last time she had been there, the apartment had seemed slightly cluttered due to Roan’s preparation for the hurricane. But now it was a bit messier and covered in both bodies and musical instruments. Two heavy amps sat on either side of the room, blocking off access to the balcony and the hallway leading to the bathroom.

            A drum set was set up in the middle of the living room, where the couches and coffee table had been shoved to the side. Another unfamiliar guy was lounging on one of the couches with a bass guitar in his hands. He was short and stocky, not much taller than Clarke, with messy blonde hair and fuzzy stubble at his jawline. He was lazily playing with cords until he noticed Clarke.

“Everyone, this is Clarke,” Roan introduced, barely a breath away from Clarke’s shoulder. “Clarke, the one with Latino charm is Jamie, and the lazy ass on the couch is Austin.”

            A chorus of greetings went around the room, and Roan offered her a seat on the couch once Austin stood up. He took a seat on the coffee table. “So did you want to join us or just watch?”

            At the idea of joining them, Clarke’s heart picked up speed, and she suddenly didn’t think coming over here had been the smartest thing to do. “Actually, I’d rather just watch,” she said breathlessly.

            “That’s cool.” Austin stood up and brought his guitar around. “We’re not really practicing, just screwing around. Don’t want to get a noise complaint here.”

            Clarke agreed and found that these three guys weren’t too bad. They may have looked a bit dangerous with their leather and gothic-like outfits, but really, they were very similar to Clarke’s own friends. Jamie tried to flirt with her, and Roan kept helping shoot him down, which ended in them wrestling on the floor and nearly breaking the coffee table.

            Austin kept calling them both idiots and had a calmness about him that drew Clarke to him. He was able to carry a much more intellectual conversation than Roan and Jamie, who kept hitting each other like ‘bros’. Clarke wasn’t accustomed to how guys worked very well, but she found their interactions fun to watch.

            As the hours wore on and the sun began to fall in the west, the music drew to a close, even though the three of them had mostly just been messing around. Austin told her that Roan and Jamie were just fighting for her affections by trying to impress her with their skills.

            Clarke found herself relaxing considerably around the three of them because there wasn’t any expectation to be anyone but who she was. Her friends knew her better than she knew herself sometimes. They had known her so long, they expected something out of her. With Roan and his friends on the other hand, they didn’t know anything about her so she could be anything to them and not fail them.

            Night had finally fallen, and Clarke was growing hungry once again. Jamie was already starting to pack up his drum set to head home, and Austin took that as his cue to head out too, wishing Clarke a good evening and hoping to see her again.

            “Have a good night, Clarke,” Jamie smiled at her, one of those ‘I’m trying to charm you’ smiles that Clarke was starting to think was just a part of his personality.

            “You too, Jamie.” She waved at him, standing from her spot for the first time that evening and cracking her back as she did so.

            Jamie left with Austin, who helped him carry down his collapsed drum set in its several, bulky cases. Once they were officially gone, the apartment grew silent and Clarke gathered her hoodie to head out. “I should probably leave too.”

            “Do you have somewhere to be?” Roan asked, digging his hands into his pockets. Blue eyes shone with nervousness, and Clarke suddenly wondered if he had some type of feelings for her.

            She thought about lying, but didn’t see why she really needed to; there was nowhere for her to be. “No, why?”

            “Did you want to maybe hang out? We could try to sing together.” At the look on her face, he raised his hands to calm her down. “Just hear me out? Please? I know you have stage fright, but you don’t have to worry with me. This is a no-judgement zone.”

            “Roan, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she protested. She loved to sing but it was just for fun when she was alone and in her shower. When she was younger, it was okay for her to be out there with her music, but after she hit puberty, the idea of being judged constantly was at the forefront of her self-conscious brain.

            Roan sighed, “Please just try? You can pick whatever song you want to. Just pretend I’m not here.”

            “You’re not going to stop until I agree, huh?” Irritation bubbled in Clarke’s chest, but she couldn’t find it in herself to really be angry with the man before her. He was completely genuine in his intentions, she knew, but she really didn’t know why.

            He shrugged sheepishly and glanced down at his feet without a word, his actions speaking louder than words would anyway.

            “Why?”

            “Why what?” His head shot up at the question. He had been expecting Clarke to shoot him down as she normally did, so the question surprised him.

            “Why are you so hellbent on this? It’s honestly frustrating.” Clarke crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a pointed look, clearly waiting for a logical explanation.

            Roan’s mind went blank as he tried to search for a reason. There was one, of course, but he’d never actually explained it out loud before. “You’re not happy. I see it a lot when you walk by, like something’s weighing you down. I’ve seen your art, I’ve heard you sing, and I can tell that medicine isn’t what you’re passionate about.”

            Clarke’s automatic defensiveness reared its ugly head. “You don’t even know me, Roan.”

            “I don’t have to know you to know that you aren’t happy. It’s painted all over your face every single day.” He stepped forward, eagerness painted across his own face. “I don’t know what’s holding you back, but I want to help you figure it out. I want you to be happy.”

            They both paused, consumed by silence. “Why?”

            Roan’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “I thought I just told you why.”

            “Why do you _care_? What’s in it for you?”

            His mouth fell open, then it closed, and he looked like a fish gasping for water. “I just…doesn’t everyone deserve to be happy? Because you seem to think you don’t.”

            Clarke’s jaw clenched and unclenched. “Fine, just…what do you want to sing?”

            “Really?” The biggest smile spread across his face, and he raked a hand through his hair. When Clarke nodded, he rushed to his room as if expecting her to bolt at any moment.

            He came back with an acoustic guitar in his hand and some sheets of paper. “So I have this song in mind. It’s a duet, and I think your voice is sweet enough to sing the melody, even though you like to sing low and you’re a little raspy.”

            Clarke only nodded as he sat himself on the couch and patted the spot next to him. He was a flurry of movement as he set himself up with the guitar and made himself comfortable on the love seat.

            They settled down together, and Clarke shifted nervously, her knee bouncing with every rapid beat of her heart. She tried to settle it with some deep breaths, but no matter what, she was still nervous.

            “Here,” Roan laid out the lyrics on the table then pulled out his phone. He put it on the table once he found what he wanted. “Listen to this, and tell me what you think. It’s called _We Won’t_ , and I think our voices could make it work.” He shut up after that once the duet started singing.

            It had a soulful feeling to it, and it sounded like something Clarke would listen to to calm her mind and fall asleep at night. She closed her eyes and felt the bass settle into her bones. The voices were both soft and smooth, playing off each other well. Clarke wasn’t sure if the lyrics were meant to hope for the couple to be together or wish for them to separate because they really were bad for each other.

            Once it ended, Clarke’s eyes fluttered open, and Roan’s eyes were trained on her. “Thoughts?”

            “It’s a good song, I just…do I have to have such a big part? Is there anything that’s a bit less involved for me? I mean, I guess I’m willing to work up to it, but right now, I want something a bit easier.”

            Roan chuckled, already picking his phone up and typing in another song. “This one is _Certain Things_. It’s like _We Won’t_ but it’s a little harder on my voice while being easier on yours.” Then he hit play and Clarke repeated her previous position, closing her eyes and allowing herself to fall into the music and be enthralled in the lyrics.

            The bass seemed to make Clarke’s heart fall into sync with it. The male voice was raspy yet somehow smooth with a clear accent. She could see Roan being able to sing it very well. The female role was less prominent, and Clarke wouldn’t have to play around with her voice as much. It was a safe first song.

            Her hands were already sweating and she felt warm all over. Her shoulders were tense, but she licked her lips and when the female vocals started again, she tried to sing along, “And you keep comin’ back, comin’ back again. Keep runnin’ ‘round, runnin’ ‘round my head.”

            Roan muttered something just as he started singing too. “And there’s certain things that I adore.”

            Clarke’s voice instantly fell out, and her eyes fluttered open. Just hearing the brief synchronization of their voices made her heart skip a beat. She had been so lost in herself that she had forgotten that Roan was even there.

            Roan paused the song, and the blonde could sense his nervous energy. It felt like it rolled off him in waves. “You’re amazing,” he breathed, trying to keep himself reigned in so as not to scare Clarke away.

            Clarke’s face grew hot and red at the compliment. She rubbed her hands over her face to try to smother it, but it wasn’t working. “Thanks, I guess. But I should get going. It’s late, and I’ve avoided studying long enough.”

            “Please do this with me again?”

            No matter how embarrassing it was, Clarke did have fun with Roan’s friends and with Roan himself. Singing and enjoying music with someone who was just as passionate about it as she was and who lived it every day made her feel comfortable and at home. She would be lying if she said that she didn’t want to do it again.

            She checked her phone, noticing a couple of texts from her classmates and one from Octavia asking what she was up to. She locked it again and turned to Roan. “I guess we could do this again. What about Saturday? Just the two of us?”

            “Seriously?”

            “Yeah, why not? I had a good time, Roan.”

            “That’s great.” Roan stood when Clarke did. He walked her to the door and bid her a good night. Clarke walked down the hall back to her apartment with a new fire in her belly and happiness in her heart

~   ~   ~

Roan learned how to coax Clarke out of her comfort zone over the next several months of their budding friendship. They would always face each other when they started singing, and her eyes would close, at least at first. He noticed the way she went somewhere else; her face would go slack, yet she would still sing with a passion that surprised him.

            Finally, he got her to open her eyes. He promised her it was only them and that if she ever got nervous or worried, all she had to do was look at him. He would always be there. After their second session, they were constantly watching each other sing. It was an intimate scene because they both got to see the emotion in the other’s eyes.

            Roan convinced Clarke that it was a part of being an artist to so openly express themselves and that she shouldn’t be worried about what he saw in her. There was no judgement between the two of them. They learned a lot from each other in the blossoming of their friendship. Clarke learned how to open up, and Roan learned how to be patient with a stubborn person.

            They also learned a lot about each other in their time spent together. Roan found out that Clarke was a very sarcastic, dry person and that their personalities played well off each other. They knew how to make each other laugh, and by becoming more open with each other, were both able to make fun of themselves a bit more.

            Clarke enjoyed her time with Roan so much, she found herself spending more time with him than with Octavia and Raven, who became too wrapped up in their domestic lives to notice very often. It was so much easier to be with him, though, because they worked so well together. It wasn’t long before Austin and Jamie became closer friends than she thought they would, eventually looking to her as a little sister of their band.

            Through the rest of the semester, Clarke didn’t think of Lexa very much. It was only late at night, when she was finally going to sleep, that dreams of green eyes and pouty lips assaulted her. Slowly, she wondered if there would be any way to contact the other woman and didn’t find the idea so repulsing or potentially devastating.

            The wound had begun to heal a bit and the idea of trying to talk to Lexa, to at least get an explanation, had begun to worm its way into her mind. But it was only at night, when she was most vulnerable, that she wondered about the other girl and thought about finding her again.


	21. Part 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I may have previously mentioned Bellamy in passing at Anya’s party, I actually can’t remember. But I decided that this is a much better plot and I just ask for you to forget about that and read on. Thank you!
> 
> ~ThatGayFriend

 

**Part 21**

            Finals didn’t move very quickly for Clarke when they finally rolled around. Normally, the week would fly by and suddenly she was waiting anxiously for her final grades to be processed and posted online. She thought it would be even quicker now because she was so focused on her MCATs, which were coming up right after. She thought she would be so preoccupied with them, her grades would come in, and she would hardly notice the time passing.

            Boy, was she wrong.

            Now, she was studying for her final of the semester, her second to last semester before she graduated, and she could hardly keep her eyes focused on the page before her. It had been like that for nearly the last week as she struggled to process anything that had to do with studying for her Microbiology II class.

            She praised whatever God was blessing her when her phone rang and she had a much-needed distraction she was all too happy to entertain. The caller ID made a smile spread across her face as she slid the answer icon.

            “Bellboy! How’s the Blake hotel?” she joked.

            “ _You know I hate that, Clarke. It’s nice to hear from you too.”_

            “You know I’m just kidding,” Clarke laughed and shut her textbook, placing her pencil in it as a bookmark.

            “ _How are you doing?_ ”

            “I’m fine, but I know you wouldn’t call unless you had something to tell me, so spill. Have you spoken to O yet?”

            “ _I have, and I have also already had lunch with her. I’m in town for the week_.”

            “Why didn’t you call?!” Clarke exclaimed. “Do you need a place to stay?”

            “ _That’s partially why I called you actually_ ,” he hesitated. “ _I was wondering if I could steal your couch? I know it’s late notice, and I know you have finals_ -”

            “Bellamy!” Clarke interrupted his ramble, “of course you can stay with me. My couch is always yours if you want it.”

            “ _Thanks, C_.” She could hear the relief in his voice and the smile there too, “ _How about I treat you to dinner tonight?”_

            “What time are you going to be here?”

            “ _I just left Octavia and Raven, should be about half an hour.”_

            “Okay, I’ll leave the door open for you.”

            “ _Thanks, Clarke. Craving anything specific tonight?”_

“Hmm.” She tapped her chin as she thought about it. Burgers. I could really use a burger and a beer. There’s this really wonderful place downtown I’ve gone to recently.”

            “ _Sounds fine with me. I could always use a good burger. Are there any darts? You owe me a rematch from last time.”_

            “I won fair and square last time, Bell.”

            “ _No!_ ” he protested, but a laugh bubbled through the speaker. “ _I was clearly drunk, and you took advantage of me_.”

            Clarke rolled her eyes and laughed, remembering the last time they had been to a bar together. It had been just after Clarke’s twenty-first birthday, and she was still discovering what kind of alcohol she liked. Bellamy, being the loving and protective older brother-type that he was, had provided her with whatever she wanted at a bar. He had matched her shot for shot and drink for drink all night and ended up drunker than he’d ever been before.

            Clarke’s voice softened as their laughter died down. The memory made her chest ache because it had been so long since they’d made more. “Seriously, I’m glad you’re here. I’ve missed you.”

            “ _I’ve missed you, Clarkey_ ,” he responded affectionately, making Clarke laugh at the nickname. “ _And I got you a present while I was away.”_

            Clarke hummed, “Hurry home then!”

            The two of them hung up finally and Clarke dropped her phone on the table, her mood much better than it had been in a long time. She only had a minute to enjoy it before her front door was being thrust open, and a large man ducked his way inside.

            “Clarke! Get up! I’m taking you to lunch.” Roan’s deep voice reverberating through the apartment made Clarke jump.

            “Jesus fuck, Ozzie!” She had adopted Jamie and Austin’s habit of calling Roan by a vaguely similar name to his last name, Azgeda. She found it adorable, and nobody else but the three of them were allowed to call him that. “You don’t need to come barging in here like that.”

            “Well if you’re going to waste your time,” he rushed over to her and leaned down, long hair brushing against Clarke’s shoulders as he looked at her textbook, “on, I dunno, what is this? Chemistry?”

            “Microbiology,” she corrected. Roan had barely graduated high school, and he found her pursuit of higher education to be stupid. He had said once before that she should just drop out and join the band, or at least try to do artwork instead of medicine. But Clarke was hearing none of it, which still didn’t stop him from messing with her about it.

            “Whatever, same thing. Food sounds much more appetizing than that.” He gestured to one of the diagrams that held terms he vaguely remembered from his high school biology class. “You need a break too. You didn’t come to practice at Austin’s last night because you were hung up on this.”

            “I kind of have to be hung up on this, Roan. It’s college.” Her voice was a bit dangerous, but she closed her book anyway. She knew she needed a break, and Roan offering food meant she was getting it for free. She hadn’t had time the last week to really go shopping, and all she had in her kitchen was leftover pizza.

            Roan raised his hands in surrender. “Hey, I get it. Not gonna argue with you about college ever again. You get all red, and I’m not sure if you’re going to pass out or kill me.”

            “Shut up,” She shoved his shoulder, and they both laughed.

            “Come on.” Roan grabbed her jacket. Even though they lived in Florida, a cold front had moved through, making it rainy and chilly outside. “I’m taking you to that Thai place downtown you like so much.”

            Clarke gasped, her hands coming together excitedly after slipping in to her jacket. “Really?” She gathered her phone, wallet and keys before following Roan out the door, but not before sending a quick text to Bellamy.

            _Clarke [11:53am]: Going out to lunch. Leaving the key. You know where to find it_.

            She made sure the message sent before locking the screen again and turning to lock her door. Roan leaned against the far wall, watching her fiddle with the keys afterward. “What are you doing?”

            She pulled her house key off her key ring and ducked behind the fake potted plant set across the hall from her apartment. The employees of the apartment complex thought the plants brought life to the place, when they really only succeeded in making the place dustier. But it helped Clarke keep her key hidden if it was necessary.

            She dug a little hole for it and buried it carefully so Bellamy would be able to find it. “I have a friend staying with me for a bit, and he needs to get into my apartment while I’m out.”

            “Is that safe?”

            Clarke chuckled, warmed by Roan’s protectiveness, but she knew that Bellamy wasn’t a threat. “It’s Bellamy, he’s like my brother.”

            “Oh, Bellamy’s here? I thought he was overseas.”

            “Apparently, he’s back, don’t ask me. But he needs a place to stay.” Clarke shrugged and straightened her coat.

            “I’d love to meet him if you don’t mind.” Roan’s face was open and genuine as they walked shoulder to shoulder down the hallway. As they had grown more familiar with each other, they moved together more freely and openly.

            Clarke nodded. “He’ll be here when we get back if you’d like to hang out to meet him.”

            “Okay.” Roan smiled and wrapped a casual arm around Clarke’s shoulders. “So how are you doing?”

~   ~   ~

            The Thai place didn’t have many people dining in, but as the duo sat and ate, many came in to get their pick-up orders. Clarke enjoyed her spicy Pad Thai, and Roan picked at her plate, even though he’d already finished his own food. She kept smacking him away, but he only laughed at her frustration as he continued his ministrations.

            They had discussed Roan’s last performance, at which Clarke had been a member of the audience, even though both Austin and Jamie had tried to convince her to join them. They talked about Austin’s new girlfriend a bit and then what song they would practice during their next session.

            “There’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about,” Roan stated cautiously, wiping his mouth with his napkin before settling the cloth back onto his lap.

            “I knew you inviting me out to lunch to my _favorite_ place was just a disguise for you to ask me for something,” Clarke teased, nibbling at a summer roll doused in sweet and sour sauce.

            Roan rolled his eyes and placed his elbows on the table, his back straightening substantially. Clarke frowned, watching his body language go from laid-back to serious in the matter of seconds. “Seriously, Clarke. I was wondering if you’d be willing to perform with me.”

            Clarke inhaled so suddenly that the sweet and sour sauce lodged in her throat, and she coughed, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. “You what now?”

            “I’ve had this solo gig lined up for a while now, but I can only do so much on my own. It’s actually getting quite boring, and I know the owner is getting tired of me.” His eyebrows furrowed, and he ran a hand through his hair. It seemed to be really tearing him up, and Clarke knew that it had to mean a lot to him for him to ask her. He knew she didn’t like to perform.

            Clarke shook her head and sighed. She seriously thought about it, but there was still the simmering nervousness that sat in the pit of her stomach just thinking about it. “Roan, you can’t expect-”

            “Clarke, I don’t expect anything.” He leaned forward eagerly, concern etched in his features. “I’m just asking. One time. We can do it our way and just pretend like nobody else is there.”

            Clarke remained silent, indecisiveness making her stomach ache and the Pad Thai burn at the back of her throat. She swallowed hard to keep from throwing up and sat back heavily in her seat, dropping her fork. “Roan, I don’t know.”

            “Just give it one chance? If you can’t do it, then you don’t have to ever again. But you should take a chance, please.” Roan reached across the table, his large and calloused hands enclosing her left one, which had been clutching at the table cloth. He loosened his grip on it and tried to give her a reassuring smile. “I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to. You know that, right?”

            “Yeah, I know,” Clarke sighed and squeezed his hand. That was one thing she was thankful for. Roan didn’t push her; he’d let her move at her own pace and be just as patient with every passing day that she didn’t do what he wanted her to. Eventually, she worked up to it and found that it was easier than she expected to let go of her inhibitions.

If Roan thought this was a promising idea, then Clarke would trust his judgement. “Just let me think about it, okay? Give me a little time to think about it.”

“That’s fair.” He let go of her hand and raised his own again in surrender. “All I can ask for really.”

“Thanks, Roan.” She smiled at him across the table. “You’re a really great friend. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

His eyes crinkled and sparkled with his smile, and he just shrugged, “I mean, you would have to pay for all this food so I guess I’m good for something.” He chuckled.

Clarke laughed too, the tension of the decision she had to make seeming to slip away. Her shoulders relaxed, and she enjoyed her time with her friend.

~   ~   ~

            They arrived back at Clarke’s apartment a bit after two to an unlocked door and thumping bass coming from within. Clarke rolled her eyes, and she turned the knob and found Bellamy on the couch, the television playing music at an ungodly level. He was playing air drums with his eyes closed, his body sprawled out.

            He was dressed in a pair of worn, ripped jeans and a slightly off-white t-shirt that looked like it had been worn for the last week. His hair was messy, and there was at least three days’ worth of stubble on his face.

            In lieu of a greeting, Clarke dropped her bag and stripped off her jacket, then pounced on him. His reaction was instantaneous. His hands came up and grasped at Clarke’s hip, then he flipped them around.

            Clarke gasped and laughed as his fingertips dug into her hips. “Stop, Bell!” She squealed when he didn’t and kicked her legs at him. She tried to fight back, but he had much more muscle behind him than she did.

            Finally, she went slack beneath him and pleaded with him to stop, admitting defeat. Though still laughing at Clarke’s giggling, Bellamy stood up, seemingly just realizing that there was someone else in the room.

            Roan stood by the door, shifting from foot to foot awkwardly as he watched the two of them wrestle like seven-year-olds. Bellamy stretched out a hand, a smile still evident on his face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. I’m Bellamy.”

            Clarke climbed over the couch and turned off the music so they could hear each other better before making her way over to the two of them. “Bellamy, this is Roan. A friend of mine. He took me out to lunch because he thought I was studying too much.”

            Both men shook hands, though Roan seemed to have gone a bit impassive as he took a step back. Silence settled over them for a beat, and Clarke glanced between the two of them as they stood there. She didn’t understand what seemed to be going on, but chalked it up to some sort of male alpha thing that Bellamy liked to do with any man in his sister or Clarke’s lives.

            “I should probably get going,” Roan said, grasping the handle of the front door. “I’ve got to go meet my mom at her house for dinner tonight.”

            “Okay,” Clarke smiled and stepped between the two men, wrapping her arms around Roan’s neck in a hug. “Maybe we can all hang out some other time.”

            Roan seemed to avoid looking her in the eye, his large hand barely patting at her back before he was opening the door. “Yeah, consider what we talked about okay? I’ll see you later.” Then the door was closed, and he was gone.

            “That was weird,” Clarke concluded, but brushed it off as Roan being himself before her excitement came rushing back. She reached for the curve of Bellamy’s elbow and hopped on her toes. “I’ve missed you so much.”

            “Me too,” Bellamy smiled down at her, an affectionate glint in his eyes. “I wanted to wait until you got back before I showered. Didn’t want you walking in on all of this.” He gestured to his body.

            “Yeah, okay. Go ahead and shower, relax. I’ve got some stuff to do in the kitchen anyway.” Clarke grinned, giddy with child-like glee bubbling in the pit of her stomach. Her studies were at the back of her mind as she watched Bellamy walk down the hallway.

It had been too long since they had last seen each other, Bellamy having been in Europe for most of that time. When he’d been graduating high school, he didn’t know if he wanted to go to college or join the military. His indecisiveness had succeeded in him not working towards either of them, and he had ended up staying at his fast food job. Then, eventually, he’d saved up enough money to travel, which was what he wanted to do all along.

As of now, he was working where he could and travelling the rest of the year. He’d found a summer job that took him north to Alaska where he catered to tourists and made enough money to go wherever he wanted to for the rest of the year.

As he showered, Clarke enjoyed the thought of learning about his excursions and all that he had done in the time they hadn’t seen each other. It had been going on two years since the last time because Clarke and Octavia had both graduated high school and moved to Florida, where he had visited them. Before that, the last time she had seen him was at their high school graduation. Clarke hoped he would attend her and Octavia’s graduation the following year.

~   ~   ~

Dinner time came quickly, as Clarke and Bellamy had gotten deep into conversation about Bellamy’s travel to Paris. He spoke of the nature and talked about all the people he’d met. They’d gotten caught up in the art when he finally checked his watch.

“Oh shit, look at that.” He gestured to the device. “We should probably get to dinner.”

Clarke nodded, finding the clock on her wall. “Sure, I’m always ready for a burger.”

“I know,” Bellamy chuckled and grabbed the jacket hanging off the back of a chair in the dining room. He had cleaned up pretty well; shaved his face and fixed his hair. He’d only had a small bag of dirty clothes on him so Clarke had offered to wash them, and now he was dressed in a white V-neck and a pair of washed blue-jeans.

As they left the apartment and walked down the sidewalk to get to the restaurant, Clarke noticed something different about him. They walked in silence, but glanced at each other every few seconds. When Bellamy didn’t notice her, she saw his head droop and face fall into something akin to depression.

There was something very different about him that Clarke couldn’t exactly place, but she wanted to check in on. He seemed more mature somehow; maybe it was in the way he walked or the set of his jaw.

“So tell me about you, Clarke. All we’ve been talking about is what I’ve done since we last saw each other. How are you doing?” Bellamy leaned across the table, sipping at the beer placed in front of him once the waiter had left them alone.

Clarke rolled her eyes at the knowing glint in Bellamy’s darker ones. Octavia and Raven must have filled him in on the situation with Lexa, even though it was no longer a situation nor had it ever been one. But Clarke knew her friends, and she also knew that they would have lied a little bit about the extremeness of it.

“What did they tell you?” She slouched back into her seat.

Bellamy shrugged and mimicked her position. “Oh, nothing much, just that you were head over heels for this girl, and she just walked away. Raven said you were real secretive about it too for the longest time.”

 “I was _not_ head over heels, or whatever.” Clarke waved her hands in the air dismissively. “I just…I liked her, and I thought we could start something, but she apparently wasn’t as interested in me as I thought. End of story.”

“Are you sure? Because you’re acting a lot different. You can talk to me.” His eyebrows pulled together, but he didn’t reach across to comfort her. Bellamy had always been the type of person to give her the space she needed or provide the tough love that was necessary to pull her out of her funk. This time, he was there to let her divulge at her own pace.

But Clarke wasn’t feeling all that expressive at the moment and crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re one to be talking about different.” She gave him a pointed look, and he rolled his eyes too, shoulders slouching because he knew exactly what she was talking about.

“You and I are much more similar than anyone thinks,” he said after a beat of silence.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I met a girl too, and it didn’t turn out very well.”

“You meet a lot of girls, Bellamy.”

“So do you,” he shot back, “and guys. You’ve had one serious relationship since you started dating, and that was Finn, which didn’t end very well.”

“And you haven’t _ever_ had a serious relationship,” she shot back and gave him another pointed look as if to say _so who are you to lecture me?_

“Okay, I don’t need a lecture, and neither do you,” Bellamy conceded, “but maybe you could use some pushing in the right direction.”

Their food arrived just then and their conversation ended for a moment as they preferred to enjoy their food rather than argue. When their burgers were finally finished, and they were left with the remainder of their fries to snack on, Bellamy spoke again.

“So I met this girl named Echo. She was a lot like me in the sense that she travelled all over and didn’t really have a place to stay. Long story short, we spent most of our European trip together, but when the time came, I didn’t ask for a phone number and now I’ve got no way to get in contact with her.” He smiled sadly at his plate, lost somewhere Clarke couldn’t reach him.

Clarke felt bad for him, for sure, but she still felt like their situations were very different. “You didn’t talk about where she was from?”

“We didn’t talk much, to be honest,” he chuckled humorlessly.

She nodded her understanding, finding that she was inclined to agree that she did the same thing at times.

“Anyway, we separated after exploring Paris, and I was too scared to ask her how I could contact her. She was a gypsy, I guess, and I wasn’t sure if she would want to see me again. Now I regret it, so maybe you should contact Lexa. That’s all I have to say about it. I don’t want you to regret something because you were too afraid to do it.” He raised his hand, trying to lighten the situation a bit.

Clarke rolled her eyes, but found that she agreed with him. There had rarely been a time in their friendship that Bellamy was the one giving Clarke advice that she needed to hear, but she was glad he cared enough to give it to her, even if she hadn’t wanted it at first. Admitting that he was right was something she wasn’t ready to give him, so she sat in silence and picked at her fries.

“Why don’t you tell me about her?”

Bellamy watched as Clarke’s face brightened ever so slightly, even though she clearly tried to hide it. She explained that Lexa was a writer, how they had met, and everything that she knew about Lexa. After trying to describe her physically to Bellamy’s prodding, she ended up stalking through Raven’s Facebook page to find Lexa’s. Then, she found that Lexa’s was private so Bellamy had to squint at her profile picture, which didn’t do justice to the real-life girl.

“She’s very pretty,” Bellamy conceded after staring at the photo hard for several seconds.

“That’s not even the half of it, Bell,” Clarke sighed. “Do you really think I should talk to her?”

“I do.” Bellamy nodded and slid her phone back across the table to her.

Clarke sucked in a deep breath. “I just don’t want to get rejected _again_. The first time was hard enough, and it wasn’t even face to face. What if she just doesn’t feel anything at all?”

Bellamy choked out a laugh that wasn’t genuine. “Clarke, you don’t know until you try. I’ve always known you to be the type of person to dive head first. Tell her how you feel and put the ball in her court. Then it’s up to her. If she doesn’t feel the same way, you can move on knowing that there’s nothing to regret.”

“You know about my experience with relationships; I suck at it. High school was tossing between guys and girls. Then, I met Finn and thought _maybe_ something would work. Then he broke my heart, so I screwed around with Niylah and broke _her_ heart. Now, I just don’t want to hurt anyone or myself again.” Clarke wrapped her arms around herself, staring at the leather of the booth across from her, just to the right of Bellamy’s shoulder.

Bellamy stood from his seat and pulled out his wallet, dropping some cash on the table as a tip before grabbing the receipt to take to the front register. “Clarke, you don’t suck at relationships, you just haven’t found the right one. Don’t give up.” His brown eyes were soft as he patted her on the shoulder. “Now let’s go, you have a present to open back at the apartment.”

Clarke stood and bumped her shoulder against Bellamy’s, something inside of her settling for the first time in what felt like months. She wished he would stay around more often because he was able to make her feel better purely with his presence.

They paid for their food at the register and then went back to the apartment. Bellamy easily distracted Clarke by pulling a large canvas wrapped in paper from the linen closet by the bathroom. He sat it on the couch and grinned, standing before it excitedly.

“So there was this guy by the Eiffel tower, covered in spray paint and surrounded by about a hundred tourists. I didn’t know what he was doing, but when I saw it, I knew I had to get one for you.”

Clarke reached out to run her hand over it. “What is it?”

“Open it.”

She reached for the corner and tore into the crease there, ripping the paper all of the way across and revealing the paint beneath. It was the skyline of Paris, with galaxies painted into the background and planets dotting around iconic structures. Purples and reds bled together beautifully to create a bright scene with dimension and character.

“Holy shit,” she breathed, “this is amazing.” Her fingers ghosted over some of the lines, her eyes mapping out the strokes of the different colors.

“I know, you should have seen the way he did it. He travels all over and does skylines from New York, Chicago, everywhere. He moves so quickly, and all of his movements are random until the picture is finally painted completely in front of you. It was magical to watch.”

Bellamy’s eyes traced over Clarke’s face as her eyes flitted all over the canvas. Her jaw was slack, and she looked in awe of what was before her. He considered that a win. “I guess this is just for all of the holidays and birthdays I’ve missed. I don’t plan on missing anymore.”

That drew Clarke’s attention from the art piece. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’m done travelling. I’m going to go home for a bit, visit with mom and then find a place to settle down myself. I’ve been thinking staying here in Orlando with you and O would be a good idea, if you two would have me.” His eyebrows pulled together, and he shifted from foot to foot nervously. It was almost as if he didn’t expect Clarke to agree.

“Are you kidding?” Clarke’s heart thrummed in her chest as she threw herself at Bellamy, wrapping him in a fierce hug in her excitement. “That’s amazing, Bell! I would love to have you around more often! Hell, you could even move in here if you want to.”

“I couldn’t ask you that, but thanks. I haven’t mentioned it to Octavia yet so just keep it to yourself, hmm?” Bellamy’s eyes crinkled at the corners as they pulled apart.

Clarke had offered for him to move in as a joke to express her excitement, but as she thought about it, she realized it was a great idea. “Seriously, Bellamy. If you can’t find a place, you could move in here with me. I can clear out my studio, and we can move some furniture in there.”

Bellamy chuckled and shrugged his shoulders, though the idea was growing on him as well. Living with one of his best friends, a girl he considered a sister, would be great, and it would be cheaper on him now that he was out of money. “So you like it?” He gestured to the landscape again.

“I love it. Will you help me put it up tomorrow?”

“Of course. Anything you want to do tonight?”

“We could set up the PS4. It’s been collecting dust for a while now.” Clarke suggested.

Bellamy rubbed his hands together and waggled his eyebrows suggestively. He hurried over to the entertainment center. “Shit, Griffin, you’re going _down_.”

He started setting up the gaming system and picked a game, promising Clarke it would be a surprise. Clarke went to the kitchen and got them two beers, setting them on the coffee table before digging the two headsets she owned from within one of the dusty cabinets under the TV.

They settled on the couch together, and Bellamy navigated the screen until they were entered in an online tournament on the same team. They didn’t last long online, both of them having grown rusty, and eventually ended up battling each other with bots on their individual teams.

After a while, Clarke got the hang of her controller and was destroying Bellamy every round. It got to the point that the man was trying to block her view of the screen and cheat by distracting her. At one point, Bellamy was practically sitting on her stomach and shouting that she was cheating while being completely unable to see the screen herself.

As the night wore on, they grew drunker, and their reflexes were dampened. Their stomachs ached from laughing so much, but they were both tired, Bellamy from jet lag and Clarke from studying and her time with Roan.

Around one in the morning, they called it a night, and Clarke set up Bellamy’s bed on the couch before heading to sleep herself. Her brain was still abuzz with alcohol, but she was happy and content for the first time in a while. She even believed that she could pass all of her finals.

With one act of liquid confidence, she opened her phone and sent out a text.

**Clarke [1:27am]:** _Count me in._


	22. Part 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So this chapter is being completed while I am a little bit tipsy on some Sangria. I am entrusting my beta to correct any of my mistakes. I hope you enjoy and leave a comment. I know a lot of you have been wondering about Lexa, but I have been more inclined to write about Clarke throughout this story. It is definitely Clarke-centric. So I apologize for all of the questions and hope this update can give you a bit more to look forward to.
> 
> PS. I apologize for the lateness of this update. I was visiting my long-distance girlfriend and left on Friday. The stress of that and reacclimating to Florida was a pain and I forgot to update. Sorry!  
> ~ThatGayFriend

 

**Part 22**

            Octavia had promised Clarke she would have everything taken care of for the after party at her apartment that night. That was why Raven was being dragged on a junk food and alcohol run at three in the afternoon instead of being in their dorm room tinkering with the clock she had disassembled.

            “Should we get perogies or taquitos?” Octavia’s eyes trailed over the list she had on her phone.

            Raven groaned loudly, resting her head on the handle bar of the cart. It had been an hour, and they had been moving at a snail’s pace down every single aisle the entire time. To say Raven was tired of Octavia’s meticulousness was an understatement.

            “I don’t _know_ , babe,” she sighed with exasperation. “Get both? Clarke loves Mexican, and you love perogies. Both would be sufficient. You get the munchies when you’re drunk, anyway.”

            Octavia rolled her eyes and smacked her girlfriend’s protruding ass before nonchalantly grabbing both from the freezer. Raven yelped and jerked upward, narrowing her eyes at Octavia. “You get handsy too, might I add.”

            “So do you.” Octavia raised a confident eyebrow. “Now get moving, babe. We have to keep going if we’re going to get back to the dorm and get to the bar on time.”

            It was Clarke’s third time performing live with Roan and his band at a bar downtown. It was her first time performing a song completely solo, and Raven and Octavia had been going to every performance to show their support for their friend. Bellamy had stuck around for the last three weeks, having not known when he would be going home to visit his mother.

            Bellamy and Roan had seemed to clear up whatever problem they had when they first met. The two of them had actually settled into a bromance that surprised the rest of them. Octavia was enjoying having her brother back, and the rest of them were all happy that the semester was over and Christmas was coming up.

            Raven wasn’t looking forward to Octavia going home for Christmas, which seemed to be the plan for her and Bellamy. They would go up with Clarke, and before Spring semester started, the three of them would pack up Bellamy’s stuff and move him in with Clarke.

            Raven, on the other hand, would be stuck in Florida and alone for Christmas. Several ways of convincing Octavia to stay with her had crossed her mind, but neither of them had discussed what Raven was doing during break. They both knew that Raven’s mom was a drunk and abusive woman and that Raven didn’t want to return home with her. They also knew that Raven had to work because she couldn’t afford a break.

            It had crossed her mind several times that she wanted to look for an apartment for her last semester, but she didn’t have the money to afford one on her own. But if she asked Octavia…it wouldn’t be so hard. They both worked and both paid their individual bills. The thought had weighed so heavily on Raven’s mind she had been unable to fully immerse herself in the happiness of being out of school for three weeks.

            Now, as they walked through the grocery store together, she couldn’t help but think that she could get used to being this domestic with Octavia. She quickly tried to wipe the thought away as they turned a corner because she didn’t want to distract herself too much. But she didn’t really have to when she nearly slammed right into another cart, which was being navigated by none other than Lexa Woods.

            “H-hey, there,” Raven muttered, her voice cracking with surprise as she stood a bit straighter. Octavia rounded next to her, eyebrows climbing up her forehead in surprise too, though her eyes had landed on Anya.

            Lexa clicked off her phone, which she had been scrolling through when she carelessly turned her cart. She had the audacity to look sheepish and waved her phone at them. “Hey, guys. Octavia, right?”

            Raven’s eyes drifted to Anya, who had a pen and pad of paper in her hand. She looked much like Octavia in her diligence to get everything on her shopping list. If Raven was right, Lexa was about as bored as she was being the designated cart pusher.

            “Yeah, hey Lexa, Anya. How are you doing?” Octavia’s arm casually came to rest around Raven’s waist, her finger looping into one of her belt loops at the back of her pants. It was a show of possessiveness that Raven wouldn’t normally like, if she didn’t completely understand why Octavia was doing it.

            “Fine. I had to drag this one out of the house because Lincoln got deployed, and she was starting to collect dust.” Anya gestured to Lexa, who only moodily rolled her eyes. The brunette leaned back against the cart, but her eyes kept flickering up at the two women.

            “Right before Christmas?” Octavia frowned. “That’s shitty as hell.”

            “Yeah, I know,” Lexa grumbled and licked her lips, fingers twisting over the handle. “How’s-How are you two doing? Any plans for the holidays?”

            “I’m going back home with my brother and Clarke for Christmas and New Years’. Raven is sticking around until we get back. Maybe you two could keep her company?” Octavia suggested, looking to her girlfriend to see if that was okay. When she received a confused expression in response, she shrugged.

            “Maybe,” Anya agreed. “What’s with all the alcohol and junk? Having a party?”

            “You know it,” Raven chuckled, and then she had an epiphany. Clarke had been talking about getting in touch with Lexa, just to talk to her. But she had yet to act on her words, and Raven was the type of person that preferred action. “You know, if you two aren’t busy tonight, we’re going to this bar downtown called Will’s Pub as a pre-party if you want to come.”

            “Really?” Anya asked, her eyes flitting to Octavia nervously as if she was wondering if hanging out with her ex-friend with benefits and her new girlfriend was an ideal situation.

            “Yeah? Why not? We’re going to be there around 9 until midnight. That’s when our friend Roan performs. A bunch of people from your party are going to be there, so you’ll know some people and a lot of my friend group.” Raven pointed out.

            “Alright.” Anya smiled and lightly pushed Lexa so the two couples could move their carts past each other. “I’ll be there, and I may have to drag Lexa along too. See you later, and thanks for the invite. It was great seeing you.”

            “Yeah, you too!” Raven smiled triumphantly and sighed wistfully as she slouched against the cart once Lexa and Anya disappeared.

            “What the hell was that?” Octavia growled, her elbow digging sharply between Raven’s ribs.

            “Ow!” the brunette yelped and smacked her girlfriend away. “I was doing Clarke a favor!”

            “That’s not doing her a favor! She’s going to freak out when she finds out, and then she won’t perform!” Octavia whisper-yelled.

            “She won’t find out if you don’t tell her,” Raven yelled back in the same way, lightly pushing her girlfriend away so she wasn’t attacked again. “Now let’s go. I want to take a nap.”

            “Fine,” Octavia waved a finger at her and narrowed her eyes. “I’m only agreeing to this because I think it’s good for Clarke. But I hate that I didn’t come up with it myself.”

            A grin spread across both of their lips and then they burst out laughing. This was going to be good for Clarke, or, at least, they both hoped so.

~   ~   ~

            Half past eight rolled around faster than Lexa had wanted it to. Anya seemed to be hell-bent on taking up Raven’s offer to go out with them, but Lexa was almost certain it had only been a polite invite. It hadn’t been genuine so she didn’t think they should go.

            She was tired too. Work was stressful, especially since she had been writing articles on her participation in the hurricane clean-up and been traveling all along the coast. She’d been out of the office so much her desk had begun to collect dust, while her laptop was used to write most of her articles.

            At the rate she was going, her boss would promote her to editor when Nia retired. She had been so focused on that, she had barely allowed herself a moment to think about Costia, Clarke, or anything else that had to do with her heart and not her head. But here Anya was, trying to dredge it all back up.

            “Come on, Lexa, you’re going with me! No questions, just wear something nice and let’s _go_ ,” Anya yelled, her mom voice on full display, and it made Lexa wince from her bed. She had been lounging in bed and pre-editing an article for a coworker in the hopes that Anya would forget about her.

            Lexa groaned and rolled out of bed. There was no use in arguing because she knew very well that Anya would not take no for an answer. She had been trying to get her to be more socially active ever since the incident with Costia. She hadn’t learned about Clarke’s phone number until it was too late, and Lexa had already psyched herself out of calling her.

            The little piece of paper had been folded up and shoved into Lexa’s desk drawer until she’d finally dug it out and thrown it away nearly two weeks before. She had promised herself she was _over_ it, but now the prospect of seeing the blonde again was at the forefront of her mind.

            “What if she’s there?” Lexa asked, coming to rest against the door of Anya’s room. The blonde was already dressed in a pair of tight jeans and a loose red blouse. She was going through her jewelry box for some earrings.

            “What if?” Anya’s eyes met hers in the mirror. When Lexa glared at her to be serious, she rolled her eyes. “Lexa, you should talk to her anyway. You’ve been moping about purely because you haven’t been able to talk to her. Get over it or get some closure, end of story.”

            Lexa huffed out a sigh. “You won’t let me stay home?”

            “No way in hell.” Anya smirked. “Now go put on those jeans and that leather jacket because you look like a sexy biker, and you love it.”

            Lexa rolled her eyes, but couldn’t keep the smile off her face. “Fine, I’m going.”

~   ~   ~

            To say Clarke was nervous was the understatement of the year. No, the century. Her heart felt like it was trying to thump its way out of her ribcage, and her hands hadn’t stopped sweating since she woke up that morning. It felt like the first time all over again, except this time, she wouldn’t have Roan there to support her. He would be there, but behind her, and she wouldn’t be able to see him.

            The bar was already thumping with bass as a DJ mixed music on stage before their performance. It was a much more laid-back place than Clarke had imagined. The manager had been friendly and considerate to Clarke, even offering her free drinks to calm her nerves. The bartenders—there were three—were all about her age, and two of them even went to UCF with her.

            The crowd was normally there to unwind and talk with friends while listening to good music. They didn’t expect a dance party or anything you would find at a nightclub; all they wanted was a nice drink and good conversation. Which was good for Clarke because that meant they didn’t pay too much attention to her performance or when she stumbled over words or went flat.

            Clarke and the band were setting up back stage. They had already completed their soundcheck and were just waiting until nine hit so they could finish putting their instruments on stage. It was just a waiting game now, which gave Clarke ample time to think about all of the things that could happen.

            “Clarke, breathe.” Jamie grabbed her shoulder, squeezing it hard enough that she sucked in a breath at the pain. “You’ve done this before, you’ll do fine now. We’ll all be there for you.”

            Roan ducked under the curtain blocking off the public view with four shots haphazardly in his hands. He placed them on the round table boxed in by a couch and several chairs. “Come on, lets calm your nerves, C.”

            All four of them stood around the table and Clarke took a deep breath before grabbing the shot.

            Roan looked at all of them carefully before settling his eyes onto Clarke. “I just want to thank you guys for everything. Clarke, I hope you have a great night and enjoy yourself. And I thank you so much for performing with us and me. You improve this band beyond measure. I cannot express how much I appreciate it. To Clarke!”

            Jamie and Austin repeated the cheers, and the four of them clinked their glasses and downed the shots. It burned as it went down Clarke’s throat, but she ignored it. “Thanks, guys. Really, I must say that you’ve all really helped me come out of my shell. I guess I have to thank Roan for most of it.”

            Roan chuckled at Jamie and Austin’s indignation and wrapped an arm around Clarke’s shoulders. “I’m sure she’s thankful for you guys too. Now let’s get our asses out there!”

            Their set started not long after, and Clarke managed to calm herself by getting lost in the familiarity of the songs. Being with Roan, Austin, and Jamie felt like being wrapped in a cocoon of acceptance. She felt like she could do whatever she wanted, she was so confident in herself.

            Roan and Clarke had chemistry on and off stage and were able to work off of each other almost seamlessly. Whatever Clarke did, Roan was able to follow and vice versa. Their first set seemed to go by quickly, made up of their slower duets that mostly had Roan on guitar.

            It followed the way they had practiced the first time, where they faced each other and sang to the other. It went by quickly, and then they were sent backstage for a twenty-minute break before their second set, which would consist of a few more upbeat songs that Clarke would take more of a dominant role in before finally ending her night with a solo.

            She had been practicing the solo since her second performance, when she had come up with the crazy idea of doing one. There were several songs she had been working on, but she hadn’t really committed to any. It really had just been to screw around, but Roan and Bellamy had succeeded in hyping her up to committing to perform it. She couldn’t have gotten out of it even if she wanted to, especially with all her friends rooting her on in the audience.

~   ~   ~

            Lexa and Anya arrived nearly an hour late at ten o’clock because Lexa had gotten stressed about what she should wear. She second guessed the leather jacket, then her jeans and finally her shirt until her entire wardrobe seemed to be on her bed instead of in her closet.

            Anya had ended up picking her outfit after they were officially late, shoving Lexa into the bathroom to change into a tight fitting white v-neck, black-wash jeans, and her leather jacket. Then, she practically dragged Lexa out to their awaiting Uber, all the while threatening to strangle the younger girl with her bare hands.

            The bar was low-lit, and they entered to the sound of mellow music and the low murmur of talking. Lexa’s eyes were instantly drawn to the low singing voices at the opposite end of the bar and when they landed upon a familiar face, her heart nearly stopped before beginning to thump in double time.

            “Anya.” She grabbed the woman’s arm to stop her from continuing, clearly having spotted Raven and Octavia across the bar. “She’s on the stage. This is for Clarke.” Lexa forced herself to tear her eyes away from the smiling girl to stare at her friend.

            “And?” Anya frowned and grabbed Lexa’s hand. “It isn’t a big deal.”

            “She won’t want me here.”

            “You don’t know that. Maybe she’s over you. It looks like it to me.” Dark eyes looked passt Lexa’s face and towards the stage, drawing Lexa’s attention at well. She caught sight of the man then, as they harmonized together and smiled. He was familiar, and it took Lexa a moment to place him as Clarke’s neighbor, Roan. There was clearly something there that made their eyes sparkle and smiles grow. It was an intimate performance, and the burning heat of jealousy began to worm its way into Lexa’s stomach.

            It felt like a hammer being slammed into her, and she had to physically suck in a breath to calm her herself. Her hand tightened on Anya’s arm as the blonde attempted to move forward. “I should go home then.”

            “Lexa.” Anya’s hand came over her own. “I’m going to get you a drink, and you are going to go sit down and calm down.” Then, she pried Lexa’s hand from her arm and shoved her in the direction of the stage. The song was finished, and Raven was whistling loud enough for the sound to echo through the bar.

            There must have been a break after the set because Clarke grabbed a hold of Roan’s hand and pulled him backstage. Lexa’s jaw clenched several times before she finally listened to Anya.

            Lexa unwillingly did as she was told and tapped Octavia on the shoulder lightly to get her attention. The brunette glanced up, and a smile spread across her face. “Hey!” She stood and wrapped Lexa in an unexpected hug. When they pulled apart, Lexa noticed her relaxed posture and lazy smile; she had clearly been drinking for a while. “It’s nice to see you.” Octavia patted her on the shoulder before gesturing to the seats across from her and Raven, both of them turned towards the stage.

            She took the seat. “How are you guys?”

            “Good.” Raven smiled and twisted her beer on the table. “Where’s Anya?”

            “Getting us drinks. She thinks I need to relax.”

            “You do look tense,” Octavia pointed out.

            “I didn’t realize…” Lexa gestured vaguely towards the stage.

            Raven chuckled. “I know you didn’t.”

            Anya came around the side of the table with a whiskey on the rocks for Lexa and a beer for herself. “Hey, Raven, Octavia!” She took the seat next to Lexa and dove right into a conversation with both women. Lexa tuned them out, her eyes drawn to the part of the curtain that Clarke had last been seen disappearing through.

            It boggled her a bit that they were in the same room. A part of her wanted to run away and never come back for fear of either being rejected or confronted. Another part of her wanted to rush behind that curtain and explain to Clarke why she hadn’t called her or at least try to talk to her to see if there was anything they could fix. Her indecisiveness rolled around in inside of her and made her feel sick to her stomach until she took a sip of the alcohol to calm her nerves.

            A man twisted around in the booth next to them. He had shaggy hair and a facial structure that reminded Lexa of Octavia. “Are you Lexa?” He flashed a dazzling smile and pointed a finger at her.

            “Uh, yeah, who are you?”

            “I’m Bellamy, Octavia’s older brother.”

            “Oh, hi.” Lexa held out her hand and Bellamy shook it, flashing another white smile.

            “Clarke was right.” His face grew mysterious. “You are prettier in person.”

            Then, he turned back to the blonde girl sitting next to him and acted like Lexa didn’t even exist. It took a moment for his words to process, and it made Lexa’s heart beat a little faster in surprise. Clarke had been talking about her?

            She tried not to let that go to her head and noticed as Roan came rushing out from backstage. He rushed up to Bellamy and whispered something in his ear that Lexa didn’t hear before Bellamy stood, and both of them took off back towards the stage.

~   ~   ~

            The end of their first set had Clarke a bit sweaty, but riding on an excited high that couldn’t be brought down. Austin immediately called for some shots, and the four of them downed them instantly, laughing and chatting excitedly.

            “This is going to be amazing!” Roan bounced giddily, ducking under the curtain to get a peek at the audience.

Clarke caught a glimpse of the crowd for the first time since the beginning of their performance. It was bigger than normal. It was probably thanks to Raven and Octavia going around and telling everyone and their mother about Clarke’s performance. She knew she had friends that cared and supported her, but stage fright was a real bitch to get over.

All the sudden, the warmth in her belly dissipated as the fear settled in. She tried to calm her heart, but horrible scenarios began assaulting her imagination. “I don’t know if I can sing on my own.”

            “Clarke, you can do this.” Roan closed the curtain and turned to her. He placed a hand on her shoulder, near the curve of her neck and made her look at him. “Just breathe. It’s the same as being out there with me. You’ll be fine.”

            She shook her head, and Roan tried to get her attention, to pull her out of the panic he could see settling in her eyes. She was almost too far gone, and he needed to do something quickly. “Jamie, Austin, watch her. I’ll be right back.”

            Then, the warmth of his hands was gone from her skin, and her vision tunneled to the edge of the table before her. Her breathing grew difficult, almost as if her lungs could not get enough air through her body.

            The next moment she focused back onto reality, Bellamy was standing before her, rubbing soothing circles into the curve of her wrist. “Hey, C. Breathe.” His voice was soothing and deep, the vibrations seeming to reverberate through her chest. Then. he started counting in sync with his thumb movements on her wrist.

            It took a few minutes for Clarke to come back, but Bellamy was patient with her. He didn’t stop until her vision seemed to clear and her shoulders lost the tension that had been held there.

            “I’m okay.” Clarke finally pulled away, trying to blink away the near panic attack.

            “Good.” Bellamy smiled. “Do you think you can do this?”

            “I don’t know.” Clarke shook her head.

            “You passed all of your classes, and you’ve overcome all of the obstacles that have kept you from performing until now. You’re going to destroy your MCATs and be the best doctor that has ever existed.” Bellamy squeezed her wrist.

            “We don’t know that.”

            “I do. I know you, Clarke. You’re going to be amazing in whatever you do. If you get out on that stage right now, you’re going to kick so much ass. You can do this. I know you can.” Bellamy yanked her into a hug, his lips brushing against her ear as he whispered, “Just believe in yourself. You’ve got this.”

            Then, he kissed her forehead, winked, and was gone once again.

            Clarke felt physically exhausted, but Bellamy’s words sparked a fire in her chest. It took a moment for her to fully gather her pieces together and give Roan the nod he was searching for. “Let’s go.”


	23. Part 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I know I’m late on this update but today was my first day at college. I moved in over the weekend and didn’t have very much time to do anything but mess around with school and moving. Here is the update you guys have been waiting on. Enjoy and drop a comment, as well as check out my other Clexa fanfiction!
> 
> ~TGF

 

**Part 23**

            Clarke didn’t look at the audience as they set up for their second set. Roan walked out first, adjusting the microphone for his height, “Alright, guys, we’re going to change things up a bit. For those of you who have seen us perform before, Clarke is going to do a solo. It’s her first time, so let’s be nice and give her a warm welcome.”

            The crowd applauded, the most noise coming from the right, where Clarke knew Raven was seated with Octavia and their friends from school. The brightness of the overhead lights made it practically impossible to see anyone except those few in the front few tables.

            She didn’t get the chance to see the way Lexa perked up almost instantly or how her attention zeroed in on her as soon as she came out on stage.

            “Hey, guys.” Clarke adjusted the microphone back down to her height once Roan had moved away to set up the DJ system he would need for the song. “I’ve been obsessing over Halsey’s new album recently, and I’ve been working on adapting one of her songs to my voice, which wasn’t the hardest thing in the world because we have similar one”

            She cleared her throat, and her eyes scanned as far back as she could go, zoning in on the door and trying to keep the people as far away from her mind as possible. “So, I think that this song speaks to me because I relate to it personally. Relationships haven’t ever been easy, and it seems that Halsey has had the same problems in her life. So yeah, here’s _Bad at Love_.”

            The music started almost instantly after she finished. Raven whistled loudly just before Clarke brought her hands up to the mic to ground herself, her eyes falling closed.

            “ _Got a boy back home in Michigan_

_and it tastes like Jack when I’m kissin’ him._

_So I told him that I never really liked his friends,_

_now he’s gone and he’s callin’ me a bitch again._

_There’s a guy that lives in the garden state_

_and he told me that we’d make it ‘til we graduate._

_So I told him that the music would be worth the wait,_

_but he wants me in the kitchen with a dinner plate._ ”

Lexa was mesmerized. Her eyes couldn’t get enough of the way Clarke moved. Her ears couldn’t fully process how amazing her voice was. As the chorus began, Clarke seemed to grow more comfortable, moving with the beat and smiling along with the lyrics.

It was like she was starting to go somewhere else, somewhere nobody else could reach her. The lights lit up her hair, making it brighter and more vibrant than ever. Lexa was so close that she could see the bright blue of her irises when she opened them as she relaxed into the lyrics.

“ _I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe_

_that we’re meant to be_

_But jealousy, jealousy, jealousy, jealousy_

_Get the best of me_

_Look, I don’t mean to frustrate, but I always make the same mistakes_

_Yeah, I always make the same mistakes._ ”

Lexa could feel it when Clarke was about to get into it. The blonde tensed, grabbed the microphone, and strutted across the stage towards Roan. She smirked and continued. Seeing him behind the DJ board was funny because she was so accustomed to his guitar.

“ _’Cause I’m bad at love, (ooh-ooh)_

_But you can’t blame me for tryin’_

_You know I’d be lyin’ sayin’_

_You were the one (ooh-ooh)_

_That could finally fix me_

_Lookin’ at my history_

_I’m bad at love._ ”

He smiled at her too, winking and giving her an encouraging thumbs-up with both hands before concentrating back on the controls. Clarke spun around and went back to the mic, not completely content with controlling the stage on her own. She reattached the mic as she sang, closing her eyes.

“ _Got a girl with California eyes_

_And I thought that she could really be the one this time_

_But I never got the chance to make her mine_

_Because she fell in love with little thin white lines_

_London girl with an attitude_

_We never told no one but we look so cute_

_Both got way better things to do_

_But I always think about her when I’m ridin’ through._ ”

The song went back into the chorus, and Lexa was still watching her with bated breath. If she breathed or blinked, she could potentially miss something, which was a risk that she wasn’t willing to take. Her hands clenched at her own thigh because she had never imagined that Clarke could be this in control or passionate.

She’d known Clarke was talented, that was obvious, but she hadn’t expected it to this level. It made her excited in more ways than one and very intimidated about the way she moved as well.

As her comfort level increased, Clarke got more willing to move about the stage. She flipped her hair, used her arms to gesture, and her expressions were filled with confidence and strength. Her eyebrows constantly rose and fell, her eyes staring out into the audience and commanding attention.

The bridge came quickly, the song having gone by all too fast.

“ _I know that you’re afraid, I’m gonna walk away_

_Each time the feeling fades_

_Each time the feeling fades_

_I know that you’re afraid, I’m gonna walk away_

_Each time the feeling fades._ ”

The chorus came again, and Clarke’s voice did crack slightly, but nobody seemed to pay attention. The strength behind it spurned on the audience, and in the area Lexa was sitting in, Clarke’s friends and classmates roared with applause.

The song slowly came to an end with Clarke taking complete control. She strutted back and forth along the front of the stage, keeping a couple of feet back for fear of falling on her face. Her eyes scanned over the audience confidently, and Lexa watched as they slowly but surely came to land on her.

Clarke stumbled over the last couple of words, though it went unnoticed by the rest of the audience. She stopped in her tracks, and her arm went slack, dropping the mic to her side. They stared at each other for several seconds, Lexa’s heart beating loudly and the blood rushing in her ears. Clarke’s chest rose and fell with her exertion on stage. She mouthed something Lexa didn’t catch before bolting towards the back of the stage and shouldering past Roan.

“Clarke, wait!” Lexa stood. She knew she shouldn’t follow, but that didn’t stop her from trying to. She didn’t know what she would say, but that wasn’t going to keep her. Raven caught her arm at the last second before she could make a fool of herself.

“Don’t,” the Latina warned.

“I told you that I shouldn’t have come,” Lexa growled at Anya once she’d yanked her arm free. “I’m going home.” She stormed past her friend and headed to the front exit.

Roan cleared his throat on stage. “We’re going to take a five-minute break to sort out the sound problems we’re having with the system. I apologize for the inconvenience.” His words were rushed and, as soon as he was finished, he was jogging back stage.

“Clarke,” he called, catching the blonde just before she could escape through the kitchen entrance. The area was well-lit, a stark contrast from the bar room, and both of them were squinting as their eyes adjusted. “What happened?”

Clarke paced in front of the door, near the trash chute at the back. “Lexa is here. Fuck, Lexa is here. Why is she here? How did she know?” Roan was clearly not being heard so he grabbed her arm.

“Clarke, what are you talking about?”

“Lexa. Is. Here.” Clarke yanked herself away. Her nerves were practically frayed from the night she had had already. Adding Lexa on top of that was just going to give her a heart attack.

Roan’s eyes widened as he realized what that meant. His stomach clenched with jealousy, but he swallowed it down and grabbed Clarke’s hands. “She doesn’t matter, Clarke. We can get her to leave if you want. Just come back with me.”

“I can’t.” Clarke pulled herself away. “I need to get out of here. This night has been a mess already.”

“Please don’t. Just stay with me.” Icy blue eyes shone with such warmth and compassion that Clarke suddenly realized something. _Roan_ had feelings for her. They were so obvious in the depths of his eyes that she had to turn away for fear of him seeing that she noticed. It made so much sense, but Clarke had been too oblivious to notice, and now was not the time to bring it up.

She couldn’t stay. Instead of responding, she turned and shoved the exit open, disappearing into the cool Florida night.

~   ~   ~

            Bellamy gave chase to Lexa. It was unconscious and completely for Clarke because he knew if he didn’t stop the brunette now, the two of them would never be able to make up.

            A plan formulated in his brain. If he was right, Clarke was trying to make her escape through the back, where she would have to come around the side of the building through an alley that would come out on the road right next to the bar. If he could corner Lexa there, they would be forced to meet.

            “Lexa!” he shouted. She had already made it out of the door, and he slammed into it right after her. He called her name again, and she finally stopped a dozen feet ahead of him, in the opposite direction of the alley.

            “Bellamy?” Her eyes narrowed so she could seem him better. “What are you doing?”

            “Where are you going?”

            “Home. I don’t need to be here. I’m not wanted.”

            “You don’t know that,” Bellamy called back. “You don’t know enough about Clarke or any of her friends to assume that you aren’t wanted here. Have you even spoken to her? No, because if you had, you would know.”

            “You saw the way she looked at me. She doesn’t want me here. She clearly has Roan now too.” She gestured towards the bar, her arms thrown haphazardly around her. The anger was evident in her voice, but it was aimed at herself because she had been too much of an idiot to realize how much she had liked this girl. She had ruined everything because she was too scared to be vulnerable.

            Bellamy chuckled. “Are you jealous?”

            “Don’t laugh at me.” Lexa raised her chin and crossed her arms, squaring her shoulders. “I’m going home.”

            “Don’t run away,” Bellamy snapped. “You both seem really good at that. Why don’t you confront her head on? Let the shit hit the fan and get it over with. If there’s meant to be something between you, let it happen. I know this may be me making an ass out of myself, but don’t be a coward because you’re too afraid to confront your feelings.”

            Lexa opened her mouth to yell at him because who was he to assume that she was being a coward? But she shut it quickly, realizing that he was right. “Where is she?”

            “She’s probably going to be coming around that corner,” he pointed his thumb behind him at the alley, “any second now. Go that way and you’ll find her.”

            Lexa hesitated because she wasn’t sure if she really wanted this to happen. She was standing on a precipice that could either send her crashing to the ground or flying. But she didn’t head in the direction of home. She listened to Bellamy and walked passed him quickly, turning down the alley in hopes of discovering Clarke.

            They practically ran into each other around the curve of the bar.

            Both women came stumbling to a halt and gasped for breath, staring at each other. It had been a long time since Clarke had seen the real Lexa close and not in a dream or on a pad of paper. Nothing could compare to those eyes or that jawline.

            “Hi,” Lexa breathed, her hands on her knees as she tried to recover her lost breath.

            “Hi,” Clarke responded.

            They fell silent again. Lexa absorbed being this close to Clarke again, her eyes bright and watching her in the same way. “I’m sorry,” she blurted, unsure of how to proceed.

            She saw the way Clarke’s jaw clenched, and her body shrank, like she was trying to physically protect herself. “And?”

            “And…” Lexa trailed off, her tongue not wanting to work. She had gone over what she wanted to say, how to explain herself, yet in the moment, she couldn’t seem to do it.

            Clarke rolled her eyes when Lexa didn’t continue and then closed them. “I’m sorry too. If I didn’t do something right or made it seem like I didn’t want to…get to know you, I’m sorry.”

            “Clarke, you didn’t do anything.” Lexa reached out to grab her arm, but thought better of it and let it drop lamely. “I have a lot going-Could we talk?”

            Clarke looked around and then gave her a pointed look.

            “I mean, could we talk tomorrow? Meet up and sit down? Please?”

            “Who’s to say I want to? Who’s to say I even care about you anymore?” Her attitude was a complete one-eighty, growing defensive and aggressive so suddenly that Lexa nearly suffered from whiplash.

            “I think you do, or you wouldn’t be talking to me right now,” Lexa concluded, but it was the wrong thing to say because Clarke whirled away from her with a bitter laugh.

            “You don’t know me, Lexa.” She snapped, twisting back towards her with fire in her eyes. “You don’t know what I want.”

            Lexa’s defenses came up and her back straightened, her hands clasped behind her. “You don’t know me either, Clarke. You don’t know what I want.”

            “Do you really care?” Clarke narrowed her eyes, taking a step forward into Lexa’s personal space.

            “I wouldn’t be standing here if I didn’t.” She raised her jaw, trying not to be intimidated by Clarke’s closeness. She knew she was the one that had messed their—friendship, relationship, whatever it was—up, but she wasn’t the type of person to back down. Not anymore.

            They glared at each other, the real problem simmering between them, though it went unspoken. Lexa was the first to deflate because this was definitely not the way things were supposed to go. Her shoulders fell and she sighed. “Can you just trust me? I meant to call you. I _like_ you, Clarke. I do. I know you don’t know me, and I don’t know you, but I want to get to know you.”

            “You made me look like a hopeless idiot. I sat there for days, expecting a phone call and then thinking that maybe you got busy with work or Anya or something. How am I supposed to trust you after I had complete faith in you?”

            Lexa clenched her jaw and couldn’t look at Clarke anymore, the truth in the blonde’s eyes and words burning a hole in her chest. “Fine, don’t trust me, but at least let me explain. You want to know why, don’t you? A dark alley in the middle of the night isn’t really the best place for this type of conversation.”

            Clarke didn’t say anything for so long that Lexa had to glance across at her to see if she was even still standing there. She was bouncing on her feet, the indecision in the lines of her face and the tension in her spine.  She didn’t know what to do; she wanted to listen to Lexa, but she hadn’t expected to be confronted with so many things in one night.

            She had thought she just wanted an explanation when she thought about the possibility of seeing Lexa again. She hadn’t thought she would be this angry or resentful at being dropped like a fly, like she didn’t even matter. Seeing the obvious regret in Lexa’s eyes made it harder to hold onto that anger, but she had never been one to let go that easily.

            No matter how hard she tried to hold on, she could feel her resolve slipping at the sincerity rolling off Lexa in waves. She turned away a bit, keeping Lexa in the corner of her eye, but not looking at her directly. “I have to get back inside. When and where should we meet?”

            “Tomorrow? There’s a sandwich shop by my work. Meet me there around 11:30?”

            “Fine.” Clarke turned her back to Lexa and headed back towards the rear exit to the bar, intent on heading back inside and drinking herself into oblivion.

            “Okay.” Lexa watched her walk away, wondering exactly how she was going to explain her entire life to Clarke in one sitting.


	24. Part 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I know it has been a very long time since I last updated. I just moved to Jacksonville for college and had some serious difficulties with the apartment complex I was supposed to be moving into. Long story short, I moved out of there and into a much better place. My classes are really kicking my ass and I had to get a second job to pay for all of my bills. Since I'm a little bit busier than normal, I haven't been able to write much or really have time to do anything except homework and work, hardly enough to sleep. So here it is, the long awaited conclusion to this story. Please drop a comment and let me know your thoughts, I read them all and they always succeed in putting my smile on my face.
> 
> Thanks you guys, I know it has been a long road, so without further ado, here it is.
> 
> ~TGF

**Part 24**

            The wind bit through Lexa’s coat as she walked down the sidewalk and navigated through busy downtown. Lunchtime seemed to come too quickly, but she was intent on meeting Clarke and not letting another opportunity slip by.

            The weather hadn’t been very nice to Florida as winter had decided to arrive early, and the air was icy. It sank through her clothes and chilled her bones in seconds. Anya had succeeded in driving the point home that morning, and Lexa was not going to let her fears get in the way of her life anymore.

            She arrived at the sandwich shop fifteen minutes before she was meant to meet with Clarke. It was a fast-casual restaurant with dining tables, but she would have to get up to order her food. She found a table along the front window and took a seat, facing the direction that she knew Clarke would be arriving in.

            Lexa wasn’t trying to be creepy. She just wanted to know when Clarke would arrive so she wasn’t caught off guard. This was a serious conversation they were having, after all.

            **Lexa [12:25pm]: _I’m here._**

She had gotten Clarke’s number from Bellamy before leaving the bar officially and texted the younger girl the address of the sandwich shop. She locked the screen again and tapped on it lightly, waiting for a response or for the blonde to finally show up.

~   ~   ~

            “Do I really have to go?” The question was rhetorical because Clarke was still maneuvering around the apartment and getting ready. Bellamy sat on the couch, watching Clarke mope about.

            “You don’t have to do anything,” Bellamy responded. He had been filled in on everything that had happened the night before and was glad Clarke had spoken with Lexa. Now they just needed to talk it out completely, and Bellamy hoped things would work from there.

            Clarke rolled her eyes, pausing to look at him in her search for her keys. Since she didn’t work, it was all laziness until she had to get ready to meet Lexa. Which gave her too much time to think and second guess whether or not she should do it.

            “Shut up, Bell.”

            “I didn’t do anything!” Bellamy protested, his voice increasing an octave. Clarke had been irritable all morning, so much so that he had to pick and choose exactly what to say to avoid getting throttled.

            Clarke sighed, trying to relax. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m just nervous.”

            “I can imagine,” Bellamy responded dryly.

            “I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

            “I know, now get out of here. You’re going to be late.” Bellamy stood, grabbed a jacket from the back of the couch, and threw it at Clarke.

            “Text me in an hour, just in case I need someone to get me out of there.”

            “Sure, sure,” he said, shooing her towards the door.

            Instead of responding to him, Clarke grabbed her keys and headed to the front door. She ran a hand through her hair when he finally shut the door behind her. Then, she straightened the sleeves of her jacket and the imaginary creases in her shirt.

            Bellamy had been right, though. It took her longer than expected to find the sandwich shop, and she got a text from Lexa while she was in the Uber. She messaged her back before locking the phone and shoving it into her pocket.

            The driver dropped her off a block down the road from where she needed to be, so she would have some time to collect herself. The brisk air succeeded in clearing her head and calming her racing heart.

            The shop came into view a moment later, and her eyes scanned the windows for familiar chestnut waves and green eyes. She found Lexa seated at a table, her head staring down at her phone resting on the table.

            Clarke had enough time to walk in and watch her from a distance, admiring the pale green button-up rolled up at the elbows. A long petticoat hung over the back of the chair, and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, with a single braid holding back her shorter bangs.

            It bothered her how much her stomach twisted and her heart sped up in her chest. Lexa was just so achingly beautiful. Clarke allowed herself another moment to calm herself, just in time for Lexa to look up and flash her a smile. She waved her hand a bit, indicating where she was before Clarke made her way over.

            “Hey.” Lexa stood, her voice soft “We’re supposed to order up there, but I wanted to wait for you.”

            “Okay.” Clarke took off her jacket and placed it on the chair opposite Lexa’s. Lexa waited, and they walked up to the line together.

            They ordered their food separately and didn’t speak to each other until they were seated with the food in front of them.

            “How are you?” Lexa asked, her voice the same tender tone she had been using the whole time.

            Clarke shrugged and opened her bag of chips. “I’ve been doing alright. You?”

            “Good. I’ve been spending a lot of time writing stories and helping out with volunteering around Orlando. My boss is eating it up. How’d school go? The semester is over, isn’t it?”

            Clarke nodded. “I’ve been spending most of my time with Roan and studying for my MCATs.”

            “You’re going to continue with medicine then?” Lexa questioned, genuinely curious to find out. She remembered the conversation they’d had together, about Clarke’s mom and her passion for art. But no matter what Lexa thought, she wasn’t going to mention it now because her opinion wasn’t relevant.

            Lexa saw the way Clarke looked at her, with a knowing glint in her eyes. She shrugged, knowing full well that Clarke was thinking of the same conversation. They fell silent again. Lexa took a single bite of her sandwich and chewed it slowly. She kept sparing quick glances up at the blonde, who did the same until they finally made eye contact.

            “So what did you want to tell me, Lexa?” Clarke finally asked, fed up with just sitting there and acting like everything was okay.

            “That would require a life story that neither of us need to hear right now. But Clarke, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I hope you can believe that. I really liked you, and I still do,” She tapped her fingers on the table in an attempt to distract herself from reaching over to grab Clarke’s hand. Or to show her some other type of affection to prove what she was saying.

            Clarke brought her hands to her temples. “That doesn’t answer _why,_ Lexa.”

            “I had someone special to me. Her name was Costia. In high school, I was in a bad position at home and at school. We met online and clicked. She was a couple of years older than me and already settled into her life. She promised to help me get away from my family, and I was head over heels in love. Eventually, after I finished high school, I moved down here to be with her. Long story short, she left me, and it’s been hard to…I guess, become my own person because for the longest time I was Costia’s girlfriend and not Lexa.”

            Clarke remembered their discussion about Lexa’s abusive family, and her heart ached for the girl across from her. She had no idea what the other girl had been through and, suddenly, she was looking at Lexa in a different light. This wasn’t a woman that she knew very well, she knew now that she shouldn’t have assumed that Lexa was heartless just because she didn’t try to get in touch with her because it wasn’t true. Clarke had barely scratched the surface of this woman.

            “Things never seemed to work out for me. When I was happy, something tore it away. After I left your apartment with Lincoln, Costia was sitting outside of the house. Everything came flooding back, and, I don’t know, I regressed into this person that I used to be. A person that I hated. I know none of this is an excuse for hurting you, but—”

            Clarke was the one to reach out, bringing her hand over Lexa’s shaking one. It was warm to the touch, and she squeezed it lightly. “Lexa, I’m sorry for blaming you for everything. I guess I never realized how little we know about each other.”

            Lexa sucked in a breath, her chest rising substantially as she tried to relax. Her hand remained tense underneath Clarke’s, but she nodded.

            Once Lexa had calmed down, Clarke pulled her hand away cautiously, instantly missing the warmth. They fell silent again, and Clarke ate her sandwich. Or rather, she picked it apart with a plastic fork instead of really eating any of it.

            “Do you wish,” Lexa started, pausing when Clarke looked up. Their eyes met, and she liked her lips, “Do you wish we could just start all of this over? Meet under different circumstances?”

            Clarke’s eyes drifted away from the green she could drown in. If she was completely honest, she just wanted to wipe the slate clean but didn’t know how they could do that. “I don’t know.”

            No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t help but see the hope in Lexa’s eyes drain away. The brunette shifted in her seat, playing with the sleeves of her button-up and then pulling at the collar lightly. She checked her watch and stood, nearly kicking the chair back in her haste. “I should probably get back to work then.”

            The blonde stood too, her food forgotten and her stomach rolling with the emotions coursing through her. “Yeah, okay. I should get back to the apartment. Bellamy says he needs help packing.”

            “Oh.” Lexa wondered what he needed help packing for, but she decided to keep the question to herself. It wasn’t her place to know. “I’ll walk you out then.”

            “Thanks,” Clarke breathed, taking in the smooth motion Lexa used to pull her coat on. _God, she should be a model_. The way she moved was so effortless and yet looked completely planned and flawless.

            They walked out together, shoulder to shoulder, before they had to turn in opposite directions. It felt like the end of something that could have been so much better than it was. Clarke wondered what she could have done differently, her hands dug deep into her pockets.

            Lexa deserved so much better than that Costia girl, but Clarke didn’t deserve Lexa. She knew that. Lexa could find someone that would treat her better than Clarke could, and, no matter how much that hurt Clarke, she was going to let it happen.

            She stopped suddenly, the sickening feeling in her stomach hurting immensely. For the longest time, she had been feeling like things hadn’t been right in her life. She had been going through the motions of wanting to be a doctor because her mother wanted her to.

Now that she was playing music with Roan, she realized that she could actually do it. Art was at the forefront of her mind constantly, her body itching to paint or draw instead of looking over chemical equations and redox reactions. Maybe Finn had broken her heart, and maybe she had fucked up what she could have had with Niylah. But Bellamy and Roan seemed to think that she deserved to find something better.

Maybe their constant reassurance and words had sunken in somewhere along the line, and she suddenly didn’t want Lexa to get away. She wheeled around, her eyes spotting Lexa in the clutter of people heading down the sidewalk. She shoved passed them, her eyes trained on the tan petticoat and tousled brown hair.

“Lexa!” she shouted once she was about an arm’s length away, reaching out to stop the other woman. She was gasping for breath, but that didn’t stop the smile from spreading across her face, even as a frown took over Lexa’s.

“Clarke? What is it?”

“Who says we can’t start over?” she rushed, her hand insistently wrapped around Lexa’s wrist still.

“What?” The frown on Lexa’s face was adorable, but since her point wasn’t getting across, Clarke decided on a new tactic. She glanced around and spotted a bus stop bench up ahead.

“Here, sit down for a second.” Clarke urged Lexa onto the bench with little resistance.

Lexa was so confused; she didn’t understand what Clarke was doing until she was dashing across the street. “Clarke, what the hell are you doing?” she shouted, bolting up.

But Clarke was already across, a huge grin on her face as she waved to Lexa, bringing her pointer finger and thumb into an ‘okay’ symbol. Lexa shook her head and sat back down, watching the blonde across the street through the cars. Clarke stood there for several seconds, staring down at her phone and texting before glancing up. She met Lexa’s eyes and then smirked, looking both ways before once again running through downtown traffic like it was nothing.

Anxiety ate away at Lexa’s nerves, but once again, Clarke was safely back on her side of the road, merely a few steps away from her now. “What the hell is wrong with you?” she snapped, her worry coming off as anger.

But Clarke only smiled, and it spread across her face, warming Lexa in the cold. “I don’t normally do this, but I saw you from across the street,” she gestured behind herself, “and I think you’re very pretty.”

Lexa blushed at the compliment but shook her head in confusion. “What?”

“I think you’re really pretty, and I was wondering if you’d be willing to meet me for coffee sometime? Exchange numbers, maybe?” Clarke’s eyebrows came together in concern, hoping Lexa would eventually play along.

“Are you serious?” Clarke only nodded eagerly. The brunette suddenly smiled. They were starting over, she realized. “Well, I guess I would have to know your name before I gave you my number.”

Clarke’s smile seemed to grow, if that was even possible. She held out her hand. “I’m Clarke Griffin.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Clarke.” She took the blonde’s hand in hers. “I’m Lexa Woods.”

“A pretty name for a pretty face.” Clarke grinned back, finally feeling like things would be okay now. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“So what were you saying about coffee?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS. I am working on an epilogue for this story, so there will be a bit more in the future. Look forward to a notification for that this coming October. 
> 
> PPS. If anyone is into my other stories, I will be continuing to write, it will just take a lot of time to get updates out. Please try to be patient and continue to leave comments or send me messages to update. I need all of the reminding I can get. Thanks for staying with me, guys!
> 
> ~TGF


	25. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This epilogue has been a long time coming. Starting college has been insane and working 40 hours a week has been stressful. BUT the spring semester has ended and the summer doesn't start for a few weeks so I'm hoping to get a few things updated. Now, this is an unbetaed chapter so if there are any mistakes they are purely my own. I hope this ending has been worth the wait and I hope you enjoy it. Leave a comment below. I appreciate them all.  
> ~TGF

**Part 25: Epilogue**

“Clarke, is this really a good idea? How are you going to explain this to your parents?”

Clarke didn’t know how to answer that question. It had been a week since their lunch meeting and things were going well. Every day she learned something new about Lexa, sometimes they contradicted things she already knew but all of it added up to a woman that Clarke found more than endearing.

In that short week, they had been on two official dates and were just returning to Clarke’s apartment from the third. It was the night before Clarke was meant to leave with Bellamy and Octavia to head home for Christmas vacation, yet she wanted more than anything not to leave Lexa.

The idea had been rolling around in her mind the entire night and once Lexa had promised to help her pack for her trip, she had burst out with the question.

“I mean, my parents aren’t a huge problem, I promise. We don’t have to tell them we’re together, even though we technically aren’t. I just…I would rather not screw this up by leaving all of the sudden.”

“Don’t you think it’s weird that I’d be meeting your parents and we’ve only been seeing each other for a week?” Lexa’s eyebrows shot up her forehead as she waved the t-shirt around in her hand to accentuate her point. “Not that I don’t like you, I do. But do we really want to fly halfway across the country together?”

Clarke crossed her arms over her chest, the nerves that had been eating away at her for most of the night finally fraying completely. “Just forget I said anything,” she turned back to the closet and focused on picking out more shirts she was going to bring with her instead of Lexa.

She felt Lexa watching her, her senses completely in tune with everything the other woman was doing, even when her eyes weren’t focused on her. It was uncanny how well they could read each other and even more so how right it felt to spend every moment together.

Clarke continued to pack, waiting for Lexa to speak or not say anything at all, which would be answer enough. But after a moment, she felt a hand on her arm, “Clarke, I’m not saying no, I’m just trying to make sure you fully thought this out.” She was nudged lightly to face Lexa, whose eyes were focused on her, open and so green it made Clarke physically ache.

“I have, it’s only for a week and a half, we’d be staying with my parents and they’ve always been the type to take in strays—not that you’re a stray, but I’m sure they’ll welcome you with open arms.”

Lexa chuckled, “I’ll go.”

            “Really?”

            “Really? What could go wrong, right?”

**_Five years later_ **

“Clarke, I don’t think I should go with you.”

            “Lexa, you’re being absolutely ridiculous. My parents love you,” Clarke stopped packing her suitcase and noticed the peevish look on her wife’s face. She sighed and stepped around the bed into Lexa’s space, flashing her a reassuring smile.

            Lexa still had a deer caught in the headlights expression on her face. They had decided on a trip back to Clarke’s hometown for the holidays, which wasn’t out of the ordinary, considering Lexa’s family wasn’t the most welcoming.

            “Your mom has not always loved me, she hated me for the longest time when you were in college—since she caught us having sex when I was there the first time. I mean, I got you _pregnant,_ Clarke.”

            “You can’t get me pregnant, Lexa. We made an adult decision and it took _a lot_ of money.” Clarke rolled her eyes at the other woman, wrapping her arms around her waist when she realized she wasn’t reassuring her. “Lexa, you’re my _wife_ , we were bound to have kids eventually. Not to mention that my mom knows we’ve been trying and she’s completely okay with it.”

            “Yeah, but-”

            “Shh,” Clarke tapped at the brunette’s collarbone before lightly brushing her fingertips over it and along the tense line of her shoulder. “You’re coming with me, like every other year and we’re going to tell my parents that we’re pregnant.”

“We’ve only been married two years, they’re going to think it’s too early.” Lexa tried again. She didn’t have doubts about having kids with Clarke, far from it. She knew they were in a good spot and that she’d found the love of her life. She had been certain she wanted to marry Clarke mere months into their relationship, it was just that the Griffin family was so tight-knitted that there had always been this sense of unworthiness.

Lexa hadn’t grown up in the most accepting or loving family and that was definitely her problem. She had been hesitant when it came to taking the next step in their relationship, sometimes being dragged along by Clarke or arguing with her until she realized that she was being an idiot.

 “My grandparents may think it’s too early, my mom may think I’m too young. Since when have you been so concerned with what other people think?” Clarke took a step forward, snaking her arms around Lexa’s trim waist and pulling her closer.

The brunette unconsciously rested her arms around Clarke’s neck, playing with loose strands of her hair, “Your family isn’t _other people_ , babe. Their opinions matter the most when it comes to this stuff.”

“Lex, we’re going to be fine. You have my entire family wrapped around your finger, sometimes I don’t think you realize that. I love you and they want me happy no matter what. Having a family with you is going to be amazing. We’ve gone through a lot to get this far, Woods. Don’t overthink things.”

            Lexa felt the soothing rasp of Clarke’s voice against the crook of her neck, it was soft and sweet. The tension melted from her body and she leaned forward into her wife’s embrace, pressing a soft kiss to Clarke’s forehead. “It’s Griffin-Woods to you.”

            She felt Clarke smile against her skin before light kisses were peppered along the column of her throat. She chuckled at the sensation before lightly digging her fingers into the blonde’s hips and tickling her.

            Clarke shrieked and shoved Lexa away, “You’re a nerd. Now help me pack.”

            The brunette whined, “Come back.”

            “I’ll come back when we get to my mom’s.”

            Lexa groaned obnoxiously, “You know how much I hate canoodling at your mother’s after the first time. Can’t we just, I dunno, take one for the road?”

            Clarke laughed, a full one that came from deep within her chest and burst forth suddenly, “Did you just call having sex with me canoodling?”

            “The mommy talk is already starting and you aren’t even showing,” Lexa blushed, covering her face with her hand and chuckling slightly at herself. Things were going to start changing fast for them and they both knew it, but she wasn’t sure they were very prepared for it to happen.

            The blonde rolled her eyes and siddled back up to her wife. She nudged the woman’s hands from her face and leaned in close. A grin was plastered across her face and her eyes sparkled with so much adoration it made Lexa’s heart skip a beat, “You are adorable.” The words warmed Lexa’s stomach as their lips connected and it seemed that the packing would have to wait.

~   ~   ~

“Lexa!” Jake came nearly running out of the house to wrap the brunette in a bear hug.

“What the hell, dad? I’m standing right here!”

Jake boomed with laughter, letting go of Lexa and turning to Clarke, “I had to greet my favorite daughter first, she is new to the family still.”

“Excuse me? Your _favorite_?”

Jake had enough sense to look sorry as he wrapped his actual daughter in a hug, “I didn’t have to raise her, she needs extra love, you’ve had almost 30 years of it.”

Clarke scoffed but didn’t comment on it, “Where’s mom?”

“Where is mom always?”

“The office,” both Clarke and Lexa announced in sync.

“Exactly, but Marcus, Thelonius and Bellamy and John are already inside. I think Raven and Octavia are heading over too, Wells is running late, something about Rachel being sick. Of course, I have to go get your grandparents before your mom is off, but I’ll wait as long as I have to.” Jake listed off as he reached in the trunk of their rental to grab out their bags with Lexa’s help.

Octavia and Raven had moved back home together after graduation, they were engaged but had yet to pick a wedding date. It was something that Clarke hoped would either be soon or in a year, because she didn’t want to end up looking like a whale.

They made their way inside, where they put all of their belongings in Clarke’s old bedroom and went back downstairs to greet everyone that had already arrived. Bellamy and John’s sons, Beck and Henry, were sitting in the living room, quietly playing with Legos strew across the floor. Beck, 2, was gnawing on one while Henry, 4, attempted to build a castle without his little brother getting in the way.

Bellamy and John had adopted Henry only two years before, while they were already in the process of getting a surrogate for Beck, who had Bellamy’s curls. Within the span of nine months they had officially adopted Henry and were welcoming Beck into the world. It had been a whirlwind, but they managed.

Lexa and Clarke settled down on the couch together, snuggled close with the brunette’s arm around Clarke’s shoulders. They caught up with Thelonious and Marcus, both of who were retired and traveling the world together as best friends do. It was quiet and warm, the familiar scent of Lexa and her home had her lulled into a half-asleep state until the front door opened and a little heathen jumped on her.

Wells and his wife, Rachel, had a daughter named Callie, who was hell on wheels and never seemed to stop. She was only seven but was smarter than she sometimes acted, getting herself into trouble frequently.

“Auntie Cwarke! Get uuuuup,” the little girl groaned, grabbing at Clarke’s arm wrapped around Lexa’s torso.

“I’m up, Cal, I’m up. How are you, munchin?” Clarke pulled the girl into her lap and squished her in between herself and Lexa.

“I lost three teeth,” she held up three fingers, “Look!” she opened her mouth to show her before continuing on about school and how her life was progressing, seeming to think that everything was so interesting.

After that, Raven and Octavia showed up, which meant Clarke really had to wake up. Then Jake left to get his in-laws and minutes after they arrived back, Abby was home. All of this led to more greeting and exchanging of hugs. The house grew louder and more stifling until the back door was opened and everyone filed onto the enclosed porch.

All three kids ended up playing in the yard, Raven watching them—though probably trying to convince Callie to do something that would get them in trouble.

“She’s going to get herself hurt or in trouble,” Octavia grumbled to Clarke, watching the four of them in the yard.

“Ugh, I know, she’s such a little heathen, I don’t know how Wells and Rachel are handling it. Beck and Henry are so quiet.”

“I meant Raven, but yeah.” They both laughed.

“So have you guys picked a date, yet?”

Octavia leaned over, her hand resting on Clarke’s arm and a smile breaking across her face, “Yes and a location, we’re going to announce it at dinner tonight.”

“Thank god! I thought you guys would be eternally engaged,” Clarke grabbed Octavia’s hand. “I’m so excited for you.”

“Want me to tell you first?” Octavia whispered conspiratorially.

“Of course,” Clarke leaned in to listen.

            Lexa ended up wandering outside after a brief talk with Abby and approached Raven, who was lying in the hammock with little Beck on her chest while Rachel tried to teach Henry how to catch a ball. She looked a little cold, her cheeks a little pale and nose tinged with red. The weather was rather mild for Thanksgiving in the north, but Lexa appreciated it, her blood having grown thin with all the Florida warmth.

            “How you doing, Woods—sorry, Griffin-Woods?” Raven chuckled and let Beck grab her fingers and grinned when she wiggled them. “That’s so weird, marriage. I think Octavia wants my name when we get married. We haven’t talked about it yet.”

            “I’m fine,” Lexa maneuvered her way into the hammock, lounging backwards with her legs on either side of Raven. “How are you? You sound a little stressed.”

            “There’s just so much to talk about, dates, locations, dresses, flowers, cakes and last names. It’s like…my job but ten times harder because I don’t have a manual or science to back me up. Octavia and I argue more about our wedding than anything else,” Raven grumbled, Beck having grown interested with the metal nub on the string of her hoodie and he began chewing on it.

            Lexa laughed at the irritated expression on her friend’s face, “Pretty sure I slept on the couch at least twice because I didn’t agree on something. Don’t worry.”

            “Up!” Henry called, sitting in the grass just below Lexa and reaching upward towards her. Lexa leaned over, reached down and scooped the little boy up into her arms. He snuggled close, a cold nose pressed into the crook of Lexa’s neck and a mop of dark curly hair pressed into her face.

            Lexa brushed a hand down his back, “You okay, little man?”

            “Soft,” his hand brushed Lexa’s jacket and he settled all of his weight on her, closing his eyes.

            Raven chuckled from the other side of the hammock. “So any luck with the pregnancy stuff?”

            “Ahhh, I shouldn’t have told you about that.” Lexa rolled her eyes, passively rubbing her hand along Henry’s back.

            “Oh come on, you have to talk to someone.” Raven rolled her eyes. “Octavia and I still call godparents, I’m just saying.”

            “Well, you will be in July.”

            “What?” Raven jerked upward, a grin spreading across her face. “She’s really…?”

            “Yes, Clarke is pregnant. We were supposed to tell everyone at dinner.”

            Raven hummed, “That’s amazing. I’m so happy for you guys…wait.” She froze, “Is this going to make Octavia want kids? We’re just now selecting dates…”

            “Woah, Reyes. Calm down,” Lexa nudged her leg with her foot. “She’s not gonna want kids now.”

            “LEXA!” Octavia was leaning out of the porch door, concern etched into her features as she waved frantically at Lexa.

            The brunette gently, but quickly, withdrew from Henry and gave Raven a fearful look. Her stomach dropped, instantly assuming something was very wrong. She ran to the porch and shoved past Octavia in her haste. “What’s wrong? Where’s Clarke?” She searched the porch quickly to find that her wife was gone.

            “She went to the bathroom. I don’t….I don’t know.”

            Lexa’s heart thrummed in her chest, blood buzzing with adrenaline as she hurried into the house, nearly running straight into Bellamy, who she quickly rushed passed.

            “Clarke? What’s going on?” Abby’s voice rose from the guest bathroom down the hall, which was blocked off by Jake and Marcus’ large forms. Lexa wedged herself in between them and shouldered past Abby into the depths of the bathroom.

            Clarke sat on the floor, head basically in the toilet as she threw up.

            “Clarke? Baby? Are you okay?” Lexa got down on her knees, her fingers brushing along Clarke’s leg as she settled behind her.

            Once the blonde stopped and settled back into Lexa’s front, chest heaving and body shaking, she grasped Lexa’s wrist to ground herself. It was mere moments before Abby was looming over them. Lexa’s fingers brushing soothingly through blonde locks and scratching gently at her scalp.

            “What is going on?”

            “Mom,” Clarke twisted and brushed a shaky hand over her forehead. “Could you give us a minute? Just shut the door, we’ll be out soon.”

            “Wait, but-Clarke, what’s going on? Maybe I should check you out? Are you sick?”

            “I’m not sick, I’m fine,” Clarke heaved herself way from Lexa and slowly got to her feet. She gently coaxed her mother out of the restroom and shut the door on everyone’s curious looks standing outside.

            Clarke turned and rested her weight heavily on the door.

            “Baby? Are you okay?” Lexa stood and gently brushed a stray blonde lock from Clarke’s face.

            “Yeah, I just don’t feel good. This kid is not having a good time right now.” She sucked in a deep breath.

            Lexa chuckled and rubbed a soothing hand over Clarke’s stomach, planting a gentle kiss on the crook of her neck. “So I think we need to tell your mom, now.”

            “We could just tell her I’m sick,” Clarke chuckled.

            “I thought you were the one that wanted to tell her. Now I have to convince you,” Lexa placed a couple more gentle kisses along Clarke’s neck. They remained silent for a few more moments before Lexa spoke again, “You ready?”

            Clarke hummed, and Lexa pulled away from her just enough for the two of them to slip out of the door. Abby and Jake were the only two standing outside. Abby paced back and forth, arms crossed over her chest while she bit at her thumb nervously. The moment she saw Clarke she rushed forward, “What’s going on, Clarke?”

            “Nothing, mom.”

            “Nothing? How can it be nothing? You come home and then throw up unexpectedly in my bathroom? What’s going on Clarke? You have me worried to death.” Abby grasped firmly at Clarke’s bicep.

            “Nothing bad is happening, mom. I just…morning sickness, even though it isn’t the morning.”

            “Morning sickness?” Jake piped up.

            “What do you mean?” Abby squeezed tighter and Clarke had to grasp her wrist firmly to get her to let go.

            “I’m pregnant, mom.”

            “I knew it!” Came Octavia’s screech of joy from around the corner. She jumped into the fray and zigzagged her way into hugging Clarke tightly. “I call god mother!”

            “Hey! What about me?” Raven shouted, “I’m her favorite.”

            “Excuse me, _I’m_ her favorite!” Bellamy shouted, “I call god father.”

            “Be quiet guys,” Lexa interrupted, “God parents aren’t the most important thing right now, but Clarke and I have already made a decision.”

            “It is me, right? _Tia_ Raven is gonna be the best god mother ever to that munchkin.” Raven waggled her eyebrows.

            “You’re pregnant? I thought you guys were waiting before you tried again…the hormone treatments need at least six months to fully take effect. Didn’t Jackson tell you that?” Abby blinked and held on to Clarke’s hand once Octavia let go.

            “Yeah, but I wanted to try again sooner rather than later…so I did and it took.”

            “How long?”

            “Six weeks.”

            Jake squeezed his way in between the two women, whooping loudly and picking Clarke up in a bear hug, “I’m gonna be a grandpa?”

            “Yes, Jake,” Lexa laughed, “Can you please put my wife down? She looks like she’s turning green again.”

            After a brief talk reassuring Abby that she was okay and was keeping up with vitamins and books on having children, the rest of the family was able to get their congratulations in. Of course, Clarke’s grandparents shook their head with slight disapproval but nonetheless embraced Clarke and Lexa with well wishes and promises of spoiling their future great-grandchild.

            Murphy asked how they had done it, Raven kept insisting on who the godparents would be and Octavia joked that it was offensive they stole her and Raven’s thunder for the wedding dates before proceeding to announce them.

            When they settled down for dinner, the room was abuzz with talk and shouts from adults and squeals of joy from children. Lexa’s hand slid over Clarke’s thigh suddenly and blue met green. For a brief moment all they could see was each other, love and affection evident in forest green eyes. Clarke’s hand interlocked with Lexa’s before she leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.

            “I love you so much.”

            “I love you,” Lexa breathed, placing a gentle kiss on the tip of Clarke’s nose.


End file.
